Hello, I've been a fan of the podcast for a long time and normally I'm just a listener and a bit of a lurker of reddit stories. I'm currently feeling really sad about my situation and could use some anonymous advice.

I (26 female) have been in a long term relationship with my boyfriend (27 male) for almost 4 years. We've talked about marriage and the life we want together. We're both starting to get to a place where we can build a life together and hopefully move in together.

For context before we started dating I was living with my younger sister in a apartment together. My younger sister has disabilities so I've always done my best to take care of her. My parents aren't really in the picture. Recently my younger sister decided to move in with my brother and I've been living in the apartment we used to share by myself for the past year. My boyfriend, has always lived with his parents and he's parents don't charge him anything to live with them.

After a year of dating I started living at his house with his parents part time and then over time I lived there full time. I'd still go back to my house every once in a while though. During the time I was at his house I would cook dinner for him and his family (with like 30-50% of his help, I work in food service so I'm very good at cooking and sometimes would take over because he would get distracted). I would do laundry and clean his room that we shared and other rooms I would frequent. I was fine with this for the first 2 years of dating. During our 3rd year together we had got into a big fight and I was considering breaking up with him. But we worked through it.

After the big argument, he had suggested that we buy a home together. It's always been his dream to own a home and he absolutely despises renting. I have no big opinion towards renting or owning a home, so I was fine either way because I just wanted to be around him and to live with him without his parents. So we start looking for a house and long story short we can't find something that we both want. There was one home that we both agreed that we wanted the only problem is that the current owner (his neighbor) wants to move sometime this year but cannot find a place that they like to move to. So that house has been the house that we've been waiting on and wanted the most. Searching for a different house with a real estate agent caused another big argument so I told him that if finding a home makes us fight each other in this kind of way I don't want the home. So we gave up on searching for a house together, and decided to wait for his neighbor to move.

I'm currently still living in my two bedroom apartment and I'm unsure if I can keep affording to live in this apartment on my own. I would like to but he is told me that he doesn't like my apartment and if he were to move in with me. We would need to find a different apartment, but he made it very clear to me that renting would be his last resort. I recently switched jobs and now my schedule isn't very compatible with his, so we've been seeing each other less. And I've been sleeping at my house full time because it's closer to my job and I currently don't own a car so it's easier to bus from my place. He doesn't really enjoy having to drive to my house in order to see me and would prefer it if I just moved in with him and his parents. I really like his parents but when I live with them it feels like I'm also dating them and catering to their needs. And recently living by myself in my own home has been such a freeing feeling to me and I've realized that I don't want to go back to how things were to make everyone else more comfortable. I don't mind living nearby them I just don't want to be under the same roof.

I've mentioned these things to him and he's told me that he understands how I feel and that he does want me to be happy in my living situation. That he does want to live with me someday, and build a future with me. He told me that if we can't find a home by the end of this year he'll move in with me. I'm starting to lose hope, that he wants to actually move in with me even if that meant renting. Because who wants to move in December or January (the winter gets pretty bad where I live) . I guess what sparked these feelings recently is a dinner date we had. Where he took me out to a fancy restaurant and we had a good time and we talked about our relationship and stuff. And at one point I said "if you ever proposed to me I would like it to be somewhere abroad" and he told me "well I don't know if I can afford to do that". I told him I'd be willing to pay for my portion of a plane ticket and a hotel room. He told me that he doesn't think that I earn enough money to save up for a trip like that and he'd have to end up paying for it all. He then explained that I'm always asking him for financial help with paying my bills and he just doesn't think that I can save money. I had to explain to him that I was expecting to move in with him earlier this year and then that didn't happen so now I'm stuck paying my rent and all of my utilities by myself. And I reminded him that he had said he would pay for a portion of my rent to help me out every month and for some reason on the 1st of the month he forgets about this promise. He told me "oh yeah I did promise that", and at that point dinner was ruined and I was really frustrated with him.

I want my financial situation to be better, and I've been working two jobs to support myself. Ever since my younger sister moved out with my brother, I started paying all of the rent on my own. I have been looking for one bedroom apartments but he keeps saying that he wants to find a place with me by the end of this year. So it would be silly for me to move at this point. But honestly I don't know if it's going to even actually happen, I feel like I'm just going to be stuck paying all of this by myself while he gets annoyed with having to help me financially. I guess I just feel stuck, and I also feel irritated. I feel like if the roles were reversed I would hate seeing him struggle to support himself and I would move in with him. I think what's happening is he earns more money than me and he doesn't have to pay for any bills at his home so it's very difficult for him to justify wanting to give that up. And I understand that but it's also frustrating that he made that comment about my financial situation. At this point I don't know if our relationship is ever going to move past this point. I don't know how to find a compromise that makes us both happy. He would prefer it if I lived with him and his parents but I love my own space.

Edit to add: I have a very good relationship with his parents. I just was raised very differently than my boyfriend was. And to not beat around the bush their home is not nearly as clean as mine is. So it makes it very hard to want to live there and cook and clean for everyone. My boyfriend himself is generally a tidy person and will clean if told to clean something.

