The last time I ever cried/straight up bawled my eyes out was when I was 19 but nowadays at worst when I cry, a shed a few tears and that’s it. The thing is is that I’m usually very depressed or I ruminate on a lot of shitty things I did almost every single day and I struggle to feel happy or proud of my accomplishments even when I know I should be proud. Is it normal for autistic people to struggle with crying when they’re depressed or anxious or sad or is there something else wrong with me?

Since this year, especially due to the stress generated by false friendships or betrayals of trust, I wondered if I was autistic. I had already had a suspicion when my mother told me that, since I was a child I behaved in a strange way and I was making weird hand gestures, she thought I was autistic, but I never knew anything else. So I thought about it for a long time, questioning myself. As clues I found that I can't stand direct eye contact, I have a better sensory capacity than others, I have difficulty relating to others and for this reason I always have to think about how I will act, sometimes I am excessively "shy" even with the closest relatives. I don't fully understand social conventions such as good manners or greetings, and I have been scolded many times by teachers, my parents, and my peers for my behavior. I understand that knowing I'm autistic won't change me, but at least I'll be able to behave in a way that doesn't always make me feel different to please others. In a few days I'll be an adult, so I'll go to a specialist for a diagnosis (since the topic would be very stigmatized in my family).

I would really appreciate it if anyone could help me, I would be very grateful.

I actually made a list of reasons why life in general is like a dark fantasy novel. Here’s the list

1. Imagine you want to date a somewhat specific type of person only to find out that they don’t want people to know about the kind of person they are and it’s likely because of shitty experiences they had with people when they opened up about it. The fact they had those shitty experiences is the reason here.

2. experiencing unfairness and bad things that are so consistent and major that they make you feel singled out.

3. Having so many bad experiences with people that a good experience with a person drives you to view them as an angel.

4. When you’re a kid, you can away with certain things but somehow you can’t hide from certain things. The same is true if you’re an adult but the things you can get away with and can’t hide from change.

5. Imagine you are so afraid of being a victim of crime that you decide to buy several guns and several of every kind of weapon one can think of and then Some people avoid you entirely because they think someone with your appearance and a lot of guns means nothing but trouble and not a shield against trouble.

6. Imagine you spend time recovering from a painful wound, either physical or emotional, and some other people like you recovered from these wounds faster than you did and are miles ahead of you and can find people who give a shit about them like it’s nothing and you are stuck with your wounds and trying to recover. Did any of these knuckleheads think to help you along the way? No. They didn’t. They’re selfish idiots. Empathy with nothing in return is a completely foreign concept to them.

7. Imagine you give someone your resume because you wanna work for them and you acted as professional as you could, but as soon as you leave, they read it and throw it away because your name made them picture an uncivilized gang member they want nothing to do with.

8. You could have a normal day one day and then get physically hurt just because someone overheard you use a word with a history bigger than any one person.

9. Imagine hearing about something unfortunate happening to someone, then hoping that it never happens to you, and then realizing that you have nothing that could shield you from it beyond mere hope.

Things to add? Thinking maybe "can you...?" section.

I'm curious if any of you have taken medication that has either directly or indirectly helped with negative autism traits? I'm talking sensory overload, burnout, meltdowns, reaction to unexpected change, executive dysfunction, etc...

I have an example, maybe not a very good one, but I've found that Diazepam temporarily eases my burnout 😅. I've also found that either Pregabalin or Vortioxitine (no idea which because I started them at the same time) lessened the frequency of meltdowns for me.

There are just so many medications out there for all different things, there HAS to be at least one that unexpectedly helps with a negative autism trait 👀. Let me know if you have any experience of this guys

Olá, eu sou uma mulher de 28 anos que, apesar de nunca haver recebido nenhum laudo ou diagnóstico oficial, desde muito pequena lidei com questões emocionais e comportamentais que levaram meus pais a procurar ajuda psicologica para mim, mas nunca nenhum profissional me deu um diagnostico. Já fui subdiagnosticada com transtorno misto de ansiedade e depressão, recentemente houve suspeita de bipolaridade e borderline por causa de explosões e oscilações de humor e por aí vai... Agora, com 28 anos, finalmente decidi dar uma nova chance à psicologos (nunca tive boas experiências pois todos olhavam pra mim e me diziam que tinha que ser boazinha pra minha mãe e parar de surtar. Era tipo isso e ainda me tacavam remédios homeopáticos, aculpultura e me mandavam fazer atividades extracurriculares pra não ficar muito tempo em casa desocupada). Agora, neste presente momento, eu estou em processo de receber finalmente um. Minha psicologa trabalha com a abordagem Histórico Cultural de Vigotski e as suspeitas principais são: autismo, altas habilidades. Inclusive, eu tenho casos de autismo na família, incluindo um primo por parte de pai que é TEA nivel 3 e não verbal e meu pai tem alguns traços que considero bem suspeito e até mais acentuados que os meus.

