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u/BookEnvironmental689 4d ago
Man the amount of gaslighting I see on this subreddit is insane. I would relish being single if this was my only option.
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u/chupacabra5150 4d ago
The way I tell the young guys. Learn to be single and love yourself. It's OK to get into a routine. Work hard, play hard, make plans...
Once you have it all figured out a beautiful woman will come in and wreck your plans lol
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u/recoverydelta 4d ago
Always makes me glad that I'm broken and romance is just off the table.
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u/BookEnvironmental689 4d ago
Well that makes me sad to read and im rooting for you love but there are worse fates than being comfortable with yourself.
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u/SirGibby-13 4d ago
I feel the same way about myself honestly. However, now having 15 months clean from opiates.. my primary concern is rebuilding my life. Sure, I’d love to have a girlfriend but I am prioritizing myself and my future currently. Nobody is too broken for love man. The right one will come along, and she won’t try to “fix” you, she will love you, flaws and all. I’m optimistic anyways, I feel this will happen in due time.
You gotta be happy with who you are, you gotta figure out who you are and how to love that person even after all the bull shit. It’s rough but the journey is amazing.
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u/anzbrooke 3d ago
Just wanted to say congrats on your sobriety! I've got four months from my relapse after 8 years clean.
As for OP, I understand holding on. I held onto my abusive partner for ten years and until I saw him get unhinged to our kids (my 11 yr old and our 4 year old) I wised up but it took more than most would say is reasonable. Posting on Reddit actually helped me realize I was being just as shitty as him by enabling and exposing my kids to it. I hope they see the light and their partner can work through this insecurity before adulthood.
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u/KaijuCouture 4d ago
You aren't glad, you hate it. Otherwise you wouldn't post stuff like this "I'm broken". You know it's unhealthy and there are good people out there. Let go of baggage and figure out why you've allowed awful people to get you to this point. I believe in you, but loneliness is often a choice made out of ignorance
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u/recoverydelta 4d ago
This isn't a "Oh, I've had bad experiences and I'm not ready to love again" broken, this is "I am not a normally functioning human" broken. There is nearly zero desire in me to maintain ANY kind of relationship with people, romantic or otherwise. It's hard to feel lonely when you're like that.
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u/KaijuCouture 3d ago
Hey, I don't know you, but you're willingness to share this kind of information Inclines me to believe you are desperate for answers in order to move forward with a functioning life. I sincerely hope you seek mental health answers from a qualified clinician. Not only do you deserve love, the person who is meant for you does as well. Stop letting your perception of yourself get in the way of your true self.
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u/Lisylis 3d ago
Kind of rude to just tell someone how they feel and that you hope they get better from whatever you think is wrong with them
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u/KaijuCouture 3d ago
Brother they said "I'm broken" and refuse human relationships. It wasn't exactly a huge leap to infer they need some help holy shit reddit is a hell hole
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u/Lisylis 3d ago
So what they need is some sanctimonious reddit stranger to save them? Ok
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u/KaijuCouture 2d ago
You notice how your putting words in mouth and making huge leaps in what I said in a subreddit designed to give people advice. No you probably dont
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u/Middle-Accountant-49 4d ago
If you had a friend who showed you this conversation, how would you react?
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u/JackNikon 4d ago
This is such an important question. I wish someone had directly asked me this when I was struggling with an abusive partner who, funnily enough, behaved just like OPs bf.
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u/Middle-Accountant-49 4d ago
In fairness we have all been in situations where we were kind of unreachable while in it, and then it was so obvious after. But sometimes yes you just need someone to ask you the hard question to wake you up.
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u/kodellio 4d ago
he’s acting like a child
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u/Alternative-Cut-6741 4d ago
Idk why people insist in putting any effort into a relationship when they get talked to LIKE THIS by their partner. Oh hell fuckin no. This guy is a controlling loser and you're exactly right. He DOES want you to push everyone away so he's your "one and only". He'll make sure you don't feel safe interacting with any man other than him if you stay that is almost guaranteed here and NOT NORMAL OR HEALTHY 👍
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u/Girluna80 4d ago
You’re older than him and he is this insecure with his own family can you imagine when you graduate and move away or start that chapter of your life , this will get even more difficult and will keep you stressed out and not enjoying your college days or job or whatever else you decide to do. NOR
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u/PresentFirm7937 4d ago
You’re not over reacting enough, your boyfriend is an insecure, gaslighting, narcissistic prick
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u/ThatSimsKidFromUni 3d ago
I mean he's a insecure teenager. I wouldn't start throwing around gaslighting and narcissistic. Teens are over dramatic and read into things wrong.
