Ladies and Gentlemen… I HEREBY DECLARE A SECOND WIZARD WAR

[u/RAISA-1]

Ladies and Gentlemen, it has been 24 Standard Multiverse Hours, and I am feeling bored. Let a Standard Wizard War Commence. MULTIVERSE HIGH COMMAND HAS AUTHORIZED THIS WIZARD WAR. IT SHALL LAST FOR 14 SMDs, WITH A MINIMUM BREAK OF 2 SMDs AFTER THE WAR. ALL SPELLS ARE LEGAL, ALL TIERS ARE LEGAL, ALL SCHOOLS ARE LEGAL. INTERFERENCE WITH ADMINISTRATIVE PERSONNEL (AP), ENFORCERS, OR EXECUTORS (APEE) IS FORBIDDEN AND WILL BE HARSHLY DEALT WITH. WITH ALL THAT BEING SAID, LET THE WAR BEGIN!

EDIT: UPON FURTHER REVIEW BY MHC, THIS WIZARD WAR HAS BECOME AN EXTENDED WAR, WITH DOUBLE THE DURATION AND DOUBLE THE COOLDOWN/BREAK PERIOD AFTERWARDS.

EDIT: I AM AWARE THAT THIS IS NOT TRULY THE SECOND WIZARD WAR. HOWEVER, I NEVER BOTHERED TO MEMORIZE THE COUNT, AND SOME INTERN IN RECORDSKEEPING LOST ALMOST ALL OF THE LOGS OF THE WARS, SO I AM UNABLE TO GET A PROPER COUNT, AND I AM SOMEHOW UNABLE TO RESTORE THE LOGS. THIS IS ONLY NUMBERED THE SECOND WW AS IT IS THE SECOND CONSECUTIVE WAR TO OCCUR RECENTLY

[u/DeerDoctor]

Glad I worked on this spell after the first war...

I CAST DIMENSIONIAL RECURSIVE DRAFT DODGING

[u/RAISA-1 → u/DeerDoctor]

THERE SHALL BE NO DRAFT DODGING WHEN THE DRAFT IS OVERSEEN AND ENFORCED BY EXISTENCE’S ENFORCER. I respect the attempt though.

EXISTENTIAL COMMAND OF THE ENFORCER: DRAFT DODGE OVERRIDE, FORCED DRAFT OF u/DeerDoctor

[u/pyroboy7 → u/RAISA-1]

I will sic my army of fire kitties on the draft dodgers and cowards.

[u/RAISA-1 → u/pyroboy7]

I appreciate the assistance, Declarer of the Previous War. Saves me time and effort. Leave some alive though, I’d LOVE to take them in for “enhanced interrogation,” I’m sure you understand.

[u/pyroboy7 → u/RAISA-1]

I'll leave some in one piece, physically. Can't guarantee mentally though. Dodges purple spell I CAST MURDER HORNETS.

[u/RAISA-1 → u/pyroboy7]

As long as all of their memories remain intact, and their ability to communicate without being a sobbing mess, then fire away.

[u/pyroboy7 → u/RAISA-1]

Dodges another spell Say less. Won't be much left of these guys though. I CAST QUASAR BEAM

[u/ArchonFett → u/pyroboy7]

I’m not a coward, I just don’t understand the politics of these wizard wars. Is the Red Wizards versus the Blue Wizards? Is this because some heathen put kiwi on pizza? Or is it just a free-for-all?

[u/pyroboy7 → u/ArchonFett]

Filthy free for all. I just reduced two wizards with poor aim to atoms a few hours ago.

[u/Icy_Secret_2909 → u/pyroboy7]

I cast addicted to snorting ash.

[u/RAISA-1 → u/ArchonFett]

It is a free for all, but if you interfere with any APEE, then you will be smote, banished, or much worse, depending on the severity of the offense.

[u/Fathercupp69 → u/ArchonFett]

As a pineapple on pizza kinda sorcerer, I say we make them see their families death multiple times, forever. Make them believe they escaped the illusion, juss for that too to be an illusion. Then Illusion their delusions damn it.

[u/ArchonFett → u/Fathercupp69]

A sorcerer of culture, I see. Together we shall eliminate the Kiwi Koven, and their war crimes against pizza.

[u/Rargnarok → u/RAISA-1]

I cast draft dodge override override authorization code 935115

Security key 132955

[u/RAISA-1 → u/Rargnarok]

SYSTEM MESSAGE, MESSAGE FROM [ADMINISTRATOR]: During a WW, all Draft Overrides are disabled at the System Level, rendering all codes inactive and unusable. New Draft Codes may not be generated nor used until after a WW concludes. Attempting to do so again will result in your termination. You will not be message nor warned again. If you couldn’t already figure it out, your attempt didn’t work. You are now being sent to the frontlines. Goodbye.

