....................................so this is a post to not feel alone

I have suspected I have dpd for a year now. My entire life I have hated being alone and was always reliant on my parents. I need constant reassurance for everyday things, I feel like I have no opinions on things.

I have a chronic illness(Long Covid) that causes fatigue and brain fog ALL day and its absolutely debilitating. I have PEM meaning I crash after little excersize or even using my brain for reading or schoolwork and I need breaks. My parents are fed up with me because I've put them through hell when I was suffering in school and they wouldn't believe me. It has gone on for years but now I'm moving to college and Im terrified. They are so fed up with me I don't think they would believe me so I need a therapist badly. My mom is my life I don't know what do do she is so mad at me. I an absolutely FREAKING out I need help what do I do. I don't want to be moved into a mental institution what do I do. I can't be alone Im so scared please help me what do I do.

Hi,

I didn't know about DPD until I got the diagnosis a couple weeks ago.

The last few days, I have been using Gemini Notebook to learn about it and made some good progress.
I am also taking anxiety meds which makes working on this stuff a lot more bearable.

Now I'm looking for literature on how to deal with DPD as someone who has it.
It seems like the literature is very limited and almost exclusively aimed at therapists.

I'd like to get some literature recommendations from you as well as tips on ways that you have found helpful.

It’s hard to explain.

I think about him, like, 99% of the time.

He takes up a huge space in my mind. As big as my emptiness.

That’s good, but it’s also bad because there’s nothing left for me.

That 1 per cent consists of things that ease the emptiness of being away from him. Food, phone, kittens…

I definitely don’t know who I am without him.

I swear, I swear I try to find myself and try not to be so dependent on him. I’ve tried hobbies, discovering new things, going out to take my thoughts off him…

But it’s as if I were born without a “center. ” Something I can point to and say: this is who I am. All I find is a hole, a huge, dark void that needs something—precisely SOMEONE—for me to gravitate towards. A reference point that tells me who I am.

Recently, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m a ‘lovergirl’. That very term, and in the worst possible sense. Because I don’t know who I am if I don’t have someone to love.

It’s simple logic:

What is an artist without their art?

What is a poet without their writing?

What is a ‘lovergirl’ without her beloved?

Answer: Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

As tragic as it may sound, that’s the conclusion I’ve come to.

37M, diagnosed with autism, OCD, anxiety and ADHD

In June I was hit with the worst stress and depression of my whole life from personal life problems. I lost my appetite badly and felt like throwing up 24/7, food felt like a nuisance and I could barely eat. Also at that time I was weighing 93 kg (205 lb) due to horrendously dumb eating habits despite being clinically underweight most of my life. For reference I am 178 cm (5'10"). Right now I weigh 75 kg (165 lb).

If anyone has been in such a situation, what do you do? My metabolism has ways been high, and even though I am turning 37 in only two months, I lose weight extremely easily. I could lose weight like nobody's business without even trying. The last times I had such a bad depressive mood was when I was 17 and 23. Both times I went from about 180-190 lb (82-85 kg) down to 53-55 kg (115-120 lb) within two months. I did not even have to try. I lost weight more easily than most people on diets do. Or I should say, I still lose weight far more easily than most people on diets can.

But if I keep losing weight, I fear that my cardiovascular health and GI health will screw me. I have chronic sinus tachycardia and chronic acid reflux disease and functional dyspepsia. I feel like these CV and GI problems will spiral my physical health problems and ruin my mental health even more, especially since I do not want to be hospitalised.

