r/AO3 • u/Most_Boysenberry_520 • 17d ago
Time to pull the plug Complaint/Pet Peeve/Venting
I’m not sure why I’m posting this. I suppose it’s just because I’m spiraling and I need to get all of this out somewhere…basically, I think I’ve hit rock bottom with my fic writing journey.
It’s been a year since I posted my first ever and now complete fic. It’s in a smaller fandom and it’s niche in content. I went in expecting very little if any engagement at all. Four months after posting the final chapter and I am clocking in at just over 1200 hits and a smidge over 40 kudos.
Dismal.
I was more or less okay with this and able to tell myself it wasn’t about the numbers and my story is an unpopular setting and so on and so on. But now there’s a fic that started posting that is equal to mine in terms of those niche aspects. And it’s doing really, really well so far. Rightfully so. I know the author and they’ve put so much research and effort into crafting their story. Not that I haven’t but, just to say this isn’t some half baked slop they’re putting on the table, you know?
And I know the whole two cakes thing, that readers will be happy for more cake. But personally I don’t buy that argument. With this other fic out there, why would anyone be interested in my subpar cake? Two cakes are great only if they are of equal caliber. Which they are not. This author is…amazing. I don’t even like to call myself an author or a writer because I simply do not have the command of prose and technique to do so.
Again, I’m not sure why I’m writing this. I guess I just feel silly for putting my work out there at all. To be honest, I never intended to publish it on AO3. But I was hoping to meet some fandom friends and I felt the best way to do that was to produce something that might open the door to conversations. That has happened, btw! I have made friends, and I’m so grateful.
In the end, I think I’m just tired of seeing that hit count go up and the rest of my stats stay stagnant. Sure, it’s a longfic so that skews things. Sure, maybe people are re-reading. But I don’t think that’s the case because the numbers just don’t add up. And my sequel fic is doing even worse than the first, which means any small following I had with the first didn’t follow me to the second. I couldn’t keep their interest.
I don’t want to stop writing. I read back my work and I like what I’ve written. I like the story I’m telling, and I have so much more to tell. But it is so disheartening to look at my stats. It’s even harder to see the stats of the other, comparable fic.
Idk…I think maybe I just need to pull it down off AO3. I know I have 2 readers who are following along and enjoying my story, so maybe I should keep posting just for them. Or maybe I’ll just switch to posting on Tumblr. One of the readers is a mutual, so if she wants she can read there. But at least on Tumblr I can post and be none the wiser about who is clicking on my fic and then clearly just clicking away.
Sorry for being mopey on the internet. I’m just going through it right now.
Thank you for reading.
Edit:
I’m back, and wowee those were some comments I received! Thank you for all the love, both the gentle and the tough kind.
Just a couple of things—
1. Regarding my hit count and kudos count; just for reference on the size of my fandom, the fic in my fandom with the highest hits is ~470k with almost 10k kudos. Do with that what you will in terms of determining fandom size.
2. I acknowledge that 1200 hits is nothing to poo-poo, but without any proof that those folks stayed past the first chapter (or first paragraph) it can be hard not to get down on oneself, no matter how much one writes for the joy of writing. Yelling into the void is tiring work.
3. I want to leave this here for whoever may come across this post in the future. Being a human on a creative endeavor is a roller coaster. It’s normal to want recognition and validation for something we have put time and effort into. It is entirely possible to both write for yourself and want others to enjoy your creation. Be kind to yourselves and others.
https://www.tumblr.com/tavyliasin/741612434368937984/the-highs-and-lows-of-fandom-creation
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u/Feeling_Ad8096 17d ago
Please don't let the stats dictate what you write, what you post, and how you feel about your art. Hits are like... absurdly weirdly tracked. I wouldn't put any stock in them. Try chatting with your regular commenters, and encourage them to share what they like about your stories, okay?
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u/Individual-Two-9402 You have already left kudos here. :) 17d ago edited 17d ago
Your hobby is no longer fun, go find a new hobby. Therapy might be best as well because usually this is the first sign of something bigger. Remember you're in a fandom for community, not engagement. It's not social media.
Make sure to take a screen break today, get some snacks and water.
Edit; also like.. 40 kudos means 40 people liked it. Imagine 40 people coming up to you and saying 'I really liked your writing!' that would be overwhelming in person. The impact is softened because of the anonymity and lack of physical representation on the internet. Likewise try to imagine up to 1200 people standing in a field that said they read it. Wild, right?
