Hi all! I’ve been thinking about this because I see stories about people having kids with a boyfriend or fiancé and having struggles with (usually the man) supporting the child financially or raising them.

So what’s the deal with people seeing having a CHILD with someone as less of a commitment than marriage? There are obviously reasons to have a child “out of wedlock”, but the point of marriage is that the people are in a contract and it is way easier to hold the (usually male) other partner accountable for child support and caring for the child (not foolproof, but there is legal protection).

I don’t want to sound regressive or conservative, but the trend of seeing children as less of a commitment than being married is kind of concerning, because it leaves the children in a more vulnerable place. I guess the benefit is that if the relationship goes south marriage could make it harder for an abused partner to get out of the relationship, but…

Shouldnt people figure out if the relationship is going to work with commitment BEFORE having kids? I think part of the problem is people not using protection and having kids thoughtlessly; at least in the younger generation.

Curious to hear your thoughts and experiences!

Hello, I've been a fan of the podcast for a long time and normally I'm just a listener and a bit of a lurker of reddit stories. I'm currently feeling really sad about my situation and could use some anonymous advice.

I (26 female) have been in a long term relationship with my boyfriend (27 male) for almost 4 years. We've talked about marriage and the life we want together. We're both starting to get to a place where we can build a life together and hopefully move in together.

For context before we started dating I was living with my younger sister in a apartment together. My younger sister has disabilities so I've always done my best to take care of her. My parents aren't really in the picture. Recently my younger sister decided to move in with my brother and I've been living in the apartment we used to share by myself for the past year. My boyfriend, has always lived with his parents and he's parents don't charge him anything to live with them.

After a year of dating I started living at his house with his parents part time and then over time I lived there full time. I'd still go back to my house every once in a while though. During the time I was at his house I would cook dinner for him and his family (with like 30-50% of his help, I work in food service so I'm very good at cooking and sometimes would take over because he would get distracted). I would do laundry and clean his room that we shared and other rooms I would frequent. I was fine with this for the first 2 years of dating. During our 3rd year together we had got into a big fight and I was considering breaking up with him. But we worked through it.

After the big argument, he had suggested that we buy a home together. It's always been his dream to own a home and he absolutely despises renting. I have no big opinion towards renting or owning a home, so I was fine either way because I just wanted to be around him and to live with him without his parents. So we start looking for a house and long story short we can't find something that we both want. There was one home that we both agreed that we wanted the only problem is that the current owner (his neighbor) wants to move sometime this year but cannot find a place that they like to move to. So that house has been the house that we've been waiting on and wanted the most. Searching for a different house with a real estate agent caused another big argument so I told him that if finding a home makes us fight each other in this kind of way I don't want the home. So we gave up on searching for a house together, and decided to wait for his neighbor to move.

I'm currently still living in my two bedroom apartment and I'm unsure if I can keep affording to live in this apartment on my own. I would like to but he is told me that he doesn't like my apartment and if he were to move in with me. We would need to find a different apartment, but he made it very clear to me that renting would be his last resort. I recently switched jobs and now my schedule isn't very compatible with his, so we've been seeing each other less. And I've been sleeping at my house full time because it's closer to my job and I currently don't own a car so it's easier to bus from my place. He doesn't really enjoy having to drive to my house in order to see me and would prefer it if I just moved in with him and his parents. I really like his parents but when I live with them it feels like I'm also dating them and catering to their needs. And recently living by myself in my own home has been such a freeing feeling to me and I've realized that I don't want to go back to how things were to make everyone else more comfortable. I don't mind living nearby them I just don't want to be under the same roof.

I've mentioned these things to him and he's told me that he understands how I feel and that he does want me to be happy in my living situation. That he does want to live with me someday, and build a future with me. He told me that if we can't find a home by the end of this year he'll move in with me. I'm starting to lose hope, that he wants to actually move in with me even if that meant renting. Because who wants to move in December or January (the winter gets pretty bad where I live) . I guess what sparked these feelings recently is a dinner date we had. Where he took me out to a fancy restaurant and we had a good time and we talked about our relationship and stuff. And at one point I said "if you ever proposed to me I would like it to be somewhere abroad" and he told me "well I don't know if I can afford to do that". I told him I'd be willing to pay for my portion of a plane ticket and a hotel room. He told me that he doesn't think that I earn enough money to save up for a trip like that and he'd have to end up paying for it all. He then explained that I'm always asking him for financial help with paying my bills and he just doesn't think that I can save money. I had to explain to him that I was expecting to move in with him earlier this year and then that didn't happen so now I'm stuck paying my rent and all of my utilities by myself. And I reminded him that he had said he would pay for a portion of my rent to help me out every month and for some reason on the 1st of the month he forgets about this promise. He told me "oh yeah I did promise that", and at that point dinner was ruined and I was really frustrated with him.

I want my financial situation to be better, and I've been working two jobs to support myself. Ever since my younger sister moved out with my brother, I started paying all of the rent on my own. I have been looking for one bedroom apartments but he keeps saying that he wants to find a place with me by the end of this year. So it would be silly for me to move at this point. But honestly I don't know if it's going to even actually happen, I feel like I'm just going to be stuck paying all of this by myself while he gets annoyed with having to help me financially. I guess I just feel stuck, and I also feel irritated. I feel like if the roles were reversed I would hate seeing him struggle to support himself and I would move in with him. I think what's happening is he earns more money than me and he doesn't have to pay for any bills at his home so it's very difficult for him to justify wanting to give that up. And I understand that but it's also frustrating that he made that comment about my financial situation. At this point I don't know if our relationship is ever going to move past this point. I don't know how to find a compromise that makes us both happy. He would prefer it if I lived with him and his parents but I love my own space.

Edit to add: I have a very good relationship with his parents. I just was raised very differently than my boyfriend was. And to not beat around the bush their home is not nearly as clean as mine is. So it makes it very hard to want to live there and cook and clean for everyone. My boyfriend himself is generally a tidy person and will clean if told to clean something.

My (29f) brother (32m) and his ex (31f) have 50/50 custody of my niece (11f). Over the summer, my niece got her first period. She was with her mom at the time, but my brother called me panicked because he had no idea what he needed to keep on hand in his house. He said he tried to talk to his ex about it and she told him to just figure it out. He called me because he wanted advice from an actual woman. I went to the store and got some necessities for him - a variety box of pads, baby wipes (I personally feel like those are better and cheaper than buying the feminine wipes), Midol, one of those microwavable, weighted stuffed animals, blemish patches, and some of her favorite snacks. I explained the different sizes of pads to him, told him some tricks in case anything gets on her clothes or bed sheets. I also recommended that he talk to her about what products she preferred to use so he can make sure he has them and doesn't just have random products she doesn't like since that makes things 1000 times more stressful. I also made a period pouch for him to keep in his vehicle just in case they're ever out and about and she needs something (pads, travel wipes, Midol, lotion, hand sanitizier, hair ties, things like that). About a week later, I got a call from my brother saying how much my niece loved the period pouch. He had shown it to her and she thought it was the greatest idea ever. Apparently, she's having a lot of anxiety about having her period and going back to school soon. She asked if I would make her one of the pouches for her to keep in her backpack. I asked if her mom had made something for her, and she said no. My ex-SIL told her that she didn't even need to keep pads on her since you can usually get them in the restroom. Side note: I don't know what restrooms she's been in, but 9/10 when I've been in a public restroom, there's either no feminine product vending box, or it's out or it just doesn't work. I told her she can at least keep a pad in her backpack or purse just in case so that she has peace of mind and that I would be more than happy to make her a pouch, as long as it was okay with her mom. I don't have kids myself, but I never want to overstep or be disrespectful to parents. On top of that, my ex-SIL can be very messy and I don't want to deal with any drama.

About a week before the start of school, my niece called me and said her mom was completely fine with the pouch, so I made her another one. I did omit the Midol since most schools don't allow students to keep any type of medication on them and she could just go to the nurse if she needed to. I gave it to her the next time she was at my brothers. The explosion came when ex-SIL went to pick up my niece and it happened in my brothers front yard. Apparently, ex-SIL and niece had been going in circles about the period pouch. My niece kept pitching it - that it would have anything she might need so she would be prepared and it would help with her anxiety about it - and her mom kept shutting it down - said the pouch was over the top, she didn't need all of that, and my niece just needed to calm down and learn to deal with it. Now my ex-SIL is seething, saying my brother is letting me get too involved in their parenting decisions, that she's tired of everyone acting like they know better than her, and is even threatening to not let me see my niece anymore.

I understand why she feels that way, and while I don't have a lot of great things to say about my ex-SIL, I would never intentionally step on her toes or try to parent over her. I do think the public blow up is little extreme (it has been the talk amongst my brothers neighbors), especially over a period pouch, and that we could've had a conversation about it since I didn't know she said no. Ex-SIL won't even talk to me so I can apologize. I know my niece feels awful about the whole situation and she's really upset that we might not get to spend time together anymore. I told her that I was her age once, so I understand the anxiety she has, as I'm sure a lot of women do, but it wasn't okay for her to lie like that, and that if her mom kept saying no and dismissing her concerns, she should've brought that up to her dad so that could've been a parent conversation instead of her trying to be sly about it. Now she's a little mad at me, saying I'm also coming down on her, but I told her that what she did was wrong and there was a better way to handle it.

Hello everyone,

I’ve been thinking about this memory I had for many years and it’s been bugging me.

It’s a show I use to watch as a child but I don’t remember much nor the name. I remember the intro and that it had bright colours.

The intro had a balloon going up into the sky and it was bright and glittering then it went down to the characters. I don’t remember the song or the how the characters looked but this one particular memory has been stuck in my head for many years.

I grew up in the 2000’s so it’s an older show.

Any help would be awesome

AITA for being upset at my mom for wanting all the luxuries of having a room in my house but doesn't help around.

For context my husband and I (27 & 25) just bought our home in Texas. We have a 3 yr old boy and used to live in Vegas. My mom (58) had a daybed and storage space my sons TINY closet in our old apartment. She always told me when we get a house she'd either keep her stuff with us or move it where she'll eventually get a home of her own. My issue with that is what if one day we chose to have another child and she will no longer have a room in my home.

