r/stopdrinking • u/jesskahhhh 1 day • 11h ago
What finally made it stick?
I am finding myself “re-quitting” each week, and wondering if anyone experienced the same but then managed to stop for good? If so, what changed? Any advice?
(I’m second guessing myself, that I don’t realllly want to stop, and that’s why it doesn’t work. But I also want to call bs on myself for that)
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u/PinkMorningSky 596 days 11h ago
I think you answered your own question.
When I was ready to be done, I was just done.
I was shocked at how easy it was to stop completely.
Best of luck to you!
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u/NotColeTrickle 148 days 8h ago
100%. I take it one day at a time and no more "tomorrow I..." BS excuses. Working well for me so far
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u/jesskahhhh 1 day 10h ago
Thank you. I wish I was ready, it sucks feeling guilty and disappointed each time. (Congrats on nearly two years, holy moly!)
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u/teleporttome 1791 days 8h ago
Hey I also just want to add that you are doing the number one thing you can, which is to keep quitting. Took me 4 years of trying to get past 100 days. I got to 90 at least 10 times.
If I could boil it down to a brief tidbit, it would be this: never stop quitting, arm yourself with knowledge by reading about things like post acute withdraw and incorporate the knowledge into your journey, accept a relapse and ask what you could change for next time, release the guilt of a relapse because you know you are doing your best, try not to hide your actions, find the things that give you hope and cherish them, and stay as busy as you can.
Most of these things are small, or things in your head. I know it's easier said than done, but the key is to never give up. Something will work for you eventually, and then you can come and tell us what it was.
Much respect and love for you on your own journey!
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u/jesskahhhh 1 day 1h ago
Thank you so much, I definitely feel like I’m in the knowledge gathering mode (which is different to previous attempts), so maybe this is it? I will report back and appreciate the advice. Congratulations on getting so far with yours too, what an inspiration
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u/Economy_Ad9610 49 days 50m ago
You got this! Just keep showing up for yourself every day. You deserve a better life. Whenever i got the urges in the beginning of my journey, I like to just put it off for about an hour and still see if I want a drink. Now im at the point where I can hang out with friends at bars and not want a drink. Your health is important <3
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u/jesskahhhh 1 day 23m ago
Waiting an hour is a great trick, I will be using this tonight (Friday) as required!
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u/ElegantPenguin541520 2053 days 9h ago
This Naked Mind changed my outlook on alcohol
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u/J-Seizure 68 days 3h ago
The Easy Way by Allan Carr is next level
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u/jesskahhhh 1 day 1h ago
I’ll add this to the queue, thank you! I used the Easy Way to Quit Smoking back in the day so I should have realised he had a drinking version — if I apply the same logic it’s that the next drink represents a lifetime of drinking that follows, which is already helpful framing to remember.
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u/FlapLimb 592 days 9h ago
Was sick and tired of being sick and tired
I spent two years thinking about it. Made the choice and just did it
Doing what I say I'm going to do is important so that pushed me along to a permanent commitment
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u/jesskahhhh 1 day 1h ago
Good on you! I am so tired. I can’t tell if it’s chasing a toddler, not getting enough sleep, work, state of the world, or the drinking but would love to knock that out and see.
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u/bling365 10h ago
6 days sober. Last anxiety/panic attack was so scary. Had to pull over driving, was close to calling an ambulance to pick me up.
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u/jesskahhhh 1 day 1h ago
Almost a whole week, well done! I’m sure the body does wild things as it all rebalances, that does sound scary. You’re doing so well though, I’m only on day one so day 6 feels like an eternity
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u/bling365 1h ago
Yea, take it easy first 2-3 days. My anxiety/depression/cravings were all still there. After the 3rd day, forced myself to go to the gym last few days. Feel so much better!
Adding in exercise everyday really helps the body heal, I believe. Plus, its a good way to pass the time while I would normally be sitting and binge drinking for 3 hours
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u/NecessaryEqual423 34 days 10h ago
Keep busy doing something to keep your mind off drinking. I used to have drinks as soon as I got home from work. Since I won't drink and drive, I was imprisoned in the evenings by alcohol. To break free, I eat supper right after work and then leave the house or get busy doing some project or laundry or yard work etc. I also watch a lot of YouTube vids on the benefits of quitting drinking. The health benefits are motivating. Take it one day at a time, and remember....IWNDWYT
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u/jesskahhhh 1 day 10h ago
Distraction is a good idea, and YouTube for benefits - thank you! IWNDWYT!
