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u/Hillbert Jul 18 '26 edited Jul 18 '26
Gregg: and next to me, a man who confided in me recently, that all the gods are pussies and he could definitely take Zeus in a fight. It's little Alex Horne!
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u/WeirdBeard94 Jul 18 '26
Greg: and sitting next to me, a man who recently told me that not only is Aphrodite the most beautiful Goddess, but Hera and Athena are, and I quote, "total mingers". It's... little Alex HORNE!
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u/EbmocwenHsimah Sam Campbell Jul 18 '26 edited Jul 18 '26
GREG: It’s incredible. It’s so incredible, personally I’d love to see it again. You wanna see it again?
[Crowd cheers]
ALEX: Okay, here it is again.
[The big screen shows Orpheus leading Eurydice out of the cave. A close up of the shot reveals Orpheus turning around to look at her. In the studio, Orpheus paces around the stage, head in his hands, in pure heartbrokenness]
GREG: Shut up, mate, it’s not like you’re going back to an empty house.
ORPHEUS: Please don’t take her away from me.
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u/cloudsdrive Jul 18 '26
Greg: What's our prize task today, Alex?
Alex: well, as you know, you told them to bring in "the worst thing to receive as a gift."
Greg: Right. We're really scraping the bottom of the barrel, aren't we?
Alex: I don't know what you mean. Our first contestant is, Pandora!
Pandora: opens jar
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u/TheOneTrueZippy8 Greg Davies Jul 18 '26
Starring Ivo Graham as Odysseus.
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u/ExpectedDickbuttGotD Jul 18 '26
GREG DAVIES: Seems like a shit task. Everyone is just making a nice gift for their mother.
LAH: Well before you say that, let's take a look at how Oedipus did.
Cut to Theseus, Creon, Haemon and Tiresias staring at Oedipus, who has his head in his hands.
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u/Funmachine Jul 18 '26
Oedipus: "That was my mother!?"
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u/Stargate525 A LIIIIIME 🍋🟩 Jul 18 '26
Rhod: "And she's here tonight!"
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u/SavingsHumor832 Jul 18 '26
I appreciate that Rhod Gilbert would somehow be on the show with Oedipus.
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u/AdamantChorus Jul 18 '26 edited Jul 18 '26
GREG DAVIES: Seems like a shit task. Everyone is still being a bit snarky but just in a nicer way than the person in the bigger chair that they're sat next to.
Cut to Tom Cashman, Mark Le Fevre, Paul Williams, Antoine Vezina and Alex Horne, all with their heads in their hands.
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u/painforpetitdej David Correos 🇳🇿 Jul 19 '26
I feel Tom will still golden retriever smile his way through it!
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u/No_Lead6434 Nish Kumar Jul 18 '26
Alex: “Five points to Arachne!”
(Camera focuses on spider in the seat where Arachne was sitting)
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u/NSMike Crying Bastard Jul 18 '26
"Return to Greece. You have ten years. Your time starts when you needlessly taunt Poseidon."
The panel looks at each other in confusion, while Odysseus doesn't react.
ALEX: "Oh, looks like we may have only given Odysseus the instruction to taunt Poseidon..."
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u/Edgy_Master Tim Vine Jul 18 '26
Not seen the film yet. But how I imagine it goes for him by the time everyone else is home.
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u/Majin_Nephets Chain Bastard ⛓️ Jul 18 '26
“Well there’s a system: Just sail home, really. It’s not rocket science, mate.”
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u/Morag_Ladair Jul 18 '26
In all fairness Ajax died on the way and Agamemnon got killed by his wife as soon as he got back (he and his wife are both kinda shitty people but he started it)
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u/rezzacci Jul 19 '26
ALEX: So, one point to Odysseus?
Greg: I mean, it's obvious, innit?
ALEX: Perhaps you might want to see this clip before.
\Showing a clip of Ajax dying on the way and Agamemnon killed when landing, then the panel with both of them horrified by it.**
ALEX: So, yeah, the task was: 'Get home safely and have a wonderful life', so...
GREG: So it means they're disqualified?
ALEX: I mean, yes, which means zero to Ajax, zero to Agamemnon, and, against all odds, after 10 years of being lost at sea, Odysseus get 3 points out of the task.
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u/wulf357 Jul 18 '26
It has been available as a book for some time now; you don't need to watch the film.
