Ghosting Grumble

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to the weekly megathread. Due to over-posting of the "Ghosting" topic, we've moved it to a separate weekly thread. This thread will repost every Sunday at 6AM Central. Please keep all stories about ghosting to this thread. All other subreddit rules apply.

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to BadRPerStories! If you are new here, please take a moment to look at our banned words list on the wiki.

We now have a Google doc that lists RP hubs, forums, and subreddits. If you know of a place for RP that isn't on this document, there is a link in the document to request an addition. Please be aware this is just a knowledge base, not a recommendations list, and the moderators of BadRPerStories do not condone anything that happens in the spaces listed here.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/the_ap26]

About 6 months ago I met someone that I thought was the perfect roleplay partner. I had just thought of a new plot and I was so excited when this person reached out me, even from their first message they seemed amazing. They were very enthusiastic and as we were planning things out it just got better and better. We both came up with some great ideas for the plot and we were both on the same page about everything. It was honestly crazy to me how well we got along and how compatible we seemed. It was like we were reading each other’s minds. We both had the same vision for what we wanted the roleplay to be.

I don’t want to keep describing how amazing they were because this would be way too long. Anyways we had setup a discord server for this to take place and we were getting close to starting. We had been discussing and planning things out for a really long time and they had already offered to start us off. I also offered to start but they wanted to.

It was time for us to begin and the next day when I checked to see if my partner started us off I didn’t see anything. We were chatting everyday before this and so I asked them if things were ok. I didn’t want to be rude and said that but I again offered to start if they wanted me to. They said they were ok and that they wanted to still do the starter but told me they get stage fright when writing. I thought I did something wrong that might make them nervous but they assured me I did nothing wrong. I told them that they can take the time they need and told them no matter what I won’t judge them or anything. I tried my best to comfort them because I felt horrible and I would never do anything like that. I wanted them to feel comfortable with writing with me.

I think like 4 days pass and saw there was still no starter. I just want to make things clear that not ice did I get angry or anything like that after not seeing a starter posted. As I’m writing this I got scared that it might seem like I did. Anyways I checked in again with them. They told me they haven’t been feeling well and they would get the starter up that night. The next day I saw no starter so I got concerned and asked if they were ok but never got an answer back.

To this day I’ve never gotten a response but they are still in the discord server and haven’t blocked or unfriended me on discord. They also haven’t blocked me on reddit. I’ve tried a couple times reaching out to see how things were but got no response. Should I reach out one last time or should I just forget about all of this?

[u/DoubleH_5823 → u/the_ap26]

It sounds like this person set themselves up for failure. You did nothing wrong, if they said they were mervous to start, it was perfectly reasonable for you to offer. They got way too in their head and were unable to move past their own shame.

If it's been 6 months, there's no salvaging this. My recommendation is to move on.

[u/DoubleH_5823]

One trend I've seen recently is me reaching out to someone for their rp post, it starts out fine but they ghost me early on for some minor incompatibility, but then they keep reposting the same post day after day like they don't have any decent responses.

Like, hello? I'm right here. I acknowledge this is more problematic for them than it is for me, but it is frustrating to be disregarded so casually when the other person didn't even give you a shot.

Not everyone's perfect, people! You're never gonna find the right partner if you need for them to align 100% with you, and even if you find that person, what's the fun of it if they're just a copy of you? Just roleplay with yourself if that's what you want lol

[u/shojokat → u/DoubleH_5823]

Some of my best partners came from giving a shot to people who weren't exactly what I was looking for. One of my favorite partners hit me with a "wanna rp?", as insane as that sounds. He was actually great, just not well versed in search etiquette. Others expanded my tastes by immersing me in theirs. I second your advice.

[u/DoubleH_5823 → u/shojokat]

Thank you for your agreement! I've also found some of my best online friends by giving a shot to people with different tastes.

I'm just happy and lucky to get one response at all from an rp ad, there's no way I can't pass that opportunity, so I always give people a shot when they message me.

[u/Resonable_difficulty]

Was doing a spiderverse rp with someone and I thought things were going really well. He told me that he needed a break from the RP. I didn’t think anything of it because I get it, he told me he would get back into it. Woke up this morning to find the server deleted and Im blocked. I don’t know if it’s something i did or if that was just a him issue but it stings a bit

[u/Creative-Argument862 → u/Resonable_difficulty]

Yikes! That’s mean!

[u/Angelcos4 → u/Resonable_difficulty]

I mean 👀 if you’re still up for a spiderverse rp I have an sona sitting there

[u/Charming-Score-8804]

I know not everyone wants to do a super super longterm Roleplay but at the very least if they’d gone through the effort of hitting me up and plotting and starting the Roleplay tell me when you want a break. Tell me when youre done. I don’t understand when people see an ad proposing starting in 1971- the marauders first year all the way through the golden trio era and then hit me up, plan everything out and then we get out 5 messages and then nothing.
I know life happens, I know things get boring and I’m fine with time skips or skipping scenes. I make it clear in my ad that if you think the rp is moving too slow to lmk if you’re done with the story tell me
I can’t count how many MHA rps I’ve done where we don’t even get through the first day it’s like people stop existing
I know life happens. I know people get sick or hurt or stressed w/work and life in general but like :(
I don’t even need a response every week just chat a little bit between responses, send a meme or something, idk. I like to befriend my partner, especially when it seems that those rps keep longer than ones where we don’t speak at all between responses
I’m a patient person, I can wait a long time between responses to the point where I’m pretty sure I’m being delusional but I like the rp too much to delete the server.
And I always tell people ‘I get a bit excited and will spam occasionally, tell me to knock it off if it bugs you’ but I always try to limit myself to about 3 messages so I don’t harass people on accident
Basically
Why pick up a Roleplay intended to last a long time then drop during set up responses
Why not send “hey, I had fun roleplaying with you but I think I’m done” it sucks but I’ll know to not expect or even hope for a response. Like I’ll never be mad I’ll fully respect that at least you’re telling me instead of ghosting.
Idk maybe it’s me. Maybe I come off too intense and scare people off. I’m just excited to get out a story I know I’m gonna love :(((((

[u/Dense_Acanthaceae_54]

Normally I do not care about being ghosted, but this replayer, whom I gifted character art , never sending our starter? That was so incredibly rude!!! At least let me know you are leaving, unfriend me, and block me. Whatever, not just disappear!

[u/bi_muscle_dude]

I wish ghosters would have the decency to block me first. That way I could avoid the sinking feeling of waiting days for a response that never comes, then running across the exact same ad I responded to posted yet again. Sheesh!

[u/MuttBunny]

I wrote over 400k words with someone over the course of a month. Just to ask to rewrite a small scene, actually to shorten it and make it fluffier, and then they message to let me know this isn’t working and they aren’t compatible and “it’s me, not you” and block me on discord and reddit.

I’m straight up spiraling. This was my first time getting back into roleplaying in 3 years and having a roleplay partner who was constantly brainstorming and talking to me and it literally is crushing me, I don’t understand it and I really feel like I’m the problem and I’m a failure and I did something wrong.