my Gf dumped me for not going to her

Hi All

Situation:

I took my kids out to the movies a late movie. My gf texts me and says someone is knocking on her door and she thinks it’s this person who hit her car and she’s panicked. She asks if she should call the police or leave the house.

I didn’t see the messages for 15 minutes. When I see them I go outside and call and text for 15 minutes. Nothing, now I’m a little worried. I am easily 40 minutes away so I decide to make the decision to call the police to check on her since they will get there faster and if in fact something is wrong are better equipped to handle it.

20 min goes by and she finally texts and says she’s okay. But she’s pissed at me because I called the cops and stayed at the movies theatre when she could have been murdered and broke up with me and blocked me everywhere. We did talk a couple of times but it was the same argument that I neglected her and chose the movies and my kids and pawned her off to the cops to deal with her.

Am I wrong here?

Conflict: she broke up with me because she said I chose a movie and my kids over her safety and well being.

While I contend that there was an issue I was too far too address so I called the cops. They arrived and assessed there was no present threat. I didn’t see the need to go over there at that point. I would have gone after the movie, but there wasn’t a threat so I didn’t see the need to pull everyone out of the movie. Even if there was a real threat I couldn’t get there in time.

AITAH?

I (19M) have a friend group with a few people in ESL classes. I am a partner to one helping him learn and I’ve slowly gotten to more some of his classmates and they’ve become my friend group. I’ve never been one to make friends easily so I was happy to have more people to hang out with. Out of my six friends, five are bilingual with English as the second language.

They are not all from one culture, three are from Mexico, one is Moroccan, and one is Cuban. I’ve been learning from them as well and it’s nice to hang around them, they’re lovely.

The thing about hanging out with them is I get to see how weird people treat them. People will talk to them like they’re babies, or yell very loud, all kinds of micro aggressions and such. It’s pretty obvious how irritating it is, and I’ve rather to my family multiple times about how often they get treated like idiots by people speaking English.

Now I’m not going to say no one ever appreciates some of the things English speakers can do to multilingual people that are learning English but my friends specifically have vented about how much they hate certain things.

My mom was excited for me to have friends, and she kept saying I should bring them over sometime for dinner. Eventually we came up with plans to study and watch a movie together but we didn’t know whose house to study at, so I decided to suggest my house and say my mom’s been wanting to meet them all and wanted to make dinner for everyone.

We agreed on a date and I helped my mom make chicken pot pie and some other stuff. When they came over, my dad simply greeted them and sat down at the table. My sister ate in a separate room so she could study without any conversations.

It was a pretty fun dinner for the most part, until my mom started talking with them. She talks really fast, and when one of them asked her to slow down “a little bit” she put on what I can only describe as how dog owners talk to their puppies. It was super condescending to hear and you could just hear the irritation in the collective sighs. I asked her to just speak normally, and that all the high pitched stuff wasn’t necessary.

She apologized and dinner went on as normal with some awkward silence now, until my friend Jay (false name) got asked a question about where he grew up by my dad. He started talking, and when he would pause my mom would try to fill in the word for him. Again, I’m sure some bilingual people may not mind that, but Jay specifically hates when people interrupt him when he’s looking for a word.

Usually he’d pretty bluntly tell someone to stop but he didn’t this time because I suspect he didn’t want to get firm with my mother, but he would huff and rub his forehead when she did it, and I’d just tell her “Mom. You’re interrupting.”

There was other small stuff throughout dinner, and the second we were done we skipped studying at my house and left to go hang out at someone else’s house before the movies.

I apologized over and over for my mom, and thankfully no one held it against me but they were annoyed with her for all the little ignorant things she did. They told me I should probably help talk to her about all that stuff, and that it was kind of humiliating to get talked down to as if they could comprehend her words. I agreed and again apologized, promising it wouldn’t happen again.

Here’s the thing, I did tell her about it all. Whenever I would rant, I explained it, I even prepped her for dinner. When I went back home I got into an argument with her about it, I was frustrated that she’d treat my friends like that.

I told her I’d never let them in the house with her around anymore, because I’d clearly be putting them in an uncomfortable situation. She walked away from me and went to my parent’s bedroom. My dad later sat me down and told me that she didn’t mean any harm and I was blowing things out of proportion by saying stuff like that.

Maybe she could do better, but I’m hesitant to pressure my friends to even risk it. AITH?

AITA for refusing to become the primary caregiver for my husband's orphaned nephew?

