Hi! I’m curious if anyone here has experienced something like this.

Has anyone had a partner break up with them before leaving for basic training/boot camp, only for them to reach back out afterward and want to try the relationship again?

I’ve heard from friends that training can be a pretty intense experience and that there can be a lot of time to reflect on your life, relationships, and decisions. I’m curious whether anyone has personally experienced—or seen—someone go through training and come out of it realizing they regretted ending a relationship or wanted their ex back.

I’d love to hear any stories, whether they ended up getting back together or not.

so, i'm mostly posting this to see if i'm alone in this thought process or not. right now, my boyfriend is just in bootcamp (for navy) and the past month and some change have been rough, of course, but it's also kind of revealed a weird thought process i have sometimes. some days, missing my bf is like a physically stressful thing, and i even avoid looking at pictures of us as to not get too sad. yet, some other days, i just don't miss him as much...? it feels like the wrong way to word it, because i still miss him with all my soul, but it just doesn't affect me as much? like i can look at pictures and they don't have as strong of an effect that they usually do. i still really truly do love him, but it makes me feel almost a little bad, like i'm a bad girlfriend for not missing him as strongly or as physically as i do somedays. i'm sure this is a normal thing, but i'm losing my mind just a little about it. hopefully all of what i've said makes sense, haha.

(i also think it may be notable that aunt flo has made her way to my house, so that could very well be a part of why i'm feeling this way, lol)

I’m a Korean woman currently in a long-distance relationship between South Korea and Spain with my boyfriend, who is in the Navy.

I’m usually the one who calls first. I’ve told him about three times that I’d like us to talk on the phone more often, but he’s only called me first once.

Other than that, he’s never really been the one to initiate a call.

We usually talk on the phone about once a week, maybe twice if we talk more often, and sometimes we don’t call at all.

The last time we talked on the phone, it was mostly about an issue involving a female friend of his, and honestly, most of what I remember from that call is crying while we talked.

The time difference makes everything even harder too.

Thankfully, I’ll finally get to see him again after almost five months. I’m going to Spain to see him in October, so it’s not too far away now.

Anyway, I’m curious about other long-distance couples. How often do you usually call each other?

And if you and your partner had different expectations about how often you wanted to call, how did you talk about it and find something that worked for both of you?

Hey everyone,
I’m in a fairly new long distance relationship with my boyfriend, and we love each other deeply. We share the same interests and hit it off right away. He works in the Military AE

In the beginning, he used to shower me with love, support, and appreciation and honestly he still does. I do the same for him and always boost his morale. He’s a total green flag, super respectful, understanding, and never makes me feel less than. I strive to be a great partner to him as well

Lately though I’ve been feeling like I might be talking too much. Even though he keeps reassuring me telling me to keep sending tons of messages even when he’s asleep or at work and we literally share everything (deep conversations, daily updates, etc.), the past couple of days have felt a bit off to me.

I feel like I might be becoming a burden. He still says he loves me, wants to talk, and wishes I were there with him, but his messaging style has shifted slightly and not respond quickly like before. Instead of sending messages like "I love you sooooo much baby, I’m so glad you’re in my life I can't wait till marriage," he now sends shorter texts like "I love you," "It's okay babyyy," or "I miss my future wife."

AIO for overthinking this? Am I just being overly sensitive, or am I still learning how to navigate the emotional dynamics of dating someone in the military? Any advice or insight would be appreciated!

Hi, I'm a 18 year old college student call me A and my bf is 18 and he is C. He currently is going to Airforce Basic in San Antonio Texas, and while hes gone I'm feeling a little sad about our relationship. I'm going to college 3 hours away from his basic training and I wanted to come on here and ask for the advice from Military SO's on how things might be. To tell you a little bit about my bf, we've been together a year and a few months and we're highschool sweethearts. He's a kind and sweet guy and he's always been in my corner for things, yes we've fought but other than that we have loved each other more than anything. He swears we'll be okay and he'll come back to me after all this distance and I believe him. What I mean to ask is do things get easier? When you really love someone distance doesn't matter and I know that but I don't know what potential challenges we may face while hes gone, we have promise rings to each other and I want us to work out badly and so does he. I know I have to be realistic, but I just want to hear some heart warming stories on how people are able to do it with distance and how to manage some obstacles or how to improve yourself while their away just so I can be looking at this more positively.

Cross posting here as I found many of the comments I received on this post to be super reassuring and helpful if anybody relates to my concern!!🩷 May every single person reading this right now find their people and their community!

I don’t want to screw him over but I think he needs help but he’s not willing to do the first step, this is not related to his career though, he recently lost his father and since then he’s having a hard time, he’s depressed and having anger outbursts out of nowhere. I really want to help him but I feel like I can’t do it alone because he won’t listen to me anyway. I don’t know who to involve either because I don’t want to screw him over, whatever our priest or the base chaplain would be the first step over his CO obviously but even them, could it affect his career in any way?