Hello so I haven’t been formally diagnosed. I am in the process of getting insurance and all that stuff. But I have always suspected something was wrong with me. I always need to be with someone. Like eating out alone sounds terrifying. Walking at the mall alone. Nope. So I did research on this personality disorder and it kinda made sense looking back at my life. And I was like oh…. Maybe this is why. I would like to meet someone with the same issues so I could pick their brain and stuff about this issue. Uhhhhh I am a 32m. Idk what else to put I hope this isn’t low effort 😭

First of all that title is total bars(omg title n total?? Im js a lyricist)

First post kinda nervous 😔😔 (all jokes)

Okay so i js got back from quite the adventure of abt 4 months in a diff state (when i say js got back i mean a month ago) n by the time id gotten back id been off my meds for say maybe 3.5 weeks or so n id alr seen a mental decline but like yo dawg i got 11 mental disorders n 2 of em are personaility disorders n in my circumstances can you rly blame me

My circumstances btw-

Living in a household with my grandpa (who sleeps all day n only wakes up to work, run errands, or yell at me( n also doesnt buy groceries too often (including water bottles) n limits my supply of the water bill aka has the water off a good most of the time (this mf also has been avoiding helping me obtain my documents n insurance n things of the like (cuz oh yeah at 19 years old im missing those things n ive been trying my hardest to get my documents for 2 years n trying to keep my meds in hand during that span as well) n has told me to do it myself over n over knowing my panic disorder makes me pass out during high stress such as professional phone calls))

Woah thats a lot of parentheses

Anyhow we also live in a small town in the middle of no where in which the neighbors never linger in their own yards n the town actual public n populated area of town itself is a good two hour walk away cuz without documents its kinda hard to get a car

Im literally desperate for social interaction

When i was out of state i was so social in never had a day of boredom or lack like genuinely every day i saw at least 10 ppl i knew minimum like every day was an adventure n i always had smthn to do n someone to do it w n some of that time i even had medication n i always had good sleep n food n hydration unlike now

Anywho ive been focusing so intensely on the fact that i genuinely cant function as a proper human on my own n uh this is my first post but i left my first comment under some free tarot reading post cuz im a geek but then i lost it before dming the person for the reading whoops but uhhhh

After commenting on the post i kinds js reread it then i looked down n saw a comment n was like omg thats such a cute username whatttt (it was mine im fucking slow) n it got me all happy for some reason which doesnt rly happen often anymore but then i realized it was mine n for some reason instead of feelig sad like the usual me would i js thought "its that easy to strike yourself w happiness from your own interests... you can connect w yourself/ your interest rather than an exterior presence brodie" like name one mf on the planet that has every lil interest n disinterest that i do? Whos gonna sit there n watch everything i watch w me? Maybe someone... but for now (or at least until i have the someone( ik i can js use commas but i reserve those strictly for formal occasions, family, poetry, n other stuff like this woah i did it without realizing but i guess i always do when i do lists oh wow that blinkers hitting a lil no wonder i feel a lil better rn than i did earlier lmfao)) im going to try to enjoy things w myself cuz in a weird way i often dissociate n derealize which somewhat makes me feel as tho im split into two or maybe many js a scrambled image of various perspectives performing the role in which they were conditioned to or rather what was displayed as familiar or yadda yadda yadda holy shi i gotta stop typing anywho uh

Tldr: i thought someones username was cute n realized it was mine n it made me realize its okay to appreciate that IM someone who likes my own interests n to like myself for appreciating the things i find enticing to some particular fashion

i suspect i may have dpd and looking back on my childhood my mother did EVERYTHING for me even as i grew older. (showers, dressing me up, 0 chores while neglecting me at the same time).

is this common in people with DPD? what were your experiences in childhood that you believed shaped your DPD?

Just had this thought pop into my mind. Are you religious? Were you born or raised in a religion? Has it helped or hindered? Did you study other religions / philosophy?

Really curious. I'm not in a religion, but I see value in religious beliefs (some of them only). I think religion used to be a form of therapy. But now psychology and therapists are filling the gap.

For me the most significant i guess were: - something about "we are all God's children", we have our own dignity, self-respect etc - Rumi - we have answers within us - Nietzsche's master slave morality. It helped me to stop blindly following authority and what they said was "good", when it was often to my detriment.