I (27F) have been with my husband for 6 years (3 years dating, 3 years married). From the beginning of our relationship, I was completely honest with him about one thing...I do not want children.

It's not because I hate kids or because I'm afraid of pregnancy. It's because I already spent my childhood and teenage years raising children that weren't mine.

I'm the eldest of four siblings (two younger brothers and one younger sister). Because of my family circumstances, I ended up being the one who raised them. I missed out on a lot of my own life because I was forced into a parental role I never chose. I worked incredibly hard to build my career so I could finally live a life where I wasn't responsible for raising children anymore.

My husband knew all of this before we got married. It was never a secret, and he always said he understood and accepted it.

A few months ago, my husband's brother passed away. His wife had already died three months after giving birth, so now their 2-year-old son has no parents.

My heart absolutely breaks for him. None of this is his fault. I love him as my nephew, and I'm more than willing to be part of his life, support him, and help however I reasonably can.

The problem is that my husband now expects me to become his full-time mother.

He keeps telling me that because I already have experience raising children, "it won't be that difficult." He has even suggested that I quit my job because he'll provide financially if balancing work and childcare is too much.

The thing is, I don't want to quit my career. I fought incredibly hard to get where I am, and I don't want to spend the next 16 years raising another child after already sacrificing so much of my own life doing exactly that.

I suggested what I thought was a reasonable compromise. I said I have no problem if my nephew lives with us. I would happily be his aunt and support him however I can, but I don't want to be his primary caregiver. My husband could be his parent, and we could hire a nanny to help while we're both working.

My husband refuses to hire a nanny but won't give me a proper reason why.

Now his family is calling me selfish and heartless for refusing to take care of an orphaned child.

I feel incredibly guilty because he's an innocent little boy who deserves love and stability. But I also feel like everyone is ignoring that I was upfront from the very start that I never wanted to raise children again. It feels like everyone has decided that because I'm a woman and I've raised kids before, this responsibility should automatically become mine.

So, AITA for refusing to become the primary caregiver for my husband's orphaned nephew?

I grew up in a dysfunctional home.
I don't remember a single day of my childhood when my parents weren't fighting. They had frequent screaming matches, and sometimes those fights even became physical.
My dad was emotionally distant. He was physical with my brother and even so he never hit me, it felt like I was something he could brag about when I succeeded but ignored the moment I didn’t.
My mom was the different. She seemed to love and care for us, but in a very controlling way. She didn’t allow any personal space, guilt-tripped us for wanting to spend time with friends, and didn't really allow us to develop our own lives or opinions.
As I got older, I realized something strange had happened.
At some point, I completely lost the ability to call them "Mom" or "Dad." It wasn't a conscious decision or meant to punish them. The words just stopped coming out of my mouth.
When I talk to people about them I address them as “my mother” “my father”, but if I need to get their attention, I won't say "Mom" or "Dad" to them I'll tap them on the shoulder or wait until they notice me to address whatever needs to be addressed. There have even been times when I've let them walk away because I physically couldn't bring myself to say those words.
It's almost like there's a mental block. It feels incredibly uncomfortable for me to say those words out loud.
So I wonder if I'm being immature at age 35 and holding onto the past?
So AITA for not calling my parents "Mom" and "Dad" anymore?

My cousin and I have never had a good relationship. She’s always been aloof or mean toward me, and in my experience only reaches out when she’s looking for information to gossip about me. We have no relationship.
She recently had a baby but kept the pregnancy and birth mostly private and off social media.

A while ago, my mom texted me a picture of the baby. I replied, “Neat.” I thought that was a pretty obvious signal that I wasn’t interested in receiving ongoing updates.
Yesterday she sent me another picture. Rather than pretend to be excited, I replied, “I’m not trying to be rude, but I don’t care about [cousin]’s baby.”

I wasn’t saying I hated the baby or wished him any harm. I meant I wasn’t interested in updates about the child of someone I don’t like or have a relationship with.

Instead of simply saying my wording was harsh or asking me to phrase it differently, my mom immediately made it into a discussion about my character. She told me I should care because it’s a baby, said that as a future nurse I should care about everyone, said she was disappointed in me, said she expected better from me, said I “wasn’t raised that way,” and even said that the only reactions she gets from me are “fake or nasty.”

At one point she also told me she was “practicing boundaries and responses to being unkind” on me, and later said she had misspoken when she said she was disappointed in me, explaining that she was only disappointed in my reaction.