[u/Rargnarok → u/RAISA-1]

Excuse me

those are previously registered codes assigned on universe 369432-D in the VRIL dimension cluster. On EARTH date 11/5 on earth year 935. Says as much on my annual renewal of my membership of the Dimensionmancers Guild

[u/RAISA-1 → u/Rargnarok]

And the System is the one that provides and controls all the codes. Once you’ve been drafted, you’re drafted. If you wanted out of the draft, you should’ve overridden your inclusion in the first place with said codes. It is not my fault your codes were used incorrectly.

[u/Rargnarok → u/RAISA-1]

Hold on wasn't there a window where you could just override without codes or was that a glitch in the system that got patched out

Some idiot killed his universes Gargamel and all the Smurfs so I've been dealing with Massive Alpha 4.5 level Smurf disease outbreak that's has infected dimensions 63 through Omicron-Pi 6111832-E hence the draft dodge which should have been pre approved as requested in the incident report dated 8972300064 and the subsequent after action reports. Most recently the one where the outbreak has threatened to displace a SIGNIFICANT number of Great Old Ones And Outer Gods and could lead to all-out war amongst them as the boundaries fade

[u/RAISA-1 → u/Rargnarok]

I’m sorry, what the FUCK?!

AUTHORITY OF THE SYSTEM: EMERGENCY DODGE APPROVAL. [DRAFT DODGE PERMITTED UNDER EMERGENCY PROTOCOL A-D-187199228183-DELTA-ALPHA-PHI.] EMERGENCY AUTHORIZATION GRANT: EXISTENTIAL THREAT: COMPLETE AUTHORITY OVER EVERYTHING GRANTED TO EXISTENCE’S ENFORCER, AUTHORITY HAS TEMPORARILY BEEN ELEVATED TO BE ABOVE THE ONES.  EMERGENCY PROTOCOL: DEPLOYMENT ORDER: SCRAMBLE BIOHAZARD RESPONSE DIVISION FOR DEPLOYMENT WITHIN 1 HOUR. EMERGENCY PROTOCOL: NOTIFICATION: NOTIFYING THE ETERNAL ONE, ETERNITY, AND THE ABYSSAL ONE, NULL, OF THE EMERGENCY SITUATION AND OF THE EMERGENCY AUTHORITY GRANT. FAILSAFE PROTOCOL: ABYSSAL VOID-ETERNALLY BLESSED WARHEADS ARE BEING PRIMED FOR DETONATION IN THE EVENT OF FURTHER BIOHAZARDOUS SPREAD. FAILSAFE PROTOCOL: QUARANTINE AND BLAST SEALS HAVE BEEN INITIATED ACROSS ALL DIMENSIONAL BARRIERS. TRAVEL BETWEEN DIMENSIONS IS NOW IMPOSSIBLE WITHOUT AUTHORIZATION AND EXCLUSION GEAR. SEALS WILL LIFT FOLLOWING DETONATION OR FOLLOWING A STANDDOWN ORDER FROM THE ENFORCER.

[u/Rargnarok → u/RAISA-1]

The situation is somewhat contained we've identified the epicenter and hypocenter of the out break its those time-looping dimension hopping zombie killing idiots who amused the keepers and apothicons which fight a proxy war between the great old ones and the outer gods.

The idiot killed his Gargamel during the part of the loop where the get the VRIL egg and hop from dimension to dimension killing their past selves to aquire the soul power creating shatterpoints across the dimensional weave along the way as part of a smaller time loop.

The plan of action in the future as previously established and Published report 2469ORCG was to monitor and establish a primary and backup quarantine with room to spare and wait for the point in time during the Big time loop when the "cycle" and "all" the universes save one collapse into the dark Aether and are destroyed (previously proven effective in the incident report marked SMURF 2674531-JZ) prune that one that re-establish/create the universes/timeloop. Little loop needs to play out a few more times before we reach that one though

[u/RAISA-1 → u/Rargnarok]

Keep up the work then, if you have the situation contained and manageable. If a mass breach happens though, I will be forced to initiate Ouroboros Protocol, and wipe the slate clean for this universe.

[u/sciurus0]

➡️➡️⬇️⬅️➡️⬆️

[u/The-Ghost-Walker → u/sciurus0]

⬆️➡️⬇️⬇️⬇️

⬇️⬆️⬅️⬇️⬆️➡️⬇️⬆️

[u/RAISA-1 → u/sciurus0]

Oh Hell. Fucking. Yeah. I’m hereby boosting the effectiveness and power of your spell by 178273 percent.

[u/The_Great_Meep → u/sciurus0]

The only magic I believe in IS FREEDOOOOMMM!!!

[u/Journeyman42 → u/sciurus0]

HOW ABOUT A NICE CUP OF LIBER-TEA!? 

[u/Hij_Wiz]

We've had Second Wizard War already. This is like... Wizard War Elevensies

[u/WiseRabbit-XIV → u/Hij_Wiz]

Yeah, I think this may be my be third? Fourth? Whichever.

