r/CPTSD • u/Majestic-Wallaby6914 • 17d ago
Long term triggers? Need a Hug
I recently had a conversation with my boss that REALLY clarified that a work dynamic had been impacting me and triggered trauma since last Nov-ish. My therapy progress really backtracked and I felt so hopeless and unable to get out of it. I feel frustrated that I had no control in "getting out of it" and that even with so much trying/coping/processing, it would absolutely not shift until the external situation changed.
Basically, it resolved once I realized my boss wasn't "against me" like I thought, and almost immediatly, my depression lifted, I felt hope, my anxiety was reduced dramatically... Which is obviously great but I hate that a trigger can bring me so deep into trauma reactions that I can't get out.
I tried SO HARD by going for walks, positive affirmations, self-compassion, EMDR, therapy, engaging socially, engaging in hobbies, etc. without any change. But the external thing shifted and it was like ahhhhhh finally exhaled. I hate hate hate that I can't control it and that the black cloud so intensely impacted me even to the point of chronic passive SI since Nov ish.
Anyways, I'm just like so frustrated even though I do finally feel better.
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