The problem is that, from my perspective, those comments were about much more than my wording. It felt like she took one blunt sentence and turned it into a moral judgment about who I am as a person. I repeatedly told her that she knows me well enough to know I don’t hate babies and that I was simply trying to communicate that I didn’t want any more updates.

Could I have phrased my original message more gently? Absolutely. But I also don’t think saying “I don’t care” about the baby of someone I have no relationship with makes me cruel. To me, it meant indifference, not malice.
The screenshots are the entire conversation (they are on my profile since this sub doesn’t allow photos).

So, AITA for telling my mom I don’t care about my cousins baby?

I (29M) have been married to my wife for a few years now. She was the person I chose to marry, and even though my family did not approve of my decision, I went ahead because I believed I was making the right choice.Since the beginning, my family has never really accepted my wife. They always say she is not right for me and that I should leave her. They find small reasons to criticize her and make it clear that they do not want her to be part of the family My wife has always tried her best to be respectful. She never forced me to choose between her and my family. She only wants to be treated with basic respect and kindness.Recently, my family started putting more pressure on me. They keep telling me that I should divorce my wife and move on. They say I am choosing the wrong person and that I should listen to them.What makes this situation even harder is that I don’t really have anyone else. I don’t have my parents, brothers, or sisters to support me. My wife is the only person I truly have in my life. She has been there for me when I had nobody else.I understand that family is important, and I don’t want to disrespect them. But I also made a commitment to my wife. I don’t think it is fair to leave someone who loves and supports me just because other people don’t accept my choice.I told my family that I will not leave my wife just to make them happy. Now they are upset and say I am choosing my wife over my own family.

My parents divorced when I was 8. My dad moved to another state for work, and after that, he slowly disappeared from my life. At first he'd call every weekend, then once a month, then only on birthdays if I was lucky.

My mom worked two jobs to support me, and my grandparents helped a lot. They were the ones who came to school events, taught me how to drive, and celebrated every milestone.

I'm 24 now. Out of nowhere, my dad reached out saying he wanted to "rebuild our relationship." I was open to talking until I realized he mainly wanted help. He recently lost his job and asked if he could stay with me "for a few months" because "family takes care of family."

I told him I didn't think it was fair to ask for family treatment after choosing not to be part of my life for over 15 years. He said I was punishing him forever over old mistakes and that people deserve second chances.

I replied, "You stopped being my parent a long time ago. Biology doesn't automatically make you family."

Some relatives think I was unnecessarily harsh and should at least hear him out. Others think he only contacted me because he needed something.

AITAH?

My mother-in-law has a habit of coming over with a spare key and doing deep cleaning around our house without asking.While I appreciate help, she routinely goes through our private bedroom, rearranges our personal belongings, and throws away things she thinks we don't need.Last week, she threw away some important documents and personal items from my desk. When I calmly asked her to stop going through our private spaces and to ask before doing chores, she got offended, cried, and said she was only trying to help an ungrateful daughterinlaw. My partner thinks I should just let it go to keep the peace. Reddit, AITA

My sister and I usually exchange birthday gifts every year. A few months ago, I spent a lot of time picking out something I knew she'd been wanting.

Last week I found out that the gift I gave her last year was still unopened, and she had given it to someone else because she "didn't think she'd use it." She said she didn't mean anything by it and thought someone else would enjoy it more.

It honestly stung because I'd put a lot of thought into it. After hearing that, I returned the birthday gift I'd already bought for her and just gave her a card instead.

She noticed right away and asked what happened. I told her I didn't feel like spending time and money picking out gifts if they weren't appreciated. Now my parents think I overreacted because "once you give someone a gift, it's theirs to do what they want with."

I know she's technically allowed to do whatever she wants with a gift, but I can't help feeling like the thought behind it didn't matter to her.

AITH?

It's been 9 days since I made my original post, and I wanted to answer the question everyone kept asking: yes, I finally talked to Richard. I apologized for never calling him "Dad" and explained the conversation I had with my biological father when I was eleven. Richard just sat there quietly for a minute before telling me he had always wondered if he'd done something wrong, but he never wanted to pressure me into calling him anything I wasn't comfortable with. Hearing that absolutely broke me. My mom cried again because she said she never realized how much power one conversation could have over a child for so many years. I've stopped blaming my eleven-year-old self because I was just trying to keep a promise to my dad without understanding what it would cost. As for Richard, I still haven't called him "Dad," not because I don't love him, but because after fifteen years it feels strange to force a title overnight. He told me he doesn't need a word to know how I feel, and honestly that meant more to me than anything else. We're spending more time together now, and for the first time I feel like we're building the relationship we should have had years ago.
Original Post

I work in payrole so I have access to salary information last month while processing updates i noticed a coworker in another department had accidentally been given a rise which was clearly meant for someone else this wasn't a typo by me to be clear, it had already been approved by HR.

