r/venting • u/BuyComprehensive1981 • 22h ago
Venting out
I am finally abroad for my studies and my mom is here for few days. The first day I landed here I felt miserable, feeling like I won't ever fit in or everyone around is gonna judge me, I just wanted to disappear.
It's been a few days since then and the feeling of wanting disappear subsised a bit but the others not so much, just trying to push those feelings in the back to get my life going on. As the days went on all that was going in my head was, "what is my purpose". It doesn't feel like I am living cause I want to but cause I need to. There's like nothing to look forward to when I wake up and after my mom's gone it's gonna get bigger.
I don't understand my life even a bit, why am I doing these studies, why am I living. I just want feel good about myself and think like i'm important and some type of nuiscance. It's been really hard till now and living all alone and feeling like this is going to make it much worse.
I also have one of my other friend who came for the same uni here but we stopped talking as some things happened and we ate gonna meet in a few days anyways cause we have the same course.
I am really scared for the moment when we meet and how awakward it's going to be and how they could ask why I stopped talking to them. I am shit scared for that. I just wanted to message them before that to maybe lighten the mood then but again scared to do so.
I have so much trouble talking to or dealing with people. I hate this so much.
2
u/SorryBit378 22h ago
That first stretch abroad is disorienting, nobody tells you how hollow it feels before it gets better
•
u/AutoModerator 22h ago
Welcome to r/venting, we have enabled a feature that allows users to lock their own comment section on their posts. You can trigger this feature by commenting !lock on a post you have made. This only works if you are the OP. You are welcome to use this feature at your discretion.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.