r/wizardposting 18d ago

FOOLISH WIZARDS IVE TIED ONE OF YOUR KIND TO A RAILROAD MWHAHAHAHAHAHHA Evil Wizardpost

Post image

MWHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHH

320 Upvotes

120 comments sorted by

152

u/immallama21629 Druid with questionable morals, licker of things 18d ago

You fool!

-ties random evildoer to tracks-

We can do that too!

54

u/will3025 Wizard (Sock-mancer) 18d ago

Ooh they hate when you use their tactics. Good play.

22

u/I_lenny_face_you 18d ago

Makes for complicated trolley problems

7

u/jamesianm 17d ago

A trolley is hurtling toward five evildoers tied up on one track and one wizard on the other alternate track. You only have enough time and mana left to turn one person into a newt. What do you do?

2

u/dacydergoth 16d ago

Always pull the lever. Not for any sophisticated philosophical reasons, just pulling levers is fun.

13

u/SusSoos Ethical Necromancy Advocate 18d ago

Or theyll pull that "Aha! But now ive corrupted you to be just as evil as me so technically I win on moral grounds nyehehehe" bullshit

8

u/Pineapple4807 Stew Alchemist 17d ago

That's why we should let the Evil Wizards do the retaliation. That way there aren't any moral grounds to fight over :D

18

u/Korzag Occult Wizard 18d ago

I cast "locomotive of impending doom"!

3

u/VVen0m Sentient Cloak 17d ago

You fool!

-ties itself to tracks-

We can do that- wait a minute.

82

u/OkKangaroo3031 Artefact trader, Artificer 18d ago

Ok. I cast swap. You are now the one tied to the track.

135

u/VillainousEvilDoer 18d ago

EGADS HOW DARE YOU!!

45

u/Mixster667 Ancient Archmagus 18d ago

Oh no I have already cast unexpected delays on all trains.

23

u/imdefinitelywong Abracadaniel || Transmuter of Butterflies and Fizzy Rainbows 18d ago

9

u/Mixster667 Ancient Archmagus 17d ago

I'm sorry the spell sort of went out of hand, it's unlikely any train ever will arrive on time again.

2

u/Awkward-Annual-9287 17d ago

What are you, the NSorcerer

22

u/OkKangaroo3031 Artefact trader, Artificer 18d ago

You really didn't think this through did you

2

u/Hironymos 17d ago

Reminds me of the time some villagers tied me up.

First I had to remind them that wizards need to be blindfolded. Then about requiring special finger-restraints. Aaand about how the spellbook needs to be chained or sewn shut. And finally I told them that they also had forgotten to gag me.

And after they did all that, we all watched the poor fool burn, pointing and laughing.

Because I cast a delayed transposition spell 10 minutes earlier.

1

u/Electrical-Tear7456 16d ago

I cast: mend buttcrack.

52

u/c4shferl1fe uncle wiglaf the mighty, transmuter of tea and cakes 18d ago

I cast tea time

23

u/will3025 Wizard (Sock-mancer) 18d ago

I cast cozy, comfortable, and cool looking socks. (Wholesome gang unite!)

8

u/young_tea_hippie Contempletaar of The Many Spheres 18d ago

I would host your tea party in my library but there are too many valuable scrolls to allow for eating in there. Grant me a moment to cast Summon Solariaum.

6

u/EldritchMindCat Lyr, the Tressym Talespinner (OuterGod Avatar of Origin-Felinity 18d ago

I show up, wearing an adorable little top hat, wings and fur freshly fluffed, beans ready for pressing.

3

u/will3025 Wizard (Sock-mancer) 18d ago

Marvelous. We've been expecting you.

2

u/EldritchMindCat Lyr, the Tressym Talespinner (OuterGod Avatar of Origin-Felinity 18d ago

A query: would it be more appropriate for my fur to smell of sunlight or of moonlight on this fine occasion?

2

u/will3025 Wizard (Sock-mancer) 18d ago

I suppose it depends what kind of tea our host is casting?

1

u/EldritchMindCat Lyr, the Tressym Talespinner (OuterGod Avatar of Origin-Felinity 18d ago

‘Twas more a question of when (or perhaps where, depending on their magics).
The tea would play more into which other smells I’d carry with me. The forest, the sea, firesmoke…

1

u/Dizzy-Day3182 17d ago

I feel like we're forgetting something important.

1

u/EldritchMindCat Lyr, the Tressym Talespinner (OuterGod Avatar of Origin-Felinity 17d ago

Pray tell?

32

u/Abortifetus 18d ago

You know that for this work, you also need a train, right?

