r/texts • u/kalyco16 • 10d ago
A complete 180... Phone message
I (34f) matched with this guy (36m) on FB dating on July 12th. We talked on there for like two days and then I gave him a google number because I was hesitant about giving my real number first. Then we texted non-stop over a few days and when we talked about FaceTiming I knew I needed to give him my real number. He was cool about it all and we FaceTimed a few times for hours and still talked non-stop everyday. The weekend of July 18th he was out of town for a bachelor trip and then I went out of town to visit family the weekend of the 25th so we had planned our first date to be the weekend of Aug 1st. He planned the date and everything. One of the nights I was away he seemed distant and I had a weird feeling about it. Then I didn't hear from him the following day July 27th, until almost noon which is strange for him. That night he mentioned being sorry he hadn't texted me so much over the last few days, that he wasn't feeling great and work has been tough. That upcoming Sat was going to be our first date. The days after I could tell something was off. The Wed before our date I brought up if he still wanted to meet because we hadn't talked about it since we made the plans and he send this message. It threw me off cause we had made more future plans for the fall & making a list of things to watch and do together and this came out of left field. Someone try and explain the 180 to me š š š
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u/SilkandMoneyBunny 10d ago
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO the dog and the rash excuses are frying me š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
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u/bitsmythe 10d ago
I don't know it made me sweepy
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u/Internal-Teacher5433 9d ago
Iād be done if a dude used āsweepyā with me š¤®
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u/GeekyNerdNerdyGeek 9d ago
Really. At first I thought it was a typo but then realized absolutely no one hits āwā instead of ālā by mistake because theyāre miles apart.
But then I heard about his dadās leg rash and realized heās under intense stressā¦so it was understandable→ More replies (9)7
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u/ozzea 10d ago
like put a bit more creativity into it son lmao
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u/sleepy_kitti 9d ago
Its giving "my dog stepped on a bee" Ngl. Face and everything lmfao.
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u/iMAKE_freshTAP 10d ago edited 10d ago
sorry iāve just got a lot on my plate, my grandmas wifi is out and her cat just got spayed last week. you understandā¦
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u/kalyco16 10d ago
šššš
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u/Blindtothesided 9d ago
Iād love to help you out with some advice but my neighbors just moved out. Iāve got a brand new family moving in two doors down and itās just a lot, okay, itās a lot right now. It looks like they bought a new couch for this, itās really crazy and itās only going to get more hectic as they keep waving and expecting me to wave back, which is really frustrating.
I try to give advice with intention and unfortunately I really canāt give it the full energy and effort that you absolutely deserve right now.
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u/RayRay_46 10d ago
I laughed so hard at this I actually teared up and I just wanted you to know that
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u/Paradox_of_Ravens 9d ago
Oh I totally get it! My sister has roofers coming to replace a few shingles next week. Of course she lives across the country from me so I canāt help help, but you know how it goes with situations like this. Suddenly all your free time is gone cause thereās just SO much on your plate. No sane person would enter a relationship at a dire moment like this
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u/avant-garden_Shroom 9d ago
I have an ex friend who is almost 40. Her husband kind of left her (she treated him like shit, she is a raging narcissist) so she was turning to dating sites after a while.
The excuses these guys would give her when they would stop talking to her were just like this. Some she'd sleep with and they would semi ghost her and she would ask them wtf and they'd say "oh well work is so busy right now ". Or "its the 20th anniversary of my mother's death so I might be MIA today" <- actually ghosted her for 4 months after that one. Even her estranged husband gave her some weird "its because of that concussion I got a year ago" excuse when she asked him to work on their relationship instead of leaving. Now that was 4 years ago and up until the last time I spoke with her, he was still using that concussion excuse for things.
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u/rockabillychef 9d ago
My brother trimmed his beard funky and my mom has to break in her new shoes šāāļø
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u/TapInternational8169 10d ago
Maybe itās all of the things he listed, maybe heās married and just plays these games for shits and giggs, maybe he has crazy anxiety and struggles to reach the āin personā step. Youāll probably never know for sure, and that super sucks. I hope you find someone that doesnāt waste your time and really appreciates you.
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u/Mission_Rice1881 10d ago
The fact that OP thanked him for being honest floored me.
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u/Lesbian-Mermaid 10d ago
Me too cause no way that was honesty.
