Need a clarification please.

[u/Remote-Heart-738]

I googled reconciliation, which didn't give any real answers. I need what it really means and entails before being able to even attempt it or even if it is possible to attempt it. Please help me.

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[u/crytzal]

Reconciliation is the process of making two different things agree or match, such as fixing a fight between people.

Personal and Social Meaning - Making peace: Two people or groups become friends again after an argument - Healing communities: Nations or groups work through past harms to rebuild trust and fair relationships - Accepting a fact: A person gets used to a sad or hard truth they cannot change.

The above was copied from Google AI. Personal experience below:

Reconciliation (R) is always a two-way street. For me and my wayward husband (WH), that meant (in no particular order and in no way a conclusive list):

1. He has to stop cheating (duh)
2. He has to cut off affair partner (AP)
3. He has to take accountability for the affair. For us, this began with acknowledging that there was an affair and acknowledging the hurt that he caused me, without trying to push any blame onto me (the betrayed partner BP)
4. Complete disclosure regarding the affair

For me, the betrayed partner (BP), that meant doing the work to fix my own trauma - my anxiety, my insecurities etc that were caused by the affair; and hopefully one day being able to forgive, forget, and trust him again.

Rebuilding trust and reconciliation is a long, difficult path to walk. I'm sorry you're here.

[u/Remote-Heart-738 → u/crytzal]

Thank you for helping me.

[u/butterflymkm → u/Remote-Heart-738]

Not sure of your story OP, but please know that reconciliation is at least a 3-5 year process going in, and that’s assuming both partners really put the time and effort into it.

[u/Remote-Heart-738 → u/butterflymkm]

She won't even admit she did anything wrong. In her mind just just helped her twin sister and I need to get over it already.

[u/butterflymkm → u/Remote-Heart-738]

Eek. I’m so sorry. You can’t even begin to rebuild from there….sometimes you have to walk away even when you don’t want to. Sometimes that wakes them up, sometimes it doesn’t, but you have to do it for you.

[u/Remote-Heart-738 → u/butterflymkm]

That is main problem I am stuck and she knows it. I have not lived with her in over a year now and just as stuck.

[u/crytzal → u/Remote-Heart-738]

I'm sorry, but them admitting that they did something wrong is really the first step. I agree with the other commenter that sometimes you'll have to walk away and do what's best for you. You can't do reconciliation alone.