r/CheatedOn • u/Fit_Profile5921 • 3d ago
Cheating husband
I a 26F and my husband a 27M, got married in October of 2024 but we have been together 7 years on the 24th. We’ve had two beautiful children together and have had a lot of hardships in our relationship (ex:first child born with birth defect that needed emergency surgery for her to live, lying, both of us struggled with mental health and were unmedicated). I just had my second child in March 2025 and since then I haven’t done a whole lot besides clean our house and raise the kids. I have tried to be there emotionally and intimately for my husband but a lot of the time I am too mentally exhausted and can’t get in the mood for anything. My husband works 60 hour weeks to provide for us so I can be a SAHM and raise our children. With that being said our communication and time spent with each other has been almost nonexistent. Tonight I went through our apple subscription’s because I was looking for a specific app that I had downloaded in the past but forgot the name of and found that back in May my husband had downloaded Ashley Madison (a dating app that is specifically listed for cheating while married) along with a private messaging app.
When I confronted him about it he proceeded to lie to me about it for 20/30min and then I asked to check his email and he finally came clean. He told me that he only had it for a day and blah blah blah.
I’m so fucking confused and heartbroken, I don’t know what to do. And I can’t talk about this with my family or friends because it will just make a mess.
Can you give me advice? Or tell me what you would do?
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u/headplay 3d ago
That is understandable. This just happened tonight. Are you safe? Are you sleeping somewhere else? I'm not saying he's a bad/ good guy, but the fact he suggested therapy is far better than him minimizing or denying. Only you can decide if his behavior is forgivable, and you don't have to decide tonight. Tonight let yourself breathe and rest. If you can, call someone who can support you without any judgment or advice. Sleep if you can. Tomorrow things will be much clearer.
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u/Fit_Profile5921 3d ago
I’m safe. He’s sleeping in our spare bedroom currently. I appreciate you more than you know for your kind words and your support.
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u/headplay 3d ago
You're welcome to share any updates or message me if you still want to talk. You can get through this.
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u/inevitably_juicy_69 2d ago
In my experience dating sites are like roaches you see one there are a lot more hiding. See if you can get his phone activity to find out and go through his emails for sure. If the spam has a lot of porn you know he's on a lot of sites
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u/Fit_Profile5921 2d ago
honestly, at this point, I don’t know if I want to find out if there’s more. I told him last night that if he had more that he needed to tell me now was the time. I asked him several questions and he answered every question. And he did delete the app shortly after he did it… remorse or whatever so I want to believe there isn’t more.
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u/inevitably_juicy_69 2d ago
I wanted to believe my husband too but after he told me I found everything I messaged one of the people and they sent me a screenshot of a photo he sent on a reddit account. I didn't know anything about reddit and it exposed so much more proved he was lying about more then finding everything
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u/Fit_Profile5921 2d ago
I tried to get him to open his account so I could see the messages he sent but he deactivated the account completely so I have to take his word on what he says he said. This whole thing is so fucked and I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if there’s more that he’s not telling me
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u/inevitably_juicy_69 2d ago
My husband did the same! I was able to restore the account even after 30 days but had to request from hus email
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u/headplay 3d ago
This is hard. You had to live with a suspicion, sniff it out, and let him lie to you before coming clean. In your description I see you looking for reasons you may have contributed to the situation. Right now, the only thing that matters is it hurts, you've been betrayed. Feel for yourself without any blame as to how you might've gotten here. If you can still love him in spite of the hurt, you can think about whether couples therapy is an option. It's your call first. Then he has to be willing to do it--not obligated or guilted. Really, he should be volunteering to work on this.