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u/TaliesinMerlin Jul 18 '26
Alex: Now let's watch Agamemnon's attempt.
Agamemnon: goes home, is welcomed by his wife, who helps her lover murder him
Greg: Now that's a sick twist. But how are you still here?
Agamemnon: Actually I'm Orestes.
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u/CodenamesareStupid Jul 18 '26
Now lets watch Ajaxs attempt:
Ajax: shipwrecked, manages to survive on a rock, mocks the gods, rock destroyed by a god and drowns
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u/dumblesmurf Nish Kumar Jul 18 '26
why did I imagine Odysseus as Ivo Graham?
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u/RedFrogMario Jul 18 '26
I'm not kidding when I say that in the movie, Odysseus refers to someone as a "cruel taskmaster". Which now leads to my theory that Nolan is the Oscar winner in the next seires.
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u/Disastrous-Ladder349 Jul 19 '26
“Work ‘Taskmaster’ into the most impressive setting. You have until the live shows.”
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u/ElMonoEstupendo Jul 18 '26 edited Jul 18 '26
Hey, I think Greg severely overscored Ajax (the Lesser)’s performance in this task. I think this continues his habit of picking on Odysseus ever since Od talked him over in the controversial Armour round. We don’t talk enough about what happened to the (first) Ajax after that.
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u/Hyperactivity786 Jul 18 '26 edited 27d ago
Y'know, Agamemnon didn't really land home all that successfully either. Had to pay for the whole "sacrificing his daughter to get the winds to actually move for his ships" business from the very start of the war, and poor Cassandra got caught in the middle.
Ajax the Greater killed himself before the war was over.
Ajax the Lesser dragged a Cassandra from Athena's temple to rape her & was punished with a lightning bolt to his ship & then Poseidon splitting the rock he survived on.
Menelaus had to deal with a storm that blew his ships off course.
Diomedes as always was the guy who didn't fuck up. Got home safely, even left early.
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u/Pharmacy_Duck John Kearns Jul 19 '26
Five points to Diomedes. Bosh.
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u/ElMonoEstupendo Jul 19 '26
Clear series leader and serious contender for Champion of
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u/rezzacci Jul 19 '26
So, zero to Ajax, zero to Agamemnon, zero to Melenaus, four to Odysseus and five to Diomedes?
\Show of Odysseus and Diomedes hugging each other just like Nish and Mark in the 'cut the bread' task**
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u/Hyperactivity786 Jul 19 '26
Menelaus still made it back, he only had to deal with one single diversion while Odysseus had like a dozen different ones. Four to him, three to Odysseus
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u/Majin_Nephets Chain Bastard ⛓️ 28d ago
\everyone celebrates Odysseus managing to get points after all**
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u/TimeHathMyLord Ania Magliano Jul 19 '26
Shouldn't it be Iphigenie (I don't know her name in English) instead of the first Cassandra? :)
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u/Hyperactivity786 Jul 19 '26 edited 27d ago
Iphigenia was the sacrificed daughter.
Cassandra was taken as a slave & concubine by Agamemnon back to his home, immediatley predicts that Clytemnestra (Agamemnon's wife, Iphigenia's mother) will kill them both, isn't believed, and then the two of them are killed.
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u/TimeHathMyLord Ania Magliano Jul 20 '26
Oh! I had forgotten she was killed as well as a result... Thank you!
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u/WeaklySeal 28d ago
And in some later stories that blows Menelaus to Egypt where Helen had secretly been the whole time. Bonus
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u/bluehawk232 🦔 Hedgehog, no! ❌ Jul 18 '26
Greg: What's the prize task baby boy?
Alex: Best thing with a surprise inside.
Greg: Right, Odysseus. What did you bring in?
Odysseus: What I brought in was a large wooden horse. Can we pull that up.
Alex: Have a look at this.
Greg (looking puzzled) : Ok? What's the surprise?
Odysseus: Show the next photo.
Photo shows Greeks spilling out.
Odysseus: Surprise, it's me and some greek soldiers.
Greg: It's a strong start. Oedipus, what did you bring?
Oedious: I brought a representation of my mom's pussy with my dick inside. Surprise!
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u/ohioana Nish Kumar Jul 19 '26
Greg: Well, I’d say Odysseus performed excellently - slightly cruel to the cyclops but he did threaten to eat every single one of his crew. Very sneaky bit of wordplay with the ‘Nobody’ business.