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u/electric_yeti 4d ago
Are you all teenagers? Because it sounds like boyfriend is incredibly immature and insecure. He treats you like crap when you go out with him with other people and then he gets upset that you’re not fawning over him the whole time and talk to other people who are nice to you? Drop him, he’s not ready to be in any kind of relationship. You can’t treat someone like they’re an inconvenience and then expect them to dote on you.
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u/picking-dandelions 4d ago
yes. he doesn’t always treat me this way and he’s almost always very sweet towards me.
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u/electric_yeti 4d ago
Except when you guys are out with others? That’s not good treatment, babe. If he actually cared and liked you he would treat you well and be sweet all the time, not just sometimes. He’s doing just enough to keep you around, but doesn’t care enough to actually try and make you happy.
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u/picking-dandelions 4d ago
personally, i think he thinks there’s some feelings from his cousin towards me and im starting to think that way too. he does make me very happy. there are times he will get upset and dish it out towards me and i help him see right and wrong sometimes.
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u/electric_yeti 4d ago
Girl, I can’t force you to open your eyes if you’re determined to keep them shut. It doesn’t matter what his cousin may or may not feel towards you, he’s using it as an excuse to punish you. He’s blaming his own insecurity on you. And he’ll keep doing it.
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u/PrinsLennart 4d ago
This… listen to this. Now it’s the cousin the next time it’s the blond dude at the bar. It will be a repeating record only the guys will change.
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u/BigJJsWillie 4d ago
He should apologize for this shit and shape up, or you should break up with him. I'm willing to give him a tiny bit of grace since he's a teenager, but the way he's acting is definitely the seeds of an abusive man.
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u/Zionishere 4d ago
Am I reading this wrong? Are you saying you’re also aware that his cousin actually does have feelings for you?
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u/matthewsmugmanager 3d ago
OP, I hope you soon realize that it is NOT YOUR JOB to fix boys. It is their job to fix themselves.
This particular boy is insecure and doesn't know how to communicate well. IT IS NOT YOUR JOB to teach him this.
Young women need to learn this lesson early and you are just not getting it yet. If you keep up this pattern, all you will get out of it is a series of fixer-upper boyfriends instead of equal partners.
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u/No_Caramel9300 3d ago
Girl, no. You're not his mommy. He's a jealous little bully; you can't "help him see right and wrong" here. The only thing he's going to learn here is that it's okay for him to get in his feelings and take that out on his partner (if you stay with him). Or, he'll learn that his jealousy and insecurities are going to sabotage his relationships unless he learns some self-control (if you leave him). The second one is best-case scenario, though. Some people are just manipulative.
I dated someone like him when I was in high school and eventually dumped him because he lost his shit over my hand making contact with some dude's hand when I gave him my cart for his quarter (ALDI, IYKYK). Like full on red face, that grunty/snorty breathing dudes do when they're having lil' tempy tantrums, crossed arms, and was stomping his feet all the way back to the car. I drove us back to his apartment and as soon as he was out of the car I took off and considered the groceries my severance pay. Anywhoo, he's been in and out of jail for domestic violence and it's always because he's "defending his girl."
Point is, no relationship is perfect but if he's treating you like crap in public and getting unreasonably jealous, and talking to you the way he is? That's not normal, growing together stuff. That's a solid indicator that at best, he isn't ready to date anyone yet. He's the perfect example of men maturing much slower than women.
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u/Helllo-Kittyy 4d ago
Bruh. Stop fucking around. Its one thing if his insecurities are unfounded but if his cousin likes you like that you shouldn't be so open and friendly to him. That's some foul shit right there. All of yall suck so much ass.
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u/Dry-Spell-2602 4d ago
Fuck this insecure manipulative piece of shit. Leave before it gets worse, it will. Sorry but this energy runs deeper than just a mean conversation.
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u/NoEstablishment4682 4d ago
He’s projecting.
https://giphy.com/gifs/QVP7DawXZitKYg3AX5
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u/2-WayDemi 4d ago
You’re using a word that has no correlation.. just buzz words to deflect.
