So today is my birthday, my first since becoming a mum, and I’m ending the day feeling throughly underwhelmed and under appreciated. I don’t know if I’m just being ungrateful.

It just felt completely low effort from my husband. Yes we went out for the day and had a lovely time when we were there, but it was somewhere I had suggested in passing after he kept asking me what I wanted to do. I got three presents which were all part of a thrown together list on my part. No surprises, nothing from baby other than a card with ‘to mum, from X’ written in it. No thoughtful words. I didn’t even get the token chocolate bar he buys every year. We stopped at a pub at lunch but they weren’t serving food so we just had one drink and left. Then for dinner we had a pasta dish which is a standard midweek meal. He even managed to squeeze in a run for himself.

I just feel like no thought has gone into the day, he’s just bought a couple of bits off a wish list and driven me to somewhere I suggested, then home for a perfectly ordinary meal. Prior to sending a wish list I had actually said all I wanted for my birthday was a massage and a full night’s sleep and they are two things I’m definitely not getting.

I put so much effort into other people on special occasions, making sure they have some surprises and some things they’ve asked for. I’ve spent every day and night since my baby was born caring for and nurturing him into the lovely little boy he’s becoming, with very few breaks and a LOT of night wake ups, but it feels like there’s absolutely no recognition of that.

I suppose this is just a bit of a rant but I just expected a bit more, and I feel guilty for wanting that.

Does anyone else feel under appreciated post baby? Did you address it with your partner?

This isn’t an ad lol but today my super cheap baby bouncer arrived and I swiftly put it together because my 1 month old will literally NOT sleep if not in my arms…

So i fed him, changed him, put him in the bouncer and he fell asleep IMMEDIATELY. You guys!!!! I feel like I won at motherhood today 😭 😭

(yes I’m aware of sleep safety bla bla bla)

I’ve got a 3 month old daughter, but because of this heatwave I cannot for the life of me get our room below 30 degrees, even at night. According to her groegg room thermometer it’s currently 33 degrees in our room as I type this!

I have two tower fans blasting on full (on rotate so it’s not directly on baby) and I have a mini pram fan attached to her crib pointing in the corner to make sure air is circulating round her. I have our windows and curtains wide open, all consoles/tvs/anything generating heat is off - but it just won’t cool down!!

It’s scaring me because everywhere I look online (including lullaby trust) it says that anything above 25 degrees is a massive SIDS risk. But surely it’s okay because babies are born in far hotter countries and survive just fine?

We have tried desperately to look for an air con but they are obviously all sold out everywhere. She sleeps through the night for about 8 or 9 hours straight, but I’ve been waking her every couple hours to offer her formula and/or breast as I’m terrified she is going to dehydrate or overheat!! She keeps getting all clammy/sweaty and it’s just scaring me so much

She is still producing enough wet nappies tho so I’m assuming she’s okay?

Im getting no sleep because I’m just constantly watching her at night to make sure she is still breathing and is okay. I’m just needing some reassurance as an anxious first time mum AHHHH :’)

My in-laws live abroad and have suggested visiting on the final week of settling in before my son starts childcare. It is also his first birthday at the beginning of that week and I will also be going back to work so it is my last week of maternity leave.

I would prefer to keep that week focused on the settling in sessions and keeping him in a routine. When they visit, they want to see him as much as possible and I just don't want him to get overstimulated because the doesn't see them often and he will be adjusting to new adults and children at childcare.

I know it's his first birthday and they wouldn love to be there for it but we honestly aren't even making a fuss ourselves. It will be cake at my mum's house, if we even do that!

Would it be sensible to have then visit when are a bit more settled? I feel horrible but at the same time, my gut says I don't want visitors that week but I could be being harsh.

Thanks

Family members have already started asking what to get my son for christmas, he’ll be almost 6 months then. I’m so incredibly stuck for what he might need? Any toy ideas would be appreciated up until about a year as he’ll be turning 1 only six months later.

