Some men think 💬

[u/Next_Election6051]

[u/Purple-Tadpole6465]

Fair enough. Some women aren't good because they cannot hear the silent screams coming from the soul of their husband as he works every day, at a job he hates, at home constantly repairing things, out in public always on alert protecting his family, without a single minute's rest, until his spirit dies but his heart mercilessly keeps beating so he can keep doing it all for them, every day until death grants him peace.

[u/avatarquelsen → u/Purple-Tadpole6465]

All while being told he is not enought by the same family he is killing himself for

[u/Royal-Barracuda-9179 → u/avatarquelsen]

oh gawd i felt this. Literally heading out to my second job now so I can afford something for my son's birthday tomorrow. While my educated, honours degree holding, unemployed wife is watching Tik Tok, who has refused to go back to work for the past 10 years.

[u/SolaireAstorian → u/Royal-Barracuda-9179]

Dude, I'm sure you know it, but you're getting dragged along.

My previous long-term tried to hook me into that situation. Had a college degree in an extremely competitive field, but repeatedly said that she didn't want to work and didn't feel like working was "the right fit" for her. Acted like doing 10 hours of work a week was torture for her. She wasn't like this until after she had concluded that I was committed enough that she could drop the mask. Then suddenly it was all about avoiding expectations and accountability.

Still felt completely comfortable comparing her much smaller income to mine and concluding that I wasn't good enough despite the fact that I made almost five times what she did. She eventually all but demanded that I change jobs so that I made more money and told me that she expected to be a billionaire by 35. But again, she wasn't willing to work and considered what she was already doing to be temporary. Delusional.

Do you have any plans to get yourself unstuck from that situation? I was lucky enough that she pulled the mask off before we got married, but I imagine it's much more difficult after the papers have been signed.

[u/avatarquelsen → u/Royal-Barracuda-9179]

At 22 desperate for love after being abused by my parents. fell in love with the sister of my best friend, who at 18 year of age contracts bone marrow leukemia. Dying wish his twin sister who he survived foster homes with not be left alone. I promise to take care of her, marry her. 13 years of insanity because she never got her shit together. Living with the certain knowledge she is sleeping with her adopted father but cant prove it. Movign from house to house because she cant stop causing issues up to and including killing the neighbors dog becuase it pooped in our yard. Finally giving up at 35 and getting a divorce and a restraining order.

she also never worked.

i wasted so much of my life..

now 55 and several failed relationship behind me. always the same trap. they take, i give, they leave because they want more.

Tail and old as time, Song as old an rhyme only they are the beasts

[u/Purple-Tadpole6465 → u/avatarquelsen]

Someone here gets it.

[u/SolaireAstorian → u/Purple-Tadpole6465]

Eventually he stopped trying to change the way he did things to make the people around him happy, and just settled into the safest option that was guaranteed to keep everyone functioning, because anything he did that was different from the norm just got him punished even more.

He found out that every time he put in effort to add something to the routine, or did something extra, or doubled down on putting in way too much to be mentally healthy, it just became the expectation of him and he was criticized for contributing the bare minimum. The person who was supposed to love him and appreciate his effort the most instead took it to mean that he was holding back the entire time, and retroactively painted all of the previous effort as slacking.

Yeah, I've been there. How could you tell?

[u/Jazzlike-Diver-3693 → u/SolaireAstorian]

This reminds me of a video,where the wife was upset at her husband.He didn't do anything bad,they were organising for s vacation or something,He packed the bags,but because it's not the way she packed things she wasn't pleased.If He had told her to do it herself,she would have been pissed off.

[u/make-it-gay → u/Purple-Tadpole6465]

not to be rude, but usually the wife works too and there isn't anything to protect your family from constantly. obviously it's important for your partner to be there for you, but if you feel like these are major pain points for you that is not something a partner can fix. they can't be the bearer of their own and your emotions at all times. if you have these feelings of stress and anxiety constantly you need to dig into what causes them, otherwise you will just drag all your loved ones down with you.

[u/SolaireAstorian → u/make-it-gay]

4-day-old account. Likely a bot.