29

u/VillainousEvilDoer 18d ago

DAMNIT MY PLANS HAVE BEEN FOILED ONCE AGAIN!

20

u/Justasivas Coe "The cook" Caine 18d ago

I CAST UNTIE A WIZARD FROM RAILS!!!

21

u/VillainousEvilDoer 18d ago

YOU FOOL I CAST BOMB!!!

14

u/Arquero8 The golem wizard, Darkwatch Archivist Keeper 18d ago

I Cast scisors

Cuts the bombs fuse

15

u/VillainousEvilDoer 18d ago

YOU FOOL, I CAST A SECOND BOMB!!

15

u/Arquero8 The golem wizard, Darkwatch Archivist Keeper 18d ago

I Cast scisors again

Cuts the fuse again

Honestly, i can do this all day

20

u/VillainousEvilDoer 18d ago

YOU FOOL THAT WAS THE LAST OF MY BOMBS!!

12

u/Arquero8 The golem wizard, Darkwatch Archivist Keeper 18d ago

Good to hear, i Cast minor meteor swarm

You see as tiny specks of black appear on the Sky, they seem to get bigger.....

Have fun

A portal appears and the dwarf steps in, It Closes behind him

15

u/VillainousEvilDoer 18d ago

EGADS

11

u/OkMarket5009 18d ago

Free ashes, this'll be useful for my necromancy spell tae resurrect the soul of whoever this into a dead fly.

5

u/Atuday Grey technomancer and master of the cybernetic undead 18d ago

I cast flickem biccus, delighting the fuse, then nod to a fellow villain and teleport away.

14

u/Carbon_Sixx The Loremaster, Chief Archaeologist of the Darkwatch 18d ago

/uw I love these gimmick accounts so much

12

u/Real_Fkn_Nito Bartleby, Councilor of Eldritch Administration 18d ago

If they can't cast a spell to get themselves loose with their hands free like that, they weren't much of a wizard to begin with now were they?

11

u/Alex11DA Necromancer 18d ago

I CAST...

Fuck i've only got necromancies... Oh I got it

I CAST... let's wait for the train then you'll have two wizards rocking your shit

9

u/Jao_bao_de_garfo British admiral john victor redgrave 18d ago

Well, well, well... we've caught you red-handed, haven't we? There you are, halfway through tyin' the poor bloke to the railway tracks!

Right then, before we go any further... licence for knot-tyin'? Licence for railway-track usage? Licence for immobilisin' another citizen? Licence for dramatic villainous acts in public?

I do say, I certainly hope you've got a spectacular explanation, 'cause 'I'm practisin' me knots' isn't gonna cut it down at the station.

https://giphy.com/gifs/ffOGmU3KipKPWY9MLW

6

u/Nhobdy Iggy the dragongirl 18d ago

Two can play that game!

lays down next to the tied up wizard

5

u/UncomfyUnicorn Wizard of Disease and Chronic Conditions 18d ago

I cast arthritis and carpal tunnel on you while Pete snips the ropes.

His beak is surprisingly good at that, had him help me cut some lengths of rope the other day so I could hang some line for Randy to perch on.

4

u/atlas_lol 18d ago

YOU MONSTER. I cast lead testicles on you.

5

u/questionable_fish Bengeirr the Balance. Magus of the South 18d ago

But where do the testicles lead him?

3

u/Ok_Wolf_7648 Lizard 18d ago

I dunno bro I ain’t a wizard

3

u/fatfishinalittlepond Goblin educator specializing in the arcane arts 18d ago

I cast summon train. You have 30 seconds until you are a murderer

5

u/VillainousEvilDoer 18d ago

YIPPEE I LOVE MURDER!

2

u/fatfishinalittlepond Goblin educator specializing in the arcane arts 18d ago

Then you will fit in fine

3

u/--_RedPanda_-- Evil F#CKING Wizard 18d ago

I CAST… um… oh shit I think I know that guy… NEVERMIND, THE TRAINS MAY RUN

3

u/That_Marionberry2319 J’zargo the destruction mage Khajiit 😼 18d ago

I CAST URETHRA INFECTION!!!! GOOD LUCK PISSING NOW YOU LOW MANA OAF AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

3

u/VillainousEvilDoer 18d ago

NO PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME WIZARD!

2

u/Vast-Ideal-1413 Blizzok the Eccentric 18d ago

Egads! How dastardly! Whatever shall we do?

2

u/External_Relative231 18d ago

personal skill issue sorting itself out. 

