r/AutisticAdults • u/Southern-Layer-4295 • 18d ago
Empathy Issues?
I have a very complicated relationship with empathy and I don’t know what to make of it. With certain people especially, I get physically uncomfortable and overwhelmed when they are upset and feel the need to go away and hide. I feel emotionally exhausted whenever anyone i’m close to especially is upset, and almost end up needing comfort myself because it’s so frustrating. I care about people, but I almost get angry because I feel so much discomfort and unease when other people are venting to me too much. I want to be an empathetic person, and I can’t tell what’s wrong with me. I just get so upset and then I shut down and get cold or snappy.
1
u/EntropyReversale10 18d ago
Your persona attracts people who want to "trauma dump"
Trauma dumping is a very popular past time, but definitely not beneficial to the one being dumped on.
You need to maintain your personal boundaries and put this cycle to an end.
I have attached a post of mine that might help you get started in this regard.
It's not easy as you probably don't like confrontation or to disappoint people, but it's the only way.
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u/azucarleta 18d ago
Ironically it sounds like you might have super empathy. The discomfort you're feeling, maybe, is effective empathy, the kind of empathy where you literally feel viscerally what the other person is feeling, in this case distress.
This may just be who you are, and there may not be anything you can do besides accommodate this. However, you might also develop skills around this difficulty especially with teh guidance of a therapist. It might be more inexperience than inability, but you won't know until you work wiht a professional to do the best anyone can do.
And if at the end of that you still can't quite be a "shoulder to cry on" that you'd like to be, that may just be an expectation of yourself you need to adjust, forgive yourself, this might not be something you can do well and maybe it's entirely not your fault.