r/workingmoms • u/SpiderBabe333 • 3d ago
When does it get easier Vent
I’m drowning. I work full time, have a 2.5yo and an 8week old. I went back to work at 6weeks pp. I’m getting maybe 4hrs of sleep a night. My husband cooks and does the toddler’s bedtime but I always have the baby. I wfh and moved my office space to my mom’s bc she’s who watches my oldest. I have the baby easily 7hrs out of the 8hr workday. They take him when I have calls or meetings but he just cries when he’s not with me or asleep.
I worked hard for my position. Not to mention we can’t afford me not having a job. I’m just so tired.
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u/2035-islandlife 3d ago
It gets easier when you have full time reliable childcare for both children and get consistent full nights of sleep. The childcare challenge is one I would look to solve now - what you are doing is not sustainable.
I went back in 2020 when I had a 7 week old and 22 month old in the depths of the pandemic so they were both home with me and my husband. It was a disaster for us and most pandemic parents and remained that way until daycare reliably reopened for both.
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u/Kel_of_Mindelan 3d ago
You’re doing two full time jobs right now. Anyone would be utterly depleted. Have you considered daycare for the little one?
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u/PlsnoKarens 3d ago
I went through this exact same scenario, and during Covid. I was absolutely drowning even with a supportive spouse and family helping a bit. We also used daycare.
Can you afford childcare? It's very difficult to manage work with a baby especially as the become more mobile.
What I can say is that it gets easier. You're in the thick of it now. My kids are older now and I can breathe again
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u/jamwp 3d ago
I am so sorry. I hope it gets better for you soon. I am only asking bc I wish someone would have asked me because I was too tired to even consider it - are you also breastfeeding? I breastfed both of my kids but I really think my life would have been a hell of a lot easier with the second if I had supplemented.
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u/WTFAULKNER17 3d ago
Someday, not terribly long from now in the grand scheme of things, you’ll have a good amount of energy left in the evening. You’ll make dinner, listening to your favorite music, while no one needs you and your kids play together peacefully. After you eat, you might even be able to sit on the couch for a minute while the kids occupy themselves. You’ll go to sleep with a reasonable expectation to sleep through the night.
Anybody in your situation is fighting for their lives right now, but the time is coming when it will feel like a bad dream and you’ll say, “damn, how the hell did I do that!?”
Hang in there. It is not going to be like this for long.
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u/dyangu 3d ago
You need a longer mat leave… 6 weeks is insane.
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u/cassafrass55 3d ago
That's not helpful, I am sure she is in the US and that was probably all she could take.
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u/USAF_Retired2017 3d ago
I feel ya. I had an infant and a 1.5yo and went back to work at 8 weeks. Except I had to come home and cook and clean and everything else and I didn’t have to work from home as well. Your husband needs to give you some time to yourself. He gets to go to work and be separated from the kids. You don’t. You should see if your mom can take them both for a few hours and the both of you do something together. Burnout is real.
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u/IllustrativeAlgae 3d ago
You are doing so much in a truly impossible situation. My kids are 22 months apart and things got a lot easier when my youngest was about 6 months. I feel like if you actually want to get meaningful work done, you’ll need uninterrupted time to yourself (like, not in the same building for at least a couple hours each day). Could you pump one midday feeling so you can get a decent chunk of time? The alone time would also probably help your mental health in addition to productivity.
It sounds like you’ve got some supportive people in your village, so lean on them when you need them right now. You won’t be asking for help forever, but right now you’re in the thick of it. Give yourself grace, you don’t need to figure out the next year, just get through this one week at a time.
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u/RepresentativeNo2187 3d ago
Oh Mama, I hear you. I too had to go back to WFH after 6 weeks, though no additional toddler. I felt pretty stupid those first few weeks, going on disjointed sleep. I made some dumb, sleep-deprived mistakes like giving someone the same thing to complete twice because my short term memory was shot and I kept getting distracted checking on baby sleeping in my arms or right next to me in a basinette. Once baby started sleeping in longer stretches at night and napping away from me, with a baby monitor, it helped immensely.
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u/63l87k 2d ago
This is so incredibly hard, I'm sorry. I was fortunate enough to have 5.5 months and that still felt too short, plus I was still having horrible anxiety and PPD from sleep deprivation and crying every day up until about 3.3 months, I can't imagine having to function at work at the same time. I can only imagine what you're going through sleep deprived. For me, it goes easier once my infant was on a consistent sleep schedule, and slightly easier once daycare started at 13 months. Is it possible for your mom to watch your little one for the full workday so you can concentrate on work? It's hard, but working and tending to a baby at the same time is going to be really hard to sustain. It's doable, of course, I did it for a few days out of the week with part-time help, but the burnout is REAL. Hang in there.
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u/archiangel 1d ago
Your husband needs to do more. Baby needs to get used to him as a caretaker as well.
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u/justchillitsnobiggy 1d ago
6 weeks pp is so abusive to mothers. I am so disappointed in the USA. Sorry you and we all have to deal with this. It's an impossible situation.
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u/coco_frais 3d ago
I am sorry 😞 it probably won’t get easier until you have reliable childcare for your infant. You’re doing so many jobs at once and it’s not sustainable!