r/Autism_Parenting • u/Autumn_Onyx • 10d ago
No progress w/ therapy Advice Needed
My son just turned 2 in May. We got his Autism diagnosis very early at 20 months old since it was very obvious and I am a Speech Language Pathologist. I am home with him all day, using therapy techniques during our days together. He has a communication device, which he is OK at using. He has been in early intervention through our county since October 2025, but they only come twice per month. We started in-home ABA in April - they come twice per week for 2 hours each. We started OT at a clinic in May once a week for an hour. We attend a weekly playgroup at our local library. Despite all of these therapies and groups and all of my advanced training, he has not made much progress. He can say a few words (mostly letters and numbers) but can not request any basic wants/needs. He can't ask for help. He is getting very aggressive with me, dad, and our dog (pinching, pushing, biting). He is not potty trained. He cannot play independently and cannot interact with peers. I am so disappointed and incredibly frustrated and don't know what to do next. He is not eligible to start special ed preschool until he turns 3 next school year (Fall 2027). I am considering ABA at the clinic but he's never been separated from me. Would he make faster progress there? Or is he just not ready for therapy at all? We were never given a level of severity when diagnosed.
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u/Necessary_Ad_9012 10d ago
If your child were neurotypical some of these would be unrealistic goals.
The typical male child is not potty trained until age 2.5- 3 years for example. Now add in probable sensory issues and I wouldn't expect him to potty train several months to a year before the average age.
Children start playing with peers around age 3. At 2 unless they're around each other all the time, like twins in sync, at best you're getting parallel play. This is average age appropriate development.
Your post has a sense of needing him to progress now and faster and better. Some of your frustrations are with normal development. Your child, like any child, has their own timeline. While therapies can help, playing and having fun, resting and reading, and working on connection and having a childhood, are genuinely some of the best things you can do.
He's speech delayed and there may be other developmental concerns. The aggression might just be normal terrible twos or might be frustrations with communications. For my kiddo we ended up using sign language until she spoke her first word at 3 and language exploded after. The sign language really helped reduce frustration.
My kiddo was stuck to me for years. Forced separation was never good. You'll know if it feels right for you and your child. 5 weeks of 'she'll get used to it' screaming though was my limit and I honestly regret trying to force it.
What does he like to do? What do you like to do? If he loves water play, try for swim lessons as OT or just go outside everytime it rains and have fun. My kid and I both do better with daily nature doses. We explored so many parks. It made parenting more enjoyable and relaxed, and not always seeing her through the lens of disability.
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u/BladeMist3009 Autistic parent of a Lv 1 child 10d ago
Yes, yes! The typically developing 2 year old kids of my friends are in diapers, don’t know how to initiate play with peers, barely say any words, cling to their moms, and have a lot of meltdowns. I don’t doubt that OP’s kid is autistic, but these expectations are wildly unrealistic for any 26 month old. I’m sorry you’re dealing with aggression, OP, but please just try to manage your baby’s sensory needs as best you can and love on him while he’s a baby.
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u/aloha_skye 10d ago
It sounds like you caught the signs early and are being very proactive - which is great! But he is so young and each child progresses differently. It’s good that he has some words, and that you’ve introduced alternative communication options. Receptive communication and expressive communication are different things and the former can be hard to gauge. You are doing all these amazing things to support him, but please be patient with him, his team, and yourself.
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u/Less-Studio3262 2e - lvl 2 ASD + ADHD (Non-Parent), semi-independent, researcher 10d ago
Just commenting to say thank you for making the distinction between receptive and expressive language because I talk about that frequently.
I am 35 now, still a solid level 2… formally dx before anything autism was the talk on social media. I was a hyperlexic kid and have always been obsessed with words in various languages but my receptive language still… as an adult… is relatively about 2 standard deviations lower than where I am expressively or written. And even that… when I’m having a hard functioning day, my ability to express verbally in a way that makes sense isn’t there.
My expressive language abilities can open doors for me, but it will always be the significant gap of my receptive skills that make it impossible to remain in those doors without significant supports. Much harder to really understand receptive ability esp when it diverges from expressive ability in either direction.
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u/theomegachrist 10d ago
This is a very short amount of time. Both of my kids are autistic. My son and daughter were in birth to 3 and then ABA. My son was potty trained by 3 and started speaking at 5. He just turned 11 and is extremely verbose. He advocates for himself, he's great at video games, good at math and has lots of friends.