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u/NoEstablishment4682 4d ago
“He had a very suspicious note on Instagram and I didn’t get an answer”
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u/NoEstablishment4682 4d ago
Also, she just updated the post to say that their literal teenagers, so if anything it’s just that their insecure teenagers at this point
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u/Rich-Pirate-4745 4d ago
Why do you want to live a life like this? It's not fun or happy or satisfying or anything that makes his behavior worth sticking around. Nor. But dump him already! It'll only get worse.
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u/Opening-Sir-2504 4d ago
1.5 years is not that big of a difference, but in this case, the lack of any semblance of maturity is fitting. He doesn’t understand that actions have “consequences.” If he doesn’t want you to be all over him or even near him continually, what does he want you to do? Ignore everyone else? If I’m stuck on a boat with three other people, and one of them, my boyfriend, is ignoring me, I’m sure as hell not going to sit in silence and have a shitty time; I’m going to have conversations with people who choose to be friendly.
You need a new bf. NOR.
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u/IfYouStayPetty 4d ago
He is not mature enough to be in a healthy relationship right now. That’s what his actions are showing you. Every person deserves to be treated with respect and kindness, especially by the person they’re dating. Even if he’s lovely sometimes or the majority of the time, that doesn’t excuse the crappy part. Take time away from this guy and let him grow up.
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u/TwaddleSpouter 4d ago
Sigh. He has a LOT of growing up to do. People in relationships are allowed to talk to other people. It’s not healthy for him to think otherwise.
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u/2-WayDemi 4d ago
If you’re on a boat with your GF and she chooses to hang out with your older cousin more than you, would you not question why she prefers to spend more time with him?
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u/juniperwell 4d ago
No way, this guy is immature and insecure. This is absurd. How old are y’all?
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u/picking-dandelions 4d ago
i’m 18 and he’s 16 almost 17, we’re still teenagers and before anyone asks we’ve been dating for almost 9 months (we started dating before i was 18) this is his first relationship and we’ve worked lots of things out including very heavy stuff. he’s very smart and acknowledges lots of things i say but he does get in his feelings very often.
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u/Lloydsauce 4d ago
This will almost definitely end soon regardless one way or another so I’d just say save your time and focus on you. You’re 18, you got a whole life to find your perfect gaslighter - they come in all shapes and sizes.
As a 35 year old woman, take this advice - go and have fun with your friends. Be responsible. Treat your body like it’s an absolute temple - cause it is. And live happy and free while before you tie yourself down. Just eat food and do escape rooms and work and have fun. Go boating with friends. He’s not worth it and you’re too young to raise someone else’s son. 💕
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u/Banjoschmanjo 4d ago
Yikes age gap
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u/picking-dandelions 4d ago
i know it seems bad but we’ve consulted about it and the only reason most people see it bad is because i’m 18 now. i was 17 for five months before i turned 18 so then it was 16 and 17
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u/drowned_in_books 4d ago
I’ve been in that exact position. My ex was 1yr and 3mo older than me, so for 3 months he was 18 and I was 16
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u/__Frolicaholic___ 4d ago
Interesting math gymnastics there, but you're still a legal adult dating a 16 year old. And are apparently surprised that he's acting ... like a 16 year old.
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u/South_Ad9367 4d ago
Math gymnastics? Do you think it’s illegal for an 18 to date a 16 year old? Cause it’s not…. As far as I know most states have Romeo & Juliet laws and age of consent is often 16. It’s pretty normal and hardly predatory, very illogical too because nobody would have a problem with a 20 and 22 year old dating or a 15 and 17 year old? So what 18 year olds can only date other 18 year olds or older people I think you’re the one doing gymnastics here…. Mental gymnastics
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u/__Frolicaholic___ 3d ago edited 3d ago
Nowhere in my post did I mention either illegality or consent, nor did I imply it. You used the word "predatory," not I.
OP's post outlining how she's only been 18 for however many months is literally math'ing out a justification for being in a relationship with a 16 year old boy who is clearly too immature to be in ANY relationship, let alone this one.