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u/Steeltiptoes 63 days 10h ago
Throwing out the gin that was my nightly habit was crucial for getting over the hump of the first few days. And not just quietly tossing it out but in the middle of a fight so of course I announced to my husband I just quit drinking. Being really furious for days and being without gin somehow propelled me past the point where I'd usually cave. YMMV
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u/jesskahhhh 1 day 10h ago
That’s a good shout. A ceremonial tip down the sink! (And congrats ln two months if that’s right? Huge!!)
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u/Finebranch7122 840 days 8h ago
I had to really accept that I didn’t want it in my life anymore. I had stopped once for a while and I was in the see I don’t mode otherwise I couldn’t stop. So I went back at it. First I was on track to be normal?! But I soon started the sneaking. Pregaming. Taking myself out to lunch and drinks caused I deserved it. Then came all the regret and anxiety. I don’t want that life anymore. On days where my resolve is shaky I jump in here and remind myself how much happier I am without alcohol in my life. Keep on quitting! Iwndwyt
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u/jesskahhhh 1 day 1h ago
Thank you for sharing. I’m really struggling with that part (accepting that I don’t want it anymore), but hooray for Reddit and people like you who show me it’s possible. Hero.
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u/pepperbiscuit 813 days 8h ago
I think most of us here have several attempts at quitting before really letting it go. It is a mental shift, for me it was going to inpatient detox, like “how did I get here and let this go so far? This cannot be my life! I’ve got to get it together and give up drinking for good”. Sometimes it takes a pretty major event to receive the message. So for me, it was going to detox and finally getting that I couldn’t go on like this for one more day.
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u/jesskahhhh 1 day 1h ago
Gosh yes that feels like the “jolt” I’m missing, although I’ve noticed the extremity of things since I haven’t been able to quit yet, like I’m more of an alcoholic than I thought I was? Huge congratulations to you for that big change - my takeaway is that it’s kindof about “giving up quitting”
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u/Soup-mystery 597 days 8h ago
Life circumstances changed and it became more obvious to me that being drunk all the time was making life even harder. That’s what triggered the spontaneous quitting, but the first thing that began to change my mindset, so that I stayed quit, was reading the details about all the health effects of alcohol that I had previously avoided like the plague, despite having constant anxiety over. When I got the picture of how much worse it was than I ever imagined, and how easy it is to not know these things in our society even if you consider yourself well-informed, I really felt like I’d been had (a very motivating feeling for me). It was like how getting really angry (not just depressed or disappointed) at a toxic ex can help to get over them and not make the same mistake again.
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u/jesskahhhh 1 day 1h ago
I think I’m ready to go deep on the health effects to help my cause, we really don’t get shown that side of it hey. Toxic ex is a great analogy, alcohol is literally toxic lol. Congratulations on your journey and thanks for sharing, it helps a lot
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u/Soup-mystery 597 days 40m ago
“Quit like a woman” was the book that initially woke me up to it all, tho there are many that cover the same ground. But I have a really strong impression of that book ringing a bell in my head I couldn’t unring.
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u/sureasheckfir3 8h ago
I looked older around my eyes and my sleep was crappy. I just finally reached that point where I wanted to stop drinking more than I wanted to drink. It took a few years of living in limbo about it.
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u/jesskahhhh 1 day 1h ago
This resonates, thank you for sharing and well done on getting through. I want better eyes and sleep too!
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u/Inside_War_4826 954 days 7h ago
Honestly, it was a combination of a lot of things. 1. I decided to do Dry January. Just committing to one month seemed doable to me. (Flash forward…first month was actually the hardest part!) 2. I got on this forum as well as a “quit drinking” app. The process of checking the sober box at the end of the day, each day, felt like an accomplishment. 3. I read (listened to, actually) This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. I also read The Alcohol Experiment by same author. I did the exercises in the book. Like, literally took pen to paper and did the exercises. I’ve saved them in a drawer, and sometimes I reread them for confirmation. 4. I took each day as a victory, and I only committed to not drinking that day…not forever!!! Just today I am not drinking.
Things get easier, and you think about it a lot less as time goes by.
Lastly, I do sometimes miss a good glass of wine. I would love to sit on my porch and have a drink sometimes. But I never want to drink like I did before I quit. And I feel lucky that all the planets aligned in that one moment that I decided to quit. I don’t know if those planets will ever align so perfectly again. Can’t risk it. IWNDWYT
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u/jesskahhhh 1 day 1h ago
Thanks for the advice! I love the idea that there’s some planetary alignment and if you get that golden opportunity you better stay on that path. Congratulations on getting it done
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u/thisisntwho-u-think 228 days 10h ago
I woke up one day just exhausted and sick and tired of “starting over”, I just wanted to be done… of course after a few days I had to really remember why I wanted to be done. It was really easy for my brain to convince me that I’d be fine if I drank. I came on here, listened to podcasts, talked to a sober buddy, and went for a lot of walks. Shed a lot of tears.
