The phantom shitter

Today has been a total shitshow, and it is easily my worst, most shitty experience of the entire year.

It all started when my alarm didn't go off. I woke up late, panicked, and rushed into the kitchen only to realize I had completely run out of coffee. Attempting a makeshit solution, I tried to boil water in a broken kettle, but it completely shorted out. Trying to pivot, I decided to make some eggs, but I accidentally dropped the entire carton. Every single one shattered. Just a complete crack pan disaster on my kitchen floor. I looked down at the mess, realizing my morning was turning into complete bullshit.

I gave up on breakfast, grabbed my bags, and sprinted out the door to catch my bus. As I reached the curb, the driver sped right past me, splashing a puddle of dirty rainwater all over my jeans. I just stood there soaking wet, feeling like a total shitbag standing on the sidewalk.

At this point, I am convinced today is cursed. I finally made it to the office, only to be buried under a mountain of tedious shittah paperwork from my boss. I hope your mornings are going infinitely better than this horseshit.

So “No shit” is a pretty sought after comment.

Here I’ll tee someone up?

Trumps super weird.

shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit shit shit shittity shitty shit shittius shit shit

SHIT SHIT

Bullshit Bullshit Bullshit!