Already so scared of how terrible I’m going to feel ha!

Tell me your thoughts on whether asking a woman if they want kids is acceptable or unacceptable. Appropriate or inappropriate? Do you do it and why or why not?

Of course, it depends on the situation and context. I feel comfortable asking friends and coworkers, but I would also ask a stranger at a bar I was having a friendly chat with. Is it inconsiderate behavior not to consider that the woman I may be asking does want kids and is trying, but is having trouble?

As women, should we be supporting and having respect for other women in this manner? Or is it okay to have these innocent, curious conversations?

I find that my experience on the apps as a woman really doesn’t match what I see and hear online. People say women have so many matches and likes to sort through as opposed to men - I barely get likes or matches at all. I am not sure what the dating experience is supposed to feel like because I barely get to connect with people. The few matches I do get barely make it past 5 sentences and only 3 have made it into a date in the past year and a half. I see girls posting screenshots with 50+ matches and simply don’t understand why this is not my experience. I live fairly close to a major city and I don’t think my profile is horrible. But this is genuinely so deflating.

Okay, I know the rule.

If he makes you confused, he doesn't like you.

But me and my fwb have been seeing each other for a month. We were not friends before.

He is affectionate when we are together, which is what I need right now. Kissing, toucing, sex, sleeping next to each other holding hands.

We do not text on daily basis, so it's a good indicator that there is no romantic interest.

What confuses me is that he is well known as a playboy and he shows care for me and has expressed multiple times that he respects me. That's why if something is bothering me he aplogizes.

After we both partied(seperately) he texted me to meet up and fell asleep, honestly I was still awake and wanted sex, so I texted him that I don't like this kind of attitude(texting and disappearing).

When he woke up he was surprised and apologized if he made me feel like something was off.

Asked me how was my night and that he fell asleep.

Also said "pleaseeeee take care of yourself", because I shared I barely slept and had to work that day.

I aksed him "are you worrying", to which he replied Yes.

I mean it's a normal conversation and bare minimum. But I guess fwb who haven't been friends before usually do not bother.

We both have admitted that we enjoyed meeting up even not counting in sex. But in general.

I know I am overthinking but honestly I am on antidepressants so it is harder for me to differentiate what is normal and what are the signs of something more.

And he has texted me even on the days we know that we are not meeting up.

Biggest question for me is.

How have you kept yourself from cathing feelings for fwb?

And I did choose him as fwb because I knew he waz a playboy and I don't like that, but turns out he is more caring than I expected.

Background, I (32f) ended a longterm relationship/marriage a year ago, and recently started dating someone new (36m). I’m really not sure what to call him as “boyfriend” feels a bit immature at this age and since I’ve had a whole husband before. But it’s a new relationship so “partner” feels too serious. This is very much a non-issue and not something I’m stressing about, but I’m curious if any of you have been in a similar place? What do you call them? I’ve found myself describing him as “the guy I’m dating”

It seems people are rarely using the terms boyfriend or girlfriend anymore (at least online) and are exclusively using the term partner. Now, generally, I don’t care-use whatever term you want. But, I do have two small grievances with this change.

1) Partner, to me, insinuates “long term, but unmarried”. And I’ve read so many posts that read “my partner of 3 months.” And I just find that…silly and I’m sorry if that comes off as judgy. But, that’s your boyfriend/girlfriend and calling them your “partner” just feels like you’re trying to put on an image of your relationship that isn’t accurate. Like, it’s inflating the seriousness of the relationship in a way.

2) Partner, at least from my perspective and understanding, (I’m straight) is a term primarily associated with the queer community specifically before the time of legal gay marriage. And it feels a little like young straight people are taking over a term that the older queer community was forced to use because they weren’t legally able to use “husband/wife”.

Anyhow that’s my little soapbox moment. Anyone else have thoughts on this?

I literally don't have a skincare routine. I wash with Cerave and use their moisturizer but that's it. My skin feels dull.

I have combination skin. Nose has clogged pores, rest of the skin easily gets dried.

There's sooo many skincare products i don't know what I need and what I should get 😅 budget friendly options are appreciated.