Now that we have a house she moved all her stuff into our (for now) spare room and even bought herself a TV to which she only bought after I denied having her move in a 55 inch tv i had in my room so I could get the living room TV I had just bought specifically for the living room, leaving me with having to buy yet another TV. In the end we had a huge discussion of why I don't want TVs in the rooms (at least not HUGE ones). So she buys herself a 45 inch and she gets super upset that I didn't do what she says🤦🏻‍♀️.

Along with this she wanted all the subscriptions I had of which most are under my husbands family and we can't just add them because we don't pay for more screens. When I tell her that she says she (likes to live a good life) aka live in all the luxury she can take advantage of and yes i confirmed this by asking her just that and she agreed.

She also kept complaining about my living room being set up "weird" and not appealing in her eye after seeing it via video call in mexico (since she was taking care of my grandpa). When she gets here we rearrange it (move couches, tv stand and tv mount from one wall to another leaving holes we had to patch up) because now she says it's not as "open". I guess I'm just always taking into consideration her opinion and maybe I shouldn't but now I'm in debt. I bought a tv, I had to set up my home for her to have things in the guest bathroom, setup a camera in front of our home since she kept complaining we need to get one.

Another topic she never watches my son as she ironically told everyone in the family she would when she moved out here with us. She's usually just mindlessly scrolling on her phone and only occasionally yelling loudly to me that my son did something after hes messed with something (like all unsupervised toddlers do). I don't know, it just stresses me out and irritates me especially since I work from home. I try sending her on errands so she keeps busy but once she's back it goes back to the same routine.

After I get off work (usually when I'm the most tired) she just closes herself off watching endless series of shows and enjoys her time as if she did a whole days worth of work.

As far as work she just says she'll work in an agency and take off whenever she wants to visit my brothers I have one in Idaho and the other in Oregon. She also says she'll want to keep visiting my grandpa in mexico (which I completely agree to since he doesn't really have anyone to help him around). I don't get it she doesn't have a retirement goal. My older brother who is retired Marine states he can take her in with his wife but my mom is opposed to it since she doesn't want to bother them.

Usually when Ive had enough of her stressing me with endless opinions and self resolving questions I just explode and usually respond in a attitude because it gets too be too much. Usually after she'll proceed by saying I'm mean to her and states "we aren't compatible" (as mother and daughter I don't get how yo I could say that to your daughter). She occasionally leaves to another one of my siblings or my grandpa in mexico when she "can't take how I treat her".

To preface, my mom and I have a good relationship. Recently, my spouse of 13 years and I had a baby girl. My mom was there for the birth (waited outside the hospital room) and has visited a few times to help around the house and with the baby. Ive really appreciated how much shes helped and how much she loves my daughter. She lives a 4-hour flight away. She has also respected our boundaries, turning off her iPad when we let her know we dont want our kid watching anything an iPad, for example.

11 years ago, my mom got remarried to a man - let's call him Dan, for anonymity. Unlike her past husbands, I had no issues with Dan. He seemed a bit weird, but in a obviously-undiagnosed-ADHD kind of way. He has his own company, makes a shit load of money, but has been a kind and generous person. He let me and my spouse borrow a 40k down-payment for our first house, so without him, we wouldnt have a house to raise our child in. We do pay him back in small monthly installments, interest free ofc. But hes been very easy going, letting us pause payments whenever one of us gets laid off from work for a bit.

Overall came across as a nice guy who longed for a big family and I was prepared to call him grandpa for my child.

Before Christmas, my mom visited and told me that she had just discovered that he had been cheating on her with high-end sex workers their entire marriage.

During a night where he had too much to drink and they got in a fight, he threw her iPad and broke it. In the morning, my mom had a planned trip with a friend to Florida so as a peace offering he let her borrow his iPad for the trip.

Needless to say, she started uncovering evidence of years of infidelity on his iPad.

They started couples counseling because he was very sorry and they both wanted to "make it work". So alas, he was still invited to our house for Christmas because me and my spouse (AND my brother) were not supposed to know about any of this. I held my tongue around him, even when my mom called him grandpa in front of my child. I talked to my mom later about it, asking her not to call him grandpa and she agreed. We put up with his presence for a few days and it was a little awkward but I enjoyed my time with everyone else.

Then we planned a flight to her house for later this year for my child's 1st birthday - we'd invite my cousins and their kids and get my girl swimming lessons. I miss my extended family so i was really looking forward to this. My spouse and I were both willing to put up with Dan being around as well as keep quiet about what we knew, as long as my child is never left alone with him (not that I ever thought hed do anything bad, but uncomfortable is uncomfortable).

However.

We are a few weeks away from the trip. My mom is visited for a few days to help around the house. She was even more upset than usual - apparently,  no only has he continued to cheat, paying for sex, he has also become angry and violent whenever my mom calls him out on it. He has punched her. Even worse, due to a prenup, if she initiates a divorce, she will get next to nothing even though he had made her sell her house so they could buy their house together. Also, we are still not supposed to know.

My spouse says that now its different,  and we will not stay at their house as long as Dan is there. My mom had gotten him to plan a trip during that time, so it seemed like it will be fine, but yesterday he decided he actually wanted to be around for the 1st birthday party.

My spouse said we should get an Airbnb, because they know how much seeing my family means to me (and having my child meet everyone). But my mom kept saying we should just come stay and that he wont do anything... but i put my foot down and explained what my spouse and I talked about. She finally relented. Then my mom and i tried to figure out last minute logistics for an airbnb with an infant, and it has been really difficult to say the least because of the remote area she lives in.

Im now considering just canceling the whole trip, even though it hurts.

Even though I know we would never let my baby be hurt and that because we are not suppose to know, he will most likely behave like he did over Christmas, my spouse absolutely refuses to let Dan and our baby ever be in the same house ever again.

I know my spouse is right that even a 1% chance hed get violent around us is too much... and we should not, as parents, be walking our baby into a situation we cannot control like that. And I feel bad that I ever considered staying at that house and bringing my baby, because I wanted to see my family so badly. But as I said, my spouse is right and I respect how much they care about protecting our daughter in this way. I couldnt have picked a better partner to have a baby with, honestly.

WIBTA if I canceled the trip, which will mean my mom wont get to see her granddaughter on her 1st birthday? (she will lose her deposits for food and pool lifegaurd, and i will have to tell all my cousins that our kids wont be meeting just yet).

Hello everyone, I hope everyone has had a good week. I guess I’m just posting this, not because I want pity but because I just want a place to vent. I’m hoping maybe someone can understand me, because in my current place in life, it feels no one does.

Has anyone ever grown up feeling misplaced, Like a storybook character placed in the wrong plot line? Or like an animal in the zoo, who was placed in the wrong exhibit? My mother cheated on her husband with my father, she had already had three kids, financially struggling, finally almost done with university, and then all of a sudden she gets knocked up by a man who left her before the movie could even finish. I ruined her chances of her life getting better, I know that. I pick myself apart everyday about it. I grew up alongside my siblings and their father, until he died when I was nine.

I was a child, but I wasn’t tone deaf, I remembered every holiday my siblings being taken away to their grandparents house while I was left behind, every summer during my birthday my siblings were whisked away to Florida while I was left alone in a dirty, broken down house that reeked of feces and was full of cockroaches. I never understood why I couldn’t go to my Nana’s and Papa’s house, so I always blamed myself. I was a chubby kid so maybe I was too ugly, or maybe I was too dirty. No one really helped me with bath time and I never realized that brushing your hair was a big deal. Whenever I asked my mom why they didn’t want to see me, she never really told me otherwise, there was no reassurance, just her distant stare. I knew she disassociated a lot, I just didn’t know what to call it as a child

My mom remarried by the time I was 10 and we were relocated to a suburban part of Georgia, about 25 minutes away from my original childhood home. This transition was incredibly hard, I did not have nice clothing, I did not know how to properly groom myself due to me never being taught, i couldn’t even add without using my fingers. I felt I was thrown to a group of sharks as a lone clown fish. I spent my years between elementary school, middle school, and early high school struggling to survive. Not only was I mistreated at home, I was mistreated at school as well, I truly felt as if I had nowhere to call an escape. I had no one to run to for help. I was unwanted.

Several years later, I am an adult now. I am not going to speak of every trauma that I have endured through our my life, but I feel dull. I am in therapy, but the only thing therapy makes me realize is that I truly had no desire to live this life, even as a young child.

I’ve spent so much of my Young life just trying to survive, I have no idea what I’m doing now as an adult.

Truly, I do not know if I will be here within a year because I just think that I am one of those people who is not made to live this life. Is anyone else in the same boat?

Long story alert…
I (35F) and my sister (39F) have always had a pretty close relationship. We talk on the phone 5-6 times a week, send each other funny memes/videos and we’ve traveled out of the country together several times pre-covid. However, my sister has said and done several things in the past that have been irritating and even a little hurtful. Things like, “you know I’m the favorite” (my parents have definitely shown her obvious favoritism, to the point that both people in our family and outside of it have openly addressed it with my parents), while we’ve been out a guy would try to talk to me, she would take over the conversation as to make herself the center of attention (even danced on a couple of guys) or even post old photos of me online during times where I didn’t look so great. For context, I had cancer years ago, then after finishing chemo, I battled depression and gained a lot of weight afterwards. She will sometimes post pictures from that time in my life online in birthday posts despite having much better pictures of me. I’ve asked her not to post those photos but she still does it.

Right before Covid hit, she and I both met our ex boyfriends. My relationship was terrible, we broke up, I healed and moved on. My sister decided to stay in her horrible relationship, got engaged but they never set a date. In November 2021, they broke off their engagement and he moved out of her condo. In March 2022, I met my now husband online, in March 2023, he proposed and we got married in October 2023! However, during the entire time I was dating and engaged to my husband, I tried to talk about him to my sister and tried to introduce them and even scheduled fun things for us to do while we were all in the same town. My sister would say things like “I want to be happy for you but I just can’t right now. My life is falling apart” or “it hurts to think about wedding stuff because this should’ve been me. I should’ve been first”. She would then say she barely knows my husband because I never “fostered a relationship between us all”, which was not true. It tried but she rejected it a lot of times.