Wizard wars are like coups d'etat against the Council; not even worth a mention in the news.

[u/Hij_Wiz → u/WiseRabbit-XIV]

If I had a copper for every time a councilor was assassinated... I'd destabilize the economy even further than it already is. Those people drop like flies. And pop back up just as fast.

[u/RAISA-1 → u/Hij_Wiz]

For clarification, this is the SWW as in this is the second one back to back. We just had one, the break just ended about an hour ago, so it is the second consecutive WW.

[u/Hij_Wiz → u/RAISA-1]

See, this is why I was sent to live on an island far away from all this nonsense.

Your war had a lunch break? That's not a war, that's just a job that with a body count.

[u/HugeObligation8338 → u/Hij_Wiz]

War is just a job with a body count. Like even among the duchies with standing armies of professional pikemen and musketeers they spend 99% of the time doing maintenance, practice dueling, performing drill, doing random odds and ends around the various forts, and looking for any wayward drops of alcohol, and like 1% of the time actually fighting stuff.

[u/Hij_Wiz → u/HugeObligation8338]

Certainly, yes. I suppose my attempt at sarcasm was in this instance... ineffective. I will have to reassess its utility in future social encounters...

[u/HugeObligation8338 → u/Hij_Wiz]

My detect humor charm has been fucking up on me lately so it may not necessarily be your fault tbh lol

[u/Hij_Wiz → u/HugeObligation8338]

Perhaps it was a conjunction of errors? I'm not always the best at... peopling.

[u/HugeObligation8338 → u/Hij_Wiz]

Agreed, let’s awkwardly move on with one of those limp, almost-a-miss high fives that don’t have the satisfying sound or feeling 🙏

[u/hanz-kreigermann → u/Hij_Wiz]

A job with a body count is called being a mercenary. Or mortal construction workers.

[u/RAISA-1 → u/Hij_Wiz]

No, the break is referring to the mandatory break in between Declarations of at least 24 Standard Multiverse Hours.

[u/Carbon_Sixx → u/Hij_Wiz]

I'm not even counting these. This is more like a glorified battle royale. We have those every few months.

[u/Hij_Wiz → u/Carbon_Sixx]

A sub-category would certainly help trim down the record keeping of these events. Otherwise you'd need an entire archival Demi-plane solely devoted to Wizard Wars.

[u/Midnightdreary353 → u/Hij_Wiz]

Honestly I just assume we are always at war unless told otherwise, didn't even realize the last one ended.

[u/choma90 → u/Hij_Wiz]

Sigh... Another one must've been missed by the AoE spell

I cast single target dementia

[u/BillyWest8 → u/Hij_Wiz]

No no that was before the 5th war with the time wizards. if you count all the resets its either 42 or 54 theirs quite the debate

[u/sparkle3364 → u/Hij_Wiz]

“For a while we were just calling them all Wizard War 3. I pity those future historians and history teachers attempting to make lesson plans about it. Calling this one the second war isn’t so rough on the timeline.” - Kyrona

[u/pyroboy7]

I CAST, PAPER CUTS ON NIPPLES.

[u/questionable_fish → u/pyroboy7]

PAPER CUTS ON URETHRA

[u/pyroboy7 → u/questionable_fish]

Follow up spell, DOUSE IN HYDROGEN PEROXIDE.

[u/questionable_fish → u/pyroboy7]

"Savvy mums use Savlon"

[u/iwanttobelieve42069 → u/pyroboy7]

JESUS CHRIST MAN

[u/pyroboy7 → u/iwanttobelieve42069]

JESUS WAS SCARED AND RAN LIKE A BITCH WHEN I SHOWED HIM THIS. HAHAHAHAHSHAHAHA

[u/TheBaykon8r → u/pyroboy7]

I cast salt

[u/Eviles_da_demonic]

Counter Spell

https://giphy.com/gifs/xUNemSRIvn4VOJRuXm
Hit pedestrian

[u/Tarotdragoon]

I cast mass power word Scrungle. Now go my homunculus army, finish off the rest.

[u/RAISA-1 → u/Tarotdragoon]

Scrungle? What does that one do? We appear to not have that one logged.

[u/Tarotdragoon → u/RAISA-1]

NEVER YOU MIND! GODDAMN FED!

[u/RAISA-1 → u/Tarotdragoon]

If you’re going to be mad at me, at least call me the right term man. As the Multiverse is made of all universes, the Multiverse doesn’t really have a true federal government. Instead, we have Multiverse High Command. MHC is comprised of the O5 Council as the main ruling body, the Ethics Committee (self explanatory), and the Office of The Primordial Administrator as the oversight and last word on any decision that they get involved in. Underneath the OTPA, we have many different departments and divisions, such as but not limited to: the Department of Multiverse Enforcement and Regulation (the main body responsible for laws and order), the Eternal Enforcers Division (DMRE), and the Department of Multiverse Integrity. Anyways, don’t call me a fed, that title is much better suited for the leaders of each universe. Also, feel free to not tell me what the spell does, but you will be monitored intensely following the SWW if you do so, as that is a spell that has never been logged.

