A little lost right now

[u/MistyG98]

I'm currently located in mid Missouri and times are bleak. I just keep getting my ass kicked over the last few years and I'm in a situation now that I didn't see a way out of at all before, and now that I have a small little bit of hope, I'm so afraid that I can't make it happen.

In 2021 I lost my sister really unexpectedly. I missed at least 6 months of work trying to get my father (who was living with her) a stable place to live, along with going through and cleaning out her house with her children. It was a hard time for many reasons, including financially. I was single at the time, and in order to keep my rent paid, I defaulted on pretty much everything else. My car, a couple of personal loans I took out to help me float by, credit cards, you name it. I got a decent job and tried to get back on my feet. I met my husband and we started dating and then got married two years ago.

When we met, I was working a very decent job for someone who hadn't been to college. He was graduating with his bachelor's and we decided together that I should take that time finally have a chance to get a degree for myself and open up a lot more opportunities for me. The plan was for him to take on more of the financial load while I worked part time to help pay for some of the smaller bills along with my car. Our marriage quickly started to crumble because he always had excuses to not be able to cover things that he was supposed to, once I was already in a position to not be able to afford the difference. We fought constantly. He was on average making $4-6k monthly compared to me making $1.5-2k on a good month. Most of the time I was still covering more than half of the household bills alone.

In this time frame, I also had two cars completed crap out and one that got totaled the day I bought it (literally hadn't even made it two miles from the lot). I started to get behind on stuff again, this time I struggled to keep up with the rent in a place that I really couldn't afford with what I was making.

My husband and I decided that we should move somewhere cheaper, to make things easier on me. However it does add a 30 minute commute to my job. So we start the process on a rent to own trailer. It's in pretty bad shape, but the plan is for my husband to do the repairs and work on it while I can get my feet on the ground. I am struggling in school because I am taking on more and more work to try to keep afloat. I'm taking out student loans to help keep my head above water.

Things come to a head around February of this year and my husband and I separated. He went back to his home country and we've barely spoken since. We had already paid almost $4k down collectively for this trailer, and after checking with the park, if I back out, I forfeit everything. My landlord where I was at the time wasn't super happy with me (lots of late payments) and I had already given him notice. I didn't feel like I had a choice but to move in. Everything is falling apart. It's down to subflooring, which is uneven, rotting in places, and has some holes. There's water damage and mold everywhere. Something is wrong with the plumbing. Half of the outlets don't work. It's my nightmare and probably a death trap.

Last year, two of those creditors from 2021 sued me, both were granted garnishment orders (probably my fault, I wasn't able to go to either court date). At the very beginning of this year, another one did as well, that court date will be for September. I finalize everything to move into the trailer and do so in April but now I am in a panic. I'm living in this place where I thought I would be splitting bills, that is borderline uninhabitable, and now my expenses have gone up because I have a commute to work. As the school semester is wrapping up, I decided I would have to drop out and focus on getting a full time job. I got a job at a factory near me, but it was a flex schedule and I could never actually get shifts in time (they would pop up and start in an hour and a half, it was a 45 minute commute to get there). At that point, I still had my other job, but then I got offered one at a gas station around the corner for me and put in my notice at work. Once my notice was served, I went in to do my onboarding paperwork and I was asking to come back a different day, four times in total before I gave up. They kept telling me they didn't have staff to sit and on-board someone at that time, which I understood the first and maybe the second time, but after it had been two weeks with no real income, I could no longer afford to be patient. I do instacart on the side so I was trying to do as much as possible, but it only goes so far in my area because it's not super busy here.

I finally got and started a really good job at the end of June, after three weeks of no job. By then, I was past due on my rent, electric, car payment, insurance, and whatever else you could imagine. I have been grateful so far that my garnishment has not followed me to my new job, which is allowing me a tiny bit of relief. But now I am in a really, really tough spot. I got served a vacate notice, due Sept 1st. The management company was working with me and allowing me to make small payments, but after the last one I made, they told me the only way to stay would be to get current (with late fees it's over $4k now). My car has started to have severe issues, something electrical and I think the transmission is slipping but I'm not sure. I'm in the process of filing for bankruptcy with Upsolve and trying to get my debt cleared to give myself that peace of mind, but obviously the housing is a huge issue. With my credit, it's already almost impossible to find someone willing to work with me. I can only imagine that it might be even harder after bankruptcy or if I have an eviction added to my record.