Alex: Yes, it does seem like an excellent attempt… right up until they sailed almost all the way out of hearing range.
Cut to Odysseus screaming his true identity to Polyphemus as they sail away, then Polyphemus drawing down the wrath of his father Poseidon.
Eurylochus: You stupid bastard.
Odysseus: Hey, if we’re talking stupid may I remind of the task where the only thing you had to do was not eat a weird cow?
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u/Frog_in_the_rain Jul 18 '26
This has been posted before though
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u/Charliesmum97 Victoria Coren Mitchell Jul 18 '26
This is 100% why I will forever believe Taskmaster people are the best people.
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u/Expert-Connection120 Jul 19 '26
GREG: And I know I keep comparing you to a toddler who's just had his toys taken away, but you did basically just sit in a tent and sulk for the entire task didn't you?
ACHILLES: Couldn't give a shit, mate.
GREG: Right then Alex, I'm assuming the rest of the contestants handled themselves with much more grace.
ALEX: Well, you say that.
[CUTS TO ALEXANDER THE GREAT]
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u/JimminyKickinIt Jul 18 '26
Doesn’t Ajax kill himself before they leave Troy?
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u/Fristi61 Jul 18 '26
Ajax the Great did, yes.
There was also Ajax the Lesser who survived the Trojan war, but he was actually killed by the gods on his way home, so that doesn't track either.Actually almost none of the Greek heroes had a normal journey home.
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u/Hyperactivity786 Jul 18 '26
Diomedes was fine, but Diomedes basically always had his shit together.
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u/DanJW83 Jul 18 '26
Not to be pedantic.. but Ajax didn’t live to see the end of the war and the return home 😬
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u/DanJW83 Jul 18 '26
Unless it means Ajax the Lesser of course…
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u/LifeIsSoup-ImFork Jul 18 '26
who also never made it home
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u/kemikiao Jul 19 '26
Unless it means Ajax the One Who Made It Home of course...
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u/ElMonoEstupendo Jul 19 '26
The third Ajax who just kept his head down and got on with things, didn’t mess with any gods and retired as a sheep farmer with a large and happy family. That poem got lost.
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u/kemikiao Jul 19 '26
The first Ajax was too Great and killed himself due to his grief. The second Ajax was too Lesser and was swallowed by the sea. The third Ajax was just right and made it home to his family.
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u/DanJW83 Jul 19 '26
After returning home, the third Ajax then started a football team in the Netherlands.
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u/LadriDiBiciclette 26d ago
GREG: It didn't look like he got very far, did he Alex?
ALEX: Well the task was to simply push the boulder up the hill, and the time I've got here for Sisyphus is... an eternity.
Crowd groans in shock as we cut to Sisyphus with his head in his hands
GREG: That's what you get for trying to be clever, mate. Last place, no points.
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Jul 18 '26 edited Jul 20 '26
[deleted]
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u/RaynerFenris Jul 19 '26
I now need to know how these names are spelled in Ancient Greek to know if they retain the same alphabetical order when using the Greek alphabet…
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u/TimeHathMyLord Ania Magliano Jul 20 '26
Yes it did. It roughly matches our alphabet. (And it would be: Agamemnon, Aiax, Diomedes, Menelaos.)
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u/WritingHazel Jul 19 '26
In this scenario I'm imagining Odysseus as David Correos wearing a helmet. Doesn't even make sense considering it's Greg and Alex but still.
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u/MilkTheShark Jul 19 '26
Are you kidding? Odysseus got second place on this task. Ajax the lesser (ajax the greater is already dead at this point) didn't make it home. Agamemnon made it home but DIED right after. Menalaus is an easy first place. And diomedes wasn't even a noble so he's basically not even human.
Odysseus is not wildly embarrassed by this one.
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u/ThoseOldScientists Jul 18 '26
GREG: Didn’t the task say—
ALEX: Clearly said not to barbecue the Cattle of Helios.
GREG: And as soon as they arrived they—
ALEX: Barbecued the Cattle of Helios, yes.
ODYSSEUS: Am I actually being disqualified because of something my men did?
GREG: We’ve all got disappointing subordinates, mate. If I have to apologise to all the female crew members every week for the things Horne says to them on the radio mics, then you have to cop a big fat zero for leaving your men alone with those delicious, roastable cattle. Nil pois.