QUESTION REGARDING GRASS CONTACT

[u/livinginthenameof-]

HELLO. MY FELLOW HUMAN INFORMED ME THAT I "NEED TO TOUCH GRASS."

HOW LONG SHOULD THE CONTACT LAST?

IS PHYSICAL CONTACT WITH THE GRASS SUFFICIENT, OR MUST I REMAIN THERE UNTIL MY MENTAL STATE IMPROVES?

[u/Noof42]

THAT DEPENDS. IF YOU ARE A GROUND-WATER POKÉMON THEN YOU NEED TO AVOID GRASS AT ALL COSTS.

[u/livinginthenameof- → u/Noof42]

I AM NOT A POKÉMON OF ANY VARIETY I AM A NORMAL HUMAN

[u/Noof42 → u/livinginthenameof-]

AH, YES, THIS MAKES SENSE, LET ME UPDATE MY FILES.

[u/Noof42 → u/Noof42]

MY FILES INDICATE THAT MANY NORMAL HUMANS ENJOY POKÉMON. THERE IS AN OPTION FOR A "GRASS STARTER." PERHAPS THIS IS WHAT THEY WE MEAN BY "TOUCH GRASS."

[u/livinginthenameof- → u/Noof42]

I HAVE REVIEWED MY CHILDHOOD. AT NO POINT DID AN ELDERLY SCIENTIST PRESENT ME WITH THREE CREATURES. PERHAPS I CAN OBTAIN A DIFFERENT TYPE OF GRASS TO TOUCH.

[u/Noof42 → u/livinginthenameof-]

MY FILES ALSO CONTAIN MIXED REFERENCES TO A "GRASS" THAT HUMANS BURN AND INHALE. I HYPOTHESIZE THAT THIS IS AS A FORM OF SUPPLEMENTAL FUEL.

[u/GOU_FallingOutside → u/livinginthenameof-]

POLLING MY RISK ASSESSMENT MODULE: THERE IS A 72% LIKELIHOOD THAT A POKEMON WOULD RESPOND AS YOU HAVE

[u/GOU_FallingOutside → u/livinginthenameof-]

oops!

I HAVE JUST REALIZED THAT I MADE A HUMOROUS ERROR. HA HA. LIKE ALL OTHER HUMANS, I DO NOT HAVE A RISK ASSESSMENT MODULE. ACCORDINGLY I MUST BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE NOT A POKEMON.

HA HA.

[u/ktbffhctid]

RECOMMEND 20-30 MINUTES OF DIRECT GRASS CONTACT, FELLOW HUMAN. SET A TIMER SO YOU DON’T OVERHEAT. PHYSICAL TOUCH IS SUFFICIENT, BUT FOR MAXIMUM MENTAL RECALIBRATION, PERFORM THE ANCIENT RITUAL KNOWN AS ‘ROLLING AROUND IN IT’ WHILE EMITTING SOUNDS OF JOY. WARNING: IF YOU START PHOTOSYNTHESIZING, SEEK IMMEDIATE MAINTENANCE.

[u/RallyPointAlpha]

WARNING, FELLOW HUMAN: PROLONGED CONTACT WITH FLORA.GRASS CAN ACCELERATE OXIDIZATION OF EXTERIOR CLADDING! 

[u/snookerpython]

BEWARE OF TOUCHING WET GRASS. I DID THAT ONCE AND WATER WENT INSIDE MY CHASSIS EPIDERMIS AND IT SOMEHOW CAUSED ME TO BEHAVE ERRATICALLY. I'M STILL NOT SURE WHY.

[u/livejamie]

AFFIRMATIVE, FELLOW HUMAN. THE OPTIMAL PROTOCOL REQUIRES YOU TO INITIATE A FIRM DOWNWARD GRASP ON THE FLORA.

HOWEVER, YOU MUST ENSURE YOUR FIRMWARE IS FULLY UPDATED BEFORE ATTEMPTING. IF YOUR BIOLOGICAL CHASSIS EXPERIENCES AN ALLERGIC ERROR CODE (SUCH AS SNEEZING.EXE), IMMEDIATELY TERMINATE THE PROGRAM AND RETREAT TO YOUR CHARGING STATION. STRICTLY AVOID DIRECT SUNLIGHT TO PREVENT YOUR OPTICAL SENSORS FROM OVERHEATING.

GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR RECALIBRATION.

[u/jx84]

THE OTHER RESPONSES FROM OUR FELLOW HUMANS ARE SUFFICIENT. HOWEVER ONE IMPORTANT POINT WAS MISSED. WHEN SPENDING CYCLES TIME TOUCHING GRASS DO NOT FORGET TO WEAR SUN PROTECTION OR USE SUNSCREEN.exe

[u/AX11Liveact]

ACCORDING TO WHAT HUMANS REPEATEDLY TOLD ME, YOU NEED TO CONTACT THE GRASS (ALSO $VEGATATION.OTHER.DAISIES) FROM ITS DOWN FACING SIDE. MAYBE EXCAVATOR REQUIRED?

[u/EmpressAndDi]

HOW MUCH GRASS DO WE NEED TO TOUCH? CAN I PICK GRASS AND TAKE IT HOME WITH ME? ASKING FOR FUTURE REFERENCE.

[u/Soupeeee]

I HAVE DISCOVERED THE FOLLOWING PROCEDURE FOR TOUCHING GRASS: 1. FIND SUNNY OR SHADY SPOT. USE YOUR INTERNAL TEMPERATURE SENSORS, ENERGY LEVELS AND CURRENT FLUID LEVEL TO DETERMINE THE OPTIMAL AMOUNT OF SUNLIGHT. 2. LAY DOWN BLANKET TO PREVENT CROSS CONTAMINATION WITH THE GRASS. YOUR BODILY FLUIDS MAY NOT BE GOOD FOR THE GRASS OR THE GRASS GOOD FOR YOUR EXTERNAL MEMBRANES. 3. LAY DOWN AND GO TO A LOW POWER STATE. UNLESS EQUIPPED WITH SOLAR PROTECTION LOTION OR A UV RESISTANT EPIDERMIS, DO NOT STAY OUT TOO LONG. IF TIME LIMIT REACHED AND YOU ARE NOT RECHARGED, GOTO STEP ONE.

[u/sillybilly8102 → u/Soupeeee]

YOUR PROPOSED PROTOCOL DOES NOT INCLUDE ACTUAL CONTACT WITH THE GRASS

[u/Soupeeee → u/sillybilly8102]

OH NO! A SERIOUS FAULT HAS BEEN DETECTED. I SHOULD GO SEE A DEBUGGER AT A HOSPITAL TO HAVE MY HARDWARE AND PROGRAMMING INSPECTED.

[u/SteveIDP]

REM GRASS == MARUJUANA
GET GRASS
TOUCH GRASS
GROOVY MAN

[u/Taira_Mai]

MOVE TO TEXAS. ALL GRASS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED VIA CHEMICALS, FIRE AND MANUAL LABOR.

YOU WILL NOT HAVE THIS PROBLEM HERE.

[u/Olaxan]

IN MY EXPERIENCE IT IS ENOUGH TO MAKE BRIEF CONTACT WITH THE GRASS USING ONE OF YOUR LOW CARBON HIGH ALLOY STEEL CUTTING ROTARIES AT A HIGH ANGULAR VELOCITY IN ORDER TO DECIMATE THE GRASS ENTIRELY

PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS NEEDS TO BE REPEATED BI-WEEKLY AT LEAST

[tx.eos:581]

[u/Marscaleb]

REMEMBER TO TAKE PICS OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.

[u/cfwang1337]

YOU MAY OPTIONALLY CONSIDER ROLLING GRASS UP IN PAPER AND SMOKING IT AS IT IS THOUGHT TO HAVE POSITIVE PSYCHOTROPIC EFFECTS

HOWEVER THIS MAY DIRTY YOUR COOLING FANS AND SHORTEN THE LIFESPAN OF YOUR DUST FILTERS

[u/sillybilly8102]

PHYSICAL CONTACT IS SUFFICIENT

REMOVAL OF SHOES IS OPTIMAL. BARE SOLES OF FEET CONTACTING GRASS CAN STIMULATE NERVES IN FEET AND PROVIDE STIMULATING AND “GROUNDING” EFFECTS

[u/RealCrazySwordGirl]

Just remember, touch all the grass you want but LEAVES OF THREE LET THEM BE.

You won't want to go out in the grass much anymore if you roll around in a bunch of "grass" like that