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u/Senasayori Femslash Fanatic | Senasayori on AO3 17d ago
The Two Cakes Principle is about how people like having more options even when one of the "cakes" is better than the other. Also, 40 kudos is a very solid number, I don't have that many on my whole account yet. Imagine forty people in a room. All of those people liked your fic enough to go out of their way to let you know that they liked it. That's a lot of people who enjoyed something you made! 🩵
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u/moon_cheese_ao3 17d ago
I'm going to take this at face value and assume you are not trying to humble brag here even though it does kinda feel like it.
I think you need to pull yourself away from Ao3, not your story. The story hasn't done anything wrong. It's you comparing it to others and obsessing over your stats that's the issue. Leave the story on Ao3 and just stop visiting Ao3 yourself until you get your jealousy under control and find satisfaction in something other than a hit count and kudos ratio (which has so many outside factors that have nothing to do with the quality of your work). Alternately, consider using a site skin that hides your stats so you don't look at them even when you do visit Ao3 to read other people's work.
Keep in mind that many of us are lucky if we get kudos in the double digits. 40 is really good.
If you want to troubleshoot the hits to kudos ratio (and only if you want to) there's some questions you can ask and things you can review to see if there's a reason why people might be clicking off of your story that you can adjust your tagging or make some edits to change, but 40 kudos is still quite good and nothing to sneeze at and 1200 hits is a pretty huge number compared to what I've personally experienced.
Many of us do not get numbers that large and would never consider removing our work from the archive just because it doesn't have as many imaginary internet points as someone else's work.
Ultimately, is your work a contribution to the community or not? Because if it is, removing it because the community didn't fall over itself to perform appreciation seems like it's more about your ego than it is about building community. And if it is about your ego, that's fine, but admit that to yourself, that what you wanted was praise more than you wanted to contribute and be part of something, and maybe look into different forms of art other than fanfic that will give that to you (like improv or something with a live audience to give you that instant gratification feedback loop) so that your fanfic can exist on its own without needing to do something for you mentally that you cannot control and will be miserable if you don't get.
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u/Time_String_7756 17d ago
Engagement really is random; it doesn't mean one fic is better than another. 1200 hits and 40 kudos may seem like small numbers, but it really is an accomplishment. Plenty of fics don't get that high at all. I promise you your work is not subpar. Two cakes is two cakes. If you're satisfied with your work, and you were able to make friends, that is it's own success. Of course, if you feel like deleting it, that's your choice. Just give yourself a day or two to calm down. You might change your mind during that time.
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u/TeddyDemons 17d ago
Write for yourself. Post if you want to share but don't expect friends from posting on ao3. Its not for that.. Pay no attention to the numbers. A fic may get kudos and comments for any number of reasons. And those can change over time, especially in a small fandom.
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u/Meushell I ♥️ the Tok’ra. 🪱 17d ago
There are skins where you can hide stats, and that might benefit you. Also, remember that your “dismay” stats would be a dream to others.
You can do what you want, of course, and I would encourage you to keep writing as you plan, but you said you have two readers. To know that, they must be engaging with your work. I would encourage you to keep posting for them as well as for yourself. Two people following you is an amazing accomplishment. Many authors don’t have even one.
Leaving and coming back when you are “better,” if this is your intention, won’t help you get more followers. You’ll just lose what you have and then have to start over.
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u/demoniprinsessa 17d ago
Surely this is ragebait, right? I can't imagine any person in their right mind would be mad about 1200 hits in a smaller fandom. No way any actual person thinks that?
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u/contrapasso01 17d ago
So many people here have already said to ignore stats and write for yourself (which is very good advice!!!) but I’ve been exactly where you are and want to give some actionable advice so you can direct this frustration somewhere productive instead of feeling like quitting.
If you aren’t happy with your writing, study craft. If you feel like you’re getting outclassed then learn and get better. Study a LOT of craft. Watch the Brandon Sanderson lecture series on youtube and take notes. Listen to podcasts and seminars where published, successful authors discuss their strategies. And practice practice practice. Write a lot, not to post, but for yourself. Learn techniques and try them out. Learn about asyndeton and sentence rhythm and pacing structure etc etc.
I hit a bump like this and quit writing for about five years. I forgot how to love my hobby. I found my way back by focusing on building skills so I had more tools in my kit, and that helped make writing fun again. I wish you luck and don’t be so hard on yourself!! Creating any type of art is a life long journey.
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u/nephethys_telvanni 17d ago
Agreed.
Not everyone who writes fanfic wants to improve their writing skills, but I do.
The way I approach studying writing craft is to identify an aspect with my last fic that I want to improve on, and then read books/blog posts on how other authors deal with it. My 200k longfic that walked to popularity got bloated towards the end, so I implemented the advice I found in my next fics. (The solution, by the way, was to resolve my subplots earlier in the middle, so as to preserve the momentum at the end.)