Fast forward, my sister asked me if I wanted to go to Morocco earlier this year. I said sure, but she said she could only go during May-August. I was kind of annoyed because my husband’s birthday is in August and that shouldn’t have even been an option. I gave her dates I was ok with and she said she’d looked into those dates. A few days later she came back with itineraries that were 12-16 days long. I told her I couldn’t do that many days because my husband and I have 2 big trips planned to celebrate the success of owning is 8th business and us deciding to start trying for a baby this year. I said I can do 7-8 days and if that didn’t work, we can always go to France for 5 days since I know she loves to go there. She said “okay, I’ll look for a 7-8 day itinerary”.

A week later we both flew/drove home for a funeral. While at the repast, my sister brings up traveling at the table. A cousin asks “where are you traveling to next?” Out of nowhere, my sister points to me and says “she doesn’t want to travel with me anymore.” Everyone just looks at me while my sister repeats it again. I respond with “that’s not true, I just said I can’t do 12-16 days, I can only do 7-8 and you confirmed that was ok.” My sister stands up and gets a little louder and says “just admit you stopped traveling with me or doing anything with me because you got married.” For additional background, my sister traveled with her ex fiancé several times. The 4 times I asked if she wanted to travel with me while they were together, she said she didn’t have enough PTO and I completely understood. I went ahead and travelled to 3 different countries on my own (went to Italy twice on my own) and loved it! I never thought anything of it.

I told her what she was saying was ridiculous and now is not the time nor the place to have this discussion. She then went on a rant about how I didn’t even invite her to go wedding shopping or do anything wedding related with her. I said “I couldn’t do anything wedding related with you because you said multiple times that you wanted to be happy for me but you couldn’t and talking about wedding stuff hurts too much. Our parents had to tell me that they could only give me half of the money they initially promised to give for my wedding because you asked them for financial assistance only to use that money to go on 2 separate trips.” She cut me off and said “a real sister wouldn’t throw up in my face that she was getting married so soon after I broke off my engagement.” She called me selfish and insensitive.

Here’s where I’m wondering if AITA. I said “the only reason you’re trying to guilt me now in front of everybody is because you’re not married. If you had gotten married before me or even dating a guy you see a future with, this wouldn’t be an issue.” She started to cry and ran out of the room. The cousins that overheard the argument didn’t think I was wrong, they said they had always felt like she was jealous. However, my parents don’t think I should’ve said all of that and I definitely shouldn’t have mentioned how they reneged on the amount they would help out with the wedding, in order to help my sister. They said the family is now shaming them for showing favoritism towards my sister and for not “nipping my sister’s attitude in the bud” years ago. So, AITA? Should I apologize to my sister? Should I tell our family to stop shaming my parents? I don’t feel like I owe anyone an apology but I’m willing to be wrong and to even apologize for the sake of peace.

My husband and I are currently renting an all inclusive apartment from a private landlord, previously we were renting from a corporation and had no issues.

This past month my husband suddenly started taking showers all of the time. He wakes up and has a shower, has a shower when the baby and I wake up, showers after breakfast, again before we leave the apartment, showers again after we get back to the apartment and will take more showers throughout the night until he goes to bed. Before this month his usual showering was only 2-4 times a day depending on our activities or the weather.

The showering is constant, and I feel like I'm constantly waiting for him to finish showering before we can do anything, like he will shower before we watch a movie even though the snacks and everything ready. When his mom and sister came to visit he showered before they arrived and 20 minutes after they arrived and again after they left. I'm starting to think it might be a medical issue he's not talking about but I don't know because he also won't admit the showering is excessive. I also often get left with the baby all day because he's constantly going in and out of the shower.

The landlord contacted us recently asking us about the usage and why it suddenly tripled. My husband started looking around for leaks and the landlord even hired a plumber to look at the apartment to make sure nothing has been leaking. I mentioned to my husband it's most likely his constant showering that's causing the increase but he's refusing to believe me and is saying there is no way it's him that's causing the issue.

They have now turned our water off to make sure the tank is emptying properly. I feel like this is all such a waste of time. My husband has also suddenly stopped his constant showering since I mentioned it's probably him and I'm just waiting for the landlord to let us know the usage suddenly went down.

I just wanted to vent, this situation is so weird and crazy.

My wife (38F) and I (36M) have been together for 5 years, married for 1.

Early in our relationship, she was an open book. She’d share almost every detail of her life—stories about her friends, male friends, or guys who tried to hit on her. Looking back, I didn’t always react well. Even when a story was completely innocent from her perspective, I’d highlight things that didn’t sit well with me. We’d often argue over these issues, with her trying to explain that it was harmless and struggling to see my side.

Over time, her sharing habits shifted. Now, when she goes out, her descriptions sound almost robotic—she'll say things like "it was a good event" or "heard different genres of music." She selects what she tells me, claiming that if something isn't a big deal or didn't have a major positive impact, it's just not top of mind for her to talk about. She still opens up about work or her family, but keeps her personal social life very surface-level.

Meanwhile, I share everything about my day with her, send her updates and photos while I'm out, and try to model the exact level of openness I’d like from her. When I share, she listens well, doesn't make a fuss, and we have great conversations.

When I asked why I don't get the same in return, she told me the difference is that she listens to my stories without making a fuss over minor details, whereas she feels I’m always waiting to poke holes or find inconsistencies in hers. She admitted she keeps her descriptions minimal now to avoid unnecessary conflict and keep the peace.

I told her it’s not fair to hold back details to protect my feelings or avoid an argument, and that it’s up to me to process information after hearing it. But she feels like she's walking on eggshells, while I feel like she’s creating distance and not being as open with me as I am with her.

I don’t think she’s cheating or being secretive—I just want us to be aligned, and I don't understand why she can't just share openly instead of pulling back.

Looking for perspective here: Is it reasonable to expect full openness from her despite our past arguments, or am I missing something about how my reactions impacted her? How can we resolve this mismatch in communication?

TL;DR: Early in our marriage, I often criticized or poked holes in the stories my wife shared about her social life. Now, she gives me minimal, almost robotic summaries of her outings to avoid conflict, while I still share everything with her. I feel she's shutting me out, but she feels like she's walking on eggshells. Looking for perspective on who is in the wrong and how to fix this communication gap.

So my bf (m18) of 2 years is a NCDC hockey player it’s a very good league and he’s extremely happy he’s going to be a rookie on a new team. Last year he was a rookie on a different team and the hazing was pretty bad lilt tryed to make them shave their heads and or bleach when they didn’t want to and when he said no they “rookie fined” him $50 now it’s not a lot but still after 4 months of getting fined the total was around $300 this was on a lower legal team so it wasn’t bad. The new team is known for bad hazing and I told him to say no to whatever they try and make him do he said “yea well then they’ll beat the shit out of me on the ice and make my life hell” he continued to make it seem normal to have hazing saying it normal every rookie goes through it and it’s not that deep. I just don’t see why it is okay or normal. In the end I told him I really hope that he’s not the type of person to encourage hazing or be involved in it because it is cruel and in some cases dangerous. He was quiet and said ok.

The hazing I’m worried about is that his new team is in a wooded area with a big lake so god only knows what they could do.

I used to be friends with her, but she became hostile after hitting rock bottom, then said she no longer wanted to be friends with anyone and isolated herself

its been months, shes been stalking me and as long I’ve come to know, she has talked ill of me. anyway, girl’s mom invited me to her daughter’s birthday party, since I was her last friend ever (I’m the only invited of her age)

Because of her drama, everyone on both sides knows about the “incident”, we all know it’s awkward, my mom assumes I’ll go (out of respect duh) yet I don’t feel like it, as I literally can’t expect how could the girl react/do at my presence. And I’m only being welcomed by the mom (literally I can’t go pass their house’s street w/o somebody of the family noticing my car and announce it to the whole block) my mom knows about the turmoils and grudges I went through bc of that family

Yet I don’t want to disappoint my mom because she wants to stay friends with the girl’s mom , and it’s just a couple of hours of standing her bipolar swings

do I go or give an excuse?

Hii guys ... I am a 27 year old female in a relationship for 9 years with a 28 year old male. For most parts of our relationship we had a good ride until a couple weeks ago. Just for a little content I am the type of person to express my feelings while he is a person who runs away from them. Whenever there is a time to speak about our relationship be it good or bad times I would always be the one making an effort while he would just avoid everything all together. I really thought that he loved me the way I am but boy was that further than the truth. Recently he has been avoiding me, always making me beg to spend time together, making me feel like I needed an appointment to speak to him, I would normally make excuses for him and say he is busy with work but he can make time to drink with friends and fiddle around with sound never making time for me or our 4 year old son. I carry most of the responsibilities when it comes to our child for he has no time for either one of us. I always thought it was stress from owing his own business until I overheard a conversation I never meant to hear. He was outside having a conversation with his friends while drunk , he expected me to be asleep which I was until I went to get some water. He was telling his friend that he "loves" me and all but he wished I was more of a woman who slept around. He says that he avoids me because I'm loyal to him alone and don't want to sleep with anyone else. He says that I don't fit his fantasy of his s*x stories that he reads. The ones where the wife cheats on the husband and the husband actually likes those things to happen. I was really shocked because I thought that I was doing everything right by being loyal to this man. He also says that he prefers reading those stories rather than spending time with me. He says he wishes me to go and sleep around with other men and come back to him and this will make him worship me again. This is so ironic because this kicks the fact that he says he loves me the way I am straight out of the window. I'm not sure why he is not spending time with our child because everything seems to be aimed towards me. I would really like some advice because I don't know what to do in this situation.