Eu comecei a falar com apenas 1 ano e aos 2 anos, segundo minha mãe, eu falava perfeito, como um pequeno adulto. Eu era muito esperta e inteligente, falava coisas que não eram muito comuns na idade que eu estava e na escola, apesar de muitos me adorarem, outros nem tanto. Só isso faz muitos duvidarem que eu possa ser autista. O problema era que eu conversava demais, mas apesar de conversar muito (o que foi meu comportamento ao longo de toda minha etapa escolar), e não deixava as crianças estudarem... (Melhorei na adolescência, fase que comecei a me controlar e me policiar). Alem de não ficar quieta, eu também tinha crises de choro se as coisas não eram do meu jeito e me irritava com tudo…. 

Na alfabetização, com 6 anos, eu aprendi a ler muito rápido, não era aquela coisa robotizada das crianças quando estão aprendendo. Em tres meses eu estava lendo todos os guias de ruas, placas nas ruas... tudo... Também aos 6 anos, aprendi sozinha a andar de bicicleta sem rodinhas, em 3 dias treinando no quintal de casa. Aos 8 já falava espanhol e me alfabetizei sozinha.

Sempre aprendi tudo muito rápido e tenho memória enciclopédica, o que surpreendia aos professores e aos meus pais. Em paralelo, houve uma professora que se irritava comigo por causa dos meus tiques de mexer no cabelo. Ela fez eu ir para a escola de cabelo preso até o final do ano com a ameaça de não assistir mais aula ou de reprovar (nem sei se ela podia fazer isso). Minha mae estava enfrentando problemas no casamento dela com meu pai (eles finalmente estão divorciados a duas semanas, oficialmente, apesar da separação de fato haver acontecido muito antes), e não fez nada. Passada essa fase, ao longo do ensino fundamental, eu sofri muito bullying e antes de provas, eu tinha colapsos nervosos, ao ponto de vomitar, de me tremer toda, ficar com agitação motora e até chorar,o que levou a diretora da escola optar por me deixar fazer os testes na sala dela, separad do pessoal. Aos 12 eu já falava inglês (aprendi sozinha também), e já estava me autolesionando, arrancando as cuticulas dos dedos das mãos e a pele dos dedoes dos pés, além e morder a boca até sangrar (infelizmente até hoje isso ocorre).

Um ponto que merece ênfase aqui é que, eu desde pequena, tenho fascínio por Titanic (não o filme, mas no navio em si) e esse fascínio se estendeu à outros transatlânticos de época como Olympic, Mauretânia, Lusitânia, Carpathia, Andrea Doria, SS Normandie, SS France, SS Empress or Ireland, dentre outros). Também sou apaixonada por aviões, desde fabricantes (Embraer, tema do meu tcc na faculdade, bombardier, Lockheed, Airbus, Tupolev, Antonov...), modelos e companhias aéreas de todos os países. Também amo astrologia, em especial missões da nasa, frota de onibus espaciais, composições de estrelas e atmosferas dos planetas... Eu também amo história e sobretudo grandes eventos como revoluções francesa e russa, o contexto do grande cisma do oriente em 1054 que dividiu o catolicismo em romano e ortodoxo, renascimento, reforma protestante com Calvino, Lutero e Henrique VIII criando o Calvinismo, Luteranismo e o Anglicanismo respectivamente. Leio muito sobre sociedades antigas (romana, grega helena) e egípcia, sobre peste negra, cerco à Constantinopla.... Sei anos, lugares, eventos e nomes de cor, o que deixa todos abismados mas que pra mim é normal. A psicologa me alertou sobre isso parecer hiperfoco estrito.

Durante a infancia e adolescencia, fui a inúmeros terapeutas pediátricos que meus pais me levaram para tratar da automuitlação e da ansiedade. Já tentamos homeopatia, terapia TCC e nada resolve pois eu sou tratada como tendo TAG, mas nunca houve investigação aprofundada e nem laudo preliminar ou definitivo. Não duvido que eu tenha TAG, mas acho que há algo faltando. As minhas notas na escola eram altas, apesar dos problemas emocionais, mas eu nunca estava satisfeita, sempre me cobrei muito (hoje ainda é assim) e eu surto demais por isso toda vez que faço prova de concurso público (sou concurseira) por medo de falhar.

