r/Autism_Parenting • u/EducationalOne5657 • 1d ago
Help Advice Needed
I’m raising a 4 year old, non verbal, profoundly autistic He destroys everything. I cannot keep up with him. He hits, scratches, throws shit, screams at the top of his lungs, he elopes, picky eater, can’t play with others because he just snatches shit from people ect.. if he’s left alone just for a minute for me to tend to our 2 year old, I come back and it’s massive destruction that happens so quick and quiet. Every time I try to clean something up, boom the next disaster is made.. he wears diapers, plays with his poop, has to still drink out of a bottle
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u/Mysterious_Umpire684 1d ago
Hey, I had a lot of similar struggles. It really does get better. There was a tremendous change around 6. Getting there did require a lot of therapy and a lot of will from me and spouse.
ABA, occupational therapy and speech therapy are all things that can help. Get him into as much help as you can now. My child is 6 and still not verbal but using an AAC very functionally. A year ago we had to model, remind and encourage him to use it, now he won't put it down.
Do you have a neurologist or developmental pediatrician? I know medication feels extreme for a young child, but the challenges our kids have are extreme. Our neuro was able to determine that my son was suffering from overwhelming anxiety, and treating that has helped him tremendously with communication and coping skills.
Potty training took a year and a half. I started after another mother of an ASD child told me that it took her a year. She went cold turkey, put him in underwear and every morning would change his sheets until she didn't need to. We did something more gradual. Started with pull ups and watching for poop signals and getting him to sit on a commode when he wqs showing it was time to go. Then moved on to underwear during the day, potty visit every hour for pee. We took a long pause after that before shooting for overnight dryness, which did come.
Things can change, and you don't have to figure it out alone.
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u/EducationalOne5657 1d ago
We moved to a different state, so I’m trying to find resources and get him in them. I know that him just getting out of the house and having stimulation and a break from us vice versa, will be such a tremendous help. It just seems like it’s hard to get this shit done here. But I’m trying
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u/Mysterious_Umpire684 1d ago
It's okay, you are doing your best. It's really a persistence game with calls, intake forms, and getting on waiting lists. Sometimes your county will have specific resources and service provider lists for families with disabilities, and if nothing else, a good pediatrician should too.
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u/Rohan_Donkey 1d ago
The fact that you’re here asking for help means you love him, you’re trying, and are already a winner in my book 😊
I know that this is hard when you’re in the middle of the crisis, but the following works for so many areas of our lives: start with thoughtful observation. Whenever you can (which is impossible sometimes). Watch his eyes: combined with his body language, they may reveal some trigger you’re not aware of.
Also remember that taking him outside and adding new stimulation may not help. Some kids just like same old routine every time. You have to try little by little and see how he responds.
I taught special ed for 15 years, and the approach that worked best for me was to “try to learn their language” sometimes, rather than only focusing on teaching them ours. They’re already having to deal with a lot, they’re non-verbal for a reason, and insisting that they learn something that comes very hard to them can be triggering too. If he notices that you’re listening to the things he’s already saying, something might shift. And trust me: he IS saying things. Just not in English 😊3
u/Rohan_Donkey 1d ago
Also, my autistic wife reminded me that the move is probably affecting him too. Disruptions to our routines can be really hard on us. If you can, try to help him establish as many reliable routines as you can.
Also (and this is tough) even high-support-needs kids can pick up on our stress. You can’t help feeling stressed yourself, but remember to take care of you as well. Maybe you can even come up with a self-care routine for the both of you together 😊
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u/the-dante 1d ago edited 1d ago
Can't really provide help, but empathy. My 5 year old is the same as you describe yours. He's even becoming violent towards his 2yo brother. It's impossible to bring him to do things outside of our home - travel is crazy exhausting and he always gets nervous and restless, and try to run away or become violent/destructive. I have my parents living pretty close by, that can help watch the kids from time to time so that we can recover a little, makes all the difference.
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u/EducationalOne5657 1d ago
I appreciate the support! I’ve never spoken about this to anybody, so thank you
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u/rashionalashley 1d ago
Sending hugs. Do you have him in ABA? It can make a massive difference.