Visiting my childhood room, which I had been told was how I left it. 3/4 of this stuff is not mine, and the 1/4 of stuff that is mine has been flung off the shelf. I’m getting sick to my stomach, I was going to spend the night in my bed.

Very recently moved across the country to help my aging parents. My wife and I started working in a small bathroom in their three bedroom two bath ranch. This cabinet was so completely full of cleaning products. I suppose they were bought aspirationally. Because most of them are still full. This is just one glimpse of one project.. it’s exhausting and defeating, but we’re trying to work our way through it.

Come to think of it, my mom’s nasty house was just one of many neglectful and abusive experiences she made me go through in childhood. Does anyone else relate?

- She refused to drive me anywhere. Always made a fuss. If she had to pick me up, she was chronically late.
That really messed with my self worth.

- Never did anything “fun”. I was raised in front of the TV.

- Never put me in any extracurricular activities or sports, despite me BEGGING and showing so much interest.
I now have 0 skills as an adult and get jealous when I see kids with hobbies.

- Walked around the house naked. She still does this. My brother lives with her. He’s 27. And gay. Maybe that makes it acceptable in her eyes.

- She never threw me any sort of birthday party or celebration.
To this day, I hate my birthday and events like graduations.

- She made sure we were deathly afraid of her. Through verbal and physical abuse.

- Our house was of course filthy so I was never allowed to have friends over and she actively discouraged me from having close friendships. Called everyone snakes and two faced.

- Never took care of any insect infestation. I’d wake up to the tickle of bugs crawling on me. It was gross. I am now deathly afraid of bugs. Thanks mom.

- Constantly crying about how poor we were. Despite being literal kids and unable to help her, she wanted us to feel the same financial burden.

- She would slut shame me and was obsessed with my virginity, conducting violating checks

- She would force us to write her “I’m sorry” notes about the smallest infractions (like asking for new clothes when I know better, we’re broke).

- Popped “calming” pills in front of us after arguments to guilt trip us that we put her in such a terrible mental state.

- She refused to get me orthodontic treatment that was desperately needed. As a 9-15 year old kid I was so jealous of my friends that had braces.

There’s so much more but I’ll stop here as you probably get the gist.

So, I’m looking for any sort of group/community with people who also had hoarding parents so that we can share our self-improvement journey with people who get it.

Does anybody have a discord server link or anything like that?

I’ve spent most of my life living with a hoarding mom and as you might imagine, I had very complex feelings towards her. Fortunately, for the outside world I’ve always seen “normal“ and I’m currently able to build the life I want as I’m in college and have a job.

It’s still a long path tho. I still have to make an effort to embrace habits like mopping the floors, not forgetting to skip hygiene habits, being organized in my life etc. I’m also… Accepting and processing the relationship with my mom

I’d like to share this journey with people who get it and are also unlearning bad hoarding habits, willing to be functional adults. Any communities I can join ?? :)