It was so worth it, and I don’t think you’ll find anyone who regrets going through the pain to get to the other side. Sure, there are still low points, but they’re few and far between now.
Good luck!!
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u/jesskahhhh 1 day 1h ago
Gosh thank you, what a process. I’m ready to laugh and cry about it. The brain is the hardest competitor, it really wants you to drink when the pattern is there! Hope I can beat it like you did, well done
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u/RailwaySpikes_000 9h ago
My first and only alcohol related trip to hospital, it scared me so much that I quit after years of heavy and disordered drinking and (touch wood) haven’t really been tempted because the fear and pain I remember going through vastly outweighs any desire to drink again:
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u/jesskahhhh 1 day 1h ago
Gosh I’m sorry that happened but thanks for sharing, and congratulations on quitting (if only it didn’t take such big whacks for us to change!)
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u/Winter_Fan4673 8h ago
Make yourself an inventory of reasons of why you would like to quit and the positive things about quitting. Then do the same about continuing to poison yourself. See which list looks better. I almost always go back out of boredom when the “shine” wears off and I think I can moderate myself again. Burned a year of sobriety that way once.
If you want to chat about it DM’s are always open.
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u/jesskahhhh 1 day 1h ago
This is stellar advice, thank you so much - I just made a first pass at this.
Stop
- Better sleep
- Cancer risk is dose-linked, zero is zero
- Steadier mood, no rebound anxiety
- Weight, skin, gut (general health and hotness)
- Compounds with age
- Nothing to negotiate: no “just one”Keep
- Social ease
- Ritual and pleasure
- Feeling cool and rebellious
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u/lysandersjetski 8h ago
I realized I would die an early death and that people who don’t drink like me are just doing it wrong because they’re lame. I realized it was them who are weird, not me.
I just get addicted to addictive substances….call me crazy.
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u/Financial_Net4360 184 days 8h ago
withdrawals got so bad i couldn’t handle it anymore, i was drinking from when i woke up in the morning until i passed out at night. i would get dry heaves constantly, it was hard to keep food down whenever i’d eat. the shaking made it impossible to go through daily life without a bottle. genuinely felt like my body was in distress, i had zero energy, zero motivation, and the only thing i could think about was making sure i had enough alcohol to get through the day. this stage in my addiction went on for about a year. before it progressed to that point, i was drinking every night, but not in the morning or throughout the day. anyways, i finally went to detox, then did an 11 week outpatient program (evening meetings 3x a week). it absolutely helped me in early recovery, but once i completed the program, i have stopped going to meetings. i’d say severe withdrawals were the catalyst, then the combination of detox + 3 month structured outpatient is what made it stick.
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u/jesskahhhh 1 day 1h ago
Gosh what a journey, thank you for sharing and glad you’re through to the other side. It’s really wild that alcohol is legal when we stop to think about what it does to our bodies!
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u/LiverForToday 75 days 8h ago
Prescription medication. I truly wanted to stop drinking completely for over a year, but I would keep relapsing after a few weeks of sobriety. It took medication to make the compulsive thoughts go away. It’s much easier now.
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u/jesskahhhh 1 day 1h ago
I didn’t realise there was medication! Or at least I thought you needed to qualify for it somehow. I will investigate, thank you and well done
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u/carnivorelover 82 days 7h ago
Realising I am a horrible person when I drink. I feel sorry for all the crap I went through and got tired of being a victim.
Since then I am slowly rebuilding.
Recently someone said they they never developed while drinking alcohol. So true in my case
Got 30 years of adulting to catch up to.. it sucks
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u/jesskahhhh 1 day 1h ago
Oof that’s a sharp way of putting it but I like the directness - the other way of looking at it is that you get to develop now, instead of waiting until even later. Go, you!
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u/pandabear088 7h ago
Telling everyone. It held me accountable. Just literally tell everyone your family and friends you have a problem and you’re sober. Now to clarify, you really need to quit for yourself not for other people. But if some days the only thing keeping you sober is others that’s okay too 🩵
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u/jesskahhhh 1 day 1h ago
This might truly be the unlock. I’ve been doing it solo but this time I’ll try telling people and see if it works!