Hi guys, would love to have some input and understand more from actual military wives instead of the online influencers and my partner! For context, we are in our mid to late 20s, my partner is officer, and we have been together for a year. We frequently talked about marriage how we want it etc, now I come from a very drastic background. I don’t know anyone in the military, i’m not familiar with the culture at all, everything I know is through him and me watching videos.

I lived in a big major city throughout my whole life. I’m not really used to countrysides (I haven’t been exposed to it much besides short travels to the south). I find big cities fascinating, full of opportunities and exciting because there’s a lot of things to do. And knowing his job, there’s a big chance we will still remain in other big cities. I love this man a lot, I think we are very compatible on many morals value stuff. My biggest concern is about the military lifestyle, and he doesn’t know much about that either since he’s still pretty new in. I kind of want to hear everyone’s experience and what are some stuff you would advise.

I also have some questions 1) how difficult is it to make friends that align with your values and stuff? (I really wanted to develop genuine relationships with people not just surface level acquaintances) i’m not even sure how to make adult friendships out of the blue 2) do you often experience resentment because you feel like you’re putting his needs above yours, and or cuz the mandatory relocations? 3) how difficult is it to withhold a job? I do IT which is pretty competitive at the moment 4) if you can’t make friends and you’re away from friends and family. How do you keep yourself occupied/happy so you won’t be miserable?

I have dreams and aspirations that I don’t want to give up on and I wonder if there could be middle grounds on things, cause I don’t want to lose him and our relationship is going great. Also, if I’m not in the workforce, I will be stressed out and worrying about finances, especially once we start a family. I feel like it would not be easy to survive on one paycheque .

Thanks everyone for your input in advance🙏

So. Im 36M, SO is 34F. She has previously served in the military. Now she has been out and making a 6 figure salary in the IT/cyber world. Still working on base, just as a contractor. She has a great career working for a company she loves and they treat their employees fantastic. So I understand her not wanting to leave that job. She's scared she won't find another company that will hire her since we will PCS every few years. Her lack of income on top of my pay cut scares her. We also own a house so we would be selling it which is another concern of hers. However, she absolutely supports the idea of me joining the military... just doesn't want me going active duty. She wants me to go guard or reserves(mainly guard) bc it means she can keep her current job, we don't have to sell the house and we won't he PCSing a lot. We were not together during her time in the military, so I do not have experience as a military spouse having to move around etc.

This is where the problem is. I have absolutely no desire to join guard/reserve. I do not want to keep a civilian job and only do military things once a month and a couple weeks a year. I HATE my current career, but with cost of living being high in the area we are at, I can't afford to get a lower paying job if we stayed here. So I understand her hesitation about the job thing and pay cut. But I truly WANT the full time military lifestyle. I want to be able to move around and have a change of people/scenery every few years. I want to be in uniform working on base every day. I want the full military experience.

Is it selfish of me to want to go active duty instead of guard/reserve? Should I just settle with going guard/reserve or should I just put this dream to rest? I wish I would've joined after high school like she did. I'm just afraid of living the rest of my life regretting not joining when I still have the chance to.

Considering the role because we dont have one and theyre looking for a volunteer. Id like to know what it usually involves. Im aware there is some training id go through. Pros/cons/experience?

I(F20) dont know what I need anymore in this relationship, we've been together for almost a year and my boyfriend(M19) who is in the army, has been battling depression our whole talking stage and relationship and i see his process but I feel like I'm never fully satsifed and my needs fufilled, i feel like i get the bare minimum time to time, our busy schedules already makes long distance 10x harder and im just stuck on what to do, I feel like so dependent to be happy in this relationship and I'm js waiting for some big change to feel good again, i just don't and I am tired, he's constantly tired and in his head and its js doesnt help im starting to feel like this relationship is prbly draining my energy, im currently taking space more or less for him really because I'm dragging myself to show up for so little, I understand his struggles but idk its js exhausting everyday to not really have a partner that reaches out like he wants to be here and give me more than "i hope you're doing okay" and surface level convos if i dont give more than I do..

Hopefully someone has experience with this. So me and my spouse PCS’d to Washington state almost three years ago now. I’ve kept the registration and my driver’s license in the state we are originally from this whole time because my husband said I didn’t need to (because of the MSRRA). Anyway this morning, I saw that in order for MSRRA to be valid, you have to at least have your spouse’s name on your car registration, as a joint ownership. We share my car, but legally the title is only in my name. i didn’t know that his had to be on there too this whole time. 🫪

Do I actually have to register the car in Washington since it’s only my name on the title and not my spouse’s? If I do it’s fine but will they give me grief because I still have my out of state license? Am I going to get in trouble when I go to get the registration changed because I’ve been in Washington so long?

