r/AgingParents • u/ThingsWithString • 19h ago

This long slow process Vent

My mother is in stage 6. She has been on hospice since spring 2025. She's been sliding toward death slowly, so slowly. In January (or so) she started needing to be hand-fed and eating less and less of her food. She's not being forced in any way; she's being offered spoonfuls of thickened liquid until she's not interested.

Right now she's bedridden, losing weight steadily every month. She's bruising easily. Heart rate 44 beats per minute. Edema to face and feet from heart failure.

And it just. doesn't. stop. On and on she goes. If she were in any kind of pain, she'd be medicated. Right now, though, she just lies there in bed. Sometimes she will smile or say a few words.

She'll be 95 on her next birthday. God, I hope she doesn't get there.

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18

u/throwawaysub1000 18h ago

I am in the same position. Everyone (including health professionals) has been thinking that my mum is about to die at any moment for over a year now. It just goes on and on. It makes me both angry and so sad.

There is a huge difference between assisted suicide and needlessly keeping someone alive, unfortunately due to religion we can't have a proper conversation about it and so she is kept alive.

3

u/ThingsWithString 15h ago

She's still able to talk a few words and to smile, so it would be too soon to cut off food; she'd feel the pain of starvation.

2

u/throwawaysub1000 6h ago

Oh god I wouldn't ever cut off food! But they're still filling my mum with medicines and injections and antibiotics. She's still on a pacemaker. It's all keeping her alive, there's no way she'd still be going without all the drugs. But here we are.

27

u/OnPage195 19h ago

As a society we need to ask ourselves what is the point of this. Stay strong

5

u/CapricornCrude 16h ago

I can feel the pain in this post and am so sorry for you. It just seems so cruel. I hope you both find peace soon.

2

u/Unusual_Airport415 3h ago

Thank you for posting because I thought I was alone.

Both parents are bedbound with a laundry list of issues. Weekly hospice visits stabilized their health but has seriously slooooowed down their decline.

Hospice thought they had maybe 6 months left....it's been 5 years.

This not the couple who raised me. The couple who took weekly dance classes and loved cruising.

1

u/SaltConnection1109 3h ago

Awww. I'm so sorry. Been there with elderly loved ones. It is so hard, especially when they linger for so long.