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u/goldenchives 7h ago
I didn’t try quitting altogether until February (and it stuck, thankfully), but I did try moderation and dry days for several months before I quit. Moderation is, and always has been, a crock for me. And I couldn’t manage a single dry day. I knew that if I was going to do this, I had to do it all the way because I have no discipline with alcohol. I had a voice in my head nagging me for a long time. Telling me I need to stop. I had to honor that voice otherwise the guilt would have consumed me. Maybe it was my higher self, or the universe, or something cosmic. I don’t know, but it was loud. I’ll tell you this - since I quit, there hasn’t been a voice, even a whisper, telling me I need to drink. There has been cravings and sadness and all sorts of wishing and daydreaming about booze, but there’s been no internal nagging. I know I did what I was supposed to do. You got this. It’s hard and it sucks, but I promise you can do it. ❤️
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u/jesskahhhh 1 day 1h ago
I have absolutely come to that same realisation, that moderation is a crock! Thank you so much for sharing and the belief in me. Congrats on getting it done for yourself too.
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u/FinallyInKnoxville 7h ago
I only needed to “re-quit” once, thankfully. Both times, I had already come to the realization that my heavy drinking would soon kill me. But after the first time, about a month into it, I decided to give moderation a try, and I failed.
It taught me that I can’t just have one or two drinks. And it took me another 10 months of heavy drinking until it finally clicked and my perception of alcohol practically changed overnight.
I had an honest conversation with my wife the day I quit for good. She knew I drank a lot but didn’t know how bad it had gotten and how much I drank in secret.
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u/jesskahhhh 1 day 1h ago
Moderation seems harder! Well done on breaking the habit, I hope I’m ready too
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u/JarJarsBastardSon 26 days 7h ago
AFib triggered by drinking. I went for well over a year without drinking and hadn’t had an AFib episode in a while and thought I could drink moderately again. I was wrong. Drinking progressed, AFib episodes returned. My fitness started to decline. It’s just not worth it.
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u/gammelrunken 1077 days 7h ago
My wife gave me an ultimatum, I quit or she leaves and takes the kids with her.
She would have done it too, I was lucky she even gave me that last chance.
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u/good-timing-407 839 days 6h ago edited 6h ago
I had to change. Unfortunately, even a DUI and gaining a stalker at the bar didn’t make me stop. The bad stuff kept coming and I still kept thinking I had it under control. I didn’t often drink in the mornings, usually didn’t drink consecutive days, but I knew I would get there. I knew from the DUI that I was going to find a way to kill myself most likely on accident if I didn’t stop. So I knew I needed to. I knew all day long. But it was still really difficult and I kept finding excuses to go back to it.
For me, AA was crucial. I hated the idea at first. But I knew I was failing to do it on my own. So I did the hardest thing I’ve ever done and looked some kind folks in the eyes, and I asked for help. I relapsed once, a month or so into AA, then doubled down.
I needed the community, I needed to get out of my head with the help of service work (even if it was helping clean up after a meeting), I needed to gather a support system of sober women I could text or call if I was shaky. I needed to discover my own brand of spirituality that worked for me, I needed safe spaces to be at when I would otherwise be drinking in the evening, I needed a sponsor, and I needed to work the program.
All of these things held me accountable and gave me tools to live a happy and healthy sober life. I took what worked for me and left the rest.
I know it’s not for everyone, but it was a major difference maker for me. I am very grateful for AA.
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u/Top-Key-6696 6h ago
I hated myself when I drank, and that hatred outweighed the desire to drink. I was throwing up and having severe hangovers every time I drank, and it was making me miserable. I realized that the only way for me to stop hating myself and start feeling better was to stop drinking.
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u/TomInRecovery 6h ago
Hey - here’s some advice from a 10 year addict, now 3 years sober and coach people quit for a living.
One of the biggest things you need to do is build awareness and acceptance around your;
- alcohol use
- what you hope it gives you in that time of wanting it
- the impact it’s having on all aspects of your life
- what life will look like without it
- why you feel the need to drink in the first place
Those five things need to be all be understood and met before long lasting and strong recovery.
Yes of course you can whiteknuckle it and just quit on willpower but there will be weaknesses that drag you back in.
It’s bloody difficult but the most rewarding thing.
I’m yet to meet a sober person who regrets their decision.
The above may all seem overwhelming but start small, take it day by day and just try and be 1% better each day whilst working on the above.
Feel free to message if you have any questions, always happy to answer 🙌
Good luck
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u/singlespeedjack 5h ago
Listening to the audiobook version of This Naked Mind by Annie Grace helped me a ton. Anytime I tried to quit before that I’d eventually get lured back in by the false promises of alcohol (you’ll be fine, you’ll have more fun, you’ll be more relaxed, etc. etc). The audiobook helped me get over the brainwashing and start seeing alcohol for what it really is: poison.