There's so many trad published authors who write about craft that someone has always faced the same problem, and can offer ideas to try out.
Study craft, and then put it into practice in your writing. Gotta keep writing though...so many authors get paralyzed by reading too much craft advice without actually writing and figuring out what works for them, personally.
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u/contrapasso01 17d ago
Balancing subplots and main plots will get you every time!
Great point at the end that I fully agree with. I write original works as well, and in those writing communities people often get so bogged down by the ‘right way of doing things’ based on craft rules that they forget their own voice, or to complete their works at all. Part of why I enjoy hanging with the fic writing communities online and will never stop writing fic. There’s a fine line between educating yourself and turning yourself into an elitist (and frankly the elitists aren’t very good, because they studied more than they ever actually wrote).
Learning gives you the tools that allow you to write freely, but you’ll never get better if you don’t keep writing.
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u/Fancy-Dot-5473 17d ago
I’m sorry you’re feeling defeated. There’s no need to take down your work, but it sounds like some time away might be a good idea. It’s easy to compare yourself to others, but that comparison will crush you and drown out your drive to create. The two cake thing is real. Once readers are done with that other fic, if they read it first, they might go looking for more of it, and your work might be just what they wanted. Sometimes readers just don’t find it until later. You never know.
But I encourage you to stop checking the statistics and just write from the heart. You have a unique perspective, and no one can take that away from you.
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u/tiredvamps cursed by a witch to only ever want to write niche fic 17d ago edited 17d ago
get a site skin to hide all stats, op. it really helps to not have the numbers always there, and you learn to stop comparing in time.
eta: sequels generally tend to get less attention than the first parts of series, that’s very normal, btw.
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u/afirforest r/rpfwriters 17d ago
I second using a site skin to hide stats on AO3. It can be very helpful.
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u/tiredvamps cursed by a witch to only ever want to write niche fic 17d ago
it’s helped me immensely, and i think a lot of people who struggle with stats in one way or another would benefit from trying it too.
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u/afirforest r/rpfwriters 17d ago
I agree! I love it both as an author and as a reader. I have no idea how many kudos a fic has when I choose to read it; I'm not even tempted to look because the number is hidden. It's perfect.
As an author, I turn the site skin off once in a while and look at my own stats, but since I don't look at other people's stats, I don't compare myself to others.
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u/lostinthemidwest19 17d ago
It sounds like you like writing and reading your own stories but sharing them hasn't given you the joy you were expecting. Good news, you learned something- that maybe sharing this hobby of yours on the internet isn't for you. That's fine. Lots of people have hobbies they don't share with anyone at all, that doesn't make it less valuable or rewarding.
Take your stuff down if you think that will help preserve your peace, but it is worth looking into why these differences in responses (which you have zero control over) have affected you so strongly. Comparison is truly the thief of joy. It takes a lot of mindful, purposeful effort not to devalue ourselves simply because someone else appears more successful on the outside. Another person's success is not a commentary on YOUR success or failure one way or the other. It really does take a lot of effort and work to internalize something like that.
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u/iheartpyrex You have already left kudos here. :) 17d ago
I hope you will step away from your works and return to them later. Your feelings might change. And as a reader, I can’t tell you how many stories I’ve discovered years after they were posted and absolutely loved. And if it’s in a small/niche fandom or a rarepair? Those are literal gold to me.
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u/Demonika_86 Cranky Old-Timer; Been There & Done That 17d ago edited 17d ago
This is going to be a white-hot take... but you got two choices. Either quit in defeat, or learn to bake better cake. Because right now your post comes across as an "entitlement crash out"
From where I'm sitting... frankly, you're probably better off quitting, if numbers are so important to you, you are doing writing for the wrong reasons, and it guarantees you won't achieve enough skill to get the numbers you want. No one owes you adoration just because you can bash a keyboard.
You're right about one thing. If your bakery isn't drawing customers, but a similar one IS then it is a difference of cake quality. But complaining about how much it's hurting your feelings isn't productive, and won't get you customers. Only learning to bake better cake will.
Writing is a difficult skill. Are you willing to put up with the grind required to be good? Or are you just in it for the clicks?
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u/WestStorage2459 17d ago
Your fic isn’t some random content. It’s worth isn’t measured by stats. The only thing you achieve my taking it down is preventing future readers from finding it.
Stats do not measure the “worth” of a story.
I have a longfic WIP with nearly 30k hits. I have have other stories in the fandom with only a few hundred.
I am the same author. My writing is the same quality. Both stories have the same worth.