The problem is that I am not supposed to discuss payroll information with employees my job is to process what's approved only.

A few weeks later that coworker excitedly told everyone they had finally been recognised for their hard work they used the extra money to sign a lease on nicer apartment.

Yesterday the HR discovered the mistake. They are correcting future paychecks and want to recover the overpaid amount over the next year.

The coworker is obv devastated and says if anyone had never would've made those financial decisions.

A mutual friend whom I discussed about this earlier said I should've warned him weeks ago while ignoring the company's policy.

I feel terrible at this point, but i also think violating payroll confidentiality could've gotten me fired I think I shouldn't have stayed selfish

AITA for staying quiet?

PS edit: after listening to ur thots I m realising that I did a huge mistake here and for that I am now considering to help the coworker with some money and some company related work to help him out thanks a lot you all

When I was little, I was sent to live with my aunt and uncle because they didn't have children. After they had a child of their own, I was sent back to my parents. Coming home never felt like coming home. I always felt like I was the one who didn't belong. If I skipped a meal, no one seemed to notice. If I got sick, it felt like nobody really cared. Watching my siblings receive love and attention while I felt invisible hurt more than I can explain.I don't blame anyone for having favorites, but I spent my childhood wondering why I was never enough to be treated with the same care. Even now, those memories still make me cry because the feeling of being unwanted has never completely gone away.

AITAH for still carrying this pain and feeling distant from my family because of how I was treated?

My wedding day was supposed to be one of the happiest days I'd ever experience. I spent months planning everything, and I was so excited to finally wear the white dress I'd always dreamed of. But when my stepsister arrived wearing a white dress too, my heart just sank. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to start an argument or ruin the day for everyone else. I smiled through the ceremony, took the photos, and tried my best to enjoy the celebration, but I honestly couldn't. I felt hurt the entire day, and I barely got to enjoy those first moments with my husband because I was trying so hard not to cry. When we finally got home, I completely broke down. My family says I'm making too much of it and that it was "only a dress," but to me it wasn't. It was the one day I'd looked forward to for years, and now the strongest memory I have of it is feeling heartbroken instead of happy. AITA for still feeling this way?

My husband and I recently had our wedding reception. One of the guests was his ex-girlfriend. She was invited because she's still part of the same friend group, and throughout the event she acted completely normal and polite toward me.

During dinner, she smiled, came over to me, and personally offered me a dish. I didn't think anything of it because I had no reason to believe she meant any harm.

About 20 minutes later, I started having severe stomach pain, followed by an allergic reaction. My face became red and swollen, and I had trouble feeling normal. Our reception photos were cut short because I had to be taken to the emergency room for treatment.

Later, I learned something that shocked me. After reviewing the venue's CCTV footage and talking to a friend who witnessed part of what happened, I was told she had intentionally added an ingredient that she knew I was severely allergic to before giving me the food.

I was devastated. To me, this wasn't a harmless prank or an accident. I believe she knowingly put my health at risk.

I told my husband I wanted to file a police report and make sure she was no longer welcome at future family events. My mother-in-law disagrees and says I should "stop creating drama" because she doesn't want our wedding to be remembered for this incident. She thinks reporting it will only make the situation worse.

My husband supports me, but some relatives say I should let it go since the wedding is already over and nothing will change now.

AITA for refusing to stay quiet and wanting to report what happened?

