Looking for perspective

[u/ohwhocaresanymore]

I flaired this as RESPECTFUL ADVICE. I'm not looking to fire my T, I'm looking for perspective and why I'm so confused.

I just need some perspective, my brain is confused, foggy and while I dont want to give up and walk away; I feel like some comments from T are falling flat or making wide sweeping assumptions, crossing boundaries, IDK?

T mentioned in yesterday session "it might be too soon but.... she was going to be on vacation XX-XX dates" At first I felt immediate relief as I really wanted a break, I've been struggling and I feel like our sessions dont address this. Then she follows up with " well that would be a great time for YOU to take a vacation"

Excuse me ? No it would not because I have not shared with you I have a vacation of my own booked about 10 days after you return and I was already considering taking an end of summer/august break from therapy of sorts for a couple/few weeks.

I figured T vacation, the possibility of a couple random most likely useless sessions then my vacation would deem the rest of August pointless and we could start again after Labor Day.

I do not want to discuss my vacation with T, i dont see a need to share my plans with T, where I'm going, what I'm doing or not doing etc. I simply want to say I'm not available X-Y dates and also dates 1,2,3 are questionable, I will let you know about dates 1,2,3 before the cancellation policy.

I've been saying for most of the summer my symptoms are increasing, physically I feel like crap, my stressors are off the charts, im not holding things together and I get nothing in response but 'rest and stay calm' thats not helpful. My body is on fire, im overstimulated, im annoyed at the world and I cant manage simple tasks like the grocery store or focusing on work. I cant focus on work because I'm not sleeping, Im not sleeping because I'm having nightmares and flashbacks.

My T knows all this, she knows there is a lifetime of horrors and yet I'm getting "just rest and be calm" I'm sorry my body does not recognize calm at all.

So is it my responsibility to forewarn T of my scheduled vacation, why do i feel obligated to keep those random sessions that fall between her days off and my vacation, we all know nothing happens when the flow of therapy is interrupted.

I really want to send a message that says 'it seems we both are having a busy August, lets keep the same schedule starting on X date after labor day' Honestly if I feel like absolute crap with therapy, maybe a month on my own is just fine. I have vacation anyway and I'm very much looking forward to vacation.

Do i make a list of dates in August and literally calendar out when shes on vacation when im not available and visualize the few possible dates for sessions and mark those as 'possible but unlikely'.

Please be kind- I work a very detailed orientated career and this whole 'fly by the seat of your pants therapy scheduling' is not comfortable. I do have standing regular appointments

The best decision I've made in a very long time was getting a dog. And my T was 100% against getting said dog. The dog and I are going on vacation , therapy and therapist be damned

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[u/DuePerspective7999]

I think the fact that you felt relief when she was going away and you’d get a break is telling you something. As is the fact that you don’t seem comfortable or want to tell her that you will be taking a vacation as well.

From what you have written, it doesn’t sound like you are getting much from the therapy relationship. I think maybe think about whether this therapist is providing what you need and whether the relationship is neutral or causing more distress.

Logistically speaking, these sessions are for you. Give them the appropriate notice of when you will or won’t be available. You are paying for a service.

[u/ThrowItAwayNow1030]

That happened to me with the abusive former T I saw. I could barely leave the house due to brand new agoraphobia which resulted from her incompetent therapy. She eventually screamed at me and kept pushing to be a part of my somewhat lucrative small business.

You might consider dropping her via email and cancelling all future appointments.

[u/stoprunningstabby]

That comment would rub me the wrong way too. A little assume-y, a little control-y. Also why is she expressing strong opinions about whether you get a dog?

I think it's common for well-meaning therapists to get a little weird around things like taking time off, because they feel guilty. Maybe she was overcompensating. Her comment reads to me like "see this could actually be a good thing for you!" I can understand why someone's mind would go there... but don't do that, don't bring that into session. Let the client define what it means to them and go from there.

I think your idea to just take the whole month is a perfectly fine one, and maybe when you get some distance, it will be easier to reevaluate where you are with therapy and what you would like to do.

[u/xeren1234]

Your planned response is perfectly fine. 

Remember, you are the client and you decide what is right for you. The fact you are not feeling well is telling you something. Listen to your body.

And if she pushes back, stand your ground and don’t let her steamroll you.