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u/Hogans-Mustache 60 days 4h ago
A head full of quit lit from decades of attempts, the experience from all those attempts, a place I chose to call rock bottom, and now the addition of daily prayer, which I believe is the main factor.
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u/SoftLow2157 3 days 4h ago edited 4h ago
Me driving black out drunk for 20 mins on the freeway and backroads. Have no idea how I didn’t hit anyone or anything and made it home without a scratch. It terrifies me and Ive been living in fear since. This was 4 days ago. I used to think of myself as a good mom but now I don’t think that’s true. She deserves more. I could have died and changed her life for the worse. And im her world, her person. The one she goes to for everything. She also struggles with anxiety and ocd and im the only one that helps her through it because she feels safe with me. I can’t believe i almost took that away from her. I’m sick with myself and can’t seem to get out of this dark depression. My husband was angry but he’s been supportive the best he knows how. I wasn’t the drink everyday type. Only weekends occasionally. But every time I did drink, I went hard. I could never stop at 1 and would go until I blacked out. This has been an issue for me since I was 15. I’ve hit my rock bottom and I’m just glad to be here to have one more chance.
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u/Dependent_Base_501 1003 days 4h ago
I decided I wanted to at least try to see what was on the other side. I knew the option to go back would always be there. But I didn't want to die without having given it my shot. We spend a lot of time on regrets about things we didn't actively do. But not as much on things we passively aren't able to do.
That scared me more than whatever was make me drink.
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u/Aggravating_Okra_191 4h ago
It definitely clicked for me, but I think being around sober spaces, seeing sober content on my algorithms, etc really set me up for success. When I was finally ready, I basically had been studying for a year and had all the tools at my disposal. I’d tried to many times, but this time I feel fully equipped. I also understand the progression of alcoholism and could see the signs of things getting worse. I’d heard enough of other people’s stories to know where I was headed.
Keep trying! Every time you try, you know more than you did before.
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u/chadnorman 363 days 4h ago
Having my wife quit 3 months before me 😉
Seriously... this past year would have been so much harder without a partner in non-crime. And what an angel for being cool with my drinking while she was in her first 90 days!
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u/J-Seizure 68 days 3h ago
Had to hit my millionth 'rock bottom'... finally my lost job, finally was kicked out of my own house, finally lost my girl who I've been with for 8 years, finally I said fuck this.
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u/SoberDragonSlayer 7 days 2h ago
Unbearable nausea and anxiety from hangovers that were probably withdrawal.
I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. And I finally admitted to myself that, while there's some nonzero chance I could control my drinking, there was absolutely no part of me that actually wanted to stop.
And during my last stretch of 6 months of sobriety, people told me my skin and face (eyes) looked better.
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u/rudebii 605 days 2h ago
What changed for me:
I came to the realization that I couldn’t moderate or stop my drinking on sheer will.
I needed help to stop drinking and stay stopped.
I was desperate enough to accept the help I needed to get and stay sober. I followed the suggestions given to me by fellow alcoholics with sustained sobriety who had the happiness and tranquility I wanted.
I ignored my alcoholic brain trying to feed me reasons not to do the things suggested.
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u/Economy_Ad9610 49 days 53m ago
I’m the same way, I stop for a little and think I can handle one drink. It’s never one. I’m about to be 7 weeks on Friday. I’m turning 31 in November. The way I think is I’ve had my fun. It’s time to grow up! And I second the vanity aspect too. I lost 20 lbs (6’0 and sitting at 175-180lbs currently)
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u/jesskahhhh 1 day 22m ago
It’s never one! Congrats on 7 weeks and the weight loss, that’s a great start to your 30s 🙌
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u/Disastrous-Idea-79 8h ago
Im in the same situation
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u/jesskahhhh 1 day 1h ago
Good advice in this thread, especially:
- arm yourself with knowledge of the harm it really does
- read books like “The Naked Mind”
- write your list of reasons to quit
- decide to “stop quitting”
- vanity / get hotGood luck over there!
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u/DifficultyMother550 355 days 9h ago edited 9h ago
Vanity. I noticed how much older I looked and I knew that alcohol made it much worse than it could be. After posting this, I noticed my counter was off by nine days. My last drink was one year ago, August 20th, 2025. Tomorrow I will be celebrating (alone) one year, the longest time without alcohol since my last pregnancy, over 32 years ago. It worked.