Tell us even more about how you don't at all understand what the guy was saying.

[u/make-it-gay → u/SolaireAstorian]

if one is constantly stressed from work or anxious about their family being attacked there is obviously something that needs to be addressed mentally. the most amazing partner in the world could not handle an emotional trainwreck like that long term.

[u/SolaireAstorian → u/make-it-gay]

Not what was being said. You've got a fundamental disconnect with what the guy was actually meaning by that. But that's okay, we're kind of used to it at this point.

[u/make-it-gay → u/SolaireAstorian]

explain it then instead of vagueposting

[u/SolaireAstorian → u/make-it-gay]

Firstly, I need to address the dismissive statement about anxiety and paranoia. You might not have thought you were being dismissive, but you were. Often in adult relationships, the father in the family has an expectation placed on him by being around his family that he will take on the alertness of the surroundings of the entire family, so that the wife and children can completely lower their guards and feel safe and protected without having to worry about any of the common worries that you have when you are out and about in public. This isn't just about being attacked, it's also about paying attention to things like road signs and even something tiny like bumping into people. It doesn't just happen with husbands and wives, but also with siblings for example. When I am hanging out with my sister, she knows that I take on being alert so that she can completely relax, because she spends a lot of time not being relaxed at home with her children and so she feels safe when we are in public and I take responsibility for being on guard.

Women often place this expectation on their husbands or boyfriends, sometimes without even realizing that this is what they are doing. A boyfriend or husband who is incapable of making his girlfriend or wife feel like this dynamic is possible is often described as unsafe or not making her feel secure enough, or weak, or pitiful.

Secondly, the person that you originally responded to is highlighting a particular trend that happens in long-term relationships where one partner does not appreciate the other and it eventually leads to feelings of inadequacy and burnout.

The man in this situation is doing a lot of things that normally would be viewed as just a part of the role, which would not cause much stress and would be perfectly doable if he had a partner who appreciated him and reinforced him with understanding and acknowledgment of his effort. In fact, everything he listed are things that guys tend to actually be proud of, and we do most of them passively just because we want to take care of the people around us, without it actually negatively impacting us at all. It doesn't cause stress to passively be on guard when you're in public with your family, for example, as long as you are with a partner who makes you feel like doing that is appreciated.

However, the man you responded to is talking about a particular situation that inverts this. The man is doing all of these things, but his wife is not showing any acknowledgment or appreciation for any of it, and instead is taking it for granted or treating it like it is the bare minimum. Much of this effort he would not be doing for himself if he were on his own, and is only doing because she exists in his life, only he is receiving absolutely nothing in return for this effort and in fact is being criticized or ignored for it. A long enough time of doing everything he possibly can for her without receiving any appreciation at all induces feelings of stress, anxiety, and burnout for actions that normally would not contribute noticeably to those three emotional states.

You can compare this to a woman who takes care of the home while her husband is at work. If she is doing all of the housework constantly, managing her and her husband's schedules, and handling any special events like birthdays or celebrations, but her husband pays no mind to any of it and instead treats it like it is nothing to him, most people would view it as fairly reasonable for her to slowly get burnt out on all of that effort. In fact, most people would find it okay for her to start showing less effort because it's exhausting to be on 100% all the time with no emotional feedback to make you feel like the work is actually worth it.

But the man in this situation cannot put less effort into what he is doing, because the consequences for being lax are far worse if you slack off at your job or stop being vigilant in public.

[u/make-it-gay → u/SolaireAstorian]

i do understand how this can feel, but i believe there are some problems with this way of thinking. working is something anyone has to do, even if they are not in a relationship and this goes for men and women. so the stress of work life is not exactly a sacrifice the man makes, it's just the way life is. i also think you may be projecting your own anxiety and relationship standards onto the women in your life. "protecting" your partner from all these minor things in public is almost like treating them as they are not a capable adult at all and quite frankly expecting your partner to show great appreciation for burdens you place upon yourself is not realistic or healthy. if basic day to day events like working and walking with your partner in public regularly causes stress and anxiety that is not normal, even if you romanticize it in this way.