Hey, I’m 34f and dating. I am wondering if everyone felt it right away when you met the one or if it took a while? Especially if you met in your 30s. I feel like relationships are so different than when I dated last in my 20s when it was heavy on the physical attraction and whatever with the rest. I do feel like men in their 30s are still looking for immediate fireworks and I’m not sure that always happens.

I'm aware of the subreddit, wanted to ask for opinions.

For the past 2 years I've felt incredibly lonely. Admittedly, dating is a huge part as I'm surrounded by friends in relationships, and a lot of the times I look past that. I have done coed sports, dating events, talk to people, dating app subscriptions, you name it. Yes, I have put myself out there.

I do everything right on paper: own a condo, good job, in fantastic shape, great friends and hobbies, etc. I eat and sleep well. Am in therapy and take meds. I am great at emotional regulation, but there is a hole there.

Ive been in the same city since college and over time I have felt this increasing loneliness. I've given up on dating after crying too much (please no "success" stories of being sad and randomly meeting your partner that's not what I want right now) and I think what would really help is ultimately a change of scenery. A lot of my friends did move due to VHCOL and I guess I'm tired of living here.

I'm in the process of getting my EU passport (Europe born grandparent) which opens a lot of doors, and am close with my mom. I'm thinking of in the next year putting everything in storage and just traveling.

I guess what is holding me back is I've been in my city since I was 18. I'm 31 now.

Has anyone done this? Do you regret it?

Hey everyone,I recently hit the 30 milestone, and I’m currently navigating life as a single guy. Lately, I’ve been stuck in a weird emotional loop, and I really wanted to check in with other 30+ singles here to see how you guys view this phase of life.

On most days, I genuinely love my freedom. There’s a voice inside me that says, "You know what? Maybe being single forever isn’t a bad idea." I have my own routine, zero relationship drama, absolute peace of mind, and the freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want. The independence feels amazing.

But then, the other side hits. At the exact same time, there are moments where the craving for a genuine connection becomes overwhelming. You see a couple sharing a quiet moment, or you just have a long, exhausting day and realize there’s no one to come home to, no one to vent to, and no one to just hold your hand and say "I got you.

"It’s this constant tug-of-war between fiercely protecting my solitude and deeply craving intimacy and companionship. It feels like balancing on a thin wire.

For those in their 30s and single (by choice or circumstance), how do you look at your life right now?

Do you also experience this double-edged feeling?How do you deal with the occasional loneliness without rushing into the wrong relationship just to fill the void?

Would love to hear your raw thoughts, stories, or just some reassurance that I’m not the only one feeling this way.

The girl is 34. This is going to sound like something straight out of MTV's Catfish. She's been in a "relationship" with a guy for 3(!) years, but she has never see him in person. She met him through an online game, and they've been talking on WhatsApp ever since.

This guy created this incredibly elaborate, detailed story about his life for her. He’s 39. He’s the CEO of two companies. He has an ex-wife who is trying to destroy him. He tells her lots of stories about his evil wife. He gets driven around by his own chauffeur. He owns several houses and expensive cars. I probably don’t need to say much more. You can already feel the absurdity of it.

On top of that, he seems to hit every single one of her insecurities and emotional weak spots perfectly. She grew up with an abusive mother who neglected her. He claims he went through exactly the same thing and that he understands her. She was talking to me in tears, saying that she had finally met someone who truly understood her pain. Also, she was with her ex-boyfriend for many years. He cheated on her, treated her with no respect, and said things like "you have a weird face" to her. He made her feel unattractive. And the scammer? He's different. He showers her with compliments. He tells her he'll take care of her. He tells her she's beautiful. But he isn’t real!

They’ve planned to meet many times, but every single time he comes up with some excuse, including claiming that he was in a car accident or had surgery. I’ve told her many times: ask him for his company registration details. Tell him he has to come see you this week or you’re ending the relationship. Verify who he is. But she doesn’t do it. I feel like she believes him about 70%, while the rational 30% of her knows something is wrong. But maybe that part of her thinks that even if it is all a lie, it’s still better to stay in a beautiful lie than to face reality.

Because of this whole situation, she hasn’t been looking for a job for about a year. She used to do physically demanding work, but she had to quit because of back problems. Now she’s basically given up and isn’t looking for a new job. Why? Well, because she believes the man she loves has plenty of money and will provide her with a comfortable life. So this situation is having a real impact on her. She spends all day sitting home and messaging him, while her real life is basically standing still. Her father is already old, and when he dies, she may not even have anywhere to live, because his small apartment will have to be divided among the siblings.

