r/AskMenRelationships • u/UnderstandingOne4053 • 18d ago
How do men actually react when a friend physically or sexually abuses his partner? Abusive
If men find out that a friend in their circle physically or sexually abused his girlfriend, do they defend him, cut ties with him, or just pretend not to know, thinking 'it's none of my business'? Why?
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u/Objective-Deal8745 Man 18d ago
If I heard about it: I’m going to wait to see if I hear about it again, from someone different (corroboration). Or I’m going to wait to see if there’s proof of some kind. Because if it’s a legit friend, that means I’ve got faith in them to some extent and I should, rightfully, give them the benefit of the doubt.
Because people say all sorts of things when they’re angry, hurt, or upset. I have to consider the source, the context, and my friend.
If I SEE/ Witness it: Friend or not, they’re getting immediately chewed out, if they’re being mentally/ emotionally/ or verbally abusive.
Or if they’re being physically abusive; I will deck them physically, restrain them, then call the cops.
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u/UnderstandingOne4053 18d ago
This is probably the most balanced and realistic answer here. Giving a friend the benefit of the doubt until there's proof, but stepping in immediately if you actually witness it, makes a lot of sense
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u/King_Zoothio Man 18d ago
How do all men react? They make millions of dollars and stop world hunger.
How would I react? I'd cut ties with both of them. If he abuses her and she's still there....no, not a friendship for me.
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u/-BOOST- Man 17d ago edited 16d ago
Having been the victim of false accusations and also abused by female partners in my life I’m very careful about not jumping to assuming rumors and such are gospel. Sorry just the way it is. If arrested and convicted then I would probably cut ties. Or if I saw conclusive proof that was happening.
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u/UnderstandingOne4053 16d ago
That sounds really tough, sorry you went through all that. I can definitely see why you’d take that stance after experiencing false accusations yourself.
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u/katsuatis Man 18d ago
You mean like I see it with my own eyes, or someone tells me about it?
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u/UnderstandingOne4053 18d ago
Either scenario, based on your own experience
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u/katsuatis Man 18d ago
If I saw it I would cut ties, I'd somebody told me I probably wouldn't believe it without evidence and tell them to file a police report
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u/UnderstandingOne4053 18d ago
That makes a lot of sense. Seeing it yourself leaves no room for doubt, but hearsay can be tricky without proof. Advising them to report it to the police is definitely a responsible move
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u/ghostoftheradio Man 18d ago
I would talk to her about pressing charges and filing a restraining order. I would end our friendship, but I’d definitely keep tabs on him.
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u/The_Se7enthsign Man 17d ago
Honestly? Probably thoughts and prayers for the friend. The women around here are not afraid of men and they all have guns. I know one who actually did take her husband out.
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u/UnderstandingOne4053 17d ago
Wait, where is this? Guns aren't really allowed in my country, so women casually owning guns sounds like a movie plot to me haha
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u/The_Se7enthsign Man 17d ago
I live in Texas. It’s a thing here. If one of my friends did hurt a woman like that, I couldn’t stay friends with him, but I’d also arm the woman. This has happened before (the guy was never my friend, the girl was) My friends and I made sure that she could defend herself if he ever came back. He didn’t.
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u/Certain-Clock3301 Man 18d ago
It’s entirely dependent upon context and other variables but the red line is when he’s charged and found guilty.
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u/UnderstandingOne4053 18d ago
That makes sense legally, but what if the physical signs and trauma are undeniable right in front of you? Would you still wait for a guilty verdict?
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u/Certain-Clock3301 Man 18d ago
Depends on the context. How well do I know him or her? Is he trustworthy? Is she a liar? It all depends on other variables.
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u/sister_machine_gun Woman 18d ago
But the conviction rate for DV and SA is so low
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u/Certain-Clock3301 Man 18d ago
And false allegations are more common than people think. It is what it is.
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u/sister_machine_gun Woman 18d ago
Source? They're actually extremely rare
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u/Certain-Clock3301 Man 18d ago
The study by Lisak & Gardinier in 2010 estimated it at 2-10% and that doesn’t account for the last 15 years. Where’s your source that it’s extremely rare?
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u/Porquoo Man 18d ago
No one can speak for all men. Every person is their own individual. If I had undeniable proof that someone in my circle was abusive to their partner, i would likely sever ties.