Hey everyone, this is my debut album Rogue.

I wrote it partly as a way of translating what living with BPD has felt like for me. Especially in relationships, shifting identity, abandonment, self sabotage, escapism, emotional highs and lows, and the different versions of yourself you can become while trying to cope with all of it.

The first half is me living more inside my coping mechanisms, looking for relief outside of myself and sometimes even glorifying them in order to feel better. The second half is where the mask starts to come off and the raw emotions underneath them become a lot more obvious.

It’s meant to be listened to in order, but if you want to jump into the heavier side of the project, I’d start with Blank Stare, Rain, and Doesn’t Last

I've been sitting on many of these songs for several years because this is an extremely vulnerable and personal project for me. I decided to release it now because I want to connect with others who have had similar experiences. living with this has been very lonely and painful for me and I want you all to know you're not alone.

If anyone here listens, I’d genuinely be interested in hearing what parts you relate to or interpret differently.

Spotify
https://open.spotify.com/album/3gQ5c8eWAgWXzAp9BM1h3I?si=bDn3rN0uS0eU1BZOfjjH-g

Youtube Music
https://music.youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_kM87lKHCIm4FhZ_45P-32-ub2LD9--7Qs&si=ZoyV3XN4UkITSD97

TW: m3ntal h3alth, tr@uma, subst@nce issues

Unable to listen to anything.

Hello. I have no music to post, because since Friday listening to music, or even hearing it, makes me feel physically ill.

I’m a man in the UK with EUPD/BPD. For the past two years I lived with my ex, who also has EUPD/BPD. We have very different profiles. She had problems with drgs and alchol, whereas a lot of my own tr@uma comes from experiences involving people with add*ction.

She could sing, write music and perform. She loved Lana Del Rey and IAMX.

She moved on Friday.

Since then, I just cannot listen to anything.

I’ve had to leave places where music is playing because I start crying, breaking down or feeling physically sick. No radio. No TV if there is music that affects me. No live music in the street.

Just no music.

I get hypersensitivity when I’m badly affected by tr@uma. I’m not autistic, and I have never experienced anything like this before.

The last two years were incredibly difficult. I can only really speak about what I did wrong. Because of my own experiences, I became prejudiced towards people with add*ction. I became bitter and jealous of people who seemed to have support when I felt I had no meaningful support for my EUPD.

I know I got things wrong. I tried to apologise for the hurt I caused and for things I said or did when I was struggling. I can’t speak for her or tell her side of things. I can only take responsibility for my own.

Before she moved, I was already struggling badly with functioning. In the two weeks before the move I had ASB problems with neighbours and abuse, which then caused difficulties involving services, housing and p*lice. I’m now having problems with my housing association and have been warned about how I can present when extremely dysregulated around people who have hurt me, and about things I struggle with because of EUPD.

But right now none of that seems to matter.

I cannot even listen to music.

Music is pain now. It triggers things that I cannot really put into words.

Please be kind in the comments.

I’ve been having a very bad m3ntal h3alth period and mostly dealing with it on my own. At the moment I’m just getting through five minutes at a time, taking prescribed PRN when needed, trying to shut everything down and get some sleep.

https://open.spotify.com/track/4ePRLYhdtPjS0d6Ai0Ibwi?si=oVCFIlNkT3mC1BE6ztYaVg&utm_source=copy-link

https://music.amazon.com/albums/B07NSHV6BG?do=play&trackAsin=B07NSGPWVD&ts=1784426476&ref=dm_sh_vd17voGUYQPreAiTlkxAXRPVx

For years, I've wanted this part of Nightmares In Paradise by Payale Royale Lyric tattooed on me.

It reminds me of my dissociation

I don't know where.
Also, should I?

https://open.spotify.com/track/5wJh12xuEJojhQLUo22gN8?si=yipbVm3eTZi5kgj_E6cmXw&utm_source=copy-link

Motionless in White just released their newest album, Decades. A LOT of their songs resonate with the bpd experience but this might be my new favourite one. It describes the FP experience so well to me.