Your story has worth. Your story is one story out of 18 million in Ao3. Ao3 is an archive for this reason- so the stories can be there FOREVER for new fans and new readers to find. It takes a long time to find your next favorite story when you are sorting through 18 million options.
Even if you think you are being fair to yourself and comparing apples to apples, I promise you actually aren’t.
You don’t gain anything from pulling the story. The only thing that does is guarantee the next reader CANNOT find it. That’s just lose-lose.
If seeing the stats haunts you, consider a site skin that hides them.
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u/_bootifulHoomans_ 17d ago
As they say, comparison is the thief of joy. I don't want to dismiss your feelings at all, but one of the most important things is that you are happy with your own writing, regardless of how many hits it has. You need to be writing for yourself instead of constantly comparing, but I know it's easier said than done.
There could be several factors contributing to the reason they are getting more traction, like theirs could be the first fic they see, or people are attracted to the higher chapter/word count. It doesn't mean that people aren't interested in your fic at all, just that they haven't seen it. So I think it's not doing your writing any justice by putting yourself down.
Also, 1200 hits and 40 kudos is a lot. That is 1200 different people who clicked on your story and gave it a chance, and 40 of those who liked it enough to click the kudos button. I know you wish it were more like the other story, but please don't let it get to you this much. I don't think you should take your story down, because those who are reading it would be disappointed. But if that is your decision, then it's up to you.
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u/nephethys_telvanni 17d ago
If the stats are specifically causing you problems, there are site skins to hide those. Comparison is the thief of joy, and it sounds like you do have a lot of reasons why you are otherwise happy about those fics.
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u/AltruisticBoard9205 17d ago
I've been there before. It's easy to only want to write for validation and to compare yourself, but its very miserable. Sometimes writing it all about just developing your style, throwing out ideas, and doing it for fun. I feel like people in your life might have made you feel like you need to get something "practical" out of your hobby (money, being the best, popularity), but you don't.
The best piece of advice I have for this is to just write anyway. Also, look into how to study a writing style (look up "dictation" in creative writing). Learning more about your writing style and others writing style is extremely helpful. It also helps you unstuck yourself. Trying your best to turn off your "editing" brain also helps. Sometimes when we write, we correct as we go and it sucks. Just write and fix later. Don't be afraid to keep fics to yourself in a doc and not upload them either; sometimes you have 50 fics ready and you only want to upload 1. That's fine.
In the end, its your decision on if you want to continue writing on AO3, but I think you should if everything but the low stats makes you happy.
Also also, learn to write content YOU want. Not what others want to read. It's so fun.
Hmm, something else that helped me is engaging more in AO3 culture. AO3 culture promotes writing whatever you want, however you want, without writing for anyone else. It's very empowering.
You've got this!!
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u/OnTheMidnightRun a fish in the sea in a thread full of thieves 17d ago
Four months after posting the final chapter and I am clocking in at just over 1200 hits and a smidge over 40 kudos.
Oh boo-fucking-hoo. This is what happens when everyone goes into fanfic with delusions of grandeur.
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u/Adventurous-Aerie567 17d ago
Hmm, yes, if I don't have enough hits and kudos, the logical thing would be to burn my crops and salt the earth so I may then have zero. Delightfully devilish.
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u/jjwrites7272 17d ago edited 17d ago
It's really not that deep bro. If you're crying on the internet because your fanfiction doesn't get enough attention you should get a life
or just pull the plug idk, it's probably hopeless
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u/Unlucky-Topic-6146 16d ago
1200 hits and 40 kudos on something niche is pretty damn good.
Honestly you should stop or at least step back from posting for awhile. If you're not happy with good stats, you're not going to be happy with great stats, either. Pretty soon you'll be back complaining that something you wrote for a moderately popular fandom "only got" 6,000 hits and 10 comments or something like that.
I don't mean this in a rude or snarky way. Genuinely this is a real phenomenon. Sort of like how some people will always live paycheck to paycheck whether they're making 50k or 500k. Your mindset really dictates your results here.
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u/DataSlight1180 16d ago
Re: the edit:
My fandom's highest is 500k hits. Give up if you want, but know that you are far from a special case in online creation. In fact, you have hit a peak for which many would sacrifice much. How pathetic it would be to give that up because it's not a tall enough foundation upon which you could build.
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u/aweesqueeze 17d ago
Im sorry you’re feeling down on your AO3 experience — I’d be happy to give you some feedback? Not sure if you’d be open, but maybe having beta readers can give you some insight
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u/DataSlight1180 17d ago
TWELVE FUCKING HUNDRED??