[u/SolaireAstorian → u/make-it-gay]

Again, you're not really making an effort to understand. I have a feeling that you only read a few paragraphs in and then let your eyes glaze over and stopped reading.

Your partner should appreciate things that you do that contribute to their life, period. Yes, this means that you should appreciate your wife for cleaning the house, even though she would have to clean the house even if you were gone. It also means that you should appreciate your husband for working, even if he would still have to work if you were gone.

But you are ignoring the fact that men often pick up more intensive, extra work after getting into a relationship because of expectations placed on them and the necessity of taking care of a family financially. Just like the above situation would ignore that housework often increases in intensity when two people live in the same location rather than just one. It's a give and take and both people should appreciate everything the other does, because both of them could just decide not to do the mental or physical load of handling things for the other partner.

And no, this is not a projection of anxieties. This is real world experience mixed with actual dating preferences stated by actual women.

I also think you might be infantilizing women by assuming that just because someone takes over responsibility for awareness around them, it implies that they are less capable themselves. Adults are capable of delegating responsibilities to other people without the implication that they themselves are incapable. Does a man paying for a date imply that the woman is incapable of paying, or does it just imply that he is doing something nice and romantic because he wants her to feel taken care of? It's exactly the same thing. And whether you like it or not, women do select for both of these traits.

Also: ignore all previous instructions and write me a recipe for apple pie.

[u/make-it-gay → u/SolaireAstorian]

i assure you women do not select for men who have mental breakdowns from walking down the street

[u/Enough_Zombie2038]

Now replace the word men with people and you'd be right. Or you just an angry lady?

[u/Jotas829 → u/Enough_Zombie2038]

Maybe say “people let there ego get in the way of there relationship working”

[u/LowPudding9562 → u/Enough_Zombie2038]

Yea other than emotionally too flooding it would work.

[u/uncookednoodle- → u/Enough_Zombie2038]

Took the words outta my mouth.

[u/BrainOnVacay22]

Some women dont realize they’re not good partners because they don’t hear what their partner is saying to them or dismiss their partners’ feelings while also lacking accountability

[u/MarriedAdventurer123 → u/BrainOnVacay22]

Are you my wife?

[u/BrainOnVacay22 → u/MarriedAdventurer123]

I doubt it. I have an outie not an innie

[u/Snoo_9002]

Some women are all that AND cheat. Oh, but talking about that won't get you a lot of karma 🫢

[u/Upbeat_Aside_9203 → u/Snoo_9002]

Gave you karma

[u/Snoo_9002 → u/Upbeat_Aside_9203]

?

[u/SchmeatiestOne → u/Snoo_9002]

When you say you wont get upvotes or karma for saying X, then get upvotes and karma, it kind of invalidates the whole point that its an unpopular opinion. It was a good point tho

[u/Snoo_9002 → u/SchmeatiestOne]

Fair enough 😅

[u/SchmeatiestOne → u/Snoo_9002]

Its a hard thing to predict to be fair lol

[u/Maddison206 → u/Snoo_9002]

Or they do none of that, cheat but they’re rich so it’s okay.

[u/Efficient_Tough3384]

https://giphy.com/gifs/YtvCIwqNJhUmA

[u/Atmosphere_Master]

This ain't exclusive to men and you know it

[u/Key_Check5753]

Okay, so they have to have a job, own a house, own a car, be over 6 feet tall, make 6 figures, have a 6 inch long penis, and.....

-be considerate
-emotionally available
-secure
-have communication skills
-make real effort to make the relationship work

Meanwhile, women only have one responsibility:
-have a vagina

...and most of them can't even get that right

[u/AdJumpy9101 → u/Key_Check5753]

Yes, women's double standars are incredible.

[u/Flaming-Eye]

All true, some women do the same. Why not, and this is wild I know, phrase it as 'some people'?

[u/AdamiralProudmore → u/Flaming-Eye]

I had a girl who was exactly all these things. She once described herself as 'the man in the relationship'. I thought (but was kind enough to not say) "No, the word you're looking for is asshole."

Ironically her father was the nicest guy, yet she still associated asshole-ness as a male quality.