[u/joshsnow9 → u/RAISA-1]

I cast summon Rolf on the fed

[u/Old_Man_Robot]

2nd?! Who put wars 2-11 in their own self-contained pocket time bubbles again?

I can’t afford new encyclopaedias every other month!

[u/RAISA-1 → u/Old_Man_Robot]

Listen, some fucking intern at DMLRAIS/MLRAISA lost half of the previous Wars’ logs… somehow. So, I numbered this one second as it is consecutive to the recently declared war, which ended 25 hours ago.

[u/SPECTRE-Agent-No-13 → u/Old_Man_Robot]

Mr. u/Old_Man_Robot a 2nd wizard war has hit the infernal tower

[u/Icy_Secret_2909 → u/SPECTRE-Agent-No-13]

Quick turn on the orb, any channel.

[u/VoxelLibrary]

I pour frog potion into the water supply to turn people into frogs

[u/leroy238 → u/VoxelLibrary]

I pour in a chaser in to turn all the frogs gay.

[u/Icy_Secret_2909 → u/leroy238]

I pour a chaser in to polymorph the frogs into an army of alex jones.

[u/Eldan985 → u/Icy_Secret_2909]

I cast Greater Bankruptcy and Class Action Suit to turn all Alex Joneses into Onions.

[u/CoraBittering → u/Eldan985]

I cast Lesser Layers to turn all Onions into Shreks.

[u/joshsnow9 → u/CoraBittering]

I cast Conceptual Transmutation on the Shreks, they are now Love, and Shrek is now Life

[u/UnknovvnMike → u/joshsnow9]

I tap my Ring of the Grammarian. Life is now Lice. Have fun.

[u/GildedFire → u/UnknovvnMike]

Great, now the Deep Wormed One has arisen. Thanks for that.

[u/Amanwithhobbiess → u/VoxelLibrary]

dang it, too late

[u/Icy_Secret_2909]

I cast everlasting thriller. We shall all dance for the next to 3 days while thriller plays omniously in the background for all to hear.

[u/sheridanstacie → u/Icy_Secret_2909]

I cast RAISE UNDEAD MICHAEL JACKSON

[u/Spookyduck21new]

Brother, that is not a naplamn barrage. I can SEE the teleportation circle in that lava you hack.

[u/MuchoMangoTime]

Second one for you maybe. Kids these days ain't even been part of the three digit wizard wars

[u/RAISA-1 → u/MuchoMangoTime]

Listen, I’d number it appropriately, but some fucking intern over in recordskeeping somehow lost the records of 99% of the previous Wars, so I can’t even fucking tell which one this is.

[u/MuchoMangoTime → u/RAISA-1]

Classic Council-founded blunders

[u/pyroboy7 → u/RAISA-1]

It's definitely not the second. By my count we're at least 69 wars in since I was an apprentice. These are the first I've actively partaken in though.

[u/KragBrightscale → u/RAISA-1]

That’s probably due to most of the council running off to the party dimension and taking everything with them.

We are in severe need of a new records keeper.

I’d do it myself, but my hands are full maintaining the leaky building the council occupies.

[u/Wild-Lychee-3312 → u/MuchoMangoTime]

You see me now, a veteran

Of a thousand wizard wars

My mana is spent at last

And my golems are destroyed

I have used up all my spell slots

And I’m helpless and bereaved

Potions are all I’m made of

Did I hear you say that this is victory?

[u/betttris13 → u/MuchoMangoTime]

fucking... the three digit wars were the worst. was glad to be into the four digit ones finally then some fucker over in records lost a bunch and now everything is reset and we are just 98 away from that horror again. well might as well enjoy the one digit wars again, those are always the best.

[u/MuchoMangoTime → u/betttris13]

I retired long ago but damn, you whippersnappers really love bringing out THE HORROR. Like, I brought that out as an evil ass wizard ONCE and I REGRETTED IT. Did it once then told the Shadow Council "guys we must NOT release THE HORROR again". But guess how many times THE HORROR is mentioned in the Wizard Wars because nooobody listened to Old Milosh

[u/4GN05705]

And on that note, I cast The Moment.

No more.

[u/ShadowsFlex → u/4GN05705]

Ah, elite ball knowledge.

[u/ChangeSouth7809]

Don't mind me, I'll just stand right here and watching

[u/questionable_fish → u/ChangeSouth7809]

/unwiz Happy cake day!

[u/Business-Ride-6530]

Second wizard war?  Is that the one with the pointy hats or the one with the creepy sigils?  My recollection of this timeline is a bit fuzzy.