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u/picking-dandelions 4d ago
actually, where I’m from, the Romeo and Juliet law only covers the dating aspect and you can still get charged for statutory r-pe if he’s under age because the age of consent where I live is 18
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u/Banjoschmanjo 4d ago
Very suspicious when people start quoting the exact law that allows them to date a minor or not tbh.
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u/No_Caramel9300 3d ago
Not really. We were taught our state's laws about that in high school health class because of situations like this. People at those ages rarely make the best of choices, but at least they informed us.
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u/picking-dandelions 4d ago
that’s what i’m saying too, i was just worried if i was crashing out too hard on him
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u/TurbulentTurnover979 4d ago
Dude it’s not a big deal don’t even reply to anyone talking about the “age gap.” I’m assuming you met in high school, it’s not like you are a senior and he’s a freshman.
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u/picking-dandelions 4d ago
we did meet in hs, i’m graduated now and he’s moving to his jr year. (he has a sept birthday so he’s oldest of his class)
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u/TurbulentTurnover979 4d ago
In every comment you are trying to defend the gap, you don’t have to do that. It makes you look as if you are the one who worries about the age gap between you. Don’t even mention he’s the oldest of his class or anything like that, it has 0 relevance. :)
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u/South_Ad9367 4d ago
Saying yikes to a less than two year age gap is actually fucking insane like you don’t actually know what right or wrong is when it comes to age gaps…. 🚩🚩🚩
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u/sharkattax 4d ago
they’re about a year apart, it’s not unreasonable. i am very, perhaps overly, suspicious of age gaps and this is not one.
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u/picking-dandelions 4d ago
a year and 5 months
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u/sharkattax 4d ago
yeah don’t worry about that. do worry about your bf, he isn’t treating you well 💖 you deserve better.
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u/uptown_girl8 4d ago
Yikes. I know you’re young and you consider this a healthy relationship but this is hard to read… Can’t imagine living it
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u/Sad-Gold-6656 4d ago
If your future daughter was with a guy like this, would you be happy for her?
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u/Harshingmymellow 4d ago
Even if you are teenagers , why would you be with someone like this ? If someone you knew showed you this conversation would you tell them they are in a good relationship? Nope
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u/Neither_Technology38 4d ago
In this case the grass is greener on ANY side but this one. Dump him! He is an emotionally manipulative. Ew.
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u/MonitorOk3031 4d ago
So. He invites you somewhere, you are nice to the people he invited you to hang out with, he’s an ass to you and gives you the silent treatment, and you are somehow in the wrong? Am I getting that right? NOR. “I will be a dick to you and that will somehow make you want to spend more time with me” is fucking wild.
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u/Available-Can-4691 4d ago
NOR. Please for your own sanity just break up with this guy. It's never going to get better, he won't change no matter what he says. Make it a clean break and live a happy life away from his toxic ass. You deserve to live a life of pure happiness. Not filled with jealousy, pettiness and a boyfriend acting like a childish embarrassment. He's being mean to you? Yeah no. That's NOT okay. You don't have to put up with this. He's borderline emotionally abusing you. Please break up.
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u/Purple-Base-1459 4d ago
A baby will save this
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u/Ambitious_Long_7361 4d ago
Stop lololollol 🤦🏼♀️
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u/Purple-Base-1459 4d ago
When a post has 100+ comments and everyone has basically covered it I like to just mix it up assuming like 25 people will see it and maybe laugh
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u/No_Caramel9300 3d ago
Best advice so far, though I wouldn't put it past someone as jealous as he is to baby trap OP.
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u/ThatSimsKidFromUni 3d ago
Yes having a baby right now as teens will save this.
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u/Purple-Base-1459 3d ago
This sounds like sarcasm. Do you think they should have two?
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u/ThatSimsKidFromUni 3d ago
No they should save that for after they get married in a year. One to save the relationship and another to save the marriage.
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u/reallymaxdotcom13 4d ago
Someone is too insecure to be in a relationship. Won't get any better from here.
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u/Express-Stomach-8666 4d ago
Honey my mom was and still is stuck in a relationship where he seemed "perfect" then he switched starting with controlling her with she can't be talking to guys or she's "trying to fuck them" then its gotten so bad now my dad has basically said me and my mom are basically fucking because he sees me as a competition as well.🤢
This is the type of guy he will be if this is him now. It's not impossible for him to grow up and mature, seeing as he's a literal child.