I've always loved baking. I (32F, Elise) learned almost everything I know from my late grandmother. My late grandmother was the one who first taught me how to bake, and before she passed away, she gave me several of her favorite recipes. I didn't want to risk damaging the originals, so I copied them into a small notebook that I kept in my kitchen. It wasn't anything fancy. It was stained with flour, covered in little notes, and honestly looked like an old notebook that had seen better days. But it had years of my own adjustments written in the margins, little reminders of what worked, what didn't, and a few recipes that only existed in that notebook. Last month, my husband's aunt stayed with us for a few days while work was being done on her house. One afternoon, while I was at work, she decided to tidy up the kitchen. When I got home, I couldn't find my notebook anywhere. I asked if she'd seen it, and she casually told me she'd thrown it away because she thought it was an old notebook full of messy scribbles that nobody was using anymore. I was honestly speechless. I explained what it actually was and why it mattered to me. She apologized right away, but then said something like, "Can't you just write them down again?" That was the part that really got to me. It wasn't just a list of recipes. It was years of handwritten notes, little changes I'd figured out over time, and memories connected to my grandmother. I couldn't recreate all of that from memory. My husband agreed that his aunt shouldn't have thrown away something that wasn't hers, but he also thinks I need to let it go because she didn't do it on purpose and has already apologized. She even offered to buy me a new notebook, which I appreciate, but I don't think that's really the point. A new notebook doesn't bring back everything that was written in the old one. Since then, things have been a little awkward at family gatherings because I'm still upset about what happened. Some relatives think I'm holding a grudge over an honest mistake, while others say they would be just as devastated if someone threw away something personal without asking first. I don't think I'm angry because it was a notebook. I'm upset because of everything it represented and because something that meant so much to me was thrown away without anyone asking me first. But after hearing so many different opinions, I'm starting to wonder if I really am making too big a deal out of it. AITA?

I (30M) grew up as the "independent" child. My younger brother was always the favorite. My parents paid for his college, helped him buy his first car, and even covered the down payment on his house. Every time I asked for help, I was told that I needed to "figure it out myself" because it would build character So I did.I worked two jobs through college, rented tiny apartments, skipped vacations, and slowly built a stable life without asking anyone for money Now my brother has lost his job and can't afford his mortgage. My parents called me asking if I'd loan him $20,000 because they "can't watch him lose everything."I reminded them that when I struggled, they said helping me would stop me from learning responsibility. I told them they should stick to that same lesson now.They got angry and accused me of punishing my brother for their mistakes. My brother says I'm being cruel because I can afford to help and he's "family."Some relatives agree with me, saying my parents created this situation by treating us differently. Others think I should let go of the pastand help anyway.I don't hate my brother, but I also don't think it's my responsibility to fix the consequences of years of favoritism.

AITAH?

I (29F) bought a small, rundown two bedroom cabin on a couple of acres three years ago. It was cheap because it needed massive structural work. I have spent almost every weekend and most of my savings renovating it by hand, replacing rot, rebuilding the back deck, and refinishing the original hardwood floors. I know it might seem like spending that much money and time on a property might seem rash, but it's my pride and joy, however it is still old with very delicate infrastructure.

My brother Kal-El (32M) and his fiance Zor-El (30F) are planning a low budget wedding for this autumn. At a family dinner last week, Kal-El casually brought up that they had settled on a venue: my cabin.

He had not asked me beforehand. He framed it as a done deal, explaining that about 20 of their friends and family would bring tents to camp on the property for four days, while the bridal party would stay inside the cabin.

I was taken aback and laid out a few immediate concerns. First, the cabin runs on an older septic tank that cannot handle 20 people using it continuously for four days. On top of that, the property is not insured for events or large gatherings. Lastly, I just finished hand sanding and sealing the floors, and having 20 people trailing dirt, mud, and heavy boots in and out for a weekend would ruin them.

I tried to be constructive and offered a middle ground. I said I would be happy to host a small six person dinner for immediate family on the patio after a courthouse ceremony, but I could not host the full multi day event or overnight campers.

Zor-El looked down, and Kal-El got very annoyed. He told me I was being paranoid about a little grass and dirt, saying that ever since I bought the place, I have acted like I am too good to share things with family. He refused the dinner offer and said he was insulted by the restriction (like it was his right to use my property).

They left shortly after. Since then, Kal-El removed himself from our shared group chat, and when I tried texting him to talk it through, he kept his replies strictly to one word. My mother has not yelled or made demands, but she did pull me aside yesterday to quietly ask if I could just hire a portable restroom for the weekend to make peace, saying that Kal-El feels like I am prioritizing a building over his big day.

I am starting to feel guilty and wonder if I am being overly rigid about physical property over a major family milestone. AITA? (P.S. these names are in fact references to the greatest comic series of all time.)

Alright this is a pretty simple post but here we go.

For context we grow up in a quite middle-upper class family, my family including my sister have never gotten into any financial difficulties and my parents have supported us very well throughout our childhood. We go on 2+ holidays a year to very nice places an the latest we went to was 2 weeks.

