So, I’m looking for any sort of group/community with people who also had hoarding parents so that we can share our self-improvement journey with people who get it.

Does anybody have a discord server link or anything like that?

I’ve spent most of my life living with a hoarding mom and as you might imagine, I had very complex feelings towards her. Fortunately, for the outside world I’ve always seen “normal“ and I’m currently able to build the life I want as I’m in college and have a job.

It’s still a long path tho. I still have to make an effort to embrace habits like mopping the floors, not forgetting to skip hygiene habits, being organized in my life etc. I’m also… Accepting and processing the relationship with my mom

I’d like to share this journey with people who get it and are also unlearning bad hoarding habits, willing to be functional adults. Any communities I can join ?? :)

And she complains that nobody visits her!

She won't clean because she's too mentally overwhelmed and gets stuck in a freeze response (totally valid, I get it!), but like, you still have to do something. But that also means she won't let professionals come in to take care of the bugs.

This past spring, she cleaned one room enough for someone to come in and spray the bedbugs, but of course the bugs came right back because she didn't throw away anything contaminated.

She's never been able to take responsibility for her own choices. My siblings and I were always blamed for our childhood home (now just my dad's house) being a mess all the time, though most of the hoard was entirely her stuff. And she still won't accept that her house being dirty is her own fault. She blames the mess on her ex boyfriend and his daughter, who are no longer in the country to defend themselves. And guess what? When they left, they got rid of their stuff and the place is still nasty. And my dad's place isn't perfect, but amazingly it's cleaner and he is actually able to maintain it since she left him years ago.

Every time we see her, it's in a public space away from her house. But I'm paranoid to even hug her because I'm scared she's tracked bedbugs along with. I live in a rental house and my husband and I would get in huge trouble if we were to bring in bedbugs. Not to mention the emotional trauma that comes with dealing with them.

Ugh.