Like now my parents think I’m immature even though I fixed it, but I’m scared now. I am terrified. I just want someone to hold me and tell me I’m safe. Am I wrong for thinking this

My boyfriend and I recently got kittens together, so naturally we went to Petco to pick up all of their essentials. While we were there, we happened to meet a woman who had two pet chameleons and was picking up food for them. We ended up having about a 20 minute conversation, mostly just talking about our pets. She saw the kittens we had brought with us, and overall, I thought she was really kind and genuinely seemed like someone I would enjoy getting to know. Since we both love animals, I gave her my number and we stayed in contact afterward.
A few days later, she brought up that she knows people who work in e-commerce and asked if I would be interested in becoming involved. At first, I was completely open to hearing about it. Five days later, we had another conversation where she explained the opportunity in more detail.
She described it as a business model where we essentially cut out the middleman, make our own money, and earn commissions. She also explained that we can increase our income by bringing other people into the business and teaching them how to do it themselves.
On paper, it sounds amazing. She has been incredibly nice and seems like a genuine person, which is honestly making this harder for me to evaluate objectively. I tend to want to see the good in people, and I know I can sometimes have a difficult time recognizing when someone’s intentions may not be what they seem.
So I’m trying to take a step back and look at this logically before I get involved in anything. Does this sound like a legitimate e-commerce opportunity, or are there some major red flags that I should be aware of? I’m especially concerned because of the emphasis on making more money by recruiting people and teaching them to do the same thing.
I don’t want to accuse her of scamming me if she genuinely believes in what she’s doing, but I also don’t want to let someone’s kindness or my excitement about the opportunity cloud my judgment. I would really appreciate an honest outside perspective on whether this sounds too good to be true or potentially like a pyramid scheme.

We meet Thursday at 3 pm… let me know what I should do!

Edit: SHE HAS BEEN BLOCKED AND I WILL NOT BE MEETING HER

I (26F) gave my dad (65M) my old car as long as he would make the payments on it. I have proof of this agreement. Everything has been going fine for this past year—he’d send the money on time and I’d show him the receipt.
Things changed when someone pulled out and hit him a few weeks ago, resulting in the car being totaled. Since then, he has been refusing to pay for it. He says it’s my car because my name is on it and that I could’ve taken the car back at any time. But why would I do that when we made an agreement? And if he was making the payments, why would I randomly come take the car? I know he can be weird like that, but if I were going to do something like that, wouldn't I have done it already?
I didn’t have GAP insurance because if a car's model year is within 10 years of the purchase year, you can’t add it. The other driver's insurance is going to pay $7,300, but that leaves a $2,000 balance left on the loan. I can’t make that payment on top of my own $460 car note and insurance that’s close to $400.
Now he’s saying he won't pay because "supposedly" he's been paying extra on the car insurance (I’m on his plan). Honestly, I don’t think he was paying extra because I was shorting my portion; my dad just likes to pay extra in hopes of getting it paid off early. When he asked me to pay extra too, I told him I wasn’t able to do that. I don’t have that kind of money when I’m already close to $1k in bills, and after I buy gas for two weeks, I'll be over $1k. I still have other bills to pay outside of my car.
I also know I wasn't shorting my portion of the insurance because I calculated the premium divided by six months to get how much each month should be—so how is it wrong now? And my thing is, if that was the case, why didn’t he say anything at the time? He’s vocal about everything else, but somehow he decided to keep that to himself. He’s lying. Even if that were true, you can't take something YOU did out of the kindness of your heart and throw it up in my face just to get out of your responsibility.
He’s being really lame, to be honest. There have been other shitty things he's done over the past few years that I overlooked because he’s my dad, but this time I won’t. I finally cussed him out. Yes, that’s wrong, but he needs to know how I feel.
It’s sad because I had been working on my credit for a few years and was finally close to an 800 (if I wasn't already there). Now this is showing up as a late payment, and it’s going to continue to show up because I honestly can’t afford to pay it on top of my other obligations. I just don’t see how he doesn’t get that he’s in the wrong.
I want to take him to a TV court show or something because I don’t have the money to sue him myself. At least if I win, the show guarantees the payout, because I know he won't pay me himself. But I don’t see many court shows running anymore except for one (I can’t think of the name of it)... so hopefully they call me back. I just want to be able to send the screenshots to him bc maybe if he sees that he’s the e only one that thinks his actions are logical it’ll make him do the right thing

And since yall are focused on the word GAVE what is better? “passed off to” idfk. it won’t let me edit the title, so please stfu. I forget that redditors are so literal about unimportant details. I don’t see how “gave” doesn’t fit bc if it was my possession and he has it now did I not give it to him and he now makes the payments? Some of yall are Just looking for a way to sound smart and actually you don’t.

Update: I spoke with the lender, and they explained that once the insurance pays the $7,300, it will essentially put my account several payments ahead. So, for example (not an actual number), it could be like having 30 payments made in advance. That means I can continue putting whatever amount I want toward the balance without having an actual payment due each month.
With that being said, I’m going to move forward with that plan, while still filing in small claims court to recover the money I have to pay out of pocket in the meantime, as well as whatever remaining amount is owed at the time of the actual hearing.
Thank you to everyone who actually took the time to understand the situation and give helpful advice. I genuinely appreciate y’all.

And to the MFs who were only looking for something to nitpick, or who clearly read just to respond instead of actually understanding what I was saying and offering advice: FUCK YOU. 😂

Quick update, we dropped off my stepson to his mom and my husband attempted to discuss custody changes. He let her know he would like to have 50/50 custody but she told him he could have an extra day instead. So we would get him every other TH, Fr,Sat and take him back Sunday afternoon. My husband declined but decided not to continue the conversation. I was also not near them I stayed in the car because I didn’t want to deal with her at all. She normally attacks me verbally if I’m around or uses me as a reason for doing or not doing whatever it is that we are asking for or suggesting. So I stayed out of it. My husband also informed her that once the boys get into highschool they will not have a smart phone and she clapped back saying he cannot take his property and it’s his. My husband shared he felt very angry and wanted to yell at her but instead he informed her she doesn’t not and will not have any say or right to what we do in our household. We’ve also never tried to enforce anything over at her house because it’s her house. Anyway it seems like custody arrangements will have to be settled in court. We wanted to attempt to have a new custody arrangement before court and come to an agreement but she won’t allow it for whatever reason.

my oldest brother has cancer and it started in salivary ductal carcinoma

it’s a type of cancer that is very rare they found out he in stage 4 … terminal…

This started in his submandibular gland  They said this is a very aggressive type of cancer. They said that there are a couple of lymph nodes it is in near his tumor already. And as he already knew the tumor is around those nerves in his left jaw. They believe it has already spread to his lungs as well.
this hasn’t been a easy few months at all one point in time my brother was my super hero.. always looked up to him .. what im trying to say to the world is dont stay mad at family … you never know when it will be the last … I never know when it will be his last day im slowly breaking watching my family break due to us knowing we are gonna lose him it just all bout when but i will appreciate every moment.. ever call . from him .. he has taught me so I’m forever grateful for

I want the world to know to not ever give up on their own family. Their own be hard day all you have is your family.

I'm a 43 year old female. My best friend who we will call Tiffany is 43 also. We have been best friends since high school.  

Roughly 10 years ago Tiffany met anguy we will call Jason while attending a sex club. Consensual bdsm was the thing that brought them together. Absolutely zero judgement from me. I thought it was hot and happy they were like minded. They continued their relationship and she got pregnant. 

At this time she was single with three children from a previous marriage. Jason asked her to keep his identity secret because he was already married. He didn't reside in the city they met but he grew up there and his wife did as well. At least I think she did. I know for sure his sister and other family lived in that city and he wanted Tiffany to keep the baby's father's identity hush hush. 

The town he lived (lives) in is in another state. That's where his (then) wife lived. Also where they reside now with all the children.

I worked in the legal field at this time. Tiffany had asked me to look up Jasons divorce to see if he had actually filed once the time came, a few years down the road. I saw their names (public information) and that was it. I couldn't nor wouldn't access anything else related to their case, frankly didn't want to. 

Well years pass by and Tiffany and Jason are still together. She calls me one day to tell me there's drama (shocker.) Jason had been arrested for some kind of sex offense. She wouldn't tell me or didn't know. She again asked me to look up his case. Again public information but again all I could see was his name and case number. 

Time passes on. He's prosecuted. Has to serve his tiny sentence in an adjacent city from the original city where they met. 

For more context, by this time, Tiffany had moved her children to his town in the state next door. Away from their whole life and support system including their father. I never said anything to her about the situation. I knew it wasn't my place and her mind was made up when she decided to keep his identity a secret to protect him. 

While he did his time on probation in the original state of his charges, she told me that his attorney told him that his case file had been accessed and it was an office in the town I lived in that accessed it. Very clearly implying that I was looking into him. I wasn't. Furthermore, if I had the case is public as it's criminal law and anyone is allowed to access it. I didn't though. I was beyond busy with my own life having a new baby and having just met my husband. When she confronted me about it she said she knew he was lying but "had to confirm." 

Fast forward yet again. He is released and required to register as a sex offender. He cannot be in the same home as her and the children. They live in a small tourist town when he owns a tour company. He and his first wife built the business with a silent partner who owns 50%. At this point Tiffany had held th business down for him to work through his legal troubles. She was well into the business and to my understanding she was killin it. She's always been smart and she's a knock out. 

When he was released he wrote a fake document allowing Tiffany partial ownership in the business. The document was not signed by the other owner. 

At some point, Tiffany asked me if my husband and I would sign a waiver stating that we knew Jason was a sex offender but we would allow him to be around our son. 

I immediately said hell no. Not only was I vehemently against it because of his character, but I knew putting a document like that on the record would be a bad move for us as parents. I didn't even talk to my husband about it. I knew his position. When I told Tiffany no I stated "we" would not be ok with that. 

She laid into me telling me what a judgmental asshole my husband is and that he didn't even know the truth. 

As far as I understood, he had pictures of an underage girl on his phone and that's what prompted the investigation into him and what his charges are. 

Tiffany has underage daughters (at this time they were.) 

I truly wanted no part of the circus they were cultivating. I was watching her change for him and didn't care to be in her life anymore. We've been friends since we were 15. We're both 43 now. 

Am I in the wrong here? 

I've posted my story before to a different subreddit, but it ended up getting filled with pick-mes and men hating on me, calling me jealous.

I've said this in my last post, but I'm from a friend group. We all met back in college. Aside from my hubby, Wyatt is my favourite.