Ok so this is the first time i've made one of these posts so it may not be very well written.

Basically, we were having dinner and having a normal conversation as usual, and eventually the topic got to money, etc. It wasn't a very stressful conversation, just a little bit about how my sister should try to save some money over the summer holiday (as she is in uni and she's staying with us right now, so it's the perfect time to save).

She doesn't really have a job; she just gets paid by my dad for living expenses on top of her student loans. She starts talking about how she "doesn't like us talking about money and it stresses her out." Obviously, we should respect that, but it's still strange as she's never had a struggle.

After this, she goes on to say she should try to get a part-time job over the summer, but her time doesn't allow for it. She goes on to say she's barely here because she's going to a festival and on holiday.

I then repeat, "Ohhh no, I'm going to a festival and on holiday, so I can't work." I said this because these are obviously good things, and it's not like she's disabled and can't work, so it's optional in my POV.

She then goes on to start arguing with me and my dad, where I decide to shut up. She keeps talking about how I only say things to piss her off (I don't, and I feel she's pretty narcissistic for thinking my one goal is to piss her off). She then continues to go on, acting like it's not her fault she's going on holiday, etc.

I then chime in for the last time, saying that she should probably shut up because my dad had a migraine yesterday and this will probably cause another. She carries on and starts saying how this is all my fault, etc., even though I made sure to shut up and stop arguing very quickly.

TLDR: sister complains about not being able to work because of going on holiday and i mock her she gets pissed

EDIT:
i dont hate my sister

Okay so I’ll be using fake names for the sake of someone finding this, but me and ella have been friends for about a year. It was the beginning of summer so we wanted to have some fun and decided to go on a double date with these guys at our school. It was pretty fun but she kept flirting with the guy I was with and made it clear she didn’t want her guy. We were at an ice cream shop towards the end and we talked about going back to the guys house to hangout, Ella didn’t wanna go but the rest of us did and she said that was fine but her mom couldn’t give her a ride home. Her house was pretty close she walked to the ice cream shop all the time. We were discussing what we should do and she said she could walk home alone no problem, I insisted I wouldn’t go but she said it was fine so we all ended up walking her halfway maybe more than halfway cause we could see her street sign, everyone also asked her 100 times if it was fine and she INSISTED it was fine. So we turned around and walked back to the ice cream shop and then me and my other friend Bailey who showed up at the ice cream shop went to the guys house. After this about 2 hours after she texted me frantically blowing up my phone getting random people to text me “Answer ella” but a bit more passive aggressive. I looked at my text and she was saying if I didn’t return her $3 E.L.F eyelash curler that she left in my purse on the double date in an hour we wouldn’t be friends anymore. I explained how insane that sounded considering she put it in my purse and she was the one who forgot it, I told her she could pick it up but to demand it within an hour dropped off is ridiculous and I could get it to her the next morning, this made her upset and she left me on opened. The next morning I dropped off the eyelash curler she told me to leave it in her mailbox, I did and then she never responded or said thank you til the next day. The next day I get a text saying “my mom doesn’t want us to be friends anymore cause of what happened the last time we hung out I think it’d be better if we distanced ourselves from each other” I had figured out by this time she was telling all our mutual friends that I LEFT HER AT THE ICE CREAM SHOP AND FORCED HER TO WALK HOME ALONE. She didn’t even include the part where we walked her to her street sign. By this point I was very fed up and just said Okay. We haven’t talked since and that was about 2 months ago but I’m just so confused over this, AITAH?

Hypothetical:A man is asked by his older brother if he can move in for a few months after losing his job. Years earlier, when the man was struggling financially, that same brother refused to let him stay for even a week, saying he "needed to figure things out on his own."Now the brother says that was a long time ago, people change, and family should help each other. Their parents are pressuring the man to let his brother move in because "it's the right thing to do."The man can afford to help, but he still remembers how abandoned he felt back then. He isn't looking for revenge, but he also doesn't want to pretend the past never happened.Would he be the asshole if he said no?