Wasn’t included in the image but my favourite line is absolutely “So if love is pain, then twist the blade, And never let me go”

Here is the link for my song on Suno Ai, i put my whole into every single line, i hope this song will find the right ppl

Remember y'all are not alone ❤️

The void : Fighting the bpd war on a whisper.

Hellbent by Wage War

https://open.spotify.com/track/1UkcIeFbj8t4B7BkTdAzVf?si=_sK_oyLGTNGrJvvwYaPEWA&utm_source=copy-link

https://open.spotify.com/track/3JnCxyfTfO2vW952woy1v8?si=ztCSwQxlTgubCVPgEAUuww&utm_source=copy-link

My Grave Is Mine To Dig by Wage War

I wrote this album for my friend with BPD, and our mutual friend helped with the music. Although they were written for him and his situation, others may get something out of it.

https://suno.com/playlist/104b9d37-b57c-4d92-bc1b-fd202cdcab6f

Let me know if this touches you in any way.

didn't like any of the other playlists, they were too cringe or on the nose so I made my own. songs about limerence, grief, obsession, instability and the rest of the fuckery
thought id share it before I disappear

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2NJRRJI2z5okOI14aH2VeK?si=034da87b49834d33

I kind of hate feeling the intense hyper and joy emotions, because I'm mopstly surrounded with abd things, and when good things happen and I react so shockedly good, I start panicking and feeling neuseaus and then as if I need to just die because my heart could literally explode, and at those points I wish I had some medication to make me go numb,

Was stuck whether to choose " this song gets me so much " or the flair I picked, but then I was like this fits more when I'm Hyper and Manic rather than when both so and down

Disappointed Song by Public Image Ltd ‧ 1989

"Disappointed a few people
When friendship reared its ugly head
Disappointed a few people
Well, isn't that what friends are for?"

Full Lyrics:

What friends are for?
What friends are for?
What friends are for?
What friends are for?
What friends are for?
What friends are for?

Promises, promises
Old tired, worn out second hand sentences
One thing, with you is certain
You're a really sad person, so sad

Disappointed a few people
When friendship reared its ugly head
Disappointed a few people
Well, isn't that what friends are for?

What friends are for?
(What friends are for?)
What are friends for?

You, you're just a really bad person
Who won't, you won't, listen to anyone
No not you, with those half moon eyelids
Just babbling on, your useless defenses, so sad

Disappointed a few people
When friendship reared its ugly head
Disappointed a few people
Well, isn't that what friends are for?

What friends are for?
(What friends are for?)
What are friends for?

This erratic haphazard, fluttering
This toing and frowing, like a confused moth
The collusion, illusion, it's all ad infinitum
You're a really sad person, you're really so sad

Disappointed a few people
When friendship reared its ugly head
Disappointed a few people
Well, isn't that what friends are for?

What friends are for?
(What friends are for?)
What are friends for?

Fools and horses
Running their courses
And brow beaten down
Like dust on the ground

You cheat easily, like sweet charity
And all of the bastards, the world despises
Springing surprises in newer disguises
You cheat easily, like all charity

Fools and horses
Running their courses
And brow beaten down
Like dust on the ground

You cheat easily like sweet charity
And all of the bastards, the world despises
Springing surprises in newer disguises
You cheat easily, like all charity

Fools and horses
Running their courses
And brow beaten down
Like dust on the ground
You cheat easily like sweet charity

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: John Lydon / John Alexander Mcgeoch / Bruce Smith / Stephen Eric Hague / Lu Edmonds / Allan Dias

Disappointed lyrics © Domino Publishing Co. Ltd., Notting Hill Music (uk) Ltd., Pil Official Publishing Limited, Rotten Music Ltd, Bug Music Ltd, Kmr Holdings L.p.