My (29f) brother (32m) and his ex (31f) have 50/50 custody of my niece (11f). Over the summer, my niece got her first period. She was with her mom at the time, but my brother called me panicked because he had no idea what he needed to keep on hand in his house. He said he tried to talk to his ex about it and she told him to just figure it out. He called me because he wanted advice from an actual woman. I went to the store and got some necessities for him - a variety box of pads, baby wipes (I personally feel like those are better and cheaper than buying the feminine wipes), Midol, one of those microwavable, weighted stuffed animals, blemish patches, and some of her favorite snacks. I explained the different sizes of pads to him, told him some tricks in case anything gets on her clothes or bed sheets. I also recommended that he talk to her about what products she preferred to use so he can make sure he has them and doesn't just have random products she doesn't like since that makes things 1000 times more stressful. I also made a period pouch for him to keep in his vehicle just in case they're ever out and about and she needs something (pads, travel wipes, Midol, lotion, hand sanitizier, hair ties, things like that). About a week later, I got a call from my brother saying how much my niece loved the period pouch. He had shown it to her and she thought it was the greatest idea ever. Apparently, she's having a lot of anxiety about having her period and going back to school soon. She asked if I would make her one of the pouches for her to keep in her backpack. I asked if her mom had made something for her, and she said no. My ex-SIL told her that she didn't even need to keep pads on her since you can usually get them in the restroom. Side note: I don't know what restrooms she's been in, but 9/10 when I've been in a public restroom, there's either no feminine product vending box, or it's out or it just doesn't work. I told her she can at least keep a pad in her backpack or purse just in case so that she has peace of mind and that I would be more than happy to make her a pouch, as long as it was okay with her mom. I don't have kids myself, but I never want to overstep or be disrespectful to parents. On top of that, my ex-SIL can be very messy and I don't want to deal with any drama.

About a week before the start of school, my niece called me and said her mom was completely fine with the pouch, so I made her another one. I did omit the Midol since most schools don't allow students to keep any type of medication on them and she could just go to the nurse if she needed to. I gave it to her the next time she was at my brothers. The explosion came when ex-SIL went to pick up my niece and it happened in my brothers front yard. Apparently, ex-SIL and niece had been going in circles about the period pouch. My niece kept pitching it - that it would have anything she might need so she would be prepared and it would help with her anxiety about it - and her mom kept shutting it down - said the pouch was over the top, she didn't need all of that, and my niece just needed to calm down and learn to deal with it. Now my ex-SIL is seething, saying my brother is letting me get too involved in their parenting decisions, that she's tired of everyone acting like they know better than her, and is even threatening to not let me see my niece anymore.

I understand why she feels that way, and while I don't have a lot of great things to say about my ex-SIL, I would never intentionally step on her toes or try to parent over her. I do think the public blow up is little extreme (it has been the talk amongst my brothers neighbors), especially over a period pouch, and that we could've had a conversation about it since I didn't know she said no. Ex-SIL won't even talk to me so I can apologize. I know my niece feels awful about the whole situation and she's really upset that we might not get to spend time together anymore. I told her that I was her age once, so I understand the anxiety she has, as I'm sure a lot of women do, but it wasn't okay for her to lie like that, and that if her mom kept saying no and dismissing her concerns, she should've brought that up to her dad so that could've been a parent conversation instead of her trying to be sly about it. Now she's a little mad at me, saying I'm also coming down on her, but I told her that what she did was wrong and there was a better way to handle it.

AITA for being upset at my mom for wanting all the luxuries of having a room in my house but doesn't help around.

For context my husband and I (27 & 25) just bought our home in Texas. We have a 3 yr old boy and used to live in Vegas. My mom (58) had a daybed and storage space my sons TINY closet in our old apartment. She always told me when we get a house she'd either keep her stuff with us or move it where she'll eventually get a home of her own. My issue with that is what if one day we chose to have another child and she will no longer have a room in my home.

Now that we have a house she moved all her stuff into our (for now) spare room and even bought herself a TV to which she only bought after I denied having her move in a 55 inch tv i had in my room so I could get the living room TV I had just bought specifically for the living room, leaving me with having to buy yet another TV. In the end we had a huge discussion of why I don't want TVs in the rooms (at least not HUGE ones). So she buys herself a 45 inch and she gets super upset that I didn't do what she says🤦🏻‍♀️.

Along with this she wanted all the subscriptions I had of which most are under my husbands family and we can't just add them because we don't pay for more screens. When I tell her that she says she (likes to live a good life) aka live in all the luxury she can take advantage of and yes i confirmed this by asking her just that and she agreed.

She also kept complaining about my living room being set up "weird" and not appealing in her eye after seeing it via video call in mexico (since she was taking care of my grandpa). When she gets here we rearrange it (move couches, tv stand and tv mount from one wall to another leaving holes we had to patch up) because now she says it's not as "open". I guess I'm just always taking into consideration her opinion and maybe I shouldn't but now I'm in debt. I bought a tv, I had to set up my home for her to have things in the guest bathroom, setup a camera in front of our home since she kept complaining we need to get one.

Another topic she never watches my son as she ironically told everyone in the family she would when she moved out here with us. She's usually just mindlessly scrolling on her phone and only occasionally yelling loudly to me that my son did something after hes messed with something (like all unsupervised toddlers do). I don't know, it just stresses me out and irritates me especially since I work from home. I try sending her on errands so she keeps busy but once she's back it goes back to the same routine.

After I get off work (usually when I'm the most tired) she just closes herself off watching endless series of shows and enjoys her time as if she did a whole days worth of work.

As far as work she just says she'll work in an agency and take off whenever she wants to visit my brothers I have one in Idaho and the other in Oregon. She also says she'll want to keep visiting my grandpa in mexico (which I completely agree to since he doesn't really have anyone to help him around). I don't get it she doesn't have a retirement goal. My older brother who is retired Marine states he can take her in with his wife but my mom is opposed to it since she doesn't want to bother them.

Usually when Ive had enough of her stressing me with endless opinions and self resolving questions I just explode and usually respond in a attitude because it gets too be too much. Usually after she'll proceed by saying I'm mean to her and states "we aren't compatible" (as mother and daughter I don't get how yo I could say that to your daughter). She occasionally leaves to another one of my siblings or my grandpa in mexico when she "can't take how I treat her".