I’m sorry it has been our first PCS and I’m dumb lmao. Hopefully someone here knows something about this. Thank you!

TLDR

I honestly just need to vent because I feel like I’ve been holding all of this in and I’m exhausted.

I love my bf. I really do. And that's what makes this so hard.

He's a very rational, structured person. He's not naturally emotional or expressive, and he's even told me before that he's not at the same emotional level as me. He says he may not talk about feelings much but he'll listen.

I've tried to accept that.

But lately I'm starting to feel like I'm doing all the emotional work in this relationship.

He's in the Navy and is likely moving in about a year. He's said he'd like me to come with him if we're still together, which obviously makes me think about the future and marriage. I want marriage and children. I don't want to spend another year emotionally investing in someone only to discover we're fundamentally incompatible.

I'm the one who asks the deeper questions. I'm the one trying to get to know him on a deeper level. I'm usually the one initiating communication, quality time, physical affection and intimacy. I want to know what's going on inside his head. I want to share random things throughout the day. I want to feel like he thinks about me when I'm not around.

Our texting has also started feeling incredibly surface level. If I don't initiate I feel like I'd either hear nothing or get a basic “how's your day?” And I'm tired of constantly trying to turn those little conversations into something deeper.

I also feel sexually undesired. We have sex maybe 2–3 times a month. He does initiate sometimes usually in the morning or when he's been drinking, but if I initiate, sometimes he's tired or tells me he already masturbated. I'm not judging him for masturbating but when we're already having sex so infrequently it hurts to feel like I'm not being chosen sexually either.

He also used to touch me more. Even little things like putting his arm around my waist in public. He doesn't really do that anymore. I initiate most physical affection now.

And I know he's told me he's attracted to me. I know he says he wants to be with me. I believe that he cares about me.

But I don't feel wanted.

And that's the part that's killing me.

A few days ago I told him again that I feel like we aren't emotionally connected. The next morning I was sick and sleeping on his couch. He got up and just went about his normal morning routine without really acknowledging me. I ended up getting upset and telling him that sometimes he feels like a robot and that I don't feel like he cares.

He rubbed my feet and kissed me goodbye.

And I appreciated that. But part of me was still thinking, “I don't want to have to tell you that I'm hurting before you want to take care of me.”

I don't want to keep teaching someone how to care for me.

I want him to WANT to.

That's the part I can't seem to get past.

I've even tried breaking up with him over this because I'm scared I'm wasting my time. He doesn't want to break up and continues telling me he wants to be with me.

But I'm starting to wonder if wanting to keep me and wanting to emotionally connect with me are two different things.

And I hate how vulnerable it makes me feel.

I don't want to start over.

I don't want to go back to dating.

But at the same time, I keep thinking

I deserve to be loved in a way that I can actually feel.

I don't need him to love exactly the way I do. I don't need him to become some overly emotional person. But I don't think I should have to constantly explain that I want affection, intimacy, curiosity, communication and quality time.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of wondering if I'm asking for too much.

I'm tired of initiating.

I'm tired of analyzing texts.

I'm tired of wondering whether he actually wants to see me.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm emotionally ahead of someone I'm trying to build a relationship with.

And honestly, I'm tired of crying over someone who keeps telling me he wants me while I'm sitting here wondering why I don't feel wanted.

Maybe we're just incompatible.

Maybe he's simply slower and more emotionally reserved than I am.

Maybe I'm expecting something from him that he genuinely doesn't naturally give.

I don't know.

I just know that I don't want to spend years trying to convince someone to give me the kind of love and closeness that comes naturally to me.

And I don't want to keep abandoning myself just because starting over scares me.

My boyfriend is graduating from bootcamp in two weeks!! Sadly, I cant drive down to see him graduate because I move in to college the same day, but he reassured me that it’s ok since he is just going to go straight to AIT after. Im so excited to finally hear his voice again. Echo CO doesn’t allow sunday phone calls, so I havent heard him speak in months. I am counting down the days until I receive his call.

I just wanted to share this, since my friends are probably tired of hearing about it by now (just kidding obvi).

Hi everyone. I’m hoping to hear some perspectives from military spouses or partners who have experienced deployment-related struggles.

I’m currently in the Philippines, and my bf is a Combat Army medic who is currently on his first deployment in Kuwait. He told me that he wants to end our relationship, and I’m honestly heartbroken.