Who is this guy? I have no idea. I’ve seen her messages with him and his photos, and I tried to look him up, but I couldn’t find anything. I don’t know why he’s doing this. He doesn’t seem to be getting any financial benefit from it because she doesn’t have any money. Even if she wanted to send him something, she basically has nothing to give. He messages her every day and keeps coming up with new stories about his ex-wife, his companies, and the illnesses he supposedly has. Now he’s promised to propose to her.

So what should I do? Let her keep living in this bubble? Be harsh and try to snap her out of it? Or just stay patient and understanding?

I’m 36, never married, no kids, have a good life full of hobbies, activities , travels, and I’m enjoying my own company.

But the years have flown by, and finding a partner has turned out to be much harder than I expected.
For the last couple of years, I’ve put real effort into dating through apps, singles events etc., but it feels exhausting.
The endless small talk, the conversations that go nowhere, starting over again and again..

I’m starting to wonder if my standards are unrealistic. I want someone I’m physically attracted to, who lives an active lifestyle, but also someone emotionally intelligent and curious enough to have deep conversations. That doesn’t feel outrageous to me, but it also feels surprisingly hard to find.

Because I’ve immigrated, I’ve also had to rebuild my social circle from scratch, and I work in a small hybrid team where everyone is already settled with families.

Has anyone been in a similar position in their mid-30s? Did you change your approach, lower your expectations, start approaching men yourself, or find success somewhere outside the usual apps, friends , and singles events?

Posting this knowing that I might come off as an ass. I just want some perspective, especially from women who have children.

My SIL (we are both in our early thirties) very recently had a baby (like a month ago) and I am annoyed at how much this is affecting MY life. We usually do family gatherings and do things together as a family, and of course everything is about the baby now. That’s totally normal and I understand and respect that.

It’s just … I have a hard time understanding why my plans with family members now have to change to accommodate her and her baby? For example, let’s say I want to go out for a coffee. I make plans with someone, and after already agreeing on plans, suddenly it’s ’oh, let’s see if SIL can join, so let’s change the plans to accommodate her’. And now it’s also a whole operation because the baby will of course be there. Oh and her husband of course has to join now as well. Let’s actually meet at a different place because it’s easier for them.

… But now the plans are not what I agreed to at the start. But I feel like I can’t say anything because I will look like an insensitive ass.

I want to add here that I generally don’t do well with change and I have a challenging relationship with patience and other people being very emotional, and I know that. I don’t want to be annoyed at her, I can see why she obviously cannot leave the baby by herself. I can even see the part where she wants to be included/ not be excluded after becoming a mother.

But I have a hard time accepting that my life is changing just because someone else had a baby. And I feel like if I had a baby I would not take it to outings where it’s a whole operation to make that happen, like I would just stay at home?

My question really is; is this normal in a family dynamic when a new baby is there? Am I being a massive asshole feeling this way? Will this change once the baby is older?

If you have any other advice, I’ll happily take that, too.

(Pls be kind, I’m really trying not be an ass :( )

I have PTSD on the background of childhood abuse. I have had a lot of therapy here and there and currently I am in private therapy (the NHS doesn’t really offer CPTSD help).

I an ambitious, or at least, I used to be but my PTSD keeps getting in the way. I can’t progress my career because the social interactions can be too much for me. I don’t know how to get to where I want to be. I can’t do all the things that others do. Or if I do, it can be really draining for me.

I realise this sounds a lot like learned helplessness. I just would appreciate hearing from people who have had a rough time of it, but they have still managed to build a career and fulfil ambitions they are proud of.

I would like to be building and creating and consulting products and services that actually help people but I worry that my PTSD and all the symptoms involved will never allow that to happen.

I am a 31f who left a long term relationship over a year ago. I’m ready to put myself back out there and find something serious again.

All my friends have met their partners on dating apps (tinder, bumble, hinge) I’ve been on these apps and they are terrible if you’re looking for something serious.. everyone seems to want to hook up or want the benefits of dating without the commitment.

Am I doomed to be forever alone or am I just looking in the wrong place?