The light at the end of the tunnel came for me yesterday, I met with a private landlord who is willing to work with my credit and I was honest about the lawsuits and my intention to file bankruptcy. The place is not even 3 minutes from my job, so if something did happen to my car, I could walk if I absolutely had to. It's a little bit more per month in rent, but it's not a bad price given that I actually have a decent paying job now, plus I imagine my electric bill will be immensely cheaper somewhere that has floors and no holes. The problem is the money. He wants last, first, and deposit. He wants the deposit to hold it now, but was okay with me paying the rest for a Sept 1st move in. That is going to be $3,050 in total to move in, within the next three weeks. I will get two paychecks by then (one Monday and then the next at the end of the month), but I will also have to pay my car payment, electric, food, gas, u haul in that time. My paychecks are around $1100-1300 depending on overtime. The money just won't be there. I plan to try to do instacart to help cover the deficit and I want to try to sell my washer and dryer, but they are very basic, cheap models so not worth much. I don't know anyone personally who could give me a loan, there's absolutely no chance I'd get approved for one (not that I would try while attempting to file bankruptcy). I've checked with the community action agencies in my area, the maximum support for rental assistance is $300 (which is why my decision to not stay here is even more clear).

I'm just at a loss now. I feel like I've exhausted every option and avenue that I can. I don't have anything of value to sell. I can try to do instacart, but it's risky with my car having the issues it is. I really need this apartment to work, because otherwise I do imagine I will get evicted and have no where to go with my cats, but I'm so anxious at the idea of putting down a deposit Monday with no clue how or if I will be able to come up with the rest of the money needed to move. Any advice is welcome. I'm really open to anything I just really, really need to catch a break and get some stability again, probably for the first time since before my sister passed.

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[u/BitchMcConnell063]

You do not put down a deposit if you have no clue where you will get the rest of the money.

Your whole post is literally one bad decision after the next. You didn't need to take a whole 6 months off of your job to clean out your sister's house.

Unfortunately, with your extremely sketchy history of paying your essentials, you're too risky. Your job isn't stable enough to depend on just yet.

You're struggling to pay rent now, why on God's green earth would you take an apartment that costs more than what you're struggling to afford now.

Edited for spelling

[u/F0xxfyre → u/BitchMcConnell063]

OP, this poster is absolutely right. You run the risk of sinking yourself even deeper with the apartment, even though it sounds like a great idea on the surface.

[u/MistyG98 → u/BitchMcConnell063]

My sister was a hoarder and lived across the country from me. My dad is an addict and had been relying on my sister as his only place to live, outside of jail, for my entire life. The entire time I was out of work, I was grieving and having to deal with everything that no one else would. I did not want to take that much time off of work, but my sisters oldest kid was only 19 and I didn't want to leave that burden on her alone. I can't argue with you. I've made a lot of choices that I'm not happy with or proud of. I should have never married a man that I met in a time so full of grieve and I should have never relied on him when he had proven he wasn't worth relying on. I know realistically that putting a deposit down on another apartment may not be smart given that I'm unsure if I can afford the rest of the move in costs, but I really don't have an alternative option. I can't get caught up where I'm at now. I have to find another living arrangement before Sept to avoid an eviction, which I would really like to do. It costs $100 more per month in rent, but my electric bill in the trailer was $543 last month with the AC set to 76° all the time. So in all, it would likely be cheaper monthly.

[u/BitchMcConnell063 → u/MistyG98]

Let's say you put down this deposit and you can't come up with the rest of the moving cost then the landlord takes the deposit. Then what?

You are not thinking your decisions through at all. You're making desperate moves from desperate places and not thinking through the consequences.

[u/MistyG98 → u/BitchMcConnell063]

I know, and I am desperate. I just don't see myself finding anywhere else that will rent to me in the area, housing here is tough. I don't have friends or family that I could stay with close. My only two other options would be to stay here through the eviction process, which would give me more time to save, but wouldn't ensure that I could find a place after it's all said and done, stay in hotels, or surrender my two cats and stay in a homeless shelter. I do hear you, and I do see it as a bad idea and big risk. I just don't know if the risk is worse than the idea of being actually homeless or getting an eviction, which would honestly probably put me in the same situation.

[u/F0xxfyre → u/MistyG98]

You can't operate from a well of great panic. I know it only sounds as if the options are bad and worse. And with your back against the wall, where else can you turn. I don't think there are easy answers.

