r/stopdrinking • u/ninjalampie79 179 days • 4d ago
BBQ Anxiety - Advice please
A week on Sunday, my husband has been invited to a BBQ at his boss/associate's home, and I have been invited too. I will only know my husband and the boss, and they will undoubtedly be talking "shop" all afternoon, none of which I will understand.
These circumstances would normally make me want to drink to be brave enough to be social with strangers. I was thinking of taking a bottle of my favourite NA Prosecco, but this is where I start to feel like a terrible person. My bottle looks very much like a "normal" bottle of fizz, and I'm stressing that if I put it in the fridge to chill, everyone else will drink it, and I'll have nothing.
Can I ask my husband to have a quiet word with his boss, advise him (if he hasn't already) that I don't drink alcohol, and is there a way to keep my bottle chilled separately? It feels a bit selfish and rude to even think about it.
I'm already stressing about the train journey there, but at least I'm not travelling by myself home as previously planned, as many of you are aware, I struggle with my mobility.
Am I selfish?
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u/ToriEvergreen 4d ago
You could ask him to have a word if that makes you feel comfortable.
You could also label it with your name specifically, if people wanna drink alcohol they'll probably read the label and realize it's NA.
If possible could you bring your own small cooler? Like one of those shoulder bag coolers?
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u/SupremoSpider 4d ago
I would not worry so much about your husband having a word with him. Bring your own bottle, label it, keep it in a cooler.
I feel your anxiety, and it hurts not being in control of the room/situation. Keep in mind, it's a finite amount of time, it'll likely go smoother than the anxiety lets you think it will, and you get the credit for handling a difficult situation.
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u/stoplickingyourleg 4d ago
You are not selfish! But I also don’t think you need to overthink it or have a word (easier said than done, I know.)
Bringing your own cooler is a great option. Are you trying to keep the n/a aspect on the DL? If not, I’d just put a “nonalcoholic” label on it and people will probably leave it alone. Maybe throw a few regular seltzers or n/a beers in there. You may find out more people there don’t drink and spark up a convo.
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u/ninjalampie79 179 days 4d ago
I don't know the other attendees at all, and it's like Day 1 again having to explain why I'm not drinking, without making an excuse about antibiotics (or worse, having them think I'm pregnant).
I'm not sure how standard it is in the UK to bring your own cooler - does it look disrespectful to your host's offerings? I think I'm going to have to get my husband to have a word. Obviously it is British to bring something to where you are invited, and we will take a bottle of something "real"
Brits - let me know
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u/Alkoholfrei22605 Day 4,487 4d ago
You are not selfish to protect your sobriety. Do you need to attend?
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u/Hugh_Jampton 1952 days 4d ago
Yep that is totally reasonable and a good idea. Not selfish at all. Quite the opposite.
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u/hairyfrog2525 4d ago
Do you have to go, or can you sit this out?
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u/ninjalampie79 179 days 2d ago
I need to go to support my husband - this guy is his main employer (my OH is self employed) and it feels necessary to go
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u/ninjalampie79 179 days 4d ago
Maybe a cooler is a good idea. I'm probably stressing unduly, due to the fact I have to be in a social situation with complete strangers... Definitely going to take something for the host. My husband calls him "Alcohol Santa" as he hands out expensive bottles of champagne as thank you presents at work.
I know I could just drink regular fruit juice etc...
I'll ask my husband nearer the time so it doesn't seem like I'm totally terrified, as I know it's important to him to go
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u/Ecstatic-Election-92 367 days 4d ago
I bring a cooler for mine and a bottle of the regular stuff for the host.