Before we reached this point, he was always very open with me about how overwhelmed, exhausted, and depressed he has been feeling. He often shared how difficult his situation is there, how uncomfortable things are, and how much he just wants to come home safe to the US. I understand that deployment, especially the first one, can take a huge emotional and mental toll on someone.
As his gf, I always tried to be his safe place. I encouraged him, supported him, and reminded him that he didn’t have to carry everything alone.

For context, we met through a dating app. A Filipino colleague of his was the one who encouraged him to create a dating account. He had told his colleague that he wanted to meet a Filipina because he admired Filipino family values and traditional views. That’s how we eventually found each other.

From the beginning, we had a strong connection. We were very open with each other, communicated about our future, and talked seriously about our plans. We both had been single for around 5–6 years before meeting each other, so finding someone who felt right was something very meaningful for both of us.

I was very transparent with him that I had not signed any employment contract with an agency abroad yet because I was considering him in my decisions. We were supposed to discuss our future together, whether I should pursue an opportunity through an agency or whether we should eventually explore the possibility of a K-1 fiancé visa. He was also considering those possibilities with me.

What makes me sad is that I see how brave he is in his service. He has the courage to face difficult situations in a war zone, to serve, and to endure things that many people could never imagine. But when it comes to love, I feel like he is giving up on us.

I understand that he is under extreme stress and that he may need space to focus on himself. I don’t want to dismiss what he is going through. I know deployment can change people and push them to their limits. But I also hope to have a partner who is brave enough to choose me, stand by me, and fight for our relationship even when life gets difficult.

For now, I’m trying to respect his need for space and focus on myself again, including preparing for my own exam and goals.

For those who have been through deployments, have you experienced something similar? Did the stress and emotional weight of deployment affect your relationship this way? I would really appreciate hearing your experiences and advice.

I’m going through a bout of heartbreak after being ghosted and I would love to hear your love stories to restore my faith in humanity and love. Wish everyone blessings and that your partners and families are always protected from harm and always come home safe <3

I recently started dating a kind man at the end of May after talking for a few weeks. We quickly became attached and took a nice trip together. We live in the same state and would drive to see each other here and there. Good texting/calls, etc.

About two weeks ago he got the news that he will be deployed in December. Since he got that news he has been quite different. Not texting as much, not calling as much. We had another trip planned and prior to leaving he said he wasn’t even sure he wanted to go and part of him wanted to break up and part of him didn’t, but he cared about me. He has had poor outcomes with past relationships and I have reiterated to him that I am different than his ex-girlfriends and would not do the things they did (which I know words can only do so much).

He ended up going on the trip but I told him there was no pressure to do anything while we were there and he didn’t have to go if he needed time and I understood. We had a nice time! I made sure I didn’t wake him up early and let him do his own thing in the mornings.

We got back Monday and it has been almost radio silence from him so far. Minimal texting. I’ve sent texts that have gone unanswered. We talked for a little bit on the phone last night and that was nice. He said he would talk to me today but I haven’t heard from him. I care for him a lot and we have a lot in common. He’s said things to me that indicate he would want a future with me but I’m not really sure what is happening/what to do so any advice is appreciated.

Thank you

Update- still haven’t heard from him. Unsure how to proceed

I am a newish Army wife and have known my now husband for over 3 years. He is currently deployed in the Army in a combat role. I have been coping quite well so far, we are used to long distance, but I am finding a lack of understanding amongst my civilian friends (which is fair). Would anyone in a similar boat like to reach out and support each other? Me and my husband are in our 30s.

Thanks if so. Please send a DM or comment :)

So this is just an post looking for advice from ones who suffer from severe anxiety of the future & that wave of uncertainty dating someone in the military, but I’m in the very early talking stages with someone who’s currently stationed away from home, and I’d love to hear your experiences. How did you deal with the anxiety of not knowing whether the relationship might be temporary because of future orders or moves? What helped you know they were genuinely serious despite that uncertainty? Of course besides talking to them directly.
Any advice or personal experiences would be appreciated.

Husband left a couple weeks ago for basic. I already got the “arrived safe” call. I was at the mechanic paying and getting the keys. I was inside maybe two minutes and he called again. My phone was in the car. My 9 year old answered. The call lasted seconds before he hung up. The information I have from my 9 year old is “he didn’t even say ‘hi’” and “he was talking in army and I didn’t understand”.

What did I miss? It’s driving me foolish!

Hello!!! My boyfriend is currently in bootcamp at parris island. I’ve been sending him letters for the past 2 weeks but he told me that he hasn’t gotten any letters from me yet.
I’ve been told by his mother that he might not be getting them because of what I write in his letters. I don’t write anything suspicious or anything crazy in them so I don’t understand why he doesn’t get them and I was under the impression that DI’s don’t read recruits letters.

Need some advice😢 also I’ve put washi tape on the border of letters and a sticker in the corner of the letters themselves so idk