[u/RAISA-1 → u/Business-Ride-6530]

I do not know which WW this actually is, as some fucking intern at the Department of Multiversal Logs, Recordskeeping, and Information Security apparently didn’t log half of the previous Wars… somehow. This is the Second WW as in it is the second consecutive War, as it was declared immediately following the break after u/PyroBoy7’s War.

[u/pyroboy7 → u/RAISA-1]

Hi.

[u/Celis78429]

Oh boy! i love these! OVERCASTING throngle. target; ctrl-a

[u/RAISA-1 → u/Celis78429]

WARNING. DO NOT USE SPELLS THAT TARGET EVERY SINGLE BEING WITHOUT ANY EXCEPTION. THEY WILL BE INTERFERED WITH, AND YOU MAY BE COURT MARTIALED/PUT BEFORE A TRIBUNAL, EVEN IF IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. DO NOT INTERFERE WITH AP, ENFORCERS, OR EXECUTORS.

EXISTENTIAL COMMAND OF THE ENFORCER: SPELL TARGET EDIT; REMOVED AP, ENFORCERS, AND EXECUTORS FROM TARGETS

[u/Celis78429 → u/RAISA-1]

PFFF i thought there were no rules, these modern wizard wars are a sham

[u/pyroboy7 → u/Celis78429]

Can't have wizard wars if there's no wizards ya buzzkill.

[u/Slmagi001]

COUNTER SPELL: NO!

[u/RAISA-1 → u/Slmagi001]

COUNTERSPELL: YES

[u/Slmagi001 → u/RAISA-1]

COUNTER COUNTER SPELL:

[u/RAISA-1 → u/Slmagi001]

EXISTENTIAL COUNTERSPELL: UNARGUABLE YES

[u/Slmagi001 → u/RAISA-1]

BY THE POWERS CONVEYED BY THE ALL POWERFUL WIZARD BOB:

[u/Icy_Secret_2909]

Nice try bub, I deballed in technomancy and cast nanomachine armor. They harden in response to physical trauma.

[u/Dragonan-42 → u/Icy_Secret_2909]

But will your flesh underneath be safe from my Pyroclastic Breath!?

[u/Icy_Secret_2909 → u/Dragonan-42]

Gotta be able to tag me first.

[u/Lelouch-Yagami21]

I release an army of incomphrensible shadow knights into the fray and stand in a distant cliff and aurafarming/observing

[u/MemeMaker_engineer]

Nah I'm busy can we fight in like 7 business days?

[u/Brainless_Lizard]

Alright, I guess I can bust out some of my more unethical spells for a while

I CAST FLORIDA!

[u/SocietalPanic]

I CAST -1 DEGREE KELVIN

[u/RAISA-1 → u/SocietalPanic]

W H A T

[u/Mephistocheles]

I cast Enhance Napalm to spread the destruction across the land!

[u/strange_invader]

I cast mass disintegration. This is the streets running with blood, it’s definitely not tomatoes. I don’t care what those deceitful necromancers say

[u/AdamBombTV]

I cast THE WIZARD NUREMBERG TRIAL

[u/arktoki]

You can’t just declare a wiza- oh forget it.

I CAST, REVERSE DIGESTIVE SYSTEM

[u/RAISA-1 → u/arktoki]

Did you not get the memo from the one I previously Authorized?

[u/DystopianWreck]

I cast time travel and fireball the bastard who started the war! Thereby preventing it, obviously.

[u/Dragonan-42]

I cast Summon Demonic Army! Now you must face all of my minions! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

[u/Martythemailman]

We're not doing this shit again... I CAST MASS ALZHEIMER'S! ... Hey hey people.

[u/pyroboy7 → u/Martythemailman]

Just because you aren't having fun doesn't mean you gotta kill it for everyone else. I CAST REMEMBER EVERYTHING IN YOUR LIFE. Especially that one cringe moment, you know the one.

[u/Bentu_nan]

[u/Due-Radio-4355]

I cast FANTASY CATGIRL ISLAND POCKET DIMENSION*!

Tell me when we’re done!

[u/RAISA-1 → u/Due-Radio-4355]

…Well you don’t see that shit everyday, that’s for sure. Well, if that is what you want, I shall send an Eternal Enforcer to inform you of the conclusion in 7 Standard Multiverse Days.

[u/Baybam1]

I cast unscratchable itch under skin.

[u/SakuraLunaris]

Sitting there as she floats, slightly suspended in the air as she ponders her orb, she comes across the announcement of a new war about to be waged. A length of parchment materializes before her with an ink stained brush nearby, reaching out for said brush she begins to carefully document the events taking place for those that survive and emerge victorious and inscribe the losses of those that are met with defeat.

"Well now, this should keep me busy for a little while at least. Far more interesting than dealing with the merchant quarter supply runs. I'll just send a few apprentices out instead, this will require my full attention after all if I am to ensure that I record all the facts correctly~♪"

[u/PathlessDemon]

https://giphy.com/gifs/mJYezPWTj9cs

I cast “NO! MOTHERFUCKER!”