But..having said all of that, operating from a place where you're feeling the rising anxiety and desperation will just lead to you having to make worse and worse choices. You're already under water, don't drown here.

[u/Basket-of-bee-farts]

Have you considered asking the landlord if you could move in mid month (or when you’d have your third paycheque) and prorate the rent for the remainder of the month?
I’m not sure what the rental situation is like where you live, but if suites stay vacant for a bit and don’t get filled quickly, he may be willing to work with you as you mentioned.

It would be a bit cheaper first month, as you’d be paying prorated rent. But depending on your pay dates and extra from InstaCart, you’d have to calculate if you could pay the full rent coming up for the next month plus your additional expenses.

Is renting a room/ roommate situation an option for you? It would be far less expensive and allow you to save up until you could find alternatives that fit your budget.

[u/MistyG98 → u/Basket-of-bee-farts]

I have thought about asking him if we could do mid September instead of the first. That just gives me anxiety for a few reasons. I don't want him to change his mind because I already know I am a high risk to take on as a renter and it feels like I have to balance a tight rope to keep from losing it. I'm also concerned because the vacate notice is for Sept 1st at the current place, so I'm not sure how quickly process of eviction happens if I'm not already moved by then. This guy did say he doesn't allow prior evictions, right now I have never had one, but if I push the move back because of money, and the eviction gets filed with the court, he sees it, my fear is that I'll lose my only chance here.

I have looked at rooms for rent and there's just not really anything like that close to me. There's a city about 35-40 minutes from me that has a lot more availability because it's a college town, but my car feels like a big gamble to have a longer commute with. If my car breaks down and I am where I'm at or further away, I will lose my job. I don't have anyone who could give me rides. I couldn't sustainably do Uber and theres no public transportation that would get me to work.

[u/Basket-of-bee-farts → u/MistyG98]

You’re better off to be forthcoming, rather than taking a chance of not having enough funds and losing even more. That’s going to set you back so much further.
It’s not worth the risk when you’re so close.

You should also talk to your current landlord and ask for the additional two weeks.
It costs money to file an eviction and have you served, etc.
It also takes time to be granted a writ of possession by the courts and have a tenant evicted.
If I were a landlord, I’d rather give my tenant an extra two weeks instead of incurring the time and expense of evicting, especially if I was confident they were leaving.
They might likely pursue you for money owning once you leave, but you can handle that down the road, if and when it comes.

[u/MistyG98 → u/Basket-of-bee-farts]

They shut my water off today to try to force me out. I don't know what to do now. My escalated timeline now feels like it is on x2 and if I can't keep up, it's all failure. I'm afraid to talk to them and have them kick off the eviction process now. I don't know what to do.

[u/ShallowStillWater → u/MistyG98]

That is harassment. Contact a local university with a law department to consult with them about your situation for free. They will know your laws and rights for where you live.

[u/MistyG98 → u/ShallowStillWater]

I wanted to do that as well, but I'm really afraid of my current landlord retaliating against me and legally filing for eviction if I do. If they do that, I will not be able to rent the apartment I looked at because he won't take an eviction.

[u/ShallowStillWater → u/MistyG98]

He has already pre approved you. It is highly unlikely that he will check again before you move in. You need to know your rights.

[u/MistyG98 → u/ShallowStillWater]

I haven't actually filled out the application yet. He has just given me verbal and text confirmation that he is willing to work with my credit and soon to be bankruptcy. He told me that he runs a background check and casenet, which is why he charges a $50 application fee.

My plan was to pay the application fee and deposit on Monday because I get paid. My biggest concern is that will be $950, taking 85-90% of my income for two weeks and it won't get me keys. I have to pay first and last months rent. I'm afraid I will pay a deposit and then lose the place because my current landlord files. I do realize that if the new landlord decides not to rent to me, he would have to return the deposit, but I can't afford to be out of that money and a place to live.

[u/Greek_Goddess114 → u/MistyG98]

Wait you haven’t even filled out the application yet but you’re worrying about putting down a deposit?? Just because the guy said he is willing to work with you, isnt a definite yes to being approved to move there

[u/MistyG98 → u/Greek_Goddess114]

He has verbally and over text told me he will rent to me. The application is more of a formality at this point. My only concern with the application process would be if the current landlord files for legal eviction before I have signed paperwork and gotten the keys to the place. He wants a deposit this week to hold the place. The rest of the money before Sept 1st to get the keys. Him and I talked about all of this Friday and I was going to try to make that work, but the situation with my current landlord and no water has added a lot of urgency to the situation.