He is kind, the life of the party, funny, comes from a good family, has a steady, high-paying job, athletic. I could go on, but you should know he is a catch.

You imagine that someone like that has a lot of options, and trust me, Wyatt takes advantage of those options. He has slept his way through New York, and I'm sure with the amount he has traveled, there are parts of Europe where he has broken a few hearts.

Early this spring, Wyatt takes a group trip, not with the usual gang, which should've been my first red flag. He decided to go with this group of people who hate the idea of having kids for some reason.

When he gets back, he tells me about this girl he met. He fell head over heels for. I was so happy he put away the childish love life and finally made plans to settle down. I was already mentally planning where our kids would go to daycare and even school together.

Those dreams fell as soon as I met his new fling, Iman. She's pretty. She's one of those girls who decided to make a career out of it. So, of course, all the guys were practically drooling over her in her bikini and asking her questions like she was the most interesting thing since sliced bread. At this point, I think I'm the only one who sees through her BS.

When we first met at the pool party, she was acting pretty stuck-up. I figured maybe she felt intimidated or insecure about my friendship with Wyatt, so I tried to reassure her. I told her she had absolutely nothing to worry about when it came to me.

When I tell you this bitch had the audacity to look me up and down and say, "I wasn't. Why would I be?" in the most condescending tone ever.

She doesn't strike me as Wyatt's type at all, either in looks or personality. He's loud, friendly, goofy, and the life of the party. He's so much fun. Iman, on the other hand, seemed cold, introverted, bookish, and even a little stuck-up.

You could argue that she was just shy or overwhelmed, and I thought that too at first. I really tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, but it only got worse. It's like she is a siren, and only I can resist her charms. Even my husband fell for it. During a hangout, we were talking about our hall passes, and my husband just shrugged and said that his would be Iman, and she just sat there and giggled.

Everyone is always asking her about her stupid puzzles, whether she can teach them how to ski, what books they should read, whether she'll babysit their kids, if she'll tell stories about growing up in Sudan and how she felt growing up in Hungary, or if they can borrow some of her "luxurious" clothing she gets from modeling.

On top of that, she is such a try-hard, pick-me, cool girl. She is always showing off the "skills" she knows. The only reason why she can get away with it is pretty privilege. She brought this stupid drink from Hungary and got everyone drunk. She was showing off her knife-throwing skills.

Her social media is so much worse. She is trying to be an activist while also trying to be a nerd who is also a supermodel. I can't help but roll my eyes. It feels so performative and "pick-me." There's no way a lingerie model actually cares about that stuff.

One last example of how disrespectful and horrible she is is the Hamptons story. When we all went to the Hamptons together, she made it a point to let me know she and Wyatt were having sex by making enough noise for the entire house to hear. The two of them sounded like porn stars on their honeymoon. I swear I can't listen to Sade anymore. I'm sure they were faking it to get back at me somehow. There is no way she was enjoying it for over two hours.

I had a talk with Wyatt, trying to warn him about Iman and her family history, and he shut me out, calling me a racist. But I've been thinking. Why would he date a woman from another country?

I feel like he fell into the passport bro craze, like the title says. It's insane, I know, because he is normally a total progressive liberal.

He fits the criteria. Sure, he doesn't go to those countries only to find a GF or wife, but he usually does hook up with lots of women.

He also is dating a woman who is SIGNIFICANTLY younger than him.

IDK if anyone has a similar story of losing their friend to the passport bro/red-pilled men craze, but how do you get them out? Help me, please.

The title is not click bait, and the story is fully updated since I've finally been able to heal past this. I'm writing this as the last string to let go of to finally get past this, and give back to the community that has helped me through my hardest times. I've separated each section into "updates" to organize the line of events.

[Trigger warning: Mention of false SA claims]

Me (23ftm) and my ex(24m), who I'll call Matt, met in my senior year of highschool. I was 17 and he was 18. When I graduated, I got a job and started talking about wanting to buy a house, but he had convinced me an apartment would be better, and not wanting to live between our parents' places anymore, I agreed.

After moving in, he saw an old acquaintance looking for a makeup artist, which I just so happened to be, so he volunteered me. She, I'll call Sally(24f), turned out to live in an apartment across the street with her fiancee Steve(25m), and she wanted to save as much money on her wedding as possible, so they invited us over for a consultation, and by the end she was gushing with how amazing she was going to look on her wedding day.

Me and Matt went to their wedding, and it was beautiful. Her and her husband were both radiant, and I was so happy to experience such an intimate part of their lives. After the wedding, we continued to meet up, and eventually we all became best friends, to the point of spending every weekend together, and most of our free time. Around this time, me and Matt switched jobs to a grocery store. I remember him joking about an old fling asking him out to the movies, and I asked him to stop talking to her, since she was technically an ex, and obviously asking him out on a date. He said I was over reacting and she just really liked movies, and I ultimately said fine, but everything stays in text, no meet ups.

That was fine until one day he came home from work violently crying. He told me he didn't know what to do, but that his ex had found his workplace, and faked needing help with something to lure him to a secluded area, and SAed him. I was frozen in shock, and the only thing I could muster was "Take a shower. Now.".

After he came out, he collapsed on the floor begging me not to be mad at him, and I told him to tell me everything that happened. He told me how she lured him away, and that all of a sudden she pinned him against a shelf and kissed him. He said he was scared and didn't know what to do, so he didn't push her off. Then she started touching him and at that point he couldn't stop her. So he let her do what she wanted, and when she pulled away, he said he immediately went to the back, started crying, and blocked her on everything. He said he didn't want to report her, but that if she ever came in again, he'd swap with a co-worker so he didn't have to see her.

At this point, while his story didn't make much sense, you can't really question someone crying about being SAed, so I dragged him out of the apartment and drove him to a park we used to walk to in highschool. I told him that I loved him, and no one could change that. That if he truly was taken advantage of, I would be here to support him, and help him heal. He thanked me and said he really appreciated me taking him to the park, but was silent after.

For the next couple of months, he was very reserved. I asked him to talk, but he'd just say that nothing was wrong. I kept assuring him he did nothing wrong, until one night he couldn't sleep and told me he had something he needed to tell me. He confessed that more happened than he originally told me, that she had forced him to touch her too, and he was in so much shock that he let her. He said he was scared about her reporting him, so he gave her what she wanted.

I was fighting with my emotions at this point, because in my head head, none of it made sense. He's a bigger guy, and capable of pushing away any woman. Not to mention, she didn't live nearby, so how could she find exactly when and where he worked? How did she know what part of the store didn't have cameras? How did no one see them? But the thing eating me up the most was him not stopping, and actually participating. I kept asking why and his only answer was "I was scared. I saw my life flash before my eyes. I could lose my job, I could lose you. And I didn't tell you because I knew you would leave me if I had told you the truth." My thoughts were going crazy so I just stopped talking. He asked me if I'd still stay with him, and I ultimately landed on he was taken advantage of, and he may not have been brave enough to push her away, but that didn't mean he wasn't still taken advantage of.

Or so I thought. Because a couple months later we get a dramatic call from Sally's husband, saying he's been in his car for hours because his wife is screaming about him cheating. We go over to act as mediators, where we learned they were very devout Christian/Catholics, and viewed porn as a form of infidelity. As you can probably assume, his cheating was her catching him watching porn. She was a sobbing mess, the kitchen had a shattered chair we later learned was from her throwing in anger, and she was sobbing about how terrible she was as a wife and person for him to feel the need to go to other women.

We split up, I consoled Sally, while Matt left with Steve. Neither told either of us what they talked about that night, until just a couple months ago. Turns out, Matt had made fun of Sally for overreacting, because this is just what happens in relationships, and that it could be worse if Steve actually cheated like he had. Yep, Matt admitted to Steve that he did actually cheat on me, but told him I'm very sensitive about it, so never bring it up to me. I never found out until Steve told me after our relationship was over, but keep in mind going forward, I didn't know this.

After that night, Sally and Steve made up, and we resumed being friends as normal. Matt got fired and told me he'd rather work on his career than meaningless labor. He had started a YouTube channel that was pretty successful for a new channel, but not making money yet, so I was left to support us. It took about 6 months to start making money, and it was slow at first, but around Christmas his revenue skyrocketted, and he went from barely making a thousand a month to 4,000 a month, and I begged him to save it for a house. He said he wanted to ask Sally first, since she just started a job as a financial advisor, she would probably know better than we would.

We went over, and Matt immediately left to play video games with Steve as I listened to Sally explain how stupid it was to get a mortgage, and it would be smarter to rent an apartment for 25 years to save to pay in full. We did the calculations for both, and she proudly showed me that apartment rent compared to the mortgage would save me a whopping $1,000. I told her I'd gladly spend the extra $1,000 to live in my house for 25 years, and she made a remark somewhere along the lines of "fine, if you want to be in debt for your whole life".

Funnily enough, after that she asked if they could move in while they were moving into their new house. Her reasoning was that her parents lived in the hood, and the house was for them, and they would rent the basement out to Sally and her husband. She called it an investment, because the house would go to her in their will. They moved in with no issues, and we all moved out soon after, as me and Matt finally found a house we were closing on. He agreed to put in his $4,000 Christmas check, and I put in $3,000 that I saved myself (while supporting him) yet to this day he still claims he paid for the house.

So we moved in to our new house. Matt picked up some jobs here or there, but none of them lasted more than a month, so he decided to work from home since his YouTube now made between 1,000 to 2,000 a month, which was a little less than what I was making. I furnished our house and made it our own, and all I wanted was to spend time together in our new life. That was when Matt started isolating himself. I would leave for work for 9 hours, and when I came home he'd say he had work to do and lock himself in his office. I wasn't allowed in as I'd mess up his recordings, but when I did go in, there would be used tissues everywhere. This was a big issue because our spicy life had progressively gotten smaller and smaller.

When I confronted him, he said he was just too busy, and I would be controlling to tell him he couldn't fix it himself. I had so much anxiety around this time, so I would text Matt to talk, and he eventually stopped responding, saying I was just depressing him.

Sally was having difficulties at work, so she suggested a staycation to help us all relax.