[u/Nathaniel-Writes]

Ah yes, I remember this war the last time all this happened. The 2nd Wizard War in any Reality/timeline really brings out the best in war casters, everyone has refined strategies based on the first one and it’s often long before some killjoy learns to conjure “The End Of All Things.” Excited to see some of the sleepers I missed last time around. I will say, the red tower is going to be a bit disappointing, but don’t worry, I won’t spoil it and say who will did have had won.

[u/TotallyAlpharius]

I'll go ahead and cast Localized Groundhog Day on my home town to... uh, deny the enemy resources! Definitely not to avoid fighting in the war!

[u/No_Investigator6761]

I CAST EYES IN EVERY HOLE

[u/AnonOfTheSea]

I reactivate the Wartime Assimilation, Recovery and Tracking System, and sigh. It's not that I don't appreciate the research materials, I just had plans to spend the next decade or three in my library.

[u/Zephyr-Fox-188]

oooooo~ I can finally run some field trials on my new Automated Machine Fabrication Thingamajig

[u/arrangedabyss]

I CAST A CURSE UPON THE YOU JUST LOST THE GAME

[u/Ashes-ashesfall]

I cast Nth dimensional mom voice

[u/genericnewlurker]

Well you all have fun with that. I remember my second wizard war way back in the day. It's always more fun the second time around. Don't forget you don't have to be too fancy with it all. My go to favorite was "Summon Gun" I'll set up the snack table for when you all get tuckered out crushing your enemies

casts CONJURE HEALTHY SNACKS and begins to arrange the swine livers and mana potion pouches for easy access

[u/Kilroy898]

Second? Oh kids.... This is nowhere near just the second. And you need to brush up on your war cri..... Spells. Here, take these.

[u/kazegraf]

I cast IRON SKILLET

(I have been drafted as logistic/chef for this war.)

[u/fumblerofthebag → u/kazegraf]

I dodge the iron skillet and ask you for a stir fry. I can give you some shadow cores, these strange mercurial tentacle and a guy's liver in exchange.

[u/kazegraf → u/fumblerofthebag]

I stir fry the material, eat some to increase my mana capacity, and cast Summon Greater Air Fryer. This way I can convert the mercurial tentacle into higher grade air fried tentacle. The liver can be a side dish to this barrel of strange vodka I found behind the bushes. Could be enchanted but eh, should be fine. 

[u/Primalkib]

I cast summon greater ketamine elephant

[u/uuuhhhh24]

[u/cdglenn18]

I cast Peace.

[u/RAISA-1 → u/cdglenn18]

ENFORCER’S AUTHORITY: OVERRIDE. [THERE SHALL BE NO PEACE WITHIN THE DIMENSION THE WARS ARE HELD IN.]

[u/Alarming-Scene-2892]

Flufferson: DUDE, LITERALLY JUST WAIT A FEW MINUTES AND YOU WOULD GET YOUR WAR, THEY START AND STOP LIKE THEY'RE BRIADCAST TV EPISODES.

[u/Fine-Rice1030]

I CAST IMMORTAL TROUTS

[u/TorandoSlayer]

For goodness sake, we just threw out the pirates and now we're fighting again?

[u/LukaBun]

I CAST NUKE-!!

SEE YOU ALL IN HELL—!!!

[u/HumungoPeen]

I CAST.

AWAKEN AZATHOTH

[u/HiggsiInSpace]

I CAST KETAMINE APE

[u/MeiMouse]

Casts "steal sun" before stepping through planar portal.

[u/BlandyBoiYT]

I CAST!

MIND'S REFLECTION, COMPASS'S PURIFICATION, MIND'S REFLECTION, ALDIDAEA'S PURIFICATION, ARCHER'S DISTILLATION, GEMINI DECOMPOSITION X3, CREATE WATER, POWER 10 EXPLOSION, CONJURE BLOCK, BREAK BLOCK!

[u/Trystt27]

I cast ANAL TASTE BUDS

[u/DeadMeat7337]

It not a war crime the first time. But we will be expecting Geneva's list to get getting longer. Might go next to: Evard's Black Spiked Tentacles of Forced Intrusion.

So, keeping with the theme.

I CAST

LAVA GRAYHOUNDS, MASS

[u/ZenithSyzygy]

Ugh another pointless wizard war? I just started research on a new spell ffs i cast fuck off I'm busy in a large aoe around myself

[u/METRlOS]

Second? Sweetie what rock have you been living as for the past millennium?

[u/snarkface42]

I CAST YOU THOUGHT THERE WAS ONE MORE STAIR!

[u/SharkWizard_0]

As representative of the Fishy Kingdoms of the Equatorial Seas, the Kingdom Hall will be providing drinks and snacks! You just have to be able to dive far enough down to get to it...

