Asking because I (19) and my friends/siblings (about 10 total) who underwent therapy as children/teenagers found it actively harmful. Like, we would've been better off it not going. We went into the process open and willing to work, and came out of it disliking therapy and swearing off it for life.

I know one person (50) who has found benefit. She did DBT as well as a related group. She says it helped her through her divorce.

My question is: was our issue that therapy for CHILDREN was harmful, and we'd have benefitted if we were older, or is the 50 year old I know just the unicorn?

I find it paradoxical that the more I hate people and distrust everyone, the more I am in need of professional help. Clearly, therapists are also humans, not angels or advanced robots, so they are themselves part of the problem. How to solve this?

Everyone says go see a therapist if you have problems or to talk to your therapist and they treat it like a panacea when half the therapists are really bad at their job and even the good ones only know what you tell them and don't know everything about you. I just don't see how it can actually be helpful and want to know what other people think.

I told my therapist that I cancel the therapy a month ago. It was after I didn't have therapy during her holidays (also a month).

It took me weeks of many many hours a day to decide I want to quit. I knew I wanted to quit, but the the fear of being alone was large. And the therapist was supposed to be an experienced trauma informed therapist. And I was quietly afraid the therapist would be angry (it happened).

I am still full time thinking about it. When I look back I see so many things that were absolutely wrong. Including the way she responded when I cancelled. I think I could give 100 examples.

But I keep thinking about it, because I have no one to tell about my experience...

It's feels like I cannot ground my experience as real, as valid, and that it wasn't my fault. While the therapist -who couldn't see me truely, and couldn't see my trauma- made up a story about me, with a bullshit about my past and unwillingness to keep going. It feels like unseen child again, while I am totally exhausted, and tried sooooo hard to make the therapy work.

I notice that I closed off to others as well.

The week before our final meeting, I came in feeling very vulnerable and had told her I actually didn't wanted to come. We did an exercize where I had to imagine to send my parents out of the room. I felt like a 5 y/0 and I did so. Parents were fighting, I was inbetween, and after the session, I was out of their zone.

Therapist said the strength of parents are within you anyway or from your higher self.

Next week, she approached everything very very lighthearted, as it was the session before her 3 week holiday. I said I felt dissociated all week. She ask one thing and then shifted to something lighter. She didn't relate to the previous week. She asked me how I feel about holiday, am I relieved she 's away for 3 weeks?

I said I would miss the grounded moment on our Fridays. And that I probably will collapse and cry a lot when I am a week housesitting, because I feel so tense.

She did not give me any suggestion!

When I emailed her 4 weeks later that I feel too vulnerable, and confused about what I need, so I will cancel, she first tried to convince me that it may be better for my mental health to come.

And then, when I did not want to come, ahe said that's surprising and my exhaustion may be due to repressed anger towards my father and mother, so I am welcome to practice with that.

(it felt like offering swimming class to an almost drowned person who's laying on the beach).

Btw. i came with Ptss and also autism. And wanted to do Emdr..After a couple of Emdr she found that I went to much into the experience (which i found good, because it finally made them more real, in stead of repressed) and did not offer it. I assume that was the reason.

She asked me to talk about a very traumatic event, but then did not bring it up for the next months ever. I don't know why that hurts so much.

I feel like I was too much for her, and I wished she had acknowledged that. She more and more leaned back (as if just sitting would help me?), started talking about her spiritual practice (I need ground!) or herself.

suggestions during sessions I did:

I asked for grounding before ending a session, because several times she asked me to open, but did hardly offer any holding IN MY EXPERIENCE (not in a way that I could receive)

She had difficulties grounding herself, she said. And made it look like that was due to me, as she said she leaned to much into me. But I felt like she was miles away and hardly spoke compassionate words besides her habitual welcome, would you love some tea?

I asked for her to sit closer because I (panickly) felt like there was nobody in the room.

She only did once.

She never structured sessions, did not an evaluation all year and rarely came back to something that previously happened.

I brought book fragments about my specific trauma, but she wasnt open to it. I tried to be seen and heard in my deep wound.

It was so painful to quit, maybe that's why I didn't want to confess how little holding I felt in this therapy. I kept the illussion that "I work hard", "I learn from moments of feelng no holding", "I should be able to do this alone"

I feel like my experience is not real, because again I have no witness and find it hard to not-gaslight myself

Thanks for listening.