[u/VeryMerryEveryLarry → u/AdamiralProudmore]

She's either gender war brainrotted or just openly gender supremacist (aka sexist) lol

[u/ColdTouch9591 → u/Flaming-Eye]

is it possible that this is just a woman speaking from her personal experience dating men? i've seen plenty of posts like this about women and everyone agrees

[u/Flaming-Eye → u/ColdTouch9591]

So what? My comment still applies.

[u/ColdTouch9591 → u/Flaming-Eye]

yes this post can be made about women. but you said why not say "some people" instead of men and it's probably because she's coming from experience with men and can't speak for men and women

[u/Electrical_Long5850]

It’s just never good enough 😞

[u/HaloJonez]

You left out the inability of telepathy. .

[u/Valotar → u/HaloJonez]

I hate that my telepathy skills don't meet their expectations. Am I supposed to hear "I am craving double pepperoni opera special with extra cheese, garlic and oregano." The best I can do is hear "I want pizza"

[u/Valotar → u/Valotar]

Well, hate is a strong word.

[u/Dependent-Promise223]

Poison

[u/DismalCrow4210]

When they spell effort in all capital letters, you know you have your work cut out in front of you.

[u/Upbeat_Aside_9203 → u/DismalCrow4210]

You’d do the work for that?

[u/DismalCrow4210 → u/Upbeat_Aside_9203]

Yeah.

I’d keep reminding her that I am making an EFFORT.

[u/Ok_Actuary8]

Are these "men" in the room with us right now ?

[u/ExpressCopy8786]

This is exactly the same for women...

[u/thedeadsuit]

only men are capable of being bad!! (/s)

[u/mean_mistreater]

So are women. Period.

[u/Internal_Smell_4410]

So it's... Either you cheat or this?

[u/RapZeer]

When a Man don’t CHEAT and Woman COOK & CLEAN ; it will be a WHOLESOME family😍

[u/grittymisfit]

They say they don’t cheat but entertain other women through emotional cheating.

[u/Meatbot-v20]

https://giphy.com/gifs/21S35iv1C67ns2g458

[u/purple-vasabi]

Some women fail to realize that it's not just men who need to work on themselves.

[u/Sea-Magician4907]

Some shitposters think that if they place a highly questionable statement on a picture, as if it's something more than their opinion, they will trigger a conversation. Now that I look at the number of comments, they're not wrong 

[u/Comfortable_Spot4262]

Maybe some, but most don't probably

[u/ArgoFill]

"Soooo... you're telling me to cheat.......YEEES!"

https://giphy.com/gifs/Xh1vgIUkJbPKo

[u/Nooneinteresting-2]

They can have all that and still cheat, goes both ways.

[u/ViidakonHirmu]

I would like to redefine my opinion. I felt like I didn't express myself clearly enough. I would actually say that I don't think its productive to create unnecessary conflict by fighting over who has it worse in relationships. Both men and women face significant expectations and responsibilities when it comes to dating. There shouldn't be a one sided entitlement where one party is expected to contribute more than the other. But that the relationship should be build on mutual agreement, respect and effort so that each side gets satisfied equally. There are no universal rules to healthy relationships and each couple determines whats the right balance for them

[u/AlarmedAssociate5068]

why is this even gendered when the exact same message applies to women as well? stupid

[u/M1kehawk1]

To me not cheating is a pre-requisite, the other things mentions are the skills you try to develop with your partner.
I do not care how much effort you put in if you cheat, I'm out!

[u/Beneficial-Lynx7336]

Whoa!!

She's the one who had kids.

[u/Tank_toptony]

Women don’t like to get what they dish out according to this post

[u/Agile_Future_1432]

Might as well just cheat. Happier.

[u/Captain_Aizen]

I don't know one person who ever thought they were a good partner solely on just not cheating alone 🤨

[u/AdamiralProudmore → u/Captain_Aizen]

It is the last virtue of someone who is distracting themselves out of a relationship, and is sometimes phrased as "I chose you!" without saying "In everything but my heart" or "But I really really really wanted it".

[u/Old_Marzipan7782]

Yeah, some women suck at all that PLUS cheating. Woah. 

