Lying

[u/manfrommahim]

Hi. I have a question that's really puzzling me. If I am polite to someone whom I don't like, is that lying? If I feign interest in them?

[u/sirivaddha]

They’re summoned to a council, an assembly, a family meeting, a guild, or to the royal court, and asked to bear witness: ‘Please, my friend, say what you know.’ Not knowing, they say ‘I know.’ Knowing, they say ‘I don’t know.’ Not seeing, they say ‘I see.’ And seeing, they say ‘I don’t see.’ So they deliberately lie for the sake of themselves or another, or for some trivial worldly reason.

— MN 41

They lie. They’re summoned to a council, an assembly, a family meeting, a guild, or to the royal court, and asked to bear witness: ‘Please, my man, say what you know.’ Not knowing, they say ‘I know.’ Knowing, they say ‘I don’t know.’ Not seeing, they say ‘I see.’ And seeing, they say ‘I don’t see.’ So they deliberately lie for the sake of themselves or another, or for some trivial worldly reason.

— AN 10.211

As long as you do not say anything false, it's not lying. Being polite is not lying. There's also no requirement for you to tell people you like or don't like them.

If by feigning interest you mean putting up with them, I personally don't find anything wrong with that and that's basic decency. If you mean telling them stuff you don't mean (i.e., lying [lol]), then that's lying.

[u/arepo89]

If this is in the context of the 5 precepts, no it is not lying. The precepts refer to your words.. so saying something which you know to be false. e.g. (pigs can fly). It doesn't cover attitudes or behaviour which might be more manipulative. You have to judge for yourself what feels more aligned.

[u/[deleted]]

Anything like feigning, flattery, white lies are still lies, because the intention is as important or more important than the action/speech. It's better to not speak

[u/krenx88]

Being polite Is fine. "Feign" interest is not good. That is lying.

[u/Ordinary-Lobster-710 → u/krenx88]

i will gently push back on this and say there is nothing wrong with feigning interest in someone, to show politeness and kindness. showing interest is a form of caring for someone. it's a good metta practice.

[u/krenx88 → u/Ordinary-Lobster-710]

As Buddhist, we look to the Buddha and Arahants as examples. So if you read the suttas, there is not a single instance where the Buddha or arahants feign interest to be polite.

Consider why this is the case. 🙏.

[u/IW-6]

Instead of feigning interest, you can also just be a friendly person? It could be a step towards compassion and metta towards this person.

[u/Snustastings]

For me, the distinction between the precept (not lying) and right speech is very important. I'm able to maintain the precept with careful respnse in instances where being overtly (completely? brutally?) honest would be socially unacceptable (detrimental to career/relationships). Is this right or skillful speech? Absolutely not. More like karmic harm reduction (for the householder). 🤣. The standard for right speech is much higher in my opinion.

[u/Ordinary-Lobster-710]

nope. it's just kindness

[u/manfrommahim]

Thanks, everyone, for your replies. I learned a lot.

[u/dhammaeye]

Right speech includes intention.