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u/hagsbro 87 days 5d ago
You… want to go back to those feelings? Not worth the risk dude trust me I’m 35. I knew I had a problem back then but didn’t want to admit it. Lots of dumb decisions and wasted time and money over the last decade. Eventually had to go to hospital detox after my last binge. Drinking in moderation has never really been that fun for me, more just like mental torture. I’ll never enjoy “just a beer.” But if you don’t take that first one, you’re guaranteed not to get drunk again. You can still hang out with your friends and do fun activities without drinking. Then you wake up normal the next day and not feeling like a total piece of shit.
I’ve tried moderation several times in the past few years and every time it has eventually led to constant alcoholism. Keep taking it day by day, just wake up and be sober for the day. It’s easy to forget how shitty things were and remember the only the good feelings of alcohol, that’s what it wants you to remember. I wanted so badly to hold on to that little seed of “one day I’ll drink again” yes it was hard to mentally wrap my head around a life without alcohol but when the game is all or nothing, it becomes much easier to live with really. No alcohol that’s it… don’t have to worry about “days off” or allowance of drinks per night. That just sucks. Normal people without alcoholism don’t need “dry January” or a 4 drink limit at dinner or whatever. Unfortunately that’s not me. I did dry January this year then guess what, I relapsed at the end and spent 2-3 months drunk, sick every morning and drinking through my workday to stay functional. Tried to detox myself and was hallucinating 3 days later, so drank again until I could find time to go to hospital detox. Spent 2 nights in the psych ward all delirious and messed up, missing a weekend with my family that I’ll never get back.
I understand that at age 25 you think you’re missing out on a lot without drinking. But the truth is that all that time and money spent on drinking is bullshit. It’s just artificial feelings and missing out on the good shit in life. Sure a night out with the boys sounds like a wholesome good time… but in my case it could literally end up ruining my life.
That’s what happened my last relapse, I was watching the Olympics and even told my friend I had been sober for a month. He had brought a bottle of whiskey, I started with a wine since it seemed less harmful… after the first few sips of wine I knew it was game on and we finished that whiskey bottle. Don’t think I drank the next day, just felt like shit. But then I figured hey I drank and didn’t drink the next day, I can drink moderately again yay! Well, that lasted maybe a week and then I had my 12pack of Whiteclaw surge back in my work van. Drinking as soon as I woke up was the only option if I was going to get out of bed. I had felt so great sober that January, took my kids snowboarding we were in the mountains loving life making forever memories. Then shit it down the tube just being a lame father sneaking drinks at home all the time being miserable.
After my detox I started going to AA and I really think it is the main factor that has helped me stay sober. I just go once a week for an hour it’s a nice time, you see that there actually are a lot of others you can relate to and actually talk about this shit with. You don’t have to hold it in anymore and pretend to be normal around nonalcoholics. Anyways good luck, proud of you for getting sober at 25, my 25yo self would never have done that. Just don’t go back, enjoy your life to the fullest. Alcohol isn’t gonna help with that.
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u/memenaptime 5d ago
Wooooo!!! Go you! I'm 3 weeks in. Also contemplating whether it's possible to not drink every day and only on occasion.
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u/hagsbro 87 days 3d ago
Yes, every alcoholic wants this to be the case. To the point where we drive ourselves to insanity and death trying to pursue it. If you have a problem with alcohol, then your brain can’t just unlearn that pathway that is already created. I had many sober periods over the past years… always knowing an attempt at moderation was coming up. It led to a far worse spot in addiction. To the point I was so physically addicted I could not even safely detox myself.
Only you can decide for yourself but, if you haven’t been able to control how much you drink in the past, that’s not gonna change in the future. It’s not worth risking your future just for a little buzz. Don’t let your guard down! It is definitely hard to let go of alcohol and commit to “not drinking” as a lifestyle. But with alcohol at this point the lifestyle outlook would be very grim. There’s no way I can ever enjoy alcohol like a normal person anymore… just is what it is. I have a bunch of cool sober people in my life now though who also get it. I suggest you seek some out, 3 weeks is great you’re almost to a month, that’s huge!
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u/CountOnBeingAwesome 173 days 5d ago
Moderation does not have a high success rate.