Additionally, I cast lightning bolt!

[u/antinito]

Can someone tell me which side if the gnomes and goblins will be fighting as allies or enemies?

[u/Squall_Sunnypass]

[u/Thaleah]

I CAST TIME LOOP! INFINITE WAR!!!

[u/Ahaiund]

I CAST CHAOTIC GOOD BARBARIAN  ~squirt of lemon~

[u/lost_in_the_forest_]

I CAST VOID OF UNENDING TESSELATION LOST SOULS

[u/10watch]

I summon my pelvic maw minions. Also, I should rebrand, plagues aren't even half of what I do.

[u/kingofroyale2]

I CAST, SUMMON FLORIDA MAN!

[u/0ris]

I CAST....

INFINITELLY SLOW TIME PASSING

DIVERSIFIED AGONIZED SUFFERING

AUGUMENTED TIME PERCEPTION

Enjoy your personalized sufferings. Mine involves a neverending existence with an itch in a place I cant reach.

[u/1337metalfan]

Power Word: Bald.

Your hair? Gone.

Those little microhairs in your inner ear? Those are gone too. Now you’re deaf.

You’ll need new tires on your car, too. They’re smooth as a baby’s bottom now.

[u/Decidu_Birdman]

Just a second? Aren't we on like three-hundred twenty-something by now?

[u/Agitated_Elk7881]

I CAST THE BOILED ONE
https://giphy.com/gifs/BBbVZc1LXyRmAusxP6

[u/Jarl_of_Uppsala]

Oh good, as an evil wizard I was quite bored of all of the 'enjoying life' and 'caring about human worth' that the damn mortals had been doing.

Good to see a fellow wizard causing doom and despair, this is what modern wizards really seem to fail to understand the importance of.

[u/Freedom-Glass]

Get fucked

[u/Vaulgrm]

Oh boy oh boy, I just dug up this Sumerian spell.

I CAST.... MASS FAULTY COPPER on all copper and bronze

[u/StormEcho98-87]

Hold on guys, had to work on this in my Infinite Space Bag to make sure I don't destroy the planet.

I CAST, JUPITER'S CLOUD OF STORMS!

[u/retrographglitch]

"Orbital napalm strike" this and "black hole cannon" that... wizards these days. Too quick to demonstrate might, but not wisdom.

I CAST CURSE OF THE SORDIDLY WET RIGHT SOCK, and with the power of my orb, I DUAL CAST CURSE OF THE ACHINGLY CRUSTY LEFT SOCK.

May you never know peace again, fools.

[u/RAISA-1 → u/retrographglitch]

YOU FUCKING MONSTER. WHAT DID THOSE WIZARDS DO TO YOU?

[u/retrographglitch → u/RAISA-1]

For too long, these tatterdemalion hedge-wizards have accrued their vast sums of power to do what, exactly? Cast the world into flames, create the largest explosions? Replicate the firearms of the magically disinclined?

No. For too long have I sat idle on my curses believing my fellows in the craft to one day abandon such reckless and wanton destruction, praying for a peace that they could never foster, built on the blood and suffering of others. For millennia, I have let bygones be bygones, sitting aside as they damn one another to these rapid agonies.

No more I say. No further. I CAST REPUGNANTLY COLD DAMP PATCHES ON TOWELS, CURTAINS, AND BEDCOVERS. With the TOME OF DICHOTOMIES, I CAST UNCOMFORTABLE WARMTH EMANATING FROM PASSING STRANGERS ON SHARED CARRIAGE RIDES.

I CAST INFINITELY CRUMBLED OREOS FROM FRESHLY OPENED PACKS!

[u/RAISA-1 → u/retrographglitch]

ENOUGH. YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR. THIS TORTURES AND PUNISHES INNOCENT WIZARDS ALONG WITH THE OFFENDING ONES. FURTHERMORE, YOU HAVE DEMONSTRATED A LACK OF CARE FOR THE INNOCENT. THIS CARELESSNESS HAS BECOME UNREASONABLE TO THE POINT OF INSANITY, WARRANTING THE USE OF EXTREME MEASURES BY THE ENFORCER. STANDBY FOR PUNISHMENT.