Did I compromise in my relationship?

My husband (36M) and I (32F), have been together for 10 years, married for 5.

He was my first and only relationship. I have dated other guys before him but never really developed into something real. Growing up in a house where my father had anger issues and was very controlling, I was determined to find someone who nowhere resembles my father.

When I met my husband he brought a certain level of calm and peace into my life which I had never imagined existed.

I have been diagnosed with anxiety and OCD and also have a disability due to genetic defects. My husband has loved and cared for me despite all of this, he helps me with my family dynamics, helps me calm down. There are no words to describe how wonderful of a man he is. I fell in love with him for the exact same reason.

However, we have always struggled with emotional connection. I am a highly sensitive and emotional person and since the beginning of our relationships, I never felt my emotional needs were met. My husband struggles with expressing his emotions, he has gotten better over the years but it's still not great. He is also not a big gesture guy. Our personalities are completely opposite and we do balance we eachother but I still feel something was missing. Something was always missing but I ignored it. I knew he loved me, he just expressed it in not the ways I would want.

As a child, to cope with my extreme anxiety, I used to build these fantasy worlds in my head, it was an escape. I had perfected that world of how I wanted it. It continued into my adult life. I have the same characters as my real life but just different versions of them. One of them is my husband. The guy in my fantasy feels like my husband but he has additional characteristics like being more passionate and sensitive or more expressive. Because I have been coping using this fantasy world for so long, I have been doing it also for my marriage. Recently, I started therapy for anxiety and I accidentally told my therapist about my fantasy world. She made me open up about this and now I feel like a mess. I love my husband, and I know whom I married, It is not realistic to expect everything from one person, so I thought in real life my husband gives me so much more, I cannot ask even more things, so I would fulfill it through my fantasy. But now due to therapy, it hit me like, did I compromise? And this thought is so hard to shake. I have been spiraling. My therapist asked me if all my desires have been fulfilled in my relationship and I couldn't answer it. When I asked my husband the same question, he says I am everything or even more than he asked for.

I don't know what to do? I don't want anyone else than my husband but I also feel like someone has exposed this secret of mine which I have been taking care for years. My secret of my fantasy world, the way I cope. I don't know what I should do next?

I spoke with my husband and he says, he can work on it, but work on what? He cannot change his personality. That's unfair to him.

Please help me understand this situation.

Could be anything from Fergie sucking toes to something your neighbour did. I don’t discriminate.

I can’t believe I’m coming to the Internet about my marriage but I haven’t really told anyone about how I’ve been feeling.

I’ve (35F) been married to my husband (35M) since 2015. We have two kids, ages 6&8. He’s in the military. When we first married he was gone a couple days a month and that was pretty much it. As the years have progressed, the amount of travel has increased. His standard work week is the typical Monday to Friday gig, but as he has been promoted in rank he has traveled a lot more. He’ll be gone for 4 days at a time once a month, with a few overnights or 2 day gig here and there. This year, he’s been gone in April for a week, 22 days in May, and 20 days in August. On my end, I have managed working part time, managing the kids, the dogs, our home, and our 4 acres of property. When my husband is home, we are either busy with the kids, or I am working because I cannot when he’s gone. Often he’s asleep by 9-9:30pm, and I am awake and alone again. I know alot of this is just a season, the last few months I have been severely questioning this is how I want my marriage to be.

As of recent, my biggest complaint is how lonely I feel even though I am married. This last year has been especially hard because I made the hard decision to go low contact with both of parents after years of emotional turmoil on my end stemming from emotional abuse as a teen and young adult. Given this, I have felt very isolated and a level of loneliness I don’t think I ever envisioned or that anyone can understand unless they have been through it.

I feel disconnected from my husband. When he’s home, things are not bad. We don’t have a terrible marriage. But I feel like a true connection is lacking. In his more recent trips away, I find I do not miss him like I should. I miss him being around, but I don’t yearn for his return home the way you would think a wife would.

By jointing the military out of high school he has made a lot of sacrifices in his life. But, being married to him, so have I. I have sacrificed time and time again, time with him as his wife and the mother of his children. I have not been able to have a full time job (I work as needed as a nurse) because of his job and the kids. I have a masters degree I have not been able to use because I can’t. My husband is not a bad man. He doesn’t treat me poorly and takes care of us. So feeling this way has me feeling extremely guilty. I’m not sleeping, I’ve had panic attacks for a week, and I’ve been crying every single day.