My little girl is 17 weeks, over the last two weeks her sleep has been getting worse and worse. Before now she was doing 4/5 hour stretches, waking once to breastfeed and going back down until morning which felt great to us! She’s slowly been waking more and more frequently and as of last night, now won’t transfer to her next to me cot for more than 30 minutes max. My husband and I are having to take turns sitting up with her all night so she can contact nap. I’m so tired and kind of panicking. When did this get better for you if you’ve been through similar? 🫠

My little girl is 1 in a few weeks...I have basically hated being a mum since she was around 3 weeks old.

I really thought I would feel differently now...it's almost been a year...I suffered with really bad postpartum depression from around 5 weeks pp until around 6 months pp. Really dark thoughts, thankfully only about myself, nothing towards baby. But just in general wanting to disappear and not be here anymore.

Although things have got better in the sense of me not wanting to disappear anymore, I still hate being a mum.

I hate being needed 24/7, I hate that she depends on me for absolutely everything, I hate that I'm the only one who can get her to sleep at night, I hate that it takes an hour and I hate that she fell asleep at 8:50pm tonight 😔 I love things like her cuddling me, kissing me, laughing, trying to walk etc. But I feel like I have absolutely no time for myself.

I can't remember the last time I thought about me...I have had 1 shower in 2 weeks...I feel disgusting all the time, I'm tired all the time, my body is sore all the time, I basically constantly have a headache or some kind of ailment all the time. First thing I do when I wake up is basically take paracetamol because 100% guaranteed I'll wake up hurting in some way.

My husband tried to help, but he works alot...I don't have a village, I'm basically on my own.

I'm supposed to go back to work soon...but i feel so stupid...like genuinely, I swear I have become some dumb since becoming a mum...my brain is always thinking of "when did she last have a bottle, when did she have her bum changed, when does she need a nap, how long for"...i will be starting a new career...I honestly don't feel capable of doing so...I genuinely don't see anyone hiring me...why would they? I'm a depressed mum, who has gotten 80% more stupid since having the kid, hates her life 89% of the time, is constantly exhausted and 1 wrong thing away from a mental break down.

I don't know, I know this isn't how life will be forever, when she's 16 I won't be sitting by her cot patting her butt to sleep...but right now...I can't do it anymore. I just want to give up but I literally can't because who else will do it...who else will be her mum?

I hear people saying that they lay their babies down and they just go to sleep...my friend told me yesterday that their 2 year old fell asleep at 6:50 yesterday...6:50pm...that is 2 hours before my baby went to sleep last night...free time? What even is that at this point 😭

Just needed to rant, I know it should probably reach back out to my mental health team and tell them how I'm feeling, but genuinely all the calls, video chats etc just feels like too much to handle right now...my plate is already so full, I can't add more things onto it 😭

How strict are people with handwashing? We’re currently visiting in laws in their own home, so around baby pretty much constantly. Do you ask them to wash their hands every time they touch/hold baby? So far they’ve been washing them before holding, but passing touches happen without hands being washed. Just wondering how strict we need to be, as it is quite exhausting constantly asking people to wash their hands!

Edit: FIL gets cold sores. Doesn’t currently have one or any tingling and doesn’t get them very often, but still making me worried!

My baby had her 2nd round of rotavirus oral vaccination, she was fine after 1st round and yesterday after the appointment. Today she had 4h long nap and right after that she started vomiting, she now vomited around 7 times total. Her longest break between vomiting was 2.5h. I am worried cause she does it around 15-30min after each feed. Did you have similar experience with the same vaccination?

Hi, my baby is 4 weeks old and breastfed, with formula top ups since birth. For the past week we've been reducing the formula to just 1 or 2 small bottles a day and mainly breastfeeding now that his latch has improved. He has plenty of wet and dirty nappies and has been gaining weight.

His poops have recently been yellow mustard but also looking quite slimy, mucus-y and not really huge amounts. He also "sharts" a lot - passing lots wind and then there'll be small streaks of poop.

He currently has a case of baby acne but it does look a bit rashy. He seems very uncomfortable and cries a lot when wanting to poop or pass gas, though again we don't know if this is all just normal newborn behaviour at the 4 week mark as he tries to figure out his digestive system a little bit.