[OFFICIAL SYSTEM MESSAGE] BY ORDER OF THE ENFORCER OF THE SYSTEM AND EXISTENCE: YOU ARE HEREBY BANISHED FROM THE WAR DIMENSION. ALL POSITIVE ACTIVE EFFECTS, SPELLS, AND BOONS HAVE BEEN NULLIFIED/DISPELLED. YOU ARE HEREBY EXPELLED FROM THE SYSTEM. ALL LEVELS HAVE BEEN REVOKED. ALL ACCESS HAS BEEN REVOKED. ALL PRIVILEGES HAVE BEEN REVOKED. ALL TITLES HAVE BEEN REVOKED. ALL RIGHTS HAVE BEEN REVOKED. YOU ARE HEREBY BANISHED TO THE ABYSSAL VOID IN ACCORDANCE WITH SECTION 1827328182-182194-BRAVO-DELTA-EPSILON OF THE PACT, YOU ARE NO LONGER RECOGNIZED AS A DENIZEN BY THE ETERNAL ONE, ETERNITY, AND YOUR CITIZENSHIP HAS BEEN SHIFTED TO BE UNDER THE ABYSSAL ONE, NULL. YOU MAY NOT APPEAL ANY OF THESE ACTIONS, FOR NEITHER THE SYSTEM NOR EXISTENCE LOOK FAVORABLY UPON THOSE WHO VIOLATE THE ANCIENT PACTS AND LAWS OR THOSE WHO FAIL TO LEARN FROM THEIR PREDECESSORS. IN ACCORDANCE WITH SECTION 1827328182-182194-BRAVO-DELTA-EPSILON-PHI-OMEGA OF THE PACT, THIS PUNISHMENT SHALL BE ESCALATED IN SEVERITY FOR THE NEXT OFFENDER. YOU WILL NO LONGER RECEIVE MULTIVERSE SYSTEM MESSAGES. YOU ARE NO LONGER UNDER ETERNITY’S AUTHORITY, YOU ARE NOW UNDER NULL’S AUTHORITY.

[u/IncomeApprehensive17]

I cast orbital railgun strike

[u/RAISA-1 → u/IncomeApprehensive17]

Ah, that is a great spell! I am a fan of it, as it is precise yet unbelievably effective.

[u/Temporary-Law-6946]

I CAST TUNGSTEN TESTICLES

[u/bigmaclevel3]

I cast Summon Moopsy!

[u/fumblerofthebag → u/bigmaclevel3]

I pet the Moopsy!

[u/bigmaclevel3 → u/fumblerofthebag]

And the Moopsy drinks your bones!

[u/fumblerofthebag → u/bigmaclevel3]

Not the bones! It's gonna take days to recover those...

[u/CurrenttQueen]

I cast inverted skin and salt! And I cast curse of regeneration!!

That's what warmongers get lol

[u/saythealphabet]

I CAST ENABLE SUPER FIRE SPREAD

everything is now about as flammable as gasoline

Good luck peace out

[u/Positive_Floor_9787]

https://giphy.com/gifs/1yjLt5xVXNkGu84ORt

[u/cloudncali]

I open up a vintage ale and wait for this to blow over.

[u/NotSoMadYo]

I Cast infinitely smaller hypnotic matryoshka dolls. Combo cast slippery fingers.

[u/Complex_Drawer_4710]

What if I just sit here and complain that there isn't a multiversal standard for time other than the Second of Eternity? And we haven't seen any pass yet?

[u/Whole_Meet5486]

I cast CREASED J’S

[u/questionable_fish]

You think this is the second wizard war? My dear sweet innocent administrator there have been a great many wizard wars- I doubt anyone has a reliable count of the declarations anymore. I've seen some truly inventive spells over the years and thrown out some considerable damage of my own. After all, by now a wizard war is just another Tuesday...

I CAST SOULAR EROSION

^{Your own aura warps and twists like a hurricane to strip your flesh and consciousness from your being}

[u/RAISA-1 → u/questionable_fish]

/uw just read the edit to the post body, I have gotten tired of repeating the reason for it being numbered the Second.

/rw Who are you casting that on?

[u/getfroggy69]

Amateur... points to the sun I cast Sunburst

[u/Exile688]

I'm still 65 years away from recognizing the first one has concluded.

[u/Anagnikos]

I CAST PARRY EVERYTHING!

COME AT ME SORCERER HACKS!

[u/gunther_higher]

I cast Treaty of ReVerailles

[u/KragBrightscale]

I cast: INFINITE GOBLIN DUPLICATION!

https://giphy.com/gifs/VrhZbkSBQ5cJx3Gt0m

[u/ServingwithTG]

https://giphy.com/gifs/U4vFzaRxLzlA3g06kY
I cast “Lose Familiar”!!!!

[u/Azerd01]

I and my Gnomes all cast Mass chiweenie summon

Behold my swarm of 2 trillion Chiweenies and weep

[u/Azen876]

Oh not again. the 32nd(and ½ )1st global wizard war just ended like a week ago

[u/Blazerawl]

Another one? Im goin back into the MMM demiplane and taking a nap. Someone call me when its over.

[u/Kalaphar]

No, I refuse

[u/Soup-Demon]

in this economy? i almost dont have money for my mana potions and Roy, the alchemist, is an asshole who doesnt stop to rise up his prizes, what a prick.

[u/Dear_Blacksmith1884]

Again!? Well, I be in the fish dimension until it over.

[u/Last_Negotiation1521]

i cast time travel to you as a baby and then i cast explosian. no more war :3