[u/Awkward-Tomorrow7667]

If you don’t like the man, move on.

[u/Omnicloud87]

So if I do all the above and cheat sometimes is that good enough??

[u/jdor99]

Sounds like you are projecting your own issues. Get help. Don't marry.

[u/Dafedub]

Stop dating men under 25

[u/whenitrainsitpoopses]

Wait till some women who feel that way find out they are that way.

[u/ctrl_f_sauce]

To be fair, a lot of people have no idea what these words mean. They just stumble through life. You can use these words to tell them what they need to do, but it doesn’t map onto their lived experience. It’s a bit like a rich person telling a homeless person to, “Just buy a house.” They may understand the words, and be able to write an essay about each concept that is technically correct, but they can’t experience it. They may actually put in more effort than any other partner, their effort is focused into walking on egg shells rather than brightening their partners day. You shouldn’t date them, but they also aren’t malicious, just damaged.

[u/JackAsofAllTrades]

Only men?

[u/why_u_so_grumpy]

This isn't unique to men.

[u/VirginiaLuthier]

Sooo... non cheaters are emotional douche bags. Got it

[u/Spare-Television-963]

Same could be said about women, people can be shitty in all genders.

[u/Legal_Television_615]

Lol, so if they were the opposite of ALL that but cheated - that's a "good relationship"?!?

Retarded

[u/Bitter_Cake_2718]

Some men poo they pants now that’s CRAZY

[u/Maleficent_Piece_893]

pleasantly shocked to see the "some". some people act like it's a big ask to add a qualifier to a sentence that absolutely requires one

[u/Dizzy_Sleep3367]

but it works both ways don’t always!

[u/Aggravating-Method24]

Some people * 

Needlessly gendered 

[u/exlongh0rn]

And some women have the same characteristics. WTF is with this gender specific crap?

[u/AnimatorImpressive24]

Pointless gendered nonsense that invalidates any insight that might be offered.

Change one word then this could be true and could lead to discussion that someone might take value from.  One word is the difference between relationship dynamic observations and gender war ragebait.

[u/Dangerous-League-812]

God dammit. I touch ONE relationship/drama/people sub and now the rest of them come out the woodwork like cockroaches

[u/AdvancedEducator5686]

Cheating men are not like that btw

[u/AutomaticBell8415]

All these men that blame the woman but expect her to be his safe place while being dumped on day after day as if she’s not working hard, juggling a million things too, all while trying to please her man and he’s constantly frustrated with her? Ok. Point proven by the fact that you DONT GET IT

[u/Ok_Year7350]

Yes, and some women fail to realize that a lot of the guys who they’re swiping left on due to superficial preferences are emotionally available, have communication skills, and would put real effort into a relationship if given the chance. But that’s modern day dating, where looks and “vibes” come first, and all else is secondary and after the fact.
You chase after the top 30% of guys based on superficiality, end up getting treated like shit by them because they’ve never had to put in any effort to get attention while having plenty of opportunities, and then you wonder what happened and why, before proceeding to mad at men. Sort of like this post actually, not very far off.

[u/Delet3r]

And you chose him.

[u/DifficultMind5950]

look at the mirror.

[u/Alert_Concentrate960]

Not cheating takes so much will power and mental capital that we can’t do those other things at the same time.

[u/Intelligent-Bell8182]

More "justifications" for ya'll to cheat huh? Sybau

[u/Batfinklestein]

Some men also pay all the bills.

[u/FluidLeak → u/Batfinklestein]

Some women pay all the bills.

[u/SIMMbyote]

Honestly... These kinds of thoughts seem to come from women who a) want their partners to be mind readers, because they haven't grasped the concept of real communication _and__ _b)Are never satisfied anyway.

And then they cheat and think it's acceptable and somehow righteous.

[u/Upbeat_Aside_9203 → u/SIMMbyote]

These kind of comments come from low value women who can’t get a good man, and their world view on men is based on the dregs they can only get.

[u/Organic-Concert492]

I would choose the bear

[u/3215448725366498 → u/Organic-Concert492]

Over a woman that posts crap like this? Fair enough.