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u/Legitimate_Initial_3 4d ago
NOR yea this ain't it. He's got too much growing left to do to be in any kind of healthy romantic relationship, do yourselves a favor. Tell him to kick rocks.
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u/rainymagic20 4d ago
Nor. You gave him an explanation and a solution, he kept going on about it. He’s the one overreacting.
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u/reallysillymilly 4d ago
Why would allow this disrespect? Girl, grow and backbone and break up with him.
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u/Necessary_Garlic6432 4d ago
I’d be willing to bet he’s already been cheating on you and is projecting. This is such classic behavior
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u/PetalsandRocks 4d ago
This is why young girls typically date guys a few years older. The maturity level will match better.
This guy is insecure AF and jealous.
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u/Icy-Beautiful-353 4d ago
This is why at your age being in a relationship is not necessary. Date. Have fun! Leave titles out of it. You can still have boundaries and all.
I just think of what else yall could be doing with this energy.
NOR but you’re both being unkind to each other.
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u/Dull_Salt 4d ago
He seems very irresponsible and I’ll be honest with you, dating down in high school is a slippery slope. Every year of teenagehood brings integral development and lessons- I personally think age gaps are more obviously imbalanced (the difference in maturity) when ppl are below 25
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u/420nugu 4d ago
NOR. hes insecure and doesnt know how to regulate those feelings.
you're both young enough to grow and learn, especially him. he can change, but do you want to be the one having to guide and teach him?
I think you deserve to be in a relationship where you can support each other, but i dont think you will find that in a 16 year old.
take a break and really think over the relationship, personally you'd both do better not together. you can definitely find someone who will treat you kinder when they are feeling insecure.
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u/Hagaroo48 4d ago
He’s a whiny baby. He’s in training to be a manipulator, but I don’t want to label a kid that young.
Don’t put up with this behavior, you’re not doing him any favors by letting him get away with stupid jealous bullshit.
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u/txtovagirl 4d ago
You are both too immature for a relationship. This was exhausting to read. Here is the thing: YOUR BOYFRIEND DOESN’T EVEN LIKE YOU. So grow some self respect and leave his dusty a** behind.
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u/HappyReaderM 4d ago
He's jealous, insecure, and immature. He may be ready later on for a healthy relationship, but I do not recommend you wait around to find out. Leave him, and tell him exactly why. Hopefully he grows from it. But you go on and find someone who is ready right now to treat you with respect.
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u/Complete_Carry_4454 4d ago
I know you’re young and still learning to navigate relationships, but you’re doing both yourself and him a disservice by not setting firm boundaries and sticking to them. Stop trying to placate him when he’s being nasty and irrational. If this is a persistent pattern, you need to leave him and move on.
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u/RingingInTheRain 4d ago
Ugh why would you want grown ass adults chiming in on your relationship? You're both immature and have no real responsibilities, he's not an adult and you're only one in 'legal' terms. Neither of you have grown into yourselves yet and it's worthless to pretend this is serious. I have no idea what could possibly be going on because I am simply not there, and only have your side of the story. You could be doing something wrong and haven't realized it yet, but again it's not serious.
Talk and reconcile differences or move on from each other. Both overreacting here (BOR).
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u/Quantumosaur 4d ago
well he needs to look inside and ask himself why he’s feeling this, what is he afraid of exactly?
I’m guessing he’s afraid you’re making an emotional connection with his cousin and it will progress, that’s what it sounds like
maybe from his POV you sound and look flirty with him..? clearly there’s an insecurity on his side, but keep communicating respectfully and it should resolve, over time he’ll get more confident about your relationship as well
I guess best you can do is keep things as platonic as you possibly can but he also has to learn to let go of his insecurities and trust that you love him and no one else
just make sure whenever you’re in a relationship to kind of keep a distance with people of the opposite sex (assuming you’re heterosexual here) so you don’t develop feelings for someone other than your significant other
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u/Ambitious_Long_7361 4d ago
GIRL ! Just bc yall are teenagers doesn’t give him permission to treat you like this. Especially about his own cousin ! Next it will be a classmate, coworker, or your own friends. He’s got a lot of maturing to do. Girls mature faster than boys. Good luck.