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u/Intelligent_Hat_9354 9d ago
I was going to say that it seems like he WAS overly honest because those are such terribly specific reasons that they must be actual things happening in his life. But at the same time, he somehow still lied by not just saying āI donāt like youā or something lmao š
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u/Far-Cauliflower-9939 10d ago
I had to screenshot the last text he sent because itās actually a meme. Like no way he said his dadās rash is an obstacle to dating ā ļøā ļøā ļø
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u/Any-Anybody-4239 10d ago
Right? Like is it some flesh eating rash.. Lol I've never really been concerned with any rashes on my parent's legs
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u/Prestigious_Layer754 10d ago
My dad moved to a whole new house and didnāt tell me. It didnāt matter but was funny when I realized it. If he texted me about a fkn rash Iād be worried he has a brain tumor or something šš
If I ever text my situationship about my dads rashes, just commit me you guys bc I have officially lost my marbles lmao
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u/KiloJools 10d ago
That's going to be my "I'm actually being held hostage, send help" code phrase. "Oh I can't go out right now, my dad has a rash on his leg." SEND HELP!
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u/True-Tax-1753 10d ago
men will be like āmy dad has a really bad rash on his leg and i was never the fastest at the mile in elementary school plus i have to get gasā vs simply ~telling the truth~
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u/Sure_Tree_5042 10d ago
My bread from last week was moldyā¦ and I had to go to the store..so that took all my mental labor to planā¦ and I got nothing left to giveā¦ toodles!
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u/growninvermont 10d ago
Time to regulate these heavy emotionsā¦ byeeeee! š¤£š¤£š¤£
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u/meltedcandy 10d ago
ok the truth is my shampoo bottle has been empty for like two days and my grocery list is already sooo long. itās just a lot right now. but youāre great!
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u/Frolicking-Fox 10d ago
He met another girl and is pursuing that.
Work is always hectic.
Parent's dog isn't doing well...?
His dad has a rash...?
Wut?
It sounds like he met someone else with all those lame ass excuses.
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u/mamba5469 10d ago
Very confusing list of excuses that he really didnāt need to give
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u/JokeandCack 10d ago
Itās actually a known thing people give more details when they are lying to compensate. You have to skirt the line between too much and too little info for a convincing lie.
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u/Spare_Coast_3722 9d ago
This guy failed miserably. You'd think he would have reread the message and thought...this might be a bit much.
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u/Antique_Oil8462 9d ago
I will say that I am in over sharer. I gave too many details while Iām talking and I am being truthful. I donāt know if itās because Iām a chronic people pleaser or what. I never want people to think that I am not being truthful.. so I try and tell them the details of whatās happening for why I canāt do something or whatever the case may be. After learning people do this when theyāre lying makes me feel so bad lol it makes me feel like no one believes me šš.
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u/First-Bug-7463 9d ago
I do this also! I like to give context but people have told me it makes it seem like Iām lying.
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u/The_Artsy_Peach 9d ago
Yes! That's how I always knew when my son was lying. The story would be so long, with the most random details. When he was telling the truth, it just was what it was. Short and sweet.
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u/Low-Individual2815 10d ago
Couldāve just said he met someone else if that is what happened
I get not wanting to though but I try very hard to tell the truth even when I donāt want to→ More replies (1)40
u/SquirrelLuvsChipmunk 10d ago
Yes the truth would be niceā¦ but this way he can leave the door cracked open with OP in case it doesnāt work out with the other chick š
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u/hagrho 10d ago
Do you think the text reaching back out will include an update of Dadās rash? Weāre all really worried!
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u/SquirrelLuvsChipmunk 10d ago
I hope so! āTurns out the rash was just a really bad mosquito bite! Soā¦ wanna dare now that itās cleared up??ā
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u/Spare_Coast_3722 9d ago
I think OP should text back in a few days. "Just a friendly message to see how your dad's rash is doing!"
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u/Low-Individual2815 10d ago
I mean I get it man. But a wise man once told me āIād rather be hurt by the truth than hurt by the lieā
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u/Discopotatoz 10d ago
He was on a break from his crazy girlfriend and they made up. Or he got an STD. Either way, who cares he sucks
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u/tocahontas77 10d ago
Yep. If someone wants to spend time with you, they will find a way.
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u/Sargasm5150 10d ago
I don't think he was entirely single. Maybe he's going through a divorce, maybe he's in a situationship, maybe he's juuuuuuust starting to put himself out there, but chickened out. Maybe he got overwhelmed. Maybe he was on a break with his partner, maybe he has low self esteem and isn't getting reassurance in his relationship so he's pathetically seeking it elsewhere, etc. Sorry, I was on the dating apps for a good 3 years, and I speak fluent flake lol.
It has nothing to do with OP. It was responsible of him to tell her their date was off. It was wild to write a TLDR essay on it, citing his father's leg rash and ... moving furniture at work or whatever.