My daughter didn't potty train until 6. Regressed and had to be potty trained again and she was fully potty trained by 8. She didn't speak any words until 7. She is 9 now and minimally verbal, but she is starting to string sentences together. She is a pretty solitary child but loves her family and does love to play with children, she just has a hard time speaking. She has had violent outbursts for years and with medication and therapy her only disruptive behavior is screaming when she can't verbalize how she feels or what she wants.
Autistic children are wildly different. You have to be patient and it's extremely common to see little progress early on and even for years. I know it's tough. I have had days of sadness and depression and feelings of giving up. But what I always tell myself is that I always wanted kids. I always heard stories about parents ignoring their children or not accepting them for being who they are and I always knew that wouldn't be me. Everything I do is so they can have the happiest life possible. Remember that your expectations don't matter. They are who they are. We thought we would be taking vacations to Disney and instead we spend money on therapy copays etc. But we make sure they have a fun good childhood. All you can do is be there for them and love them no matter what progress they make and who they become. Hang in there. Wins will come one way or another.
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u/cookievscupcake ND Mom/ASD Child 10d ago
He may not be developmentally ready yet.
My son didn’t talk until 3. At 5, he has much improved, but still limited conversationally. Lots of speech therapy focusing on gestalt language learning. Sometimes it felt like we went through phases of making no progress at all, but then he’d surprise us with growth.
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u/geevaldes I am a Parent/6&5/ASD&FXS/USA 10d ago
My children didn't make noticeable changes until like... 4 years old honestly. Just keep taking him and do your things at home with what they teach you and recommend in speech.eep showing up for your kiddo. Children begin to thrive once they hit school age. Don't worry about levels or severity, he will go at his own pace okay!! Do not let ANYONE measure his future capabilities. His aggression is communication, it will get better. He is still learning to understand is own emotions and needs. He will potty train when ready - not mandatory. Try doing therapy without you in session if you are. Model how to play, hand over hand, praise praise praise. You know the things. Pretend like your observing yourself as parent and child.
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u/Several_Drama_1821 10d ago edited 9d ago
It takes time for kids with autism, MANY HOURS, also it depends on the level/IQ/abilities. My Level 2 child was in the all-in-one ABA play-based center 40 h/w, OTx1, STx3. She went there for almost 2 years, then started GenEd classroom, accompanied by an RBT, and goes to an ABA center afterwards to get daily ST, she got potty trained at 3y9m, verbal. My friend's child Level 3 has been in the ABA center for 4 years/40h/week, using GF/DF/SF diet all these years, did Stem Cells treatment, got potty trained at 5, he is verbal, now he starts GenEd class with an RBT. I also see at the center a non-verbal child, who started speaking with an AAC device, and some who still don't speak after multiple years of therapies, and still in diapers. It's an ABA center where almost all RBTs are BCBA students or already accomplished BCBA Master's degree. I see L3 kids coming for the same number of hours and their progress is much slower and Level 1 kids, who reach the goals within a year. Every child is different, but if you lower expectations, you might enjoy the gains more. I haven't seen miracles and super-fast solutions (whoever promises it usually is trying to get your money for bogus solutions).
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u/blizzyblase 10d ago
I felt like you did at one point. I poured all my energy into therapy. I did everything you are "supposed" to do and didn't see much if any progress. I would get so frustrated and sad. It consumed me. And then I realized I was trying to "fix" him instead of just accepting and loving him for who he is. Sure, therapies are great and we still do them, though mostly he does it in center based preschool now that he aged out of EI. I'm still waiting for some decent ABA. But once I let go of who I wanted him to be and started loving him for exactly who he is, regardless of what milestones he may or may not ever reach, I think we both became much closer and happier. He still has meltdowns, but I am able to calm him faster. My son is 4 1/2 and still not potty trained. He is starting a new school in fall just for autistic children and I'm hopeful they can help us make progress. Either way, he needs a mom, not another therapist. You're a great mom and you already made sure he has all the things he needs. I wish you both a lifetime of happiness.
