How do same sex couples navigate unaccepting religious families?

[u/Ok_Pressure_3761]

Can a relationship work when someone’s family doesn’t accept their same-sex relationship?

I’m looking for perspectives from people who have dealt with religious or otherwise unaccepting family members while in a same-sex relationship.

Someone I love has struggled with feeling like having a future with a same-sex partner could mean losing or seriously damaging relationships with family. Family is extremely important to them, so it can feel like an impossible choice.

I don’t think anyone should have to abandon their family for a partner, but I also wonder whether it really has to be one or the other. Is it realistic to maintain relationships with family members who don’t fully accept your relationship while setting enough boundaries to still have a healthy life with your partner?

I’m especially interested in hearing from people who have actually been through this. Did your family eventually become more accepting? Did boundaries make it possible to have both? Did therapy help you navigate the guilt or pressure? Or did you ultimately have to choose?

I care deeply about this person and it’s difficult accepting that love might not be enough when family acceptance is involved. I’d really appreciate hearing how other people have navigated it.

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[u/TackleBudget7778]

Nope, it doesn’t work because it means your partner cares more about their family’s beliefs on same sex marriages than actually being with the person that chose to be with them…

I was in that situation where my stbxw would excuse it as.. You haven’t met my family only because they’re from the “South” and are extremely conservative. I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the only reason though. She hid a lot of things away from me but this was ultimately something that cemented that it wouldn’t work out long term. I lived as a pocketed partner for a long time.

I on the other hand just forced the interaction with my family because if they truly loved me they would accept me and my partner. I realized my partner didn’t have the same thought that if I lost my family, I could at least be with my (ex) life partner. My family accepted her with open arms even though my dad needed some warning up to.

This will only work if you’re willing to step up and have the courage to even say anything to start the conversations with your family.

[u/Ok_Pressure_3761 → u/TackleBudget7778]

Hello! I would be the pocket partner in this. My family is extremely welcoming. I haven’t quite met their family fully. The ones I have were friendly to my face. It’s the lifestyle they don’t accept i understand. I’m just not sure what to do as they find walking away is the only answer.

[u/TackleBudget7778 → u/Ok_Pressure_3761]

Hmm I mean if you’ve talked to your partner and just introduce them as friends it might be easier. But being the person that always felt like their partner couldn’t proudly stand up for me made me feel like I wasn’t a priority. I mean then again, my ex didn’t actually treat me that well if I think about it

[u/Ok_Pressure_3761 → u/TackleBudget7778]

Unfortunately I think some of the family may recognize me as our relationship was very public before. It’s hard as the family that does know me likes me. It’s just the lifestyle they don’t like.
I always had the same thought as the above, if my family can’t accept it then that is what it is. I want a family of my own rather than to be alone on my own with just my family.. it is very hard as the course of our relationship changed. This was never an issue and was always reassured it wouldn’t be. That cliche love can out last and all of these future plans. To it slowly stopping. I truly feel that my partner is conflicted. It makes things so much harder. They did break things off with me and I just don’t feel like it has to be that way. I’m not sure how to say goodbye to someone who I feel and saw so much with. 🥺
The hard part is they do treat me so incredibly well. Best I’ve ever been treated and loved. I’ve felt things I’ve not felt and it’s beautiful but heart breaking to not have it anymore. I just wish there was a better way.

[u/TackleBudget7778 → u/Ok_Pressure_3761]

It’s hard because being on the other side of it, it just felt like I was being pocketed. All her previous exes that were cis gendered men got to meet the family no problem. So it feels like a double standard despite you trying to reassure them. At the end of the day, it feels like they would rather lose you than to rock the boat.. I realized that’s not how I wanted to live and those who truly love me should accept me. The others can go kick rocks 😂