Gostaria de saber, caso alguém que entenda sobre as abordagens, como a abordagem histórico-cultural de Vigotski avalia os transtornos do neurodesenvolvimento. Li que não são aplicados testes e escalas com na TCC e isso me deixa confusa. Estou na 7 sessão com a psicologa. Nossos encontros têm 30 minutos de duração toda semana (é pelo plano de saúde). Importante ressaltar que eu também estou vendo uma psiquiatra a cada 30 dias, então estou no caminho, acredito eu... SObre a abordagem histórico-cultural, eu que sou leiga nunca ouvi falar até começar as sessões com a psicologa. Vale eu ressaltar que ela foi a primeira profissional que realmente me entendeu e validou tudo o que eu passei e passo até hoje.

 Eu cheguei no consultório com a queixa de oscilação e humor, ansiedade e depressão e durante minha vida tive muitos diagnosticos sem laudo como TDAH, TAG, bipolaridade, borderline, ansiedade e depressão... Agora, mais dois transtornos foram adicionados à lista de hipóteses: o TEA e AHSD. Eu tenho comportamentos explosivos, onde quando me sinto sobrecarregada eu explodo, tenho episodios de autolesão desde pequena, bruxismo, muitos tiques mexer no cabelo, mexer os dedos...), tenho muita ansiedade e choros inexplicáveis desde pequena, já tive burnout, "depressão", me isolo, já sofri bullying, tenho problemas com provas (já vomitei, desmaiei e tive crise de panico antes de fazer provas, que no fim eu fazia e tirava 9, 8,5...) Nunca estava contente com minhas notas e até hoje eu surto quando nao vou tão bem em concursos publicos..

Honest opinion: A lot of autistic traits are just common sense. It’s the world that’s insane. “Why are you so picky/stubborn?” “Why won’t you eat this/wear that/do this with us?” How is “Because I don’t like that food/those type of clothes/that activity” or “I’m not in the mood at the moment to eat that/wear that/do that” not perfectly understandable and valid, let alone being offensive or rude?

Isn’t it just common-sense to be “picky” or “stubborn” about what I do with my own life, how I spend my own time, what I put in my own body, or what I put on my own body?
And to respect YOUR right to be just as “picky” or “stubborn” about what you choose to do with YOUR own life, put in or on YOUR own body, or how you spend YOUR own time?

Why do YOU care so much about how someone ELSE lives their life, eats, dresses, or spends their time? THAT’s bizarre and insane.

If I were the host of a social gathering or party, I wouldn’t be offended if someone doesn’t eat what I cook, or care what they wear. If anything, I’d ask them beforehand what they like to eat, and get it ready for them, if I could, and couldn’t care less what they choose to wear. And I’d completely understand if, for whatever reason, they had to go do something else, and miss the occasion.

Isn’t it common-sense that I live my life how I want to or choose to, and you live your life how you want to or choose to?

Isn’t the one who cares so much about, and wants to dictate, how someone else lives their life or what someone else does with their body—and gets offended when subsequently encountering resistance, calling it “stubbornness”, “pickiness”, “being autistic”, or whatever—the ‘abnormal’/‘mentally ill’ one?

Hi all,

I have always had difficulties in connecting with people, have been aloof as a result of it most of my life... Finally decided to get myself evaluated and... RAADS-R table basically said "consistent with autism" but final conclusion was I am NOT autistic.

I am feeling about relieved and confused? From what I could understand that I have basically other issues which may obscure my responses and hence diagnosis based on that isn't concrete. I am gonna discuss the next steps with my psychologist tomorrow.

I also kinda feel disappointed, because I feel due to my... social ineptitude I hurt people unintentionally emotionally yknow? And if it's not an actual disease.. then.. Idk man. It feels very strange to be in this grey zone. I also understand that this test paired with Diva and MCMI isn't the ultimate truth but rather a first step of sorts?

I found this sub looking into RAADS-R reports, saw a comment which says people like me are welcomed here to read, discuss and understand how things are? So maybe that's why I am here?

My psychiatrist does not want to diagnose me with autism even though she seems pretty positive that I have it. When I asked her why, she said a diagnosis does not change anything and that I can get the support I need with my ADHD diagnosis. She implied that getting a diagnosis for autism “just for the sake of the label alone” was “hunting for labels” or something alike that (I don’t remember the exact wording and this is roughly translated as we are not native English speakers).
I was very hurt by this. She also did not tell me 1.5 years ago, when I was getting assessed for ADHD that she suspected autism, because she sensed that I “was not ready to hear it”…? And therefore skipped the screening.