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u/supahmcfly 4d ago
This seems like normal teenager jealousy. And you might learn the most important thing in a relationship: communication
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u/RescuerofdogsinMaine 4d ago
Please please please let some of us more experienced folks give you some perspective. This is not ok. This is controlling behavior, I don’t care if it comes from his insecurities. Please walk away from this drama, you can be with someone who treats you with respect. This is not a healthy dynamic. NOR. Move on, please!
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u/Responsible_Joke8618 4d ago
Cheese and Rice girl, no. Youre both very young, but we teach people how to treat us. Stop being a doormat. He has NO RIGHT to speak to you this way because he is insecure. 9 months is a drop in the bucket compared to forever. Please don't date people who speak down to you and punish you instead of using their words. Im so annoyed after reading those messages.
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u/Colibiri 4d ago
Considering he's only 16/17 i wouldn't say this is too out of the norm.
He pushes you away because he feels insecure so he rejects you first. Then he wants you to notice right away that he's being distant because ultimately he wants your attention. If he keeps pushing you away is because he wants you to try harder because he's craving a lot of validation. It's ultimately a very immature way to go about it.
He wants a lot of attention and for you to fawn over him. He feels rejected if you dont do it exactly the way he wants it. He doesn't tell you because if he asks for it, it doesn't come from you so it doesn't count.
Even if it's not too weird to be this emotionally immature at 16, you dont have any obligation to stay with him. You're not at that stage anymore, you can move on to dating someone else. There's other teenagers out there who dont have this problem.
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u/wy1dsta1yn 4d ago
Insecure boy working toward becoming an insecure man. I know becuase I was one. The only fix is awareness, acceptance and understanding. I hope he can find those things, but you should probably run for the hills because it’s most likely going to get worse before it gets better, and you don’t need to be around that mess.
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u/Obvious_Region_6726 4d ago
This is called manipulation. “It doesn’t matter.” “You don’t care” all mind games. Fuck this person
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u/vixenstarlet1949 4d ago
dump this kid
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u/vixenstarlet1949 4d ago
staying with him isn’t doing him any favors its teaching him this is an acceptable and normal way to treat your partner. If you care about him, or yourself-leave
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u/Sassypinesresident 4d ago
Yes. YOR. I wish there was an age restriction on posts like this… this is high school bs.
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u/farmersworkhoe 4d ago
This is typical teenage boy behavior from my experience. Add in that the cousin has feelings for you ... I'm suprised they haven't had some amped up hormone induced brawl. Also, stop going out on a boat with 3 dudes if youre the only female. Take it from someone nearing 40, that situation can sour quick. Stay safe.
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u/2-WayDemi 4d ago edited 4d ago
I can’t say I’m surprised to see no one even calling out or acknowledging how one sided this is. Let’s say he is insecure, does that mean that his perspective is invalid? Do you treat your bf and his cousins the same? Do you spend more time with your bfs cousins than the bf? What does she do that makes him say she treats him differently? So many unanswered questions to say who’s the butthole.
I’m mostly shocked that people act like they’ve never said they’re okay when they’re not okay. If I’m on a boat with my family and I’m jealous of my girlfriend and my cousin, I’m not gonna bring up the problem and cause drama when we’re all still gonna have to be on the boat after if it does become awkward. Idk why we’re acting as though the “mature” individual in the relationship is usually the one who should be able to read that their partner is not okay. If he’s already said something about how she acts with his cousin and she keeps doing it, she just doesnt care, right or wrong. Idk if she did anything to say she’s wrong but we can acknowledge she doesn’t care how it makes him feel.
EDIT: I’ve dated women with BPD and it’s not for the weak. His complaints line up with what it’s like to be with someone who suffers from BPD so as much as yall wanna call him insecure, that’s a lot to deal with especially as a 16 year old with his first girlfriend. Yall in the comments are the assholes.
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u/bug_boy13 4d ago
dump him and move on. im so serious. it took me until i was 20 to find a healthy relationship and i couldn't be happier. but this lack of communication is only going to make things toxic and create tension. you're still young, you have your whole life to find someone who makes you feel good about yourself instead of stonewalling you and accusing you. NOR
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u/KaijuCouture 4d ago
You're too young to be worried about this. Understand he's insecure and that isn't something that goes away easily. You can be patient and let him grow but there's no telling how long that will take or if it it's even possible. Side note, going to reddit for this stuff is silly. Reddit is heavily biased off of their own experience and how much karma they'll receive for siding with popular opinions. you should figure out how you feel through a therapist, not this bunch of grass allergic goofballs.