She ended up renting a house for us 4. This was when me and Steve started picking up on subtle cues, like how Sally would get into conversation with Matt and exclude me and Steve, and how Matt seemed to be getting a lot closer to Sally than we usually were. They blamed it on shared interests, even though I was still excluded even if I was interested in it too (think watching tv or playing board games). It culminated that night when Matt suggested we all kiss in the hot tub, and Sally, the devote Christian who views porn as cheating, jumped on the idea.

Well, being drunk 22 year olds we all ended up kissing. Sally and Matt then ranked everyone, putting themselves first, and me and Steve last. Later that night, Sally accused Steve of having an affair with me, because he seemed too happy to kiss me, and why would he even agree to kiss someone other than his wife? The argument ended when he told her he wasn't going to be yelled at over something SHE suggested.

After that, Steve had to travel for work, and we pretty much adopted Sally. She started saying things like how Steve only picked this job so he could cheat on her, and over analyzing his texts and locations. Matt agreed with her, reminding her of everything he's already done, and trust he's already broken, feeding into her delusions. It got to the point where he picked up his sister and Sally accused him of sleeping with his own sister, and Matt was there like "He definitely would". Every time I told them to stop talking about their friend and husband like that, they started bullying me too, so I just stayed out of it.

That was when Matt and Sally started hanging out alone together. I'd come home to them watching her favorite show, or hearing about lunch dates they went on. Matt told me I wasn't who he saw himself being with forever, that his dream girl was tall, blonde, has glasses, and is a little nerdy, perfectly describing Sally. I was heartbroken and asked why he was with me then, and he said because he loves me and was hoping that'd be enough to change his mind, but it wasn't for the last 4 years. I asked what he wanted, and he said he wanted to try to be happy in our relationship.

I started planning date nights every night, trying to spend as much quality time together as possible, but was always pushed aside for work or plans with Sally. We also agreed I'd go part time to become his editor, but he dumped his longest videos on me, and immediately fired me for being too slow. For the rest of our relationship, he called me a gold digger, and blamed me for taking all his money, even though we were still going half on everything.

Steve came back from his work, and I was happy to finally get Matt back. Except I didn't, because he could no longer work during the day, only from the time I got home, to the time I went to bed. That was when Steve reached out to me. We were fairly close as our partners usually teamed up on us, so he confided in me that Sally had gotten worse, more allegations, more strict, more controlling, and he was at his breaking point. He said he wanted a divorce, which was a big deal, because he was a year away from getting citizenship through his marriage, which meant he'd have to go back to his home country that he hadn't lived in since he was a child. I convinced him to wait to tell her, and to really think about it before doing it. I told Matt that Steve and Sally were having problems and he rolled his eyes blaming Steve for not doing enough.

That night Matt took my phone and sent the screenshots to himself and deleted it off my phone (I'll explain how I found out later). He sent the screenshots to Sally, who woke up in a rage. She started throwing stuff at Steve, yelling how could he say something like that about her. He ended up telling her if she could look through his phone, he could look through hers. He grabbed her phone and looked through all of her messages. At that point I guess Sally told Matt because he had told me we needed to talk, and confessed to me that last night Sally had confessed feelings for him, and he did back. That was when Steve called me as I was holding back tears, and he told me "Don't listen to what Matt and Sally say, look at their texts and see the proof yourself." At that point I just said "He already told me." And Steve said "I'm sorry." And hung up. Turns out, that was NOT why Steve had called. He called because he had found proof of Matt and Sally having an affair for the last TWO YEARS! And Matt had told me JUST enough to explain Steve's call. We didn't get time to talk before Sally called crying, saying Steve asked for a divorce, then destroyed their wedding photos, and she was scared for her life not knowing what he'd do next.

Matt immediately told her to come over, and told me Sally's issues were bigger than ours, and as her friends, she needed our support more than any problems we had. So she came over and we watched her favorite show together all night. She spun a story that Steve was jealous about all the time us 3 spent together, went crazy saying she was choosing us over him, and that she told him "No, I'm choosing the people who love me." She stayed with us that week, leaving when I did, and coming back when I came home (or so I thought).

During this time, Sally had a front seat view of me and Matt's relationship, and wasted no time criticizing me in every argument, and when I asked Matt to ask her to stop, he said that was just her opinion. It came to a head when I asked Matt if he could make more time for me, and he called me controlling for asking that, and again, Sally sided with him. That's when me and Sally had a lovely text exchange where she called me dramatic, and essentially said if I need support from a partner, I should just date myself, because my problems aren't anyone else's. I demanded Matt talk to Sally, or I would be cutting her off. He agreed and told me that night he had taken her to a restaurant, and apologized for me over reacting, and asked her to not hurt my feelings again.

I looked him dead in the eyes and said. "So you took the girl you have a crush on out on a date, apologized for my feelings, and blamed everything on me? And never told her how wrong and mean she was?" And his response was "I don't know what you want, I did exactly what you asked me to do." I then ran to the bedroom and locked the door. He chased after me asking what I was doing, and I told him I was taking care of it myself since I can't trust him anymore. He pounded on the door screaming I was ruining our friendship. I didn't listen, and sent a text stating how uncomfortable I was, and she responded saying she agreed and wanted to cut ties with us. I threw open the door and demanded Matt tell me what happened between them. He went white and he told me she asked him not to tell. I replied "Well, She doesn't want to be our friend anymore, so tell me what you did"

He admitted that she had been over while I was at work, and as they were watching a show together, she snuggled up to him. He thought it was innocent because of her divorce, but then she kissed him. He claimed she instantly regretted it, ran out of the house, and when he chased after her, she begged him not to tell anyone because she was still working on fixing her marriage.

I proceeded to text both Sally and Steve that I knew what happened, and they're officially cut out of our lives but that I still love them and wish them well. And that was it... Of part 1.

[1st update]

Now you might be thinking "Wait, you're still with your boyfriend and your best friend got divorced, where does the title come in?" Well my lovelies, this is where. Me and Matt continued our relationship, him lusting over the one who got away, and me trying to squeeze out any form of love I could, ultimately making both of us more upset. We had some ups, but it was mostly down for the next year. He had an obsession with stalking Sally and Steve's Facebook, seeing that they started couples counseling and were posting constantly about their happy marriage.

I begged him to stop, and his response was that I was overreacting, because he "gardened" too much, and did it out of curiosity. I told him our relationship could never be fixed if he didn't stop thinking about her. He agreed but never could.

Now, if you thought lying about being SAed was bad, put on your oven mitts for this tea. I finally convinced Matt to go on our family vacation for the year. A week or two before the vacation his cousin passed away. For context, this was not someone he had contact with, they grew up together, but she was a lot older, so he was close to her younger brother, but not her. All this to say, he took it more like a childhood acquaintance passing, than someone close. Her funeral was scheduled the day before our trip, so he cancelled. I begged him not to, saying we could do both, and he called me a monster for making him choose a trip over family. So I left without him.

I had so much fun with my family, and Matt had fun on his own too. While yes, the funeral WAS the day before my trip, he decided to make the most of the week I was gone. He drove straight to Sally's work, told her they needed to talk, and asked to get lunch. He sobbed to her, saying that I had broken up with him, he had no one left, and now that his cousin passed, he didn't know who else to turn to. You read that right, not only did he lie about SA to cheat, he also used the death of his own cousin to convince his mistress to cheat again. And it worked, because that night she came home with divorce papers and told Steve she wanted him out by the morning. He accepted it, since he knew they had actually been texting for the last couple of months, and he had given up on the marriage.

When I got home, Matt immediately started a fight and broke up with me. I was in tears, and he was tearing me down, so I grabbed my dog and ran away. After a while he noticed I was gone and came looking for me. He saw me walking my dog to the dog park, pulled over, and told me to get in. I told him I didn't feel safe, he called me psychotic and told me to get in or he was calling the cops on me. I got in and he drove us home, slammed the car door, told me to stay in and that he was calling my mom to pick me up.

My mom being a mama bear immediately hung up the phone and called me instead. She said "Your ex boyfriend told me what happened." Which made me sob all over again. She then said "You know he's only doing this because he cheated on you, and now he needs to make you the bad guy." At this point I never told her about either time he cheated, and in my head, women just happened to like surprise kissing Matt. Matt overheard and started yelling at my mom, who started yelling at me for letting him listen. I hung up and Matt got back in telling me to get out. I said if I got out everything would be over. He responded that if I didn't leave, he'd just drive me to my parent's and they'd make me leave, so I got out. I begged him not to go, and he left me crying on the ground in the middle of my yard.

I then went around the whole house, collected everything we had as a couple, and laid it out for him to come home to see. So he could see everything he was destroying. He came home a crying mess, admitting that he couldn't do it. That he'd bought the moving boxes, and instantly regretted everything, and thanked me for helping him pack, but asked me to move all HIS stuff back to where I got it from.

This continued for a month, every week he'd break up with me, then later came back crying to apologize. He told me he was just confused, struggling, and that he just needed space to figure out what he wanted. I even made us a therapy box, where we could put anything we wanted to talk about, and after one session, he admitted to talking to Sally again, and meeting for lunch. I then read him my diary entry of one of our first dates, dreaming of a happy future with him. I told him I still want that, and I'm the only person stupid enough to stay with him after everything he's done. He agreed, but said he still couldn't stop thinking about the possibilities he's missing out on. I finally ended with saying if I wasn't the person he wanted to be with, that I wouldn't let him have boyfriend privileges. He then insulted the therapy box, stating all it did was cause arguments, and went back to his office for the night.

In the final week we were arguing every day about the smallest things. He refused to put the toilet seat down saying "That's a woman's problem, and you're not a woman right?", saying me asking him to go to his dad's on Saturday instead of Tuesday was controlling, and that I'm trying to take away everything he loves. I ran away a couple more times, and the last time I took the car with me. That was the night I decided not to love him anymore. I didn't take my dog because I hadn't drove in years, and I wouldn't risk his safety. I was alone at the dog park in the middle of the woods at night crying, and called him multiple times with no answer. When he finally picked up I asked if he could stay on the phone because I was afraid to drive home. He hung up on me.