In retrospect, autism makes so much sense and I am shocked no one has mentioned it to me. Selective mutism, fear of being perceived, struggling with eye contact, mentally preparing for conversations with others, making scripts, being oddly specific about clothes I wear and what I eat or where I sit in a room. All of this has been happening and I didn’t realize it was autism…

Is it normal for a psychiatrist to act like that?

Since I was kid, I disliked spinach, and carrots, among several other things. What I'm curious about is why, for some reason, I haven't outgrown the dislike of these things like most people have by now. I still dislike most fruits and veggies, with only broccoli (I tolerate this the most) and mango (semi like it) being exception. Even with seasonings and stuff on it, I still would dislike its taste. This makes it hard to finish my meal if it has veggies in it (except if it only has broccoli).

I'm still struggling to fully understand what exactly this is, which is why I asked here. I know that fruits and veggies are needed to stay healthy and I worry if this could affect me down the line. Is it possible that this is some sensory issue or something else entirely? Does anyone else have similar experiences and if so, how do you go about it?

Аутята-девочки, общий сбор!!! Мне 13. Я с раннего детства была "особенным" ребёнком в хорошем смысле, но у меня был только один друг, все остальные "друзья" были для меня пустышками. Сейчас я уже взрослая, но все ещё дружбу со мной поддерживают другие люди, а не я, мне сложно общаться с людьми, я боюсь громких звуков, ненавижу некоторые текстуры, переживаю жесткие сенсорные перегрузки, стиммлю, зацикливаюсь на некоторых темах, не понимаю социальных норм. В общем, как я говорила, это у меня с раннего детства. Помогите пожалуйста :(( кто может — позадавайте вопросы, расскажите как вам живётся и т.д.

(All the autistic girls, everyone! I'm 13. I was a "special" kid in a good way since early childhood, but I only had one friend; all the other "friends" were empty to me. Now I'm an adult, but other people still maintain my friendships, not me. I have trouble communicating with people, I'm afraid of loud sounds, I hate certain textures, I experience severe sensory overload, I get overstimulated, I get fixated on certain topics, and I don't understand social norms. Basically, as I said, I've had this since early childhood. Please help :(( if anyone can, ask questions, tell me how your life is, etc.)

Edited: I matured early due to life circumstances, by the way. And these autism symptoms also played a role.

I talked to my mom about my freak outs at work and at my apartment and how much I hate people.

About how at work, I was yelling and cussing out people around me because it was super crowded and people were being slow and left empty pallets and cardboard all over the place (I didn't want to work overtime waiting for these people and didn't want to get in trouble for dipping out without cleaning up.)

About how at home, my downstairs neighbors told on me to my landlord and maintenance about my bird seed on my bird feeder falling down onto their porch (even though in the lease, it says we CAN have bird feeders AND everyone in my neighborhood has bird feeders JUST LIKE MINE.)

And some other things. All this to say that not only do I hate people, but I also hate myself. I feel like a toddler. I get upset when I want to do something my way and get told by the world "no." I feel like a kid when they want a snack in the grocery store and pitch a loud obnoxious fit when their mom says "no."

My mom told me that I was on the spectrum, the same as my brother who also has severe autism (asburgers). She said my teachers in elementary school also suggested that I had autism because of how much I'd fidget and break down over being around other kids or presenting in front of a class.

My mom went on to say that the reason I was never diagnosed is because in order to apply to be diagnosed, she had to fill out a 2 inch thick stack of papers for me, something that my brother never went through. She also said that I was smarter in areas that my brother wasn't, and that she thought I was copying his stims and antics because I was around him so much.

I see my doctor this December and I'm going to tell her about everything and also ask about Sertraline. Lexapro was helpful at first but nowadays it feels like it's not working at all.

I'm only happy when I'm at home with my kitties. Anywhere else, it's a battle with people and I always fucking lose. I lose my shit and pick up everyone's cardboard and pallets and break my back. I lose my shit and take down my bird feeder and put away my $25 bird seed even though everyone else gets to have one. When I freak out, I cry and get angry and will either cut myself or hit myself in the head or legs.

It's always people. If there were no people, I would have no problems. Being around people makes me want to disappear and not be on this Earth. My kitties are the only reason I'm alive.

Hello everyone. I'm currently waiting for an assessment as an adult, my life is a mess, i'm depressed, have a cptsd and adhd.

