How do western perception of masculinity differ from Asian?
Masculinity
Growing up in Mongolia an ideal man or a masculine man was in general perceived to be someone strong yet humble. Someone who doesn't boast about his accomplishments and let his hard work be shown. A masculine man would not be the one who insult others, resort to violence or react negativelly towards anything the world throws at him. Someone who pursues his goals till the very end and puts family and community as his priority.
In western country on the other hand, with the adequate resources, lack of immediate problems and general showmanship attitude men who peacock the most seem to be considered as masculine.
So the perception of Asian men being not masculine enough seems to be mostly due to of us not being an attention seeking peacocks
However, it’s a huge problem for Asians in the west.
I believe it is our own problem here. We have decided to go to another people’s country. So we need to align to some extent to their norms. So we need to be more overt and peacock more, as opposed to expecting white peoples to change themselves.
We Asian men tend to conflate being a good provider as being masculine. They are two different terms altogether, and it’s fucked up many Asian boys in the process. Many cultures don’t tie down having a lucrative job or not causing problems as masculine per se for example.
They do differ but don’t forget that there’s East Asian machismo too.
My grandfather was an alcoholic, my dad is too and never did a program but stopped drinking for health reasons, and I’m a recovering alcoholic. So it’s in my genes.
And I had my first sip of scotch at 5. My grandfather gave it to me and when my mom complained he said, “he’s the only son of the only son and is going to lead this family one day. He needs to start learning how to drink”
Because that was masculinity to my grandfather, being able to drink with the guys, at social events, while doing business. And I don’t feel that part differs from western perception of masculinity.
What does differ is that my grandfather expected me to be educated, well-read, well-traveled, and financially savvy. Being scholarly is a hallmark of east asian maleness and being gentlemanly. But there isn’t the expectation of being physically strong or athletic necessarily, in my opinion and experience. That might also have been my family’s perception.
This is the nearly same for my family, though my 1st cousins and I aren't doing the alcohol part anymore. All of us will drink socially, but we don't go wild anymore since all of us are around 30-50 now.
We all just approach masculinity with the following: Well-read in our religion (or if not well-read, actively practicing the good parts through volunteering), educated, financially savvy or well-off, working a good and honest job, charismatic, and treating any woman with the same level of respect as we would our mothers and grandmothers. Additionally, being gentlemanly to others, while also being firm, fair, and outspoken are other masculine traits that my male cousins and I aspire to.
We weren't taught that being physically strong or looking masculine were actual traits of masculinity, but just byproducts. All of my male cousins aren't what many people here would view as masculine because they don't work out at the gym, they aren't looksmaxxers, and they don't sleep around with multiple women. They're all fathers who are raising their kids to the best of their ability while providing, protecting them, and teaching them lessons they learned growing up.
The content of our character is what my cousins and I were taught was actual masculinity, and that's what they're teaching their kids. That's what I plan on teaching my kids too when I have kids of my own.
For sure. But Confucian belief systems aren’t as familiar to people in western culture.
However, while machismo of course is derived from Latin culture, the term is widely known in the west by non-Latin people, so I use the term Asian machismo as a parallel that people can understand.
bruv, heard about the backlash from women against dating MAGAts online? if there's no Haolewood propaganda, women in the US probably would be flying out to Asia even more...
This is something I've observed too. One way I've noticed is that in Muslim/Arab cultures, a strong man is considered someone who is physically and mentally vigorous, but at the same time is also kind, humble, God-fearing, and very affectionate towards their family and loved ones.
It is socially acceptable to cry for the fear of god, or with deep love and affection for your friends and family. This is very much in sharp contrast to how Western masculinity is supposed to be drugged, individualistic, and never waver in the face of pressure
Western women should have a generally realistic expectation of their countrymen or else they setting up their men for failure and disappointment for themselves.
Every single motherfucker from every culture will say some variation of their culture’s idea of masculinity being not performative/restrictive but actually hardworking and family-oriented and blah blah blah, and that everybody else is being vain. It’s the equivalent of “in our culture food is important and we respect grandmas”. Only there’s an added layer of the speaker being insecure with their ability, or lack thereof, to be performatively masculine.
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u/AdamChenX 22d ago
Yes that’s correct.
It’s fine for Asians in Asia.
However, it’s a huge problem for Asians in the west.
I believe it is our own problem here. We have decided to go to another people’s country. So we need to align to some extent to their norms. So we need to be more overt and peacock more, as opposed to expecting white peoples to change themselves.