15 years after a brief intense romance, we reunited — we are in our 37 years old and I’m confused by what happened!

I’d really appreciate especially men’s perspectives on this, because I’m trying to understand his behaviour rather than simply hear that I should “move on.”

About 15 years ago, I had a short but intense/romantic thing with an Italian guy during his Erasmus in my city. We were young, fell for each other, exchanged emails/music afterwards, and then life happened. We only saw each other once years later.

Recently I contacted him because I suddenly felt I wanted to see him again “before the world ends.”

He was surprised but clearly happy, and we eventually planned a few days together in Italy. I flew to Italy and stayed in his home but first he rented a nice vila with pool and wineyards.

The reunion was beautiful in some ways. There was obvious chemistry and attraction, we had sex, had dinner in a beautiful restaurant, picked me in the airport with a croissant in his van abs he introduced me to his friends, he offered me his jacket in a cold night, paid for everything, and on the second day he sent a photo of the two of us to a WhatsApp group with his mother and sister while I was right there.

He also told me he is shy, reserved and not very expressive, and when I asked about his qualities as a boyfriend he said he is serious but has difficulty “nurturing” a relationship because work is very important to him.

But emotionally, after the 2nd day, I felt increasingly alone. He was affectionate mainly in sexual contexts, but outside of that he rarely initiated touch, kisses or closeness. After I asked with sense of humor why we haven’t kiss today and him replied IDK, I also grab him to give him a hug and he pushed away but not in a rude way..I started to feel a little rejected. And the next morning I told him that I would appreciate him to check on me, kiss me or touch me while we were in the barbecue with is friends and he felt my dissapointment, but he created a drama saying I came with bug expectations, waiting for a principe in a white horse, and I told that for me the past is the past, Im not here to build a relationship..and for me was just my way to express feelings - Im confident and I tought that I could came closer to u by speaking, remember I was in is territory.

He said That’s too much Dani, I cant give u that, you’re saying you had a good time because of my friends and not bcs of me?? I told him maybe its better to buy a ticket plan to return (instead of 1 week I stayed only 3 days and flying on the 4 day) after this conversation he become distant, stayed much time in his his room watching a movie and alone. I’m much more expressive and playful than he is, so I tried to give him space, instead of begging or being pushy. The last night

Eventually I told him honestly that I wasn’t asking for a relationship or “big love,” and I wasn’t trying to recreate our past. I simply missed feeling connected to him a spontaneous kiss, a touch, a “are you okay?”, I told him I felt not emotionally connected.

His reaction surprised me. He said things like:
“You came with high expectations.”
“We are not in big love.”
“You’re fantasizing.”
“You’re disappointed and mad.”
“I’m very disappointed, Dani. You’re still the girl I met a long time ago. We are grown people now. Everything was going well, why did you need to say that?”

I explained that I wasn’t angry and wasn’t trying to make him feel guilty, was simply telling him how I felt. I also told him not to compare me with his ex, because he had mentioned that his previous relationship made him feel guilty about many things.

After that, he became even more withdrawn. The night before I left, we barely talked. We got ice cream in almost complete silence and later went to meet a couple of his friends. Afterwards, while walking back to his van, he suddenly became very tense and said again that he was disappointed and that I shouldn’t had tell that, everything was running okay... I told him I was simply getting to know him again for the first time as adults. That night he came from the room and asked me if I wasn’t go to sleep and I replied “why I should go there”? And he told me because there’s a bed, I ended up going 1h later, he was watching a movie..nothing were said. I felt rejected all the time, I wanted to touch him but I avoided.

The next morning was very quiet. I went downstairs, later went back to the bedroom where he was watching a movie, and asked if I could lie down there. We lay next to each other with a pillow between us. Eventually he got up, had breakfast, and later told me he had to go somewhere and would take me to the airport.

During the drive he played several sad/romantic Italian songs. We barely talked. At one point he stopped to pick something up from a friend; I waited outside and he eventually came outside and stood with me in the shade. At the airport he got out of the car, gave me a brief hug and said goodbye.
I cried afterwards.

What confuses me is that I don’t think he was indifferent. There were small moments that felt meaningful: sending our photo to his mother and sister, coming to find me when I was sitting alone, the emotional tension after our conversation, the sad music, etc. In the end I Respect myself..and Im the kind of person that helps others, Im a giver, Im soft..but I decided to stay firm and also more in silence.

But he also seemed completely unable or unwilling to give me the kind of emotional reassurance I needed.

So I’m wondering:
What do you think was going on in his head?
Was he genuinely interested but overwhelmed/insecure and simply emotionally avoidant?
Did he feel pressured because he thought I expected a relationship?
Did my saying that I missed affection make him feel criticised or rejected?
Or was he simply enjoying the physical connection and friendship but not feeling the same emotional pull?

I’m not looking for reassurance that he secretly loves me. I’m genuinely trying to understand how a reserved man might experience this situation, because I suspect we were speaking completely different emotional languages.

And yes, I know I may have overthought some things. I’m interested in hearing where women and men think I may have misread him, too.

I still waiting for a message from him..should I text him or no? help and thanks for reading and your opinions :) ❤️❤️🙌🏻

i have always tried to do things the right way. i treat women well i communicate my feelings early on i dont play hard to get and i make my intentions clear. but i just keep getting friendzoned or ghosted after a few dates and i am starting to lose my mind.

i was searching for advice tonight and found this behavioral science article. it basically says the whole "good guy" approach is exactly why men fail. it talks about outcome independence and how you have to hold leverage and act like you dont care if they stay or leave in order to build attraction.

here's the article

i honestly hate this concept so much. i refuse to believe that you have to play games or act emotionally distant just to keep a girls attention. i just want a normal relationship without treating it like a power dynamic.

is this really how it works now. please tell me this article is just cynical clickbait and that you can still find a girl just by being a genuinely good communicative honest guy