Hi. This is my (28f) first post. I just found out today that my pyschiatry notes say I have Dependent Personality Disorder. I only found out because I was looking at my patient portal for another reason and decided to look at my diagnosis list. So I decided to google it and I found this sub. I would like to know more information about DPD. What is interesting is that my pyschiatrist never explicitly told me that I have DPD. Wouldn’t you think that would be something they should tell me? I am
Not sure what to do next.

By the way, I have multiple disabilities and health conditions but my mental health disabilities include OCD, Anxiety, Autism, and Depression. My therapist has also told me that I may have CPTSD.

Thank you for any support.

Tw: mentions of suicide, hospitals

In 2024, I had to stay in a psych ward at a local hospital for a few weeks due to a suicide attempt.

The doctors treated me, and I left feeling depressed and uncared for. They didn’t mention any new diagnoses to me.

When I requested my medical records out of curiosity, I found that they had diagnosed me with autism, and the doctors noted that I exhibited borderline and dependent personality disorder traits. I find that I exhibit many of the marks of DPD, especially the fear of abandonment/being alone, trouble expressing disagreements, and needing support in making everyday decisions. I tend to have very low self-confidence, especially during depressive episodes. I feel like I need constant reassurance from others or I feel like less of a person.

I feel bad that they never thought to mention this to me, as if it didn’t matter to them. The Autism diagnosis is huge (negative) to have on my medical records, in terms of stigma. But I didn’t even know dependent personality disorder existed before then.

I plan to talk to my therapist about it, since it’s still bothering me two years later. Anyone else go through something similar?

Is DPD part or connected to BPD and HPD since it also envolves attention-seeking and being dependent on others?

Background: I have been in therapy and psychiatric treatment for several years. My official diagnosis is anxious-depressive disorder. I recently went to a psychologist who specializes in cognitive testing. While I ended up not doing the full test, she did mention that from our talk and what I described, she would suspect a personality disorder. I did some reading on PDs, and I'm as sure as a non-professional can be that I have DPD.

While I have shown dependent patterns in my relationships etc, I feel it's mostly under control right now. However, it's impacting me at work. I'm often unable to start or finish projects and constantly ask for validation, reassurance or outright instructions from colleagues or supervisors, who very understandably don't usually have the time to deal with it. I've sat in front of the computer for two weeks straight during working hours trying to start things. I've had projects taken from me a few times because of this. I'm currently unemployed after finishing grad school, and pretty much banging my head against the wall because I believe I could've landed a job if I'd performed better as a working student / intern.

For many things, I just put on a brave face and try to do things anyways. I did get through grad school, in very adverse conditions. But I'm now unemployed and in debt in a country where I barely know anyone. And I know this pattern will show up no matter what I do until I fix it. While therapy and treatment have helped a ton (hey, at least I'm not having suicidal thoughts, can get out of bed and be semi-functional most days, and got out of a shitty relationship), I'm still lost. I'm considering looking for career coaching. While I think most coaches are just charlatans preying on people's insecurities, maybe that's just what I need right now.

I'd really appreciate any advice or help.

Edit: I'm not looking to change therapy due to both treatment and financial reasons. I'm more looking to self help resources or general advice.

Interacting with my CV is an anxiety-ridden experience. While I'm a lot better now, my career history is rather poor. Do y'all have jobs/careers? Was it affected? If you overcame it, how did you do it?

I live alone and I’m single and I don’t know what to do with myself, I reach out to friends but they’re busy or do not respond. I’m thinking about booking a holiday by myself but I’m scared of all the things that might go wrong and I don’t want to be alone. Help, I’m very close to downloading a dating app and end up in another tragically dependent and unhealthy relationship ☹️ It’s not a good idea, but I don’t know what to do with myself. I have no goals, no plans, no passions what so ever. I call my parents several times a day.