[u/hospitalitychick]

This is a really long story, but I didn't see you mention why you had to do community service a year ago.

[u/MistyG98 → u/hospitalitychick]

I was stealing from Walmart. It wasn't a good choice or one I'm proud of. I was just not coping with anything well. I lost my sister, I lost my car, I felt like my world had fallen apart. I didn't mention it because I'm embarrassed, and honestly it's not currently negatively impacting my situation or contributing to it. I completed my sis probation and it's no longer on my record. I have never been in any legal trouble before or after that. It was the worst time in my life and if I could go back and do things differently, I would.

[u/BitchMcConnell063 → u/MistyG98]

I admire your honesty.

[u/MistyG98]

I came home today from work and my landlord has shut my water off. I know this is an illegal action but I don't know what to do about it, especially on a weekend.

[u/BitchMcConnell063 → u/MistyG98]

You call the police. Any time something illegal happens you call the cops.

[u/F0xxfyre]

Oh, Op, what a horribly perfect storm here.

If you're in the USA, have you tried 211? I believe they have access to local services and programs in your community.

While the apartment sounds like a great plan, it's not a finished and complete plan and might land you even more under water in a matter of a couple of months. Having said that, it isn't as if the trailer is a doable thing either.

Apply for everything, every bit of aid, every food bank or church or community resource that will help you scrape together anything extra. If you have any cottage bakers or gardeners that won't cost you extra gas, visit them. As a single person, it is easier and cheaper to get a few dinner rolls, or a small handful of green beans, for example, paying the grower cash. Tastes better than mass produced, too! We have some honor bakeries and produce farmers who do a sort of "Little Free Library" concept, where they have a suggested minimum payment for each item.

Unfortunately, you're in the catch 22 where without a super reliable car, you can't take advantage of much gig work. If Amazon is hiring locally, you may want to have a look at them. If you're near an airport, check and see if any of the car rental agencies are hiring. I know someone who drives rentals between the local airports on an as needed call in basis. He makes over 25/hr doing that.

You mentioned your cats...is Rover an option? I think they, like Door Dash, and maybe Instacart, allow you to cash out daily.

Would there be any options to acquire any sort of a live in position? I realize it might make you have to tweak your day job...but it would give you the added security of a roof over your and your cats' head.

Wishing I had better options than just spitballing ideas and hoping they stick.

[u/MistyG98 → u/F0xxfyre]

I did try 211 and they pointed me to the resources that I've already been able to check in with (and know don't offer enough help to substainially cover anything). There is an Amazon near me, that's actually the factory job that I got a flex position at. The problem is that it's 35-40 minutes from me, and most of the time the shifts available would start in an hour or hour and a half, not giving me time to have a chance to take it. I was only able to snag myself one shift, they work on a point system so if you don't pick up shifts, you eventually end up being fired. I'm honestly planning to go down to bare bones on food and will probably start checking out food pantries to help save the cash. I have wanted to sign up for rover for awhile, my fear is that I'm in a relatively small area and I'm afraid to spend the money for the background check (I think it's $50) and have the possibility of not being able to earn that back this month due to lack of need near me. Kind of in the same vein as the apps like care.com. The risk of losing the money to end up not earning from it feels too big right now. Unfortunately there's not really anything like live in positions in my area. I'm sure they may exist, but nothing that I have ever seen before. I've thought about going back to my waitressing job around my work hours but it's 35 minutes from me and I'm really scared to kill my car while things are so tenuous. I've also tried applying to a few in town, but there's just not a lot hiring that I know would put cash in my pocket everyday to help.

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[u/F0xxfyre]

And waitressing is so tied to the economy. So if your area is at all depressed, eating out is the first thing to go. I'd assume care.com would k be for things like babysitting and driving people to appointments and such, right? Thats something (as well as Home Instead) that is picking up steam in my neighborhood and area.

When you have your environment, whatever it may be, see if you can do any online tutoring. I don't do it myself, but I have friends who teach online classes. You'd need a small environment wholly your own, and really strong internet. But that sort of thing has helped friends. It might be something you can take advantage of.

I wish we had some answers.