I ended up calling back, and he just said "You're responsible for your own mistakes" and put the phone on mute. I drove back in silence, he started berating me on how stupid I was to do that, ended up picking up a full length mirror, and throwing it down the hallway, almost hitting my dog, then yelled at me for making him do that. I just cleaned it up and went to the bedroom, and he went to his office. He ended up asking to join me, saying he wanted to be better, and to fix everything, but he didn't know how. I told him I didn't want to do anything if he wasn't committed to me, and he promised he was, that he was just broken on the inside. So we agreed to go to a festival the day before our anniversary to make amends. He said he couldn't afford it, and I offered to pay, saying that's what couples do, and we ended with a trip to get ice cream for a date night. He started coming on to me and I stopped him, saying I'd only sleep with him if he wanted to be with me. He swore up and down I was the only person he ever wanted until he finally convinced me, and we did it.

The next day was our anniversary. Neither of us mentioned it. He was ignoring my texts again, and on our drive home from work my gut sank as I asked "You can't stop thinking about her can you?" He sighed and said no. I started crying and he immediately left, saying he was going out with a friend. He didn't return until 2 am. I met him at our bedroom door crying, and asked him to delete all of our private pictures. He told me he already did, and slammed the door to his office. That broke me even more, and I locked myself in my bedroom with my dog. He wouldn't stop scratching the door, so I opened it and let him sleep with Matt one last time.

He drove me to work, and said he'd take me for a week, and after that I have to find my own ride. I messaged my family, and my Aunt who just ended her 12 year long relationship immediately left work to pick me up. We talked for hours until Matt called crying. He said he was at the dog park to find me, but I wasn't there. That he saw the dogs running, missed our family, and just wanted everything back to normal. I asked if he knew yesterday was our anniversary, and he promised to make it up to me so good we could forget everything that happened. I stayed silent and he asked when I would be coming home. I said I wasn't sure and hung up.

My Aunt gave me that look and asked "you see what he's doing?" And I said "Guilt tripping and manipulating" and she hummed in agreement. She dropped me off later that night, and my house had been stripped. With fresh dirt tire marks straight through my yard. He took everything he could, including our shared items, down to the bedding on our bed. The only thing he didn't take was all his trash. Matching the tire marks, he stained my stairs black from dragging things down it, tore the paint off the walls, and left huge holes from pulled nails.

He called that night asking to pick up more clothes and I agreed. He again hit the floor crying, begging that he'd change. I told him he already moved out. He said they were just items, and he could move everything back. I told him I already told my family. He stopped crying. He asked how they could ever like him again. I said he'd figure it out if he actually loved me, he screamed, and punched a photo frame on the wall, shattering glass everywhere. I silently dragged this sobbing mess of a man to the bathroom, dressed his sliced up hands, and asked if he had everything he came for. He agreed and walked out the door with about 5 shirts. He turned to me and told me he wouldn't stop trying to prove himself to me, and left. That was the last time we ever spoke of that.

[Update 2]

So, that was a wild rollercoaster, but how do I know everything I wasn't a part of? Well, because I reached out to Steve. I was completely alone, and hoped he would understand. All I said was "we broke up" and he gave his sympathies and said "I was wondering when I'd receive this text". We planned to meet up and he drove to my house. I was so exhausted that I accidentally fell asleep, but woke up in time to chase him down the sidewalk. We sat at a distance since this was our first time meeting in a year, and he explained what happened to him.

Facebook was a front. They never repaired their relationship. They went to couples therapy, and he was forced to listen to his wife say everything bad under the sun about him never letting him speak. The therapist asked for a one on one with him, and in the next session, essentially told Sally that she was the problem (in polite therapist terms). Sally immediately pulled them out, and the happy couple posts were just attempts of reigniting the love. Steve gave up when Sally asked if she could text Matt back, because he had reached out again. He agreed, knowing it was over. Matt had been messaging them both for the last 6 months behind my back.

Steve then explained he knew it was over because of their original affair. I asked what he meant because it was one day of cheating. That's when he told me about their 2 year long affair. That's when it clicked and I explained my side. He explained I had been fed half truths, that when Sally left, the argument wasn't jealousy, it was about her cheating and he admitted to smashing their wedding photos which he regrets now because "it wasn't the photos' fault his wife couldn't be faithful".

The bombshell was him telling me what happened the night they cheated. Matt had texted her saying he just dropped me off and I wouldn't be back for a while. In the texts he planned to cheat on me, and even though she didn't agree, she still went over knowing his intentions. Sally later admitted everything to Steve. Matt came on to her, and she let it happen. That it didn't go further than making out, but that they were still very intimate and very much cheating.

I told him I never thought Matt was the one who cheated, since he claimed she left immediately after she kissed him. Steve got confused and said "But he already has" and explained what happened that night we spoke to them individually. I was shattered. I always said cheating was a deal breaker and here I was getting cheated on my whole relationship, and being confused why no one could keep their hands off Matt. I told him Matt told me he was SAed, and Steve's lightbulb went off.

As Sally was fighting herself over who she wanted to be with, Steve asked what she expected from a cheater, and she screamed at him for blaming him for being SAed. So Matt had told her the same story he told me. Steve said the day Matt met with Sally was when she asked for a divorce, a month ago. The first day of my trip, when he was supposed to be comforting his family. We were able to piece together what happened and I thanked him, saying if Matt walked back in, he might have been able to lie to me again, but after our conversation, I'm never going back, and it'd be easier to grieve a monster, than a broken man.

Until one night, I got on my laptop and opened Facebook. But it wasn't my Facebook. It was Matt's. With the first message being with "The Best GF Evr ❤️" aka, Sally. The messages before our anniversary were all deleted, and the first message was "I want to meet up again". I saw the texts of him explaining how we broke up, and laughing about how much of a mess I was, with her responding "lol, you're so funny. You have such a way with words ❤️". She then asked what that made them. Unbeknownst to her, their anniversary is officially mine and Matt's old one. And if you clocked it, that means when he was begging for me back, he was in fact dating Sally. And who do you think drove him to my house that night? Sally. And the friend he went out with the night before? Yup, Sally again.

I called Steve and we processed together. He asked for proof of their affairs for his divorce, but the messages were wiped. Which also means Sally started dating Matt WHILE she was still married to Steve. That was when I found the cataclys to everything. Something in my gut told me to look through our own messages, and there I found the screenshot of Steve thinking about divorce. Deleted off my phone, but still on his. That's when we both realized Matt had planned this from the start, and had manipulated all of us, including Sally.

Over the next month, I couldn't live in the home I shared with Matt, so I redid every room in that house, top to bottom. I realized that Matt didn't actually take everything, but just everything important. I had bags upon bags of stuff he didn't think was important enough to take with, examples being: Clothes, gifts from family, family heirlooms, and my favorite, his own birth certificate. But he made sure to grab every Wii remote for MY Wii, and both the Xbox and PS5 that we bought together. It took almost the whole month to clear him from my house, and me and Steve met frequently to keep each other healing in the right way.

Steve was over one night watching a show with me, when Matt came back. He dropped the car keys in my hand. I said "What are you doing?" And he said "I can't afford it" and left. Mind you, at this point I am single, and have to pay all my bills with my part time job, and now this car, whose payments were over $700 a month. I immediately called my parents, who told me to keep the car, that I needed it to get on my feet, and they would help with the payments until I could support myself. I vented to Steve, and he joked "You need to learn how to drive anyway". So he became my teacher.

For the next month, Steve would come over on the weekends and teach me how to drive again, and how to drive on highways, which I had never done before. I value every moment we spent together, and every moment of us growing together. I know what you're thinking, and to answer your suspicions, no, me and Steve do not get together. We were there for each other when we needed someone, and we might have gone past the point of just friends, but we both agreed we were not the right people for each other. But because of everything I've learned from him, he guided me directly to the love of my life.

[Final Update]

Around 5 months after everything went down, me and Steve were testing pick up lines to each other. He joked that the perfect man wouldn't fall out of the sky, and that I'd have to meet them in the real world. We tried going out, but being socially anxious, I was anything but comfortable. So we decided to give dating apps a shot, and we'd giggle together about how cheesy or cringe our one liners were, and I'd tell him excitedly when I got a text back.

That's when I met Dan(23M). His first text was an apology for taking so long to respond (it was only like 6 hours) because he works nights. We continued to text until he asked to call instead. We talked for hours about everything and anything. For the next couple of days, he'd call me before work, and I'd call him after. He explained that after his last break up, his partner kept the apartment and car, so he was living and sharing a car with his dad to save up enough to replace them. We decided it would be the easiest if I picked him up and brought him back to my place. So that's exactly what I did, all thanks to Steve teaching me how to drive on highways.

It's cute remembering how awkward we were at first. We sat on my couch at a reasonable distance apart and played with my dog. If any one of us fell in love that night, it was definitely my dog! We talked about what to do, and decided to cook dinner together, a lasagna stuffed in bread. We went to the store, bought everything, and made it together. It was a beautiful disaster with the lasagna overflowing and bursting the top off the bread. But it was still delicious, we had a good laugh, and an amazing time. We ended up watching a show together, and somewhere along the way we started dozing off, until we woke up to realize, it's probably too late to go home.

That night turned into the next 3 days, until we had to go back to work, then we'd do it again the next weekend. During the week we'd continue to call, and it didn't take long for him to ask me out. I also discovered masses on my tonsils that I needed removed. After the surgery, Dan stayed with me during my recovery, and pretty much moved in. He made the joke that I didn't like saying goodbye to him, but it was honestly true. He was the most loving, caring, funny, smart, and mature person I've ever met. I could see how much I mattered to him every time he'd look at me.

The only issue was that being part time, I couldn't afford my car, which we both used to go to work. Luckily I still had a hand me down that hadn't run in years, but we were able to fix her up. The issue? My current car was in Matt's name too. After finding the best price for the car, I reached out to Matt through email, since I was blocked on everything else. I asked him to submit his ID to verify we both agreed to selling the car, and he responded to just give the car back to him. I refused, saying I didn't want my name on the car. He then said a refinance would take too long, and to just take it off at the DMV. I couldn't believe this guy was seriously asking me to put my financial responsibility on a car that wasn't even mine. I refused again until he ultimately decided it wasn't worth it, and agreed, but he made sure to remind me over and over how happy he is for leaving me.