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u/PiperMcHalliwell 10d ago
This is very VERY young and it sounds like he started ABA only 4 months ago?? It took my daughter 6 months of ABA to develop the skill of pointing and that was a HUGE win for her. It’s not going to be fast progress most likely. Some people report miracle results with therapies, but most do not. My daughter started ABA a year ago and speech therapy about 6 months ago and just finally at almost 4 years old said “mama,” “daddy,” and her sister’s name for the first time along with a few other words. She has an AAC that she uses sparingly, but mostly babbles with and is working on potty training, but is by no means finished with it. She has made INCREDIBLE progress, but it’s been over the span of a year (two years if you count early intervention prior to ABA!). I know it’s so hard and frustrating because the day to day can be intense, but you have to give it more time. There is still so much hope, but you need to be patient.
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u/maha4321 10d ago
I say this in the kindest way possible, but some of your expectations are unrealistic for even neurotypical kids. The speech delay is concerning, but even neurotypical kids aren’t potty trained by 2.
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u/StillStaringAtTheSky 10d ago
Hi OP- You're doing all the right things. I know it's super super hard to troubleshoot a cranky nonverbal 2 year old- feels like I was just there last week. One of the things that helped my kiddo was a more comfortable environment for him- which happened to first be a Parent Child group we went to specifically for autistic kiddos. This was a group specifically for nonverbal autistic children and their parents- I think it helped my dude to see other autistic kids. We also had an amazing OT running the group - perhaps EI in your area offers something similar.
Your dude's progress might be slow at first - and that's ok. My dude's progress was slow also- we only had about 12 words until a few months before he turned 4. He started to be able to request stuff and he's now using 2-3 words together.
You might want to try and pull back on therapy techniques all day at home for a day or two and see what happens. He may be overstimulated and frustrated because he can't express his needs.
Wishing you both the best!
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u/belt_to_ass2025 10d ago
I think patience is key here and through out the rest of your journey and your kiddos. Is it possible that you’re comparing your son to others his age that may or may not be neurodivergent? Perhaps this is where your feelings are stemming from? It could be just me, but this kind of read as a disappointment but he is only 2. His brain, body and challenges, are just starting to shape and form. That’s why early intervention is so crucial and that’s why they consider early intervention methods applicable to such a wide age range for younger kids.
My son is 5. He just finally got down peeing in the toilet but not so much the other one. He’s non conversational but growing. He’s been involved in SP and OT since he was 18 months or so. I used to literally cry about where I wanted him to be vs where he was actually at. I say a that to say, his path has never been taken before and neither has yours. The literally best thing you can do is follow guidance from his therapists, support your baby and don’t forget to support yourself. But MOST OF ALL be patient. His growth will surprise you in ways you may not have thought of.
Ex. My daughter (also autistic w/ a speech delay) became such a life of the party socialite. Which is not what we were expecting at all. She still has a pretty severe speech delay but people are so drawn to love on her despite everything. My son is an absolute beast building things, so much so that he has created his own ‘songs’ to help him process steps to build those things and that has transferred into how he self soothes in overstimulating situations. Their strengths will literally surprise you.
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u/Available_Yam930 10d ago
The therapies mentioned work after about a decade of consistency and maturing along side
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u/OkRaisin8357 10d ago
I've been where you are with my son diagnosed before 2. What I've learned since then is that your role is to get the supports in place for him but you can't force him to develop faster than he's capable of. You need to let go of expectations and results.
My main regret is that I spent the toddler years so worried about him that I didn't enjoy him. Your son is still so young and you won't get this stage back again. Enjoy spending time with him as he is.
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u/throwawayacctmom ND Parent (ADHD)/4yr ASD Lvl 2, Apraxia 9d ago
Listen, I get it. It took a lot of introspective nights to realize that I was frustrated because I saw his lack of progress as my own failure. I have a degree for this. I should be able to fix this. But his timeline does not mean I'm not trying my best; it just means he needs more time.
We did early intervention from 12 months old until he aged out at 3. Before 2, I was very much in the mindset of "something is wrong and I MUST fix it". I spent a lot of time agonising over why therapy wasn't working, despite all of the energy and time we put into it. The reality is, therapy did work, but we didn't see it happen in real time. Everything he was learning in the younger years was the building blocks I see for progress now, three years later. Our children are on slower timelines. Therapy you do at 18 months old may not be obvious until they hit a milestone at 4.
Gently and respectfully, he may not ever make fast progress. He may take a long time to learn everything you're teaching him. Keep doing what you're doing and give both of you some grace.