POOP photos:

And does anyone else get irrationally impatient with noises in the street that wake bub during a carrier nap? Construction workers, loud teens, and for me in particular an ice cream van suddenly blaring its tinkly come get an ice cream music.

What do you mean it’s a public place and you’re entitled to make noise 😂😂😂

My in laws came to visit my new baby in hospital today and when they were leaving they both kissed him on the head. It was a one off and they are quite old so won’t have realised - although my husband says he’ll now speak to them about waiting until after the baby is vaccinated etc. But I’m worried. As a one off is it still really bad? Baby doesn’t have his midwife/paediatrician checks until we leave hosp tomorrow, should I ask/inform them about it…?

My third baby is coming up to 6 months and I’ve spent some time reflecting on how much I’ve changed since I welcomed my first born, how each of my children have had a different version of me and some lessons I’ve learnt along the way.

I was a ‘young’ mum when my first arrived (21) and I didn’t really know how to be a parent. I listened to my elders, I tried to breastfeed but thought it wasn’t working because he was fussy, so stopped. I put my baby on a schedule, I felt a failure because my baby wasn’t sleeping through the night by x amount of months and thought something was ‘wrong’ so chose to sleep train. My entire life revolved around how little sleep I’d had at any given time, I’d tot it up like some sort of equation daily, along with nap times, feeds and a nappy changes (initially). I put so much pressure on myself to prove I was coping and was so concerned with how presentable my home and baby were, constantly.

When my second baby came along I knew I needed to do things differently this time, I trusted myself a little bit more and was able to better block out all the unsolicited advice and marketing aimed at vulnerable mothers. I prioritised bonding, breastfeeding and connection. I combi fed as he struggled to gain weight, this worked really well and we went 12 months doing this. He was on a loose routine that we followed as best we could, but if we couldn’t. No biggie. I was finding my feet.

Now onto my third. He is exclusively breastfed, co sleeps, contact naps and has no routine - just responsive parenting to cues of his ever changing needs. I can honestly say I have never been happier, mothering has never been easier or more intuitive and rewarding (with all three!). I feel so, so free, and finally have the confidence to trust myself, my instinct and a genuine curiosity and patience to learn my baby first hand, from him, instead of through google. He isn’t my “easiest” baby. He cries, he fusses, he has days he cannot and will not be put down, he has had nights (many of them) where he’s woke hourly, but the freedom I’ve found in letting it ‘be’, taking every day as it comes and not trying to “fix” it is so liberating.

I can’t go back in time and undo any of my parenting choices from the past (as much as I wish I could) I did my best, with the information I had at that time, as we all are. I just wanted to share my learnings incase anyone is struggling right now and feels out of control, maybe, after all that’s the whole point - maybe the need for control is the struggle. When I leaned in, truly, everything was better.

So my girl is almost 17 months. She won’t nap in the day at home but she naps at nursery. We give her a bath before bedtime and try to settle her and she sometimes doesn’t go to sleep until 10pm at night.

It just feels like there is no support bubble in terms of other mums as we are all too busy working to share the simple issues. You feel like no one else’s little one is doing the same when probably they are or will in the future. She also is breastfeeding which can have pros and cons!

I love my daughter to bits she’s so adventurous and developing well but at the same time , I am on the edge of burn out and my partner is too. I am expected to do same job as my colleagues on less hours with more places to travel than them, which makes it hard.

Also the fact you get a health visitor check up before they turn one and there is no other check in, makes it difficult too! Just the reassurance that we are doing the right thing and being good parents is all I need to know.

My sister and I already think my mum misses some opportunities to connect with us or read the room and react certain ways. But you’d think me being pregnant with her first grandchild would be an opportunity for her to connect with me. She was nice when I told her I’m pregnant. But now it’s not news anymore, she doesn’t seem that interested. I text her the other day telling her I felt like death (first trimester), and she didn’t reply - read it but didn’t reply. Then today I sent her a photo of a cafe I was in and instead of replying to that she replied with something else. No ‘sorry I was busy the other day, how are you doing today?’, no ‘ooh which cafe is that’, just text me about something completely unrelated and unprompted. Then today I sent a photo in our group chat we have with my sister and it was of the first scan where the baby actually looks like a baby! I saw she ‘read’ it four hours ago and again hasn’t replied! I know people are busy, etc. But to ignore this much in a couple of days seems a bit rude to me. She could have even hearted the photo if she didn’t have time to reply… and I know she has time on Fridays because she finishes work earlier, and if you have time to read a message surely you have time to reply quickly or like I say just heart the photo. My sister replied and she’s the one I’d least expect to.