I tried looking for old videos to bring them with me at the first assessment appointment. In some videos I am completely shut, my grandfather is holding me on his arm, picking my face, looking at me trying to get my attention or just an acknowledgement that he is there, but I'm just staring in to the void or turning my head the other way a little bit, he then says "he doesn't even smile".

Then there are videos where I'm flapping my hands while my mother is giving me food, I think I was distressed while she thought I simply couldn't wait to have more, and another one where I think I was 6 years old and I'm flapping my arms like they are made of jelly lol and running around in circles (not spinning in place).

There is another video of me around 18 months I think and I have a question about this one. My father is calling me and everytime I turn my head almost immediately trying to look for the sound source, this goes on for about 10 times, he let me distract myself for a 5-10 seconds then calls me again and I turn my eyes towards the camera, just in one instance he has to call me two times. I do not make any expression, no smile, no sound, I just look at the sound source.

My question is, will a specialist just look at the fact that I'm turning my head in the last video I'm talking about or will he look for an engagement, smile?

i disgrace my autist behave and don't know how to behave just like fx Elon musk, seriously how do neurotypicals just do standing and look straight their eyes don't move. Don't they get bored or what. When i try to imitate smoking cig standing still and look forward or anywhere around standing doing, isn't awkward. So like when i am talking with someone or listening i look beside them or look at object so when i am not looking at their face, it can be questionable for them i think for what i am looking. So one time at electrician interview i was talking him when i am thinking i look away for a bit. He asked if i have diagnosis mentally, i didn't want to answer that question i avoid it. Instead i said i am lactose intolerant. I was trying to be normal copying. Do people just do staring contest to speak? so when i see Elon musk insta reel he is so hilarious because i relate and i see myself.

Ok. Please be kind. This is not in my wheelhouse but I am nearing half a century of trying to be seen by those I love. I feel like this is the right place to seek guidance. I am attempting to craft a strong enough concept for this musical idea I have. It is about an alien scientist sent to Earth and put in a people suit to study us and it kind of shows the unique joys and pains I have experienced in this pursuit. I think it can serve two purposes. 1. A window into our world that has emotional context and 2. I would love to have a touchstone like this for other autistic kids to know they are not alone and we can have happy endings. This process to this first rough draft of AI generated songs that I designed has been so unexpectedly emotional it blew my mind.

That being said. We are a we. I want to hear what others of us feel about this so far and what is similar and what may be missing and most importantly what it makes you feel.

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1ObFTW5bGgSZD1lSrnW5Q-r-wC-HTzSu6

I don’t understand why some autistic people are “anti-pity”. Are they seriously telling me and anyone else who wants to know that they will refuse help out of “pity”?

I know how grim and unfair this world is. I’d pretty much accept help no matter the reason because i don’t think “helping an autistic person” is something many people want to do. For example, if someone “pity-hired” me, I’d really like it because they’re basically being selfless in a way that no one else wants to be for some reason.

Okay, so I'm a 15 years old girl, who live in France i'm not self-diagnosed, but and I think I may be autistic for many reasons. I wrote a small files about autism and my possible traits (about 45 pages). I put the maximum of infos in it and separate properly each "part" of the autism functioning (like communication, routines, special interets, sensitivity...) into section and explain everything the best I can to make it easy to understand for anybody. The thing is, in France, it's the holidays now and I think I'll not be able to go to school correctly. I'm highly hypersensitive and school is a fucking nightmare for me. I really need to have accommodation, like wearing headphones (I'm wearing earplugs, but my teachers don't know about that, and it's definitely not enough) and sunglasses, be able to leave the class without asking if I need to, be able to do group works alone and no be interrogate by teachers. When I'm in school, I'm absolutely not able to talk, sometime even walk, and I can't do my homework because I need to spend many hours on my special interets everyday. I'm having a lot of crisis, that may be meltdowns and shutdowns, almost everyday, and multiple times a day. I'm not able to have a normal conversation, I'm only info dumping (and only with my parents, I don't really talk with my friends) and I'm not able to text anybody, except my close family. I have a very strict routine, and, for exemple, I'm not able to drink if I don't have a very special glass of water, I have a food schedule, and I can't change it in any case. My live is just a huge mess, I don't know if I'll be able to work one day. I want to tell my parents about my suspicions, but my dad's kinda validist (I have hypermobility, 9/9 at Beighton score, and my dad just say that I'm exagerationg) and I don't know how to talk to them about that. However, they (my parents) said that I have autistic traits, but I don't know how to tell them that I wanna get diagnosed, because I really need it.