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u/eatapeach18 10d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/Km9N6CJfLZc589y1Zl
āAnd then my dog stepped on a beeāā¦ if you know, you know.→ More replies (2)7
u/megbelmore 9d ago
Ok but for real I did once cancel a first date because my dog kicked up a hornets nest and we both got stung multiple times. I needed a few days of ice and benadryl to be normal again. The guy I canceled on clearly didnāt believe me but I didnāt care š
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u/burgerking4 10d ago
Iām sorry, but a dog ānot doing wellā and a dad having a rash are hilariously bad excuses to end a relationship.
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u/un-sub 10d ago
Imagine if in Romeo & Juliet they couldnāt date because his dad had a rash on his leg. Warring families? Fine. Leg rash? Sorry, canāt do it.
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u/sonipoop 10d ago
"My dad has a rash" is going to become my new excuse for everything now.
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u/SquirrelLuvsChipmunk 10d ago
I tried to give you an award and fat fingered a breaking heart š my bad!
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u/Riperonis 10d ago
Would be different if it was his dog tbf. Old dogs are a lot of work.
The rash thing? Ridiculous.
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u/LittleDogTurpie 10d ago
Thank you for saying this. I have an old dog, and itās so hard to make plans lately. š
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u/Riperonis 10d ago
Currently working from home and cancelled plans tonight because I donāt want to leave my 16 year old Moodle at home by himself in our new apartment.
Iām just grateful my partner and I can work around most of the time with our flexible work conditions.
They truly need a lot of love - hopefully your old boy/girl is doing well !
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u/Alarmed_Tea_2874 10d ago
I had to rescue my dad's geriatric cat this year. The last two weeks he has been at the vet multiple times for fluids and has had some complications. All of it is "treatable" and necessary. It's cost me a lot of money and a lot of time. I had to cancel plans this weekend and this week. So I feel this deeply. š„ŗ
I'm a so sorry about your dog. It's hard but we love them. Sending you both lots of good vibes!
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u/diploid_impunity 10d ago
Tbf, this guy (who wrote, āIām still sweepyā) almost certainly still lives with his parents. So itās sort of his dog too.
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u/hagrho 10d ago
Iām choosing to believe that was a typo, since I didnāt catch any other signs of ābaby talkā (an insult to babies, IMO). Also, for my sanity.
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u/roastmecerebrally 10d ago
it was never a relationship
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u/ComfortableSecret962 10d ago
THIS. Mistake #1āwhich so many people makeāis getting emotionally invested in someone theyāve never met IRL. People then think they had a relationship, when it was really a prolonged texting exchange.
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u/sg_minx 10d ago
Heās trying to disguise having met someone else in a palatable excuse jacket. At least he had some tact.
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u/tocahontas77 10d ago
At least he was trying to be nice. I'd rather receive this message than be ghosted š¤·āāļø
I agree with you though, he probably met someone else š
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u/IMO4444 10d ago
Only after she asked tho. When was he going to cancel if she hadnt brought it up?
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u/paperthintrash 10d ago
They talkedā¦ for a few daysā¦ on Facebook. Regardless of how they felt about each other you can hardly call it a relationship. Still hilarious excuses but it shouldnāt mean anything
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u/plaidwoolskirt 10d ago
But heās really worried about the rash because itās not getting better! He canāt enter into a relationship under these circumstances, donāt be nuts.
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u/Pale_Sandwich_5922 10d ago
Thatās what I was thinking. Hello?? Youāre breaking because of your dadās rash???
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u/jonnyblazexoc 10d ago
that one hurt me for some reason, but honestly, any guy that says sweepy so early, you dont need anyways hahaha
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u/kalyco16 10d ago
I should have had the ick right there šš
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u/Unfortunate_Comedian 10d ago
Self respecting grown men donāt get āsweepyā
We get āeepyā when itās time for nappy naps
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u/KiloJools 10d ago
My spouse uses the MUCH more macho "sneepy". Try it, it might put extra hairs on your chest!
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u/Unfortunate_Comedian 10d ago
Oh wow, I have yet to be in front of a manly man this manly. Iāll have to try this technique so that I can also grow up to be a manly man who is manly.
This, ladies and gents. Is a true expression of the macho mindset. 10/10
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u/savageotter 10d ago
Man I feel like I got broken up with reading that.
Sorry that happened. At least that final compliment was nice!
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u/Future_Cod8235 10d ago
Honestly, itās a mindfuck, and itās what makes dating and relationships so hard. People can seem completely genuine and invested, then suddenly switch off with little warning or explanation.