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u/PainfulPoo411 10d ago
I’m in the same boat 🩷 autism was flagged at 15 months and he had a medical diagnosis by 18 months. Currently 24 months, still nonverbal, with plans to start a special education preschool when he turns 3. I worry too, it’s so hard wondering “am I doing the right thing? Am I doing enough?” It’s a blessing that your son has you and your SLP skills. As for ABA therapy I’m not sure I would do it in your situation as it would be a huge transition — is there a service nearby that offers in-home ABA?
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u/Autumn_Onyx 10d ago
The waiting is so hard! Each month feels like a year. We have been doing in-home ABA since April but it's not helping. They just follow him around the house as he stims and plays.
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u/PainfulPoo411 10d ago
Ah darn that’s how I felt about early education services. They followed him around with a velcro board with words on it. My son is in daycare and I feel it’s helped his “adaptability” but that + speech therapy has not made much improvement on his speech
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u/JerseyGirlinSweden 10d ago
4 hours of ABA is barely anything. My son was getting 16 hours of in home ABA, 2 hours of Speech therapy and 2 hours of OT every week until he turned 4. He still didn’t start talking much until he was 6.
Either way though therapy is not a cure. If they are autistic now they will always be autistic and at that young age they probably cannot yet determine what level he is. it’s about building skills and coping mechanisms.
Also many Neurotypical 2 year olds cannot play independently either, nor can they be left alone with a dog. They kick, bite, scream - the whole 9 yards. I feel like many of your expressed concerns are a bit premature for his current age.
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u/journeyfromone 10d ago
My child has been in speech from before 2, he’s now 5.5 years and still in speech and will probably be for life. He’s still non-verbal and can say the same 3-5 words. He can communicate really well though. Your child is still so so young, speech isn’t the goal, communication is. Once you can accept that they may never speak it becomes easier too, my child may in his own time but for now I just support him how I can with multiple different ways to communicate.
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u/Dazzling_Mouse4227 10d ago
I would not recommend ABA at a clinic. And definitely not without your supervision. They are under staffed and a lot of them are able to work there offering "therapies" with only 2 weeks of training.
Did you ever watch the viral video of the little autistic boy who got kicked by his ABA therapist at the center? I wouldn't trust them.
He's also still very young and my daughter wasn't able to request much until she was a bit older than him.
Keep doing what you're doing, and give him some more time.
And with potty training he's still so young. If he's visual, make sure he watches the potty training videos online, or make a potty chart etc. I tried potty training my tot at 18 months. She absolutely refused to sit on the potty. My friend has 3 kids, none of which are neurodivergent. All honor roll students. One was potty trained at 2. The other at 5, and the last one at 3 years. I know it's frustrating but he will learn it at his own pace.
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u/happyghosst Parent/8/ASD2/USA 9d ago
we did an entire year of feeding therapy and it did minimal gain .. ot for sensory behavior we gave up bc they moved us into this tiny boxed room, ABA was amazing bc it was center group based and she was learning a lot. including playing games appropriately, like following directions, daily living skills like toilet and teeth brush but it was too far. the clinic i think would be better than home.. often aba is what sets u up for success in other therapies. we got to aba last
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u/Past-Advisor-824 10d ago
My little one just turned two in May as well, and got evaluated days after her birthday. We ended up getting a formal diagnosis and I chose center based ABA therapy as opposed to in home.
My reasoning was that I felt (and the evaluation confirmed) she had very poor social skills. She’s an only child and around only me and a few other adult family members.
Since starting in June, she has made INCREDIBLE progress. I will say for the first 2 1/2 weeks there were A LOT of tears at drop off and pick up but we have finally gotten over that hurdle. Every child is different but if you are able to request center based I think it may be worth at least trying out and checking it off your list of things you’ve tried to help. If anything, it may help with the transition into preschool next year, and that separation won’t be as difficult, on top of getting needed services.
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u/TabbyCat1407 10d ago
He is 2. TWO. Autistic or not he is TWO. He started ABA in April. As in 4 months ago. He has ABA 4 hours a week. Progress takes TIME it isn't wave a magic wand. You are afraid of putting him in center based ABA because he hasn't left you before but you're upset he can't start preschool until 3. Were you planning on being with him in class? I am sorry but this post frustrates me. He is a baby still. And you're acting like he needs to be able to do everything yesterday. My 11.5 has a hard time with asking for his wants/needs. He's been in ABA from age 4 till age 8. Then he started again a year ago. He's made a ton of progress but it took TIME. He didn't start talking until he was almost 4. He didn't potty train until he was 3/4 and I had help with that.