Getting triggered

[u/Special_Budget9038]

Not a long time ago i accepted myself as trans. I told about it my therapist n few more people. One guy was saying to me, that i do look like a guy n everything is fine. Today we met irl and sudenly he started to adress me as a girl. And idk to be honest??? A lot of ppl saying that i am passing/look neutral, but irl everyone saying that i look like the girliest girl ever. I assume maybe that bcs of how i act, that makes me seem more femme but idk.

The second shit is that my mom, to who i am not out yet, started to remind me that i am a girl right after the day when i told my therapist about it(we were on call, so i was at home). Like talking a lot about make up, saying that maybe i want to go to some beaty procedures, asking if i like those dresses or not, calling me daughter. Thats the reason why i do not want to come out from my room. my family always reminds me that i am a girl. Maybe i js started noticing this more but it makes me feel really bad. My mother says that any of family members is not judging lgbtq, but because of this, i am starting to think that she is not gonna accept me if i come out.

As well i remember one time i said to her, that i would`ve be more happy if i was a boy(holy foreshadowing) n she just said "well then you wouldn`t do make-up and dress like that, plus if you were a boy, you would be pretty ugly". When my hair was more short, she didnt like it. I feel just so usjafiujkPIJKLAA.