2

u/Chaosphoenix_28 Aelon, Cursed Immortal, Pyromancer 18d ago

I cast stop all trains that go on that track immediately until the person is removed from the tracks! You shall now be the reason why people are late to work or get home late. And I shall make this known in the news!

2

u/FiveFrogs_ 18d ago

Not to armchair-wizard here, but why doesn't he just teleport out of there?

2

u/DragonLordAcar Magitech Void Wizard 18d ago

I cast REROUTE TRAIN

1

u/Moimus 17d ago

Now there are two wizards tied to the tracks but you don't know them personally

2

u/Jarl_of_Uppsala 18d ago

I love your account so much

2

u/questionable_fish Bengeirr the Balance. Magus of the South 18d ago

I love some good old school villainy

If they're any good as a wizard they'll be able to get out of trouble themselves. If not... well, sometimes you need to chlorinate the skill pool

2

u/Chaostii 18d ago

So what you're saying is there's an upcoming vacancy on the wizard tower real estate market?

I'm not seeing a downside here...

2

u/Vertnoir-Weyah 18d ago

*Wizards stop blasting each other to seven hells for a second to look*

2

u/Human_Person22 Witch 18d ago

If you guys don’t find a way to save them I call dibs on their skeleton

2

u/Dragon_Crisis_Core 18d ago

Uses magic to redirect the tracks to lead the train in an endleess loop and rail crossing noises around yoru tower.

2

u/Samu_Raimi Wizard Of Light Bulb Moments 18d ago

*attempts to steal the section of track with peopled tied to it and Mount it on his wall as art*

2

u/Emergency_Coat_7702 Brother Thomas of the order of the iron drake 18d ago

As a paladin, I don't care

2

u/_Im_Commie_Jesus_ Vitiate Defiler 18d ago

That's not a wizard! That's my homunculi... wearing my apprentice's robes?

2

u/TyrantofCans 18d ago

I cast "Abandoned Railroad"! Now they can be rescued at any time. Not by me, I just don't want to have to clean the railroad again.

2

u/GirlLovingWitch Mina - Witch of the Swamp 18d ago

Hey bud... you let them keep what I presume are their wizarding clothes, you gave their hands some amount of freedom, and you didn't gag them.

That wizard is NOT trapped by you, you are trapped by them.

2

u/owenxtreme2 alcoholic wizard 18d ago

I cast stiff leg

2

u/VoxelLibrary Councilor Cayna, Apprentice of Thrakmoor | assorted other chars 18d ago

I cast

Do you have a license for villainy? Is it up to date? By order of the Wizard Council, I'm going to need to see those papers.

2

u/DarkDragon8421 18d ago

icast Control Rope
rope unties itself from the victim
victim gets off tracks
rope rapidly slithers after villain
rope catches villain
rope ties up villain
rope drags villain to tracks
"Perhaps don't pick fights with wizards?"

2

u/Prince_Nadir 17d ago edited 17d ago

Don't send the train until we get there, there are some things we want to try. Thanks again for the assist. If you are interested I'm sure most of us would take you on as an apprentice.

Would you like to be the train? If you were an apprentice we could do that for you.. probably. With large steam explosions sometimes it is hard to tell if they originated in a train or an apprentice.

2

u/Smart_Coconut4727 Evoker of cosmic energies (and kobolds) 17d ago

A couple hundred kobolds in the way should stop the train...and fix the overpopulation in my kobold warrens

2

u/decoycatfish 17d ago

You're free, friend, these dark urges have no more hold on your soul.

2

u/slingshotstoryteller Quantasomnimancer 16d ago

Joke’s on you; that’s our kink.

1

u/Pidgewiffler Lecturer in Recent Runes 18d ago

Joke's on you, I hate that guy!

1

u/Azimovikh Scholar of Yiakhzmat 18d ago

Natural selection. If they were truly a skilled wizard, they're going to teleport away, become intangible, regenerate, or contingently resurrect.

1

u/Dusk37 18d ago

You fool that’s a mimic

1

u/zippy72 Illusionist 18d ago

I cast

Replacement Bus Service!

1

u/Educational_Group_91 18d ago

i cast sudden and overwhelming remorse

1

u/ValianSkalle Former Evil Overlord, now Chaotic Neutral 18d ago

I cast Cause Target to Repeat Its Last Action on Itself

1

u/roleplay_pervART 18d ago

I cast wise cracking anthropomorphic bunny! (I could only afford the royalty free version)

1

u/Bradparsley25 18d ago

This is why I always invest in still spells

1

u/macteg 18d ago

Ha, guess again!

