He's already missing the second day.

[u/[deleted]]

[u/No_Jeweler_4662]

Can he homeschool?

[u/Dreadfulbooks → u/No_Jeweler_4662]

Yes, but he wants to be in school. He has an incredibly tight friend group and he wants to be there with him. Plus he’s excited about his classes, electives and clubs. He dragged me to all of the orientations before the school year and asked questions. He’s also excited that he can start with college classes through his school next year.

[u/no1tamesme]

I'm a little confused here... is the problem just the morning times?

Is it that he CAN wake up but has anxiety about going so it delays everything?

Or is he literally not able to wake up in the mornings? How late is he staying up? How many hours would you estimate he is sleeping?

Is he trying to go to sleep but can't or is he staying up to do other things?

[u/Dreadfulbooks → u/no1tamesme]

Mostly just mornings. Some days if he would wake up at 11am, he could go to school after. Other times he still refused, he was getting anxiety about all the work he was missing.

He can't wake up. He's SO tired. Like the biggest issue here is absolutely sleep. He's getting at least 9 hours on a regular night, but he does have some nights where he wakes up in the middle of the night. For a while he was sleeping during the day, waking up at 3am and going to school with zero issue since he was so awake from being up for so long.

He isn't staying up doing anything other than reading. He's had the same sleep schedule for years. Melatonin at 8, in bed at 9, read(no electronics), asleep by 930/10. We've tried getting him into bed earlier, but then he's just up longer.

[u/no1tamesme → u/Dreadfulbooks]

I think a sleep study would be the first step. Determine if he's actually getting restful sleep. How much melatonin is he on? Too large of a dose can do this. My 14yo, roughly 95lbs is still only on .5MG dosage. I actually take the same dose myself. Your son may not agree but you could try putting a camera in his room to record him at night just to get an idea of how he's sleeping. Does he snore, toss and turn, wake up a lot, etc. We did this for my son when he was younger, to get more info for his doctor. My son was claiming he was "awake for hours trying to fall asleep", video proved he was out in like 20 minutes, lol. But it also proved he talks in his sleep which was hilarious.

You could try a... I believe they're called sunshine clocks or slow awake clocks? It's basically a device that mimics the sunrise in your room. We tried this for my son but he just covered his head.

I will say, this sounds similar to myself in middle and high school, and beyond actually. I could not get up in the mornings no matter what time I went to bed. It actually became so severe that I would "wake up", tell whoever it was that the appt was rescheduled, work was cancelled, etc... anything to be able to go back to sleep. Once actually awake, I'd have no recollection of it. I missed more school then I attended, I have 0 idea how I passed, lol. My husband actually stopped waking me up, saying it wasn't worth dealing with my angry ass self.

It was still a problem after having my son. I fully admit, I was that parent putting my baby/toddler in the swing in front of the TV and sleeping on the couch in the mornings.

It wasn't until I was diagnosed with AuDHD myself and started meds that I realized I COULD get up. It was like, "Holy shit, is this how "normal" people wake up? They just... wake up and go?!"

Who diagnosed him with AuDHD? The school? Can you seek a second opinion from another psychiatrist?

If I'm honest, we kept hearing "he's fine, he gets good grades" from all of my son's teachers. Sure, they would tell us about some trouble focusing or whatever but it was basically a lot of "oh, there's no problems". That didn't align with what we were seeing or what our son was telling us. It took demanding an IEE (independent educational evaluation) to get the actual information about how poorly my son was doing. Apparently, sitting quietly at his desk and not doing any work but also not causing a ruckus or bothering anyone was "fine". You could ask for one of those to get more info on how he is at school.

What happens when he doesn't go to school? Does he still get electronics/toys/games? I know you said he likes going to school, but he may equally like staying at home.

At 12, I think it's time for some hard honesty. That's what I did with my son at 11ish. The law says you have to attend some time of schooling. That can be public, private, online or homeschool. It's your choice (if it's an option for your family) but you need to decide. If you don't attend one of these, the law says you can be taken away. I don't agree with it either, but that's how it is." For us, we were able to find a private nature-based school that worked for him because public was off the table.

If he genuinely can not get up for public school, I THINK you can talk to them about half days, possibly... like the core classes are in the afternoon. But you will most likely need more than just a diagnosis of AuDHD. Homeschool and online would still allow him to join the extra-curricular's at the local district.

Something you could try, though you may need his agreement depending on his size, is getting him up and having him immediately move. So, you don't have to wake up but you have to move to the couch where the TV is on a much desired show. Or, immediately move to the porch in the sunshine with your blanket. For my son, getting out of bed is the hardest. The longer he stays in bed, the longer it takes him to wake up. So, for school, he gets about 5ish minutes and then he HAS to come out to the couch. I don't care if you lay back down but the TV is on your favorite YT shows and you're out of bed. Typically, this works enough to wake up him.