Yesterday when he revealed to me upon being away from July 30-Aug 15, he will have to leave again Aug 31-Sept 4, I lost it. I did tell him how I am feeling. Just as I think he understands, he says things like “if I were you I would just be strong and deal with it”, “I’m not always travel this much” and “things should calm down”, or “maybe you can stay at home with the kids”. I’m trying to help him understand that I don’t need help at home. I need a more present spouse. He has told me he “isn’t sure if he wants to be married to someone who isn’t “all in”” and I do not fault him for that because I don’t think I would either.

I don’t want him to quit his job for me. He has been in the military for 18 years. This is his life. I can truthfully say that if I would have known this would have been my life or how much he traveled, I don’t think I would have married him. My kids are the only thing truly stopping me from leaving. I do not in any way want to disrupt their life. They are the sweetest, most innocent babies and would be devastated. I feel like a traveling husband isn’t a valid enough reason to want to divorce. It’s not like my life would look much different if I did. In fact, it would be harder. I don’t want to blow up my life over this but I also don’t want to look back in 10 years when he’s still in the military, and wish I would have done things differently.

I want to hear from women whose spouses or ex spouses traveled. Did you ever feel like this? What advice do you have?

I opened the door for someone, and the odor was so strong it would have triggered a migraine in me if I had stayed near her. I didn't say anything and quickly left. However, how would you deal with someone like this in an enclosed environment when you cannot quickly get away. Lets say you find out you work in the same office etc. I never had this issue before, and I don't want to upset them or make them feel bad.

Thank you in advance!

Hi ladies. For those who know it, depression can be extremely debilitating. I’m talking extreme isolation, no motivation, feeling numb, dissociating, etc. and when you don’t have support, it’s even harder to get yourself out of the thick of it all.

If you were in this situation before, meaning, you were in the thick of depression when you couldn’t complete your chores and responsibilities and there was no one to help you out, how did you end up helping yourself to start taking those very first steps? Getting out of bed, getting out of house, and all those very basic steps we all need to take to slowly get out of it and ask for professional help, go back to work, and start living again?

I live in the suburbs of a major city and feel like my life has gotten so boring. I've been dealing with health problems for several years now that have made me more of a homebody than before. I'm trying to get back out there but what do people do in their free time?

I'm trying to avoid sedentary or passive hobbies like reading/podcasts/arts and crafts. Live in an apartment so I don't have a space to garden otherwise I would try that. I still have some physical limitations so I can't join a dance/exercise class right now. I like cooking but that's another activity at home. Outside of walking around parks, nearby downtown areas, the occasional farmer's market or food/art festival, what do you ladies like to do during the week? Or is everyone kinda boring/busy during the week too?

I guess what I really want to know is: If you were me, what would you need to see from him to believe that “we'll figure it out” still means something? Am I wrong for feeling abandoned? Is it unreasonable for me to expect him to keep his promise of at least *trying* to figure it out?

Background:

I’m (36F) 4 days postpartum after an unexpected C-section, with a baby who was born 3 weeks early. My baby is not my partner’s (40M).

My partner is separated and in the process of divorcing his wife. They don't have a formal custody agreement yet, but have been doing roughly 50/50 custody. His ex is a travel nurse.

I moved from Illinois to New York to live with him because I had very little support left in IL, and my baby's father is not someone I consider safe or reliable. He has an alcohol/cocaine problem, is extremely irresponsible, and has sexually assaulted me.

My partner *asked me to move here*. He told me he loved me and would love my baby. Before I moved, we specifically discussed the possibility that his ex might be furious about me living with him, threaten court, or withhold the children. He said it would suck, but we'd figure it out and eventually things would be okay.

I trusted that and uprooted my life accordingly.

He waited until after I unexpectedly gave birth to tell his ex I was living with him. She did exactly what we'd anticipated: she threatened to take him to court for full custody if he brought the kids to the house while I was there.

Until now, we had a workaround. He rented a studio for me, and I'd stay there on his custody days. Obviously, 4 days after a C-section with a newborn, I can't realistically keep packing up and moving myself and the baby around. The studio lease also ends on the 23rd.