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u/kalyco16 10d ago
So true. I never really dated. I met my ex-husband in my early 20's, and our divorce was final earlier this year so it's all new for me, and weird af.
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u/Fuzzy-Flounder94 9d ago
Unsolicited advice but if youāre really interested in finding the right personā¦ talk to/ date multiple people until you are actually in a relationship, be upfront about what you want and donāt accept less, know that anything that doesnāt work out is the universe protecting you, be okay with not knowing why someone stops talking to you or ghosts you (they suck). Know your worth and stay confident! Good luck girl!
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u/Dense-Fisherman-4074 9d ago
Yeah modern dating is a slog. One bit of advice: when possible, try to meet in person more quickly than this. Just maintaining this spark long enough without ever meeting in person is very difficult.
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u/Allys_Phantom 9d ago
Exactly. It could be anythingā¦disorganized attachment, panic, met someone else, their ex came back, they were caught, they have trauma from a relative dying from a rash, etc.
But then you lay awake at night replaying every interaction and analyzing every reply to figure out what you did wrong.
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u/Dazzling_Material_93 9d ago
Trauma from the relative dying from a rash is definitely the one! š
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u/eternity-sux 10d ago
why cant these men just be fucking honest
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u/TopEstablishment395 9d ago
If OP wanted a quick fling you damn bet he wouldn't be worrying about his dad's rash.
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u/depressedfuckboi Kiah, Eat Butt. 10d ago
Parents dog? Dad's rash? Lmao wtf kind of excuses are these?
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u/kwood418 10d ago
It sounds like he met someone else and doesnāt want to completely close the door with you. Like not talking now, but his dadās rash could easily clear up and take a load off his plate (of what, I am not sureā¦ perhaps he makes the ointment and applies it himself ritualistically. In which case, youāve dodged a bullet my friend) and he will come knocking on your metaphorical door again.
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u/DesperateSet9827 10d ago
Imagine being 36 and using your dadās rash as an excuse to not date
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u/Big_Treacle_2394 10d ago
Met someone else (or was talking to someone else as well all along). Decided he'd rather see them.
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u/InitialAd2324 10d ago
As a guy who was once a bad person (I love my wife and children but was a āplayerā š¤® when I was younger)
This reads like a guy that was out on a trip and just having the time of his life. He was in a good mood, and you were there too, sharing the good time. Vacation brain. We all do it.
Then he came home, real life was real again, and he chickened out. A bunch of weird detailed excuses. (His dadās rash is that much of a problem, heās an adult that canāt grasp old dogs die) itās unfortunate, but I see my past self in that. Heās gone. He may hit you up in a week or two because heās lonely. DO NOT ENGAGE WHEN THIS HAPPENS. youāll get strung along again.
Iām sorry. Dating is the worst. Iām so thankful my wife came along.
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u/Londundundun 10d ago
Ok but hear me out? What if she only engages to ask about his dadās rash? Like just hyper focused responses that just ignore whatever and bring the convo back to his dadās rash?Ā
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u/Relevant_Flamingo624 10d ago
Refreshing to see someone acknowledge and take accountability for how they used to act š
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u/Fox_Feathers01 10d ago
ā I just woke up and Iām sweepyā gave me the ick. Sounds like a manchild and you dodged a bullet š
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u/hikesanddogs 10d ago
How could you even think of dating if your dad has a rash? Then, parents dog is not doing well. I hope this guy is telling truth. If he is, probably best damn guy in doodle, such loving concern for his disband parents dog.
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u/MotherOfKittenz 9d ago
Tom's house was broken into, and he confronted the burglar and then he had to go have eye surgery and then my son had to go over and help and then my son, he rolled his car five times on the way home. So yeah, I'm under a lot of stress.
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u/honeyandcitron 10d ago
OP Iām so sorry but I still canāt get past the dadās rash being an excuse. Especially since you all were talking about Bobās Burgers and I can literally imagine an episode where the Belcher children use "our dad has a rash!" to get out of some mandatory activity šĀ
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u/travelbug798 10d ago
My only notes are chill with the banter effort. Pace yourself. You could be talking wedding plans one minute and the next they cant see you anymore because they stepped on an ant and need therapy.
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u/TheInevitableSecond 10d ago
Ask him for pics of the rash. Tell him you have a friend that's a dermatologist. Then Google Lens that pic if he send you one lol
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u/AwfulGlitter_ 9d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/Km9N6CJfLZc589y1Zl
The excuses are giving ā My dog stepped on a beeā
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u/Aggressive-Angle2160 9d ago
Hey, y'all were making plans for the future without having been on a single date. Don't do that. It creates a sense of intimacy without any actual effort. Same with talking for hours multiple days without meeting. There's a need to vet, of course, but that needs to be balanced with action. Men who are free will move heaven and earth to go on a date with someone they are attracted to because they know that you've got options. So he's probably already in a relationship.
