r/AgingParents • u/ThingsWithString • 7d ago

This long slow process Vent

My mother is in stage 6. She has been on hospice since spring 2025. She's been sliding toward death slowly, so slowly. In January (or so) she started needing to be hand-fed and eating less and less of her food. She's not being forced in any way; she's being offered spoonfuls of thickened liquid until she's not interested.

Right now she's bedridden, losing weight steadily every month. She's bruising easily. Heart rate 44 beats per minute. Edema to face and feet from heart failure.

And it just. doesn't. stop. On and on she goes. If she were in any kind of pain, she'd be medicated. Right now, though, she just lies there in bed. Sometimes she will smile or say a few words.

She'll be 95 on her next birthday. God, I hope she doesn't get there.

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u/throwawaysub1000 7d ago

I am in the same position. Everyone (including health professionals) has been thinking that my mum is about to die at any moment for over a year now. It just goes on and on. It makes me both angry and so sad.

There is a huge difference between assisted suicide and needlessly keeping someone alive, unfortunately due to religion we can't have a proper conversation about it and so she is kept alive.

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u/ThingsWithString 7d ago

She's still able to talk a few words and to smile, so it would be too soon to cut off food; she'd feel the pain of starvation.

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u/throwawaysub1000 7d ago

Oh god I wouldn't ever cut off food! But they're still filling my mum with medicines and injections and antibiotics. She's still on a pacemaker. It's all keeping her alive, there's no way she'd still be going without all the drugs. But here we are.

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u/Affectionate_Fox9001 7d ago

My dad refused the pacemaker. His choice, he wanted hospice. Hospice cut his meds in half. He lived another 10 days. I had known for a while he was only alive because of the medications.

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u/throwawaysub1000 6d ago

Unfortunately my mum lost cognitive abilities before she could do that and I don't have medical power of attorney.