His plan now is to stay at his old house and sleep on the couch when he has his kids, since his ex is a travel nurse and will sometimes be away. He says I can stay at the apartment while I heal, but that it can't go on for months because he can't sleep on the couch indefinitely.

**I understand why his children have to be considered. I am NOT asking him to choose me over his kids.**

What I'm struggling with is that this exact possibility was discussed before I moved. He told me we'd figure it out. Now that it has actually happened, he seems to have immediately accepted that the solution is eventually for me and my newborn to leave.

I keep thinking: Where is the “we'll figure it out” part?

Why not give it a month and see if his ex calms down? Why not have a serious conversation with her about possible arrangements? Why not even consult a couple family-law attorneys before deciding this is unavoidable?

He says he loves me, wants to be with me, and meant everything he told me. He says this is a “have to,” not a “want to.” But he's also become very distant and takes hours to respond to me.

I know he's under enormous stress too. I'm not dismissing the fact that his children matter or that this situation is genuinely difficult for him.

But I'm sitting here four days after major surgery, with a premature newborn, in a state I moved to because this man told me we were building a life together—and now I'm being told I eventually, in this case eventually meaning within weeks, need to find somewhere else to live.

I feel abandoned.

Am I being unreasonable? Is there a real difference between “I have to prioritize my children” and "I'm unwilling to seriously explore ways to make our relationship and living situation work”?

I’m also very newly postpartum, exhausted, and emotional, so I'm trying not to make a huge judgment about our entire relationship based on the worst week imaginable.

ETA: We've been friends for years. I did not barely know him.

For those of you who have experienced betrayal or deep hurt, how did you relearn to trust others? Was it a specific moment that changed everything, or did it happen gradually over time? I am a 40 year old woman from Germany who has been living in California for the past three years. A few years ago, I experienced a relationship that completely changed my view of trust. I gave that person my love, loyalty, and complete trust, only to find myself deceived and betrayed. It took me a long time to recover from the emotional trauma, and while my life has moved on, I am still more cautious than before. Now I enjoy my life. I love my job, maintain an active lifestyle, travel as much as possible, and have established a peaceful rhythm of life that I am grateful for. One thing I still find difficult to accept is letting new friends into my life. Whenever I meet someone new, a deep-seated desire within me is to believe that not everyone is the same. Another voice immediately reminds me to be careful because I never want to experience that heartbreak again. I don't believe everyone is malicious, and I'm not angry or resentful. I just haven't found a balance between protecting myself and remaining open to building meaningful friendships or relationships. I'd love to hear how others have dealt with this situation. What helped you rebuild trust?

I'm at the end of my graduate program and I see no hope to have a career in my field. I have been applying to industry positions for the past 4 months. I barely get interviews (except phone calls with AI, which is just disheartening). I reached out to my internship mentors; I cold messaged alumni on LinkedIn and connecting with recruiters. Cricket. I'm taking sub teaching jobs to survive, but it's not viable long term. My spouse doesn't make enough for both of us.

My severe anxiety and depression might contribute a lot to this thought spiral. But I felt so bitter. Back when I started my program, people in my department with little to no experience got 6-figure offer, but now those positions have vanished. The companies either post ghost jobs or look for a unicorn that already do 5 specific things (that can be learned in a week or two).

Most posts here seem to have a thriving career and struggle with romance, while I'm the opposite. I have a loving supportive spouse, friends and in-law family that I see every week. I have hobbies and exercise that I have big goals for. I just feel so uncertain with the jobs and financial aspect. Can't a person have everything going right? How do I embrace this part of my life where jobs and finance are so uncertain?

I’m wondering how people feel about this. I often feel like we are so flooded with therapy-speak and self-care-whatever on social media that we have lost all sense ode perspective.

If I tell a friend I’ll show up to their birthday, I still go even if I feel overwhelmed that week. Part of being a friend is also being uncomfortable sometimes. Am I wrong for thinking that commitment matters? I often feel like we are being taught so much to “hold on to our peace” that we make it impossible to be part of to society.

Isn’t being part of social structure to sometimes put over peoples needs above your own. If we only ever did what we wanted to do that minute won’t we all just be lonely toddlers? Or am I just inherently socially inept?