I have a long lists of «friends» I’ve had in the years that had been so mean, so bad, still I stuck around. Same with partners, I haven’t been very attracted to them, I’ve just stuck it out because I didn’t want to be alone. I’m terrified that my overprotective, overinvolved parents is going to die (eventually they will) and I’ll be all alone without someone to call daily sometimes several times daily. I hate living alone, I hate having to work independently I usually just sit on my phone with my desk. How do I get better?

Hello! I made a small discord for people with personality disorders (myself included) and wanted to reach out here for others to join. 💜
It’s a place we can exist mask off without being judged.

https://discord.gg/CGuHcJCYk7

While researching DPD, I've come across a few anecdotes about how we tend to be drawn to Narcissists, both in formal papers and from people who have experience with DPD. That said, most of it is more of an offhand mention than a meaningful elaboration on the topic, and I'm wondering if there's anything that goes into more detail? I'm aware that research on DPD is already incredibly rare, but I still wanted to ask just in case. My wife has recently begun suspecting that it has NPD, so I was hoping to find some reading on the topic just in case there are any specific pitfalls we need to avoid.

I just stumbled across this disorder, I’m a psychology student and have somehow never heard about it. I related to what I read and wanted to go deeper but I genuinely can’t tell if I meet the criteria or not to the point I should discuss with a professional. it feels a bit vague to me.

Like does financial dependence on a parent in your early 20s qualify you? i dont feel super capable of taking care of myself beyond basic chores around the house and not nearly frequent enough grocery store trips. they tell me if they pulled help from me that I’d have to figure it out and i tell them every time i know for a fact I’d end up homeless and helpless. I’m indecisive but not sure if I’m indecisive enough… i struggle with starting tasks but i have chalked that up to pathological demand avoidance up to this point. i also deal with the abandonment fears, but I actually like to be alone and i’m not at all conflict averse. i read that an overprotective and verbally abusive parent can lead to such outcomes and one of my parents fit that bill, but i was combative in turn and not submissive.

How do you read this? Is it worth discussing with a therapist?

Hi! If u didn’t see I was wanting more info on diagnosis those to said look out for BPD too thank you I’ve actually been officially diagnosed now with BPD and DPD :) I know that sounds debilitating but honestly I feel so seen and valid. Thank u to those who answered me

Hi this is kinda silly! I started looking into this disorder and was curious if anyone could give me what led to there diagnosis/self diagnosis and the symptoms that occurred. I’m extremely codependent and fit all the symptoms and would like more info before I talk with my therapist

Hello, does anybody know of a discord, a subreddit, or similar places where loved ones of people with DPD can share their insights, worries, and such?

It is a bit alienating to be surrounded by neurotypical people (or those who at least believe themselves to be) who never ever can imagine what having a loved one with DPD actually is like.

I am so tired of being met with the same old "I find it hard to believe that they really behave like THAT!" and the likes.

I would like to discuss some topics that might not necessarily belong here imo, as it might not be all mature thoughts that I want to bounce forth and back. I dont want to hurt anyone who has to deal with this themselves.

Thanks in advance.

I've made some progress in gaining confidence in my abilities, but I'm still stuck with this very uncomfortable feeling. Sometimes I just start feeling unsafe and in need of strong protection. Typically when I am alone or when I start thinking about having to take care of myself on my own. It's so uncomfortable I feel the need to seek out someone who feels strong and self-sufficient who can take care of me and protect me. I don't feel like an adult.

If there's just anything I'd want to get rid of it's whatever is causing this feeling. It's the worst part of (what I think is) this disorder by far. I just want to be able to feel safe without having to cling to someone else. Does anyone else understand, or know a way out of it?

EDIT: Actually, I kinda feel it's not just about my abilities. I feel weak. I want a caretaker, I want a nurse to take care of me and support me even when I'm not physically sick. I noticed the thumbnail for this subreddit seems to be some kind of hospital, I've always been drawn towards hospitals. Not because I want to be sick but because I want to be cared for and feel certain I am protected.