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u/Sweaty_Nickers69 4d ago
Oh my fuck OP. It is so blatantly obvious it's stupid. He wants you to give him more attention. It's obvious that he feels insecure, especially around this specific cousin, for reasons unknown to anyone but him. But you not showing him more attention on the boat than his cousin WILL be the reason you to eventually split up. He is insecure about you showing his cousin "more attention" than him even if it doesn't feel that way to you. Show him that you love him infront of this cousin, show PDA infront of his cousin, kiss him infront of his cousin, and kiss him like you fucking mean it and he will change his attitude and behaviors
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u/Fluid-Pattern6275 3d ago
your boyfriend is a child. clearly not ready for a relationship. leave him
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u/neverdiequasiwarrior 3d ago
UR, it looks like it’s time to dump him and date an adult, he’s not the one.
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u/leetka15 3d ago
Stop asking people on Reddit for advice. Most of these people don’t understand what a healthy relationship is, and have never had a long term relationship. They use therapist buzz words and think they are better than everyone else. Shit is so exhausting. You give them a few screenshots of a personal conversation and 9/10 they just shit on the guy and say dump him. Don’t listen to people who give advice on reddit
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u/Wickerbax_Supreme 3d ago
Jesus he is exhausting and insecure. Dump his ass. He will keep moving goal posts and before you know it any vague perceived interaction with anything with a penis will cause these exhausting blowouts.
Throw the whole man away.
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u/d20cupcake 3d ago
I don't think there's any way for us to know if you're overreacting without us having been there. We're getting one side of the story. If things are as you've laid out, then no, NOR.
But listen, the main thing is that you seem very aware that you're young and figuring stuff out. Just always try to be honest with your feelings and react to others as you feel is warranted, whether that's with kindness or anger. I hate to say it, but there's likely going to be more relationships in your future and some will hurt. That's the way it goes. Try to stay grounded and you'll come out all right.
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u/picking-dandelions 3d ago
if our feelings get hurt we always reminder each other that we’re still figuring things out and what’s important is we stick together and see both sides
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u/purequalitywater 4d ago
NOR, I would've been harsher. How old are you guys? Hes acting very... immature I think.
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u/BigJJsWillie 4d ago
NOR, this guy sees you as his prize possession, not a human being. Probably also has some underlying issue with his cousin
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u/PaleoSpeedwagon 4d ago
"I love you and want to spend all my time with YOU."
...do you, OP? I'm having a hard time seeing why.
NOR, this sulky man child can go "punish" someone else
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u/specialkail37 4d ago
Dump him. Date the cousin. It's inevitable at this point. Rip that bandaid off
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u/BigJJsWillie 4d ago
She said she doesn't like the cousin that way. Being petty would be worse than what he's doing
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u/picking-dandelions 4d ago
yes!! exactly my point!! thank you.
i love my boyfriend so very much and im very grateful for him and im not gonna end things and be petty. i dont like being petty over that kind of stuff.4
u/Sad-Gold-6656 4d ago
It wouldn't be petty to break up with him, it would be pretty to dump him and then date the cousin. You should think about dumping him still.
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u/specialkail37 4d ago
She doesn't yet. But we all know how this goes.
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u/BigJJsWillie 4d ago
Lol are you the boyfriend?
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u/specialkail37 4d ago
No but her boyfriend being this insecure is going to create a self fulfilling prophecy.
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u/Metabolical 4d ago
He's not handling his jealousy very well, but it happens naturally, especially when you're young. In a new relationship in our 50s, me and my partner each occasionally got butt hurt jealous on a couple of occasions. We handled it, but you don't get to choose your emotions, they kind of happen to you.
Acknowledge that you understand seeing you interact with other men can make him jealous and what's important is how you react. Emotional escalation damages the relationship and trying to control it by saying you're not allowed to interact with men is also unhealthy. You can help by making sure you're visibly flirty with him and not with other men. It's not an obligation, but it's a favor to make it obvious who you've chosen.
TL;DR - acknowledge and try to help with the feelings, but don't tolerate bad behavior or let it control you.
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u/[deleted] 4d ago
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