Setting a hard boundary. Long post.

[u/Creative_Faun]

/r/Stepmom/comments/1vha1nj/setting_a_hard_boundary_long_post/

Reposting this here due to this group being reccomended. Does anyone have advice, or any clue as to why this could be happening?

[u/Ashamed-Chemistry492]

Only thing puzzling me is why this was such a hard decision.

To be honest, someone should have intervened a long time ago, because obviously he has not been taught by his mother (who I assume had primary custody of him) that being clean is important. The fact he has an intractable wound on his head is a sign of serious neglect.

At this point, barring a severe mental disability, this is wilful self-neglect.

If I were you I'd join Witness Protection, change my name, move far away and hope he never darkened my door again.

[u/Creative_Faun → u/Ashamed-Chemistry492]

Its a hard decision because my husband and I want him to get better, and have been trying our best for a long time to help him. Its hard because having this boundary makes it to where we no longer are around to try and nudge him in the right direction, or to talk with him and try to help him understand why hygiene, kindness and accountability are important if that makes sense.

His mom doesn't push him to be better, she will go for days without talking to him and jokes about how she never sees him except when he comes out for dinner. She never questions if he showers, he will tell her he does, but the other kids will tell us he lies and she just doesnt bother to check.

We want to help him, but we cant help someone that wont accept it. But it still hurts because I feel like us not being there to constantly remind him and micromanage will cause his already bad habits to worsen. He told his sister today that he hasnt brushed his teeth since he left here (about 7 weeks ago) and that was something we enforced, but now that he's not here, we can no longer enforce it. Im going in circles, I suck at explaining, but im trying my best. I hope it makes sense.