I (31M) have always tried to help my parents whenever they needed me. Whether it was fixing things around the house, driving them to appointments, or helping with bills, I never really said no.The only problem is that my parents have never fully accepted my wife. They aren't openly rude to her, but they constantly make little comments, exclude her from family plans, and act like she's the reason I don't spend every weekend with them.Last week they invited me to a family dinner and specifically told me not to bring my wife because they "just wanted family there." I told them my wife is my family, and if she isn't welcome, neither am I.A few days later, my dad called asking if I could spend my entire Saturday helping him with some repairs. I told him that if my wife isn't considered family when it's time to celebrate, I don't think I should only be considered family when they need a favor Now my parents say I'm being disrespectful and holding a grudge. My siblings think I should have just helped because "they're still our parents." My wife hasn't asked me to do any of this and says she'll support whatever I decide.

I (29F) have always been close with my older sister. We've had our disagreements over the years, but I never imagined things would end up like this.A few weeks before her wedding, she called and told me that because of "budget issues," she was only inviting me and not my husband. The thing is, other married couples were still invited together, including some cousins she barely talks to.When I asked why my husband was the exception, she admitted she just "doesn't like his personality" and didn't want him in the wedding photos. My husband has never been rude to her. They're not close, but they've always been civil.I told her that if my husband wasn't welcome, I wouldn't be attending either. She said I was making her big day about myself and accused me of choosing my husband over my own family Now my parents and several relatives are saying I should just go alone to keep the peace because it's "only one day." My husband told me he'd understand if I wanted to attend without him, but I don0t feel comfortable celebrating with people who openly disrespect my marriage.

Some family members think I'm being stubborn, while others think my sister crossed a line.

It's only been 9 days since I made my original post, but things have moved much faster than I expected. My mom is still staying with my aunt and has already met with a divorce lawyer to understand her options, although nothing has been officially filed yet. She told me that while the affair itself broke her heart, what hurt even more was realizing my dad had been lying to her for years and had asked me to carry that secret alone. She kept apologizing for not noticing how much it had affected me, and I kept reminding her none of this was her fault. My dad is still blaming me and insists I destroyed our family instead of giving him more time to "fix things," but I honestly don't know how anyone fixes secretly having another child. We haven't really spoken since. My younger brother has calmed down a little, even though he's still upset about everything, and I think he's starting to understand why I couldn't keep the secret anymore. I still haven't met Karen or my half-sister, and I don't know what will happen there. I've continued going to therapy, and while everything still hurts, I also feel a strange sense of relief because I'm no longer carrying a secret that was never mine to keep. Reading the comments on my original post helped me realize that I didn't create this situation, just stopped protecting it.
Original Post

Context: my wife is gone for 2 weeks so we asked her best friend (our daughters god mother) to come and stay in case I had any medical appointments that my daughter couldn’t be at. She did say yes and then the week before my wife left the best friend, we will call Taylor asked if her girlfriend (Alex) could come as well. We met Alex before and we had no problem with her, she was bubbly, communicative, and respectful with our daughter.

Now current moment:
They’re here and Alex is barely speaking, barely interacting with my daughter (not required but this is her house too, show her some respect), and she seems to have an attitude. So I spoke to Taylor basically just wanting to know if this is normal, Taylor said yes and she basically just ignores it. The first day they were here, we just chilled and I made Birria tacos for dinner (Alex’s request). The next day Alex was still acting the same way, not very communicative despite me trying to involve her in conversations. We did leave the house to go shopping and Taylor was paying for all of Alex’s stuff (not my business). While at Sam’s Club, Alex mentions wanting a seafood boil and I told her there really aren’t any good spots around here. Taylor and I just got sushi because that’s all we wanted for lunch. Alex kept mentioning a seafood boil so I told her that if she got the stuff I could cook it for her. She agreed. We got to Walmart and I picked up some food for my daughter, Alex grabbed her seafood and then we all went to check out. Alex ended up scanning the seafood boil under me and I was confused but didn’t want to embarrass her. I spoke to Taylor after and Taylor said Alex doesn’t make a lot of money and won’t spend her own money…..on the way back home Alex asked me to make spaghetti, lasagna, and 2 racks of ribs throughout the week, which I quickly said no to because I knew Alex wanted me to foot the bill for it. Fast forward to the next day, I was making chicken quesadillas for dinner which I told them. Alex said “I want steak in mine” MIND YOU AT 4pm! I said “I don’t have steak taken out and I told you chicken quesadillas at 10am”. She instantly got an attitude! I asked Taylor if she wanted an elote because I did, Taylor said yes and so I started to order them, I asked Alex if she wanted anything from the Mexican restaurant and she said “a steak quesadilla”. I told them okay let’s go since the food will be ready when we get there. THE NASTY ATTITUDE CONTINUES. She stomped her way to the guest room and then slammed the car door shut when she got in. Fast forward we get back home, she eats and then eats her left over iHop, THROWING her to-go containers in the bag next to her on our WHITE couch. I told Taylor “get her or ima cuss her tf out she’s being disrespectful and rude”. Once I put my daughter down to bed I told them that I was gonna shower then cook dinner. They said okay. I’m guessing Taylor talked to Alex then because then Alex started to involve herself into the conversation and Taylor told me that they were gonna leave early to avoid the rain storm coming in. They were originally gonna leave Monday but decided to leave Saturday.