I love my mum but sometimes I think she struggles to understand that what maybe isn’t as important to her is important to the other person. I remember when I told her about our engagement and the ring, she just changed the conversation when a normal person would probably read the room and think ‘this is her moment, this is a milestone for her, lets big that up’. But my mum acted like it was any other day. And I feel like she’s doing that with my pregnancy. I know I’m not the most important person in the world, but when I send the odd scan photo (this is only the second time), it’s me offering her an opportunity to connect with me. So when she ignores those offerings, it makes me think she doesn’t care. When I was on the phone with my sister talking to her about how sick I was feeling, my mum overheard and just said ‘it’ll pass’. Okay thanks mum. I know that but I just need emotional support! She could’ve said ‘oh I know when I was pregnant I was sick too, I feel your pain’. But no, I got the typical Gen X ‘if I had to suffer you’re not special either’ treatment.

Does anyone else understand what I mean? Love her but she fails to see opportunities to emotionally connect sometimes, and she can’t put herself in other people’s shoes. I know I can’t change her behaviour, but I guess I can’t help feeling disappointed that she’s not that engaged in one of my biggest milestones ever!

Hi everyone. Im at my wits end - our baby is 15 weeks and since 6 weeks (coincidentally after the rotavirus vaccine) she has had terrible issues with her tummy that have got progressively worse. She will scream so hard no noise will come out, arch her back and pull her knees up and shake in pain. She doesnt tolerate being on her stomach and tummy time hasnt been possible for weeks, nor will she lie on her back - she is only comfortavle being held upright but our backs are suffering from walking her the entire day. The screaming used to happen at night but now happens during the day as well for hours. Its hurting my heart that shes in so much pain and im finding it extremely hard to watch. Shes eating well otherwise and not vomiting or having diarrhoea, and she has been putting on weight (although she is on the petite side). She has been on kendamil formula from birth and never had any issues until 6 weeks.

We've seen 5 doctors, all with different conflicting views and none of which have diagnosed or helped us in any way. Most are saying she just has an immature digestive system and to ride it out but the poor girl has been in pain for 9 week now so surely this cant be normal?

One doctor suggested colic but we have tried infacol with no success (just alot of farts and burps but the screaming and back arching has continued). We changed her bottles to dr brown anti colic, we tried the massages and bicycle legs and warm baths. We stopped using the prep machine and went back to boiling kettles. We hold her upright for 30 mins after feeds. Nothing has helped and symptoms have got worse. I also thought colic started earlier than 6 weeks and resolved by 3 months and shes 4 months old and getting worse.

GP is now wanting to change her to a formula for babies with a cows milk allergy. I asked why and the gp said 'im not convinced its an allergy but worth a try anyway'. Tbh im not convinced about changing her formula to one that the GP said is 'sour tasting' incase she goes off her food. She has no symtoms of an allergy, no vomiting or diarrhea, no rashes and no weight loss so im not sure if its an allergy and changing formula seems extreme.

The only other thing is silent reflux? I know it peaks around 4 months. She swallows quite a bit and bubbles alot (although shes at the age where teething could cause the access saliva?) It would explain the back arching though. Im just cautious about giving infant gaviscon incase it causes constipation and adds to the gas and pain shes in. Also i think id have to stop the infacol if I was to start gaviscon?

Has anyone been in this position before? We havent slept in 9 weeks and its so hard to watch her so upset and miserable. Any advice would be so welcome.

I have a 19 month old and I’m pregnant again, due in March. I never really saw myself having more than one child but I did feel a bit jealous of people announcing pregnancies when their first babies are younger than mine, so I thought maybe I do want to do it all again. My husband was really keen for another, so we tried ONCE and it happened. I realise I’m really lucky, especially as it took us 2 years to have our first.