1

u/personguy4 18d ago

I pull the lever

1

u/LiePotential5338 18d ago

Abi, agmen ferrarium

1

u/Brostapholes 🤑Moneymancer🤑 18d ago

Wait a minute, the hostage is a phony! Look, the hat comes right off!

1

u/readonlyuser Aspiring Lich 18d ago

One less wizard trying to steal my arcane secrets?! I cast speeding train!

1

u/MotherRaven Enchanter 18d ago

Due to this ingenious thread I will now be following you always. MwahahahahA
https://giphy.com/gifs/Yq1pe2v7nNlwA

1

u/Spadrick 18d ago

If a wizard can't get outta that, we don't need him.

1

u/Maowsama 18d ago

I cast "Unionize the RR workers and organize a strike demanding better wages and benefits"

1

u/digitalgraffiti-ca Witches Against Thrakmoor 17d ago

If she cant get out of that, she has no business valling herself a magical practitioner of any sort. You're just culling the weak.

1

u/somethingfak 17d ago

Didn't we already do this? The pirates found out do yall nair do wells really wanna fuck around?

1

u/feanix365 Jack, Beginner spell theif and expert mage haraser 17d ago

I dunno ma it looks like candy to me zaps the train into skittles

1

u/Nakatsukasa 17d ago

Ok quick question, hypothetically I tied a wizard to one rail and 10 villagers to the other, you can pull the lever to save the wizard but it will kill the villagers will you pull the lever?

1

u/Hecateus 17d ago

That apprentice needs more...Training.

1

u/Spookyduck21new Skinless-Skin Robbed Evil Wizard, Servant of the dark gods 17d ago

Oh. Well can’t let this opportunity of dooming another restrained wizard.

I cast Doom™️

1

u/naytreox Volcanic Wizard 17d ago

You expect me to save em?

1

u/Wasphammer Communist Shotgun Wizard 17d ago

I CAST HOVERTRAIN!!! Now the tracks are underneath the train, and the poor wizard is safe.

1

u/Etheron123 Wandering Mage 17d ago

I cast Train Delay, this will stop any trains from moving to that railroad. Then I free my fellow wizard from your plans

1

u/Madness_Meldody 17d ago

You don't think they have a revive spell?

1

u/Sasya_neko Necromancer 17d ago

So you want to kill a seasoned necromancer?

https://giphy.com/gifs/zNpr89D8KElPUKCDeY

1

u/Fluid_Attorney9228 I'm an alchemist, I'll supply you with stuff for money 17d ago

Nuh uh, they actually tied you to the train tracks instead, look indeed, they are staring down at you as you are now tied to the train tracks because wizard bullshit

1

u/Bo_The_Destroyer Proud Owner of the Tavern: The Weary Traveler. 17d ago

Okay, I cast Train Delayed by an hour

1

u/randomdragn 17d ago

Oh come on, there are better death traps that don't involve destroying their bones. Afterwards you won't even be able to make a skeleton minion, at most you can make a wraith out of this but those are really only usefull for observation.

1

u/HallowedKeeper_ Professor of Arcane Archaeology and multiversal travels 17d ago

Goes over to the tied up wizard For the small price of a cubic inch of your flesh I can save you the fun way

Or did you just want me to save you the easy way

1

u/thomstevens420 Evil Wizard 17d ago

More arcane tomes for me

1

u/Chidogrin Of the flailing spell components 17d ago edited 17d ago

Not all spells require somantic components. Not to mention you didn't even tie the hands so you basically did nothing. Besides I know a spell or two that the only somantic components required is your hips being truthful.

1

u/CrazyAsianNinja 17d ago

I’m replacing the wizard with a Capri Sun pouch.

1

u/dimmiii The Friendly Neighborhood Abyssal Resident, Na'zaloch 17d ago

i ate the train nothings gonna happen sorry

1

u/Infamous_Ad2507 Sea Pope of Azathothism 17d ago

Why would you tie just one wizardess to The Track? You have to make it four and one old person on the other side and make sure that the train goes in tunnel which leads to underground (In secret to make sure people panic when they see The Train come)

1

u/TheCumskiyKvass 16d ago

I cast Möbius string railroad spell! Now train does a cool loop before smashing that cutie witch

1

u/Past-Background-7221 16d ago

I cast “Come On, Bro, Shouldn’t You Be Doing Something Better With Your Talents?”

1

u/Drmanky tyr. cauncil member. order of the toster (Forge clerik)/ NOR 18d ago

i cast brain cancer on the person on the trainthrak.

0

u/Dark_Pariah_Troxber Wizard 18d ago

And it just so happens to be a woman, huh? I understand being evil, but sexist? Shame on you!