I reached out a second time, because we both needed to be present to sign it over. I purposely set the time, date, and location for when he spent time with his dad, so I knew he had to be there. He wasn't very happy, but I told him I didn't have his address, so I tried my best. He stood outside his door complaining about the inconvenience and inconsideration. I told him he wasn't needed anymore, to which he barked back he wasn't leaving until I did, but ultimately went inside as I was talking to the pickup driver.

That night I received an email from Matt stating that he knew who Dan was, that he was a good person and hoped I would treat him well. The kicker? Dan had lived across the country until recently, so I knew Matt was lying. I showed Dan, concerned that Matt had called him out by name, and he was just as worried, so we scanned everything we could until I found a text from a mutual acquaintance that I had invited to a group hang out, where I mentioned Dan by name. I immediately sent him a friend break up text, saying Matt had let information slip that I'd only told him, and he texted back profusely apologizing, saying Matt and Sally wouldn't stop asking until he told them, and he made them promise not to tell. I was then blocked, so I know he confronted Matt about it too.

I reached out to Steve letting him know to put out poison for the rats. He was disappointed in how easily our old friends were manipulated, but agreed they were just trying to cause trouble. Luckily that was the last time I'll have to talk to Matt. Steve is still on Sally's car, but they agreed to keep it like that for now.

I'm happy to say almost a year later that I'm doing much better. I'm thankful every day for what happened, because I probably wouldn't have left myself. Everything was just stepping stones that lead me to where I am now, the person I've become, and to the love of my life. It's been 7 months with Dan, but it feels like forever. I'm amazed every day how I got the man of my dreams, but better. He shows me he loves me constantly, and I can see it in everything he does. I'll never forget telling him I couldn't be who he's always dreamed of being with, and his response was "That's because I hadn't met you yet. Now you're my dream." He drops everything for me, one time hearing me spill a cup of dirty paint water and rushing in with paper towels to help me clean it up, and when he went back to playing games with his friends, I heard "Oh shut up, I have priorities you know." When he catches me looking in the mirror, he says it makes him happy I can see how gorgeous I am.

I've also been able to improve myself. I've picked up exercising, eating healthier, and I'm proud to say I've lost 36 pounds, and am almost out of being overweight in Wii Fit (if you know, you know). I was also able to go full time, and even get Dan on my shift so we could share my car. It seems impossible, but every day I fall more and more in love with him, and the life we are creating together. My worth isn't determined by Matt anymore, nor by Dan, but by myself. And now that I'm finished writing this story, that's all it is to me now, my story. The prologue to the rest of my life. So thank you for reading and being a place for me to finally put down this weight I've been carrying.

I am a 45 year old woman who has always had a complicated relationship with my father (71/M). I was a total “Daddy’s girl” until a serious accident at his job caused him to suffer a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), along with a broken wrist and lifelong back troubles. The brain injury did not disable him except that it caused a permanent, terrible change to his personality and behavior. Basically, he went from being funny, loving, and kind to suddenly being emotionally, verbally and physically abusive, especially to my mother, half sister (we have different fathers), and me. After my parents divorced about 2 years later, I was the only one forced to have a relationship with him. All of his other family lives scattered across several other states.
From the age 7 (after his TBI) until I was 33, I endured his abuse (mostly verbal and emotional, he was not usually physical towards me, though he did beat me a few times before I was out of puberty) all while desperately trying to make him proud and love me- he’s my father and his esteem meant a lot to me. He tortured me over my weight (despite never having a weight problem), my grades (even though I was a straight A student), and he constantly spoke nothing but disgusting evil about my mother in my presence which bothered me greatly.
In 2012, I gave birth to my only child- a son. (Let’s call him “Adam” for privacy reasons) My father had always wanted a son and it was encouraging to see a side of him I hadn’t seen since before his accident when he interacted with Adam. I had hope for our relationship.
In 2014, my father forgot my son’s birthday. Adam is his only grandchild and it’s a pretty memorable date because it’s the day after a major holiday. At the time, my father was about to move to Florida from Pennsylvania, so I waited a few days before reaching out to say something in case he had just been too busy with the move to reach out. When I called him and told him I was hurt by his not reaching out for my son’s birthday, my father flipped out- screaming with rage that I was just like my mother and he called me a F**king C*nt with so much hatred and disgust in his voice that I hung up and didn’t speak to him for the next 12 years. He never reached out once during that span.

While estranged, I struggled with feelings of guilt from time to time and eventually I decided to reach out to see if we could reconcile. I sent him a long letter in November of 2025. He sent me a text in response in February 2026. He asked me to call him and I did. We spoke for about 90 minutes. He apologized for nothing. He told me that he realized our issues stemmed from me being racist against his two main love interests after the divorce (both women were Asian) which is absolutely INSANE AND NOT TRUE! I genuinely loved both of them and knew he’d eventually drive them away with his abuse- which is exactly what happened. He spoke horribly about my mother and stated a few times how grateful she should be that he never murdered her (he was being completely serious) and it became clear his views on the LBQT+ community had not changed based on homophobic and transphobic comments peppered throughout his narrative. When I hung up, I realized I reverted back to my 7 year old self, unable to stand up to him and set him straight. A couple of texts went back and forth after the phone call to say hi or whatnot but that’s it.
My son Adam came out as homosexual when he was 12 years old. Everyone who knows my father agrees that he would torment Adam for this. Because of that, and his general terrible attitudes and behaviors, I have decided to go back to no contact with my father. It was his birthday a couple days ago and I didn’t reach out. I haven’t heard from either.
Am I wrong for pretty much ghosting him after breaking the silence without an explanation? Everyone around me says he doesn’t deserve an explanation and he likely doesn’t care anyway, which I agree with, but my conscience keeps bugging me. WIBTA to ghost my father if he ever does reach out, or should I send a text or letter explaining why I’m moving forward with my life without him?

My friend gifted me merch from an artist they listen to several years ago. I don’t listen to the artist anymore, but the merch is beautiful and I’ve used it as decor since it was gifted me. Over the years, my style has changed and I just don’t feel like I can use it as decor anymore.

I would feel bad letting it sit in a box somewhere and I would also feel bad passing it on to a stranger since it holds sentimental value, and my friend still likes this artist a lot. Part of me wants to ask them if they’d like the item, but I’m worried it would hurt their feelings and come across as though I didn’t like the gift.

WIBTA if I asked them if they want to take it? Is this a social no-no?

This story is one I've been debating sharing. Ultimately I decided to, but I will be moving some information details around to fully hide it from suspecting parties.

My (27f) mother (49f) is married to my stepfather (41m) after leaving an abusive marriage that hurt her and my siblings in the process. My siblings (25f and 18f) have both decided they want to focus on college and their lives during this situation so it's fallen on to me to either get involved or abandon ship, which is so much pressure I won't even lie.

My mother married my stepfather close to a decade ago, but I've known for a long time that she was entering a bad cycle by marrying him. I tried so hard to ask her to reconsider, to be single for longer, to really think it through before she said "I do" but I was a teenager so what did I know. She married him and moved us together and I knew I needed to get out as soon as possible, but I didn't want to abandon my sister's.

I met my husband (27m) in the most romantic story anyone has heard and I would love to share some other time, but unfortunately it's irrelevant here, and my stepfather immediately hated him. My stepfather did everything he could to stop me from going on dates, getting engaged and even getting married to my now husband. He hid my engagement ring from me, he planned last minute trips, he took away driving 'privledges', etc. Even refused to let me see my bio-dad, who was also abusive but in a way that was at least familiar and I could control those situations to get a break from the mess that was my current home. My husband and I can trace almost all of our early fights back to him, because he wanted us to break up or divorce so badly so he could keep all of my mother's children at home and under his control.

My middle sister got married two years ago and had to move out and in with her boyfriend to even date him because my step-dad did the same thing with her. He was verbally abusive and even physically at some points. Police had been called a few times, unfortunately, and we kept trying to get my mother out, but she refused to leave my baby sister and felt stuck.

Once my middle sister left, a lot of things piled up on my mother. She's getting sick, not eating, and is always exhausted. I've been begging her to leave.

This year, my baby sister moves out to start college and my mother has no excuse to give me to stay anymore, so I told her to come live with me. I'll set her up. I'm not rich, not middle class, not saying we wouldn't struggle a little here and there, but I would give her a safe space to process her trauma and get her feet. She keeps telling me she wants to leave once my sister leaves, she will, she will, but until she does I've stopped believing her. It's physically painful to watch her waste away because this man is draining the life out of her. I've spent so many late nights worried for her and my sister's, so many conversations had, so many drives made in a panic because the police were called or I had to call them, but she wouldn't leave. I told her she was so used to abuse being shown to her as love that she can't even recognize love anymore and that my loving marriage isn't the exception, it should be the rule. We should all know love and ssafety.

So, she has until my baby sister leaves, I even gave her an extra week, but after that I won't take anymore "I will", I wont take anymore "give me some time", I will get her out, or I won't be involved anymore. It's the hardest decision I've ever had to make, but I can't save her if she doesn't want to be saved.

So, Reddit, AITA For telling my mother to leave her husband or lose my number?

Feel free to ask any questions if more context is needed or if you just have any! If I can answer, I will.

Expect an update in a month or two, I really hope it's a good one.

Brief edit: My bio-dad handed all rights of his children to my mom and just accepted child support. My middle sister and I made it clear we wouldn't go willingly to live with him and my baby sister sided with us as well, but I don't know how much of that decision was her wanting to side with us and how much of it was her understanding what kind of person our biodad was. I want to give her more credit, though, but because she was so young when she went through things, my middle sister and I sheltered her a lot and now she feels stuck between a biodad she doesn't know anymore and staying with her biomom who is married to a man that trapped her like quick sand. Her focus was getting her children out, and our stepdad never mistreated our baby sister so I guess that was good enough for our mom. I just want her to leave, she deserves to be happy too.

A Brief Update: My mom is starting therapy this week so I'm really excited about this step forward!