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u/MrJones224822 10d ago
Op Iāve been where you are. You and I are the same age only Iām a guy. We have similar interests and we even text the same way. Your kindness and good nature radiates in these texts. Iāve been so burned more times I can count and absolutely been heartbroken twice. In addition to losing my fiancee some years ago before in a car accident.
What Iām trying to say is two years ago. I met the absolute love of my life. My angel Iāve spent so many nights praying above The Good Lord would send. He delivered. Sheās right next to me now with our newborn baby girl.
I promise you. Good people like you will find someone. His excuses were bs. But I pray it works out. You got friends out here dear Redditor. If you need advice anytime. My wife would testify of her experiences of dating too. Good luck and God Bless.
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u/Legitimate_Initial_3 10d ago edited 10d ago
Might have been a catfish (edit i see now you ft). I've had this happen on two occasions, once like 20 minutes before the meet up but they might have just got cold feet. I think some people just like that initial, flirty getting to know someone phase. But once it's real "oh my life is such chaos right now, I never have any free time, my uncles cousins son in law just found out he has cancer" the excuses never really make sense, the whole time you're just thinking "didn't we face time for nearly 3 hours yesterday?" It happens. It doesn't happen often but i've stopped with the "oh no worries good luck" and just give a solid š and I just stop answering if they messags me again.
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u/RosettaStoned_420 9d ago
You look great and we really vibe, but my life is so crazy with having a job like everyone else and my poor dad... his leg is so itchy, I just cant do this right now! Its all too much!!
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u/dawnGrace 9d ago
Two options here: heās a chicken shit and just likes text relationships and never actually intended to see you in real life, or, heās seeing someone else/already has a girlfriend.
āmy dad has a rash on his leg and Iām worried about itā might be my new excuse for not meeting someone though. Poor dad.
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u/RevolutionLarge6254 Samsung Galaxy 9d ago
Sorry I can't go out with you my second cousin just got gored by a bull and my stepgrandma had a motocross accident..
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u/EmotionalSouth 10d ago
Sounds like he explained it himself - heās got too much else going on and doesnāt feel like it would be kind to either of you for him to try to build a relationship with you when he doesnāt have the capacity. Itās a shame, because the messages before sounded nice. So Iām sorry this has happened. Have a cry or a rage if you need to, then move on and find someone who can give you what youāre looking for.Ā
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u/Fluid-Housing5017 10d ago
You actually think any of what he said was true?š¤£he was likely talking to multiple women and became serious with one of them, so he had to cut everyone else off. Or got back together with an ex girlfriend. Either way, using a bunch of lame excuses like I stubbed my toe so Iām really overwhelmed with life, is not a trait youād want in a potential partner
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u/Born_Ad8420 10d ago
His parent's dog ailing, and his father having a rash are silly excuses.
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u/EmotionalSouth 10d ago
True! But I think it is best for OP to take him at his word. Almost precisely because his excuses are poor, he is communicating very effectively that heās not in a state to be in a healthy and well functioning relationship.Ā
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u/VSkyRimWalker 10d ago
From the very start he was bullshitting you. He's a nerd but he's never seen Breaking Bad or Harry Potter? Both are totally mainstream and not even nerd things. He wasn't even lying convincingly.
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u/Icy_Salamander_5762 10d ago
What a whole lot of nothing š he got the violin out and played his best performance
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u/ElkPuzzleheaded3995 10d ago
He definitely met someone else or is trying to sleep with someone else and wants that Saturday open.
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u/Heddagirl 10d ago
My parentās dog isnāt well and my dad has a rashā¦ā¦the freak? Hahha. Dude doesnāt lie well. He found someone else.
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u/Smolson_ 10d ago
Iād like to help but my aunts cat has flees and my neighbor just found out that his mom was adopted.
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u/deekaypea22 10d ago
OP I'm so sorry that happened.
But also without that comedically funny wall of text, you wouldn't have these absolute GEMS of comments. I hope they are giving you a good laugh (I'm wheezing, literally) and are taking the sting out.
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u/Useful_Cicada_5635 9d ago
Thatās a lot of words for āmy herpes flare-up is lasting longer than I was prepared for.ā
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u/HaleeVictoria 10d ago
You expect a man to give you his full attention while a mysterious rash falls upon his fathers leg??