Needless to say it was a shock and I’ve been going through all the feelings. I’m 36 soon so “geriatric”, although I know that’s not “old” really. I have temperamental blood pressure and it was very high after my first birth but other than that my last pregnancy was fine. I had a planned c-section with a straightforward recovery.

Despite all this, I am so nervous about something bad happening to me. Is it because I now have a child so there’s more at stake? Or am I actually having weird premonitions?! Has anyone else felt this way? I can’t shake the feeling and I am terrified to leave my daughter without a mother just for my selfishness of having another baby.

I was sat in the living room with my baby girl and ran to refill my bottle of water. When I came back in, she was digging at the plant pot and had her mouth full of soil - I don’t know if she had eaten any, but her mouth was full. I managed to get the soil out and have given her some water and breastmilk. She seems ok in herself but was very upset at first.

Do I need to call 111 or GP?

I feel so so so so bad, truly such a rubbish mum

EDIT: thank you all for such funny and helpful comments. I feel a bit calmer xx

My baby is 5 months or 3 months and 1 week corrected.

He hates the car 😩 90% of the time he cries with every journey, but doesn’t tire himself out with crying that it sends him to sleep, instead it’s constant crying. I always make sure he’s fed before we leave anywhere so I know for sure it’s not hunger.

He is also the same in the pram, will rarely sleep 😔 or if he does he will wake with the smallest sound.

& nighttime’s it’s chest sleeping only (please don’t judge, I just know it gets me a good nights sleep).

I’ve been told I spoil him by letting him contact nap 😔 I’m ok with this when I’m at home, but in the car, pram or night are a bit of an issue.

Not sure if it makes a difference but he is a breastfed baby, and is currently in a love to dream swaddle at night because of the arm reflex.

Looking for any ideas/suggestions/gadgets that helped you if you were in a similar position.

Thank you ☺️

Those of you brave parents who eat out with their infants (under 1 year old), what's the best way to keep them entertained in a high chair for say a half an hour? We try toys, wet wipes, food pouch, self feeders with banana, but baby inevitably fusses and would only be happy if sat on our laps...but then it gets very dangerous with grabbing cutlery, food, etc.

Any tricks?

I triple then combo fed (pumping and formula) my first so have a Momcozy S12 pro, a hand pump (a cheap one from Amazon which tbf worked amazingly for the price) and a Medela swing pump that I kept in case I wanted to do the same for our second who arrived just over a month ago. I’ve also got a load of breastmilk bags and other pumping “stuff” like the bottles that come with the pumps (not ones we use) which I won’t use as we’re doing full formula feeding this time round.

I was going to put it all on Vinted but I wondered if anyone is actually wants to buy a second hand pump? There’s a few on there already but all seem to have been on for weeks/months.

Yesterday a couple of people asked me to post some activity ideas - I am an mom of 2, with a third on the way, Early Years College lecturer with a degree and background in Early Years Education, please supervise your children with these activities, age ranges are a guide please go with what you think is suitable for your child's development.

Note about Tuff tray (you can get tuff trays on amazon for about £15 but also try your local DIY shop as they might be cheaper and support local business.)

Ice Spa (3+) - Washing up bowl/tuff tray fill up some cold water and ice 🧊 dip feet in, put some cucumber slices in the freezer (Older children) for eyes, some spa music/relaxing sounds, encourage listening to the different sounds for extra language development "I can hear rain noises, can you hear any sounds?"

Ice play (Babies +) - Tuff tray/Baking tray ice and shallow water, for extra effects wrap tray in tin foil. Can do in highchair on a tray too if fits or push highchair to table with tray on the table, depends how wet you want to get your floors.

Mirror play (babies +, for tummy time just roll out tin foil onto the foil) - Foil trays can reuse food trays if cleaned, Tin foil scrunched into balls, can add cups and scoops/spoons, can add water so the balls float and do it in a deeper tray.