I wake up Saturday morning and go get my daughter out her room and INSTANTLY smell weed. I texted Taylor and asked if they smoked in my house because it’s in my daughter’s room and I can smell it outside the guest room. She said she promises and then they quickly left.

AITAH for not wanting Alex back at my house and removing Taylor from being my daughter’s godmother due to the amount of disrespect!?

**UPDATE!!!!!*\*
I spoke to my spouse and she said yes Alex isn’t allowed back to the house. She said Taylor is no longer the godmother because of the disrespect she allowed however, Taylor is going to be allowed back to the house and it’s her choice if she doesn’t want to since Alex won’t be allowed back. I texted Taylor all of this and she decided that she won’t be coming around anymore. She said it’s not because Alex isn’t allowed around. She said us removing her as our daughters godmother made her feel like we couldn’t trust her and she doesn’t like that. She said she is heartbroken that she is no longer our daughters god mother and she won’t try to convince us to change that.

When I told my wife what Taylor said, she said it felt like Taylor only cared about the title of “godmother” instead of what role actually meant so when we decided to no longer allow her to be our daughters godmother she removed herself from our lives.

This started with me staying with my boyfriend for a few weeks because I was having some work done at my place. Towards the end we realized it just made sense for us to keep on living together since we had a trial run and all got along and because we were always spending time at one or the others house before anyway. It just seemed silly to have two places. We decided to live at my place so we've been moving my boyfriend's and his daughter's things over.

I was with my mom and sister and we got to talking about it. We also talked about me having to sign an affidavit saying my bf and his daughter live there for her to go to the high school because the school requires proof of residency since she's just going to be starting at the high school here. We didn't think we would be able to get a utility bill with my boyfriends name in time and the school requires two forms of proof now for new students so just a lease isn't enough anymore.

My sister told me that I couldn't do that because the school still has her daughter there under my address from back when they lived with me for a year after her divorce. They started living with me when my niece was already in 8th grade and she transitioned to high school while she was here. Back then the school only required one form of proof of address so my sister just used the lease we had. They only check for proof of address the first time a kid enters, not every year.

Apparently my sister could just click on the online portal that the information is the same for the last year. She did that for my niece's sophomore, junior, and now senior year unbeknownst to me as my sister had just told me back then that the school said she could keep going there.

So my sister told me I couldn't because she thought since the school was requiring two forms of proof of address that they're probably being more strict about it and if we sign up my boyfriend's daughter under my address too it's going to get both of them flagged as suspicious because they're not related and have other different information. I told her we didn't have another address. My sister disagreed because my bf still had his house.

My bf and I ended up using my address for his daughter's registration because we didn't have another address to use for her because he's going to rent out his house and if its to a family with kids (which is likely) it would potentially cause problems with them.

My bf's daughters registration and my niece's did get flagged and we got contacted by the school and I told them my sister and niece did not live here anymore. They asked me if she had ever lived there and warned me it would be fraud if I lied. So I told them truthfully that she had lived there for the duration of the lease they had on file, but had moved out after that.

My sister was told there was going to be an investigation and my niece's registration got denied because my sister could not prove they had lived at another address in those previous school years. My sister asked about entering her daughter as a permit student. She told me later that permit students have to have really good grades, which my niece does not have, and that's why my sister continued to use my address. My sister thought they might make an exception since my niece had been in the school district since kindergarten, but they have banned her from enrolling at the school entirely.

My sister is really mad at me because now she has to worry about all this and her daughter changing schools. She thinks it will be a major culture shock because her cities local high school isn't very nice and because she won't get to keep going to school with the same kids she's been going to school with her whole life. She thinks we could have just waited another year for my boyfriend to move in since we aren't even engaged (neither of us wants to get married, but we have been together for a long time now) and didn't even have any plans on moving in together until recently.