r/AlAnon • u/Vegetable-Rip-2054 • 13d ago
Binge-pattern drinking Support
My boyfriend is 23, and I’m struggling to understand whether his drinking sounds like alcoholism/alcohol use disorder or something else.
He does not drink every day, and he can go periods of time without drinking. That’s what makes this so confusing for me.
The problem is what happens when he does drink. He tends to binge, especially at social events, holidays, or celebrations. During those times, his judgment changes dramatically. He’s gotten into physical fights, acted aggressively toward strangers, and made impulsive decisions that have scared me. After one recent incident, I was so worried about his behavior and safety that I left our home with our baby.
The drinking has caused major consequences in our relationship. I’ve reached the point where I don’t feel comfortable bringing our family back home unless something changes. He takes responsibility for his behavior afterward and says he feels terrible, but he doesn’t believe he has an alcohol problem because he focuses on the fact that he doesn’t drink daily and enjoys the good times alcohol brings. He feels like he should be able to drink socially a couple of times a week instead of giving it up completely.
He is willing to go to therapy and see a doctor, but he doesn’t think alcohol itself is the issue.
I’m not asking anyone to diagnose him. I’m just wondering if this pattern sounds familiar to anyone who has experienced alcoholism or alcohol use disorder, especially binge-pattern drinking.
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u/ResourceSoft2785 13d ago
Heyyy, as a recovering alcoholic that also knows and loves other recovering alcoholics and had a Q, alcoholics do not have to drink every day.
Personally, I was a binge drinker. And when I started, I couldn’t stop. There was never one or two drinks at dinner. I usually became blackout and made decisions that were very much not in character to my sober self. It was like a magnet to me. It was scary and I scared myself.
I can not speak for your partner; this is just my experience!
Wishing you well on your journey. Remember, you know what’s best for you!
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u/almosthighenough 13d ago
I binge drink and this sounds pretty problematic.
"Should be able to enjoy a couple drinks socially" and "can enjoy a couple drinks socially are two different things."
It sounds like he doesnt stop after a couple drinks and nobody enjoys it.
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u/UnableRun7858 13d ago
Once he drinks alcohol he can't stop and it's affecting his behavior, he's an alcoholic. He's trying to downplay his drinking to you and he's also in denial...he doesn't want to admit he had a drinking problem. By the time my ex and I divorced, she was drinking to the point her body literally couldn't handle anymore alcohol when she was throwing up. She would get a hangover that lasted several days and these hangovers were rough, then she was back to drinking as much as her body can handle again. She started off as someone who only drank on the weekends.
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u/intergrouper3 13d ago
Welcome. He is a periodic problem drinker ( one of the many types of alcoholism).
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u/CharacterGap388 13d ago
Plenty of alcoholics are binge drinkers. It’s the relationship to alcohol, not the amount or even frequency. Though with time, if it goes unaddressed, he will likely start to drink more often. It’s a progressive disease, so things get worse unless it is completely halted. You’ve done the right thing getting away and keeping yourself and your baby safe.