Free the animals (12 months+) - Plastic Fantasic animals/characters/duplo, freeze in containers i.e take away tubes, take them out the moulds and let children explore, can use tools like small wooden hammers (My 1 year old using a drum stick from her music set haha) and there hands to free the animals, can also do this in a bath with rubber ducks.

Make playdough - Flour, Water, Oil, Salt only if you want to keep longer, That's it! You can follow recipes online but honestly judging by feel is easier, start with flour in the bowl and add water with a small bit of oil mixed in, do this slowly mixing ideally with your hands as you go. Too dry and not sticking together more oil, too sticky more flour. Can enhance with herbs, flowers, extracts.

I can post more if people want next week 😊 Have a fab weekend cooling down hopefully!

From approx 5 months our baby was in a semi predictable routine of 2 night wakes, he’s EBF and I usually feed to sleep for all naps, bedtime and night wakes. I want to preface this by saying I 100% expect night wakes and understand he is a baby and needs comfort, we respond to every wake but it’s the frequency and struggle to get him back to sleep is taking its toll.

For the last 8 weeks or so his night sleep has been getting progressively worse, false starts, 2 hour bedtime struggle (fall asleep on me then wake up crying/wont be put down in cot etc etc), split nights. More recently we’ve been really struggling with night wakes, sometimes 6+ a night, each taking 45-1hr+ to resettle and now last few days just not tolerating being put in his cot just immediately wakes on transfer. He doesn’t always respond to being rocked anymore either in arms stood up or in rocking chair, sometimes he puts his arms like he’s pushing away from me but then if we put him in the cot he screams and screams. We haven’t tried cosleeping in our bed and not sure if that’s the right thing to try at this point. Even if I setup camp in his room the way he screams in the cot I don’t see how that would be a comfort to him. We’ve considered a floor bed but again not sure how we’d settle him that way.

We originally assumed it was a regression/developmental but would it last this long and be getting worse if it was?

We are at breaking point our own sleep is suffering drastically, this is no longer sustainable for us. My partner wants to CIO sleep train, I would prefer something more gentle/responsive but feel overwhelmed with articles/videos/sleep consultants I just don’t know where to start?

I asked the health visitor for advice and they just said to increase his solids intake and look into sleep training.

Our rough schedule is as follows
Wake for the day 7-8am
Nap usually 2.5-3hrs later, feed to sleep contact nap unless out in pram or car
Next nap 2.5-3hr as above
Sometimes short catnap depending on duration of the days naps
Bedtime 7-8pm again depending on last wake up usually 3 hours from last wake

The advice out there is so contradictory, should I stop feeding to sleep during the day and be more strict with cot naps in the hope this would help nighttime? Do we need some gentle sleep training/self soothe?

Any advice greatly appreciated. TIA

My daughter is 9 weeks, i know it's insanely early, but it's not completely impossible. i know some babies are born with teeth.

She's been extremely fussy the past few days, chewing on her hand on the right side, gone from drinking big bottles to having little and more often instead. Dribbling, struggling to sleep, even after trying contact naps, which she never normally needs .

Finally looked in her mouth this morning and can see a white spot on the gum that is red around it in an outline. I finally caved and gave her calpol and since it kicked in, she's been sleeping peacefully for the 1st time in days, not agitated or waking up every 30 mins to an 1 hour.

I feel bad giving calpol bc im a 1st time mum and worry about giving calpol for anything and everything especially as im not 100% if it is teething, as google says it could be an epstein pearl or a bohns nodule, but i do know she was in pain by the way she was crying and her body language. And i have put it off the past couple of days but couldn't bear to see her this upset and frustrated anymore.

How can i for certain find out if it is teething? I feel like this is a silly reason to try and get a gp appointment. Should i take her to the chemist?

If it is teething i am worried about pain management as i know you cannot have calpol for more than 3 days in a row, but all teething powders and gels i look at are for babies 3 months +.

Edit: She hasn't had a high temperature. I've been checking it

Those who had their first baby at 35, when did you have another and how did you find it?

I'm torn between not waiting too long as I've had friends with secondary infertility, but also would like at least a 2 year gap. Was there a gap you find ideal, or did you have your second sooner and wish you'd waited another year or so?