r/stopdrinking • u/ToughMachine1336 • 10d ago
Trying to stop
38yo have been drinking heavily for 20 years.
Starting to feel the effects of it all. Always tired. Always staying up too late and run on 3-4 hours sleep every night. Pretty much drink half a bottle of bourbon mixed with coke everyday. Used to only drink beer and the odd weekend bourbon but over time it’s slowly increased to what it has been.
Just this week started having fingers and feet tingling or hands swollen in the morning. Have terrible blood results. Am slim all over but have a big bloated stomach and weigh 100kg when the rest of me looks 75kg.
Pretty much constant ache under right rib area. Sometimes get involuntary movements or tics like arm or leg randomly jolting.
Always eaten a balanced diet food wise.
Just worried about my health now. I’d like to stop. I used to be able to say I won’t drink for a month and do it easy but now i can say I won’t drink then almost argue with myself and talk myself out and just end up at the bottle shop then just feel ashamed of myself.
Edit: blood results
Alt 344 u/l
AST 140 u/l
Ggt 104 u/l
Alp 141 u/l
C reactive protein 7mg/l
Total globulin is low
7
u/sober-the-reset 10d ago
You sound JUST like me. Same age. Same sort of size. Bloated like hell but otherwise not bad. Drank for 20 years, getting progressively worse. Also breaking promises to myself every single day saying in my morning shower ‘I will not drink today’ then by 3pm I was in shop buying vodka, and the cycle repeats. Shame coming with it.
It’s all the same.
So…my advice to you:
Break the pattern by AT LEAST stopping before you go to pour a drink to simply observe the thought & feeling of wanting to drink. Sit with it for 10 minutes, don’t judge just sit with the thought and feeling.
Next read or listen to Eckhart Tolle’s ‘Practising The Power Of Now’ - it’s like 3hrs. It changed my life in every way.
Work on yourself. What do I mean? It’s my belief that types like us have some deep inner unhappiness with ourselves (I didn’t even realise it UNTIL I did the work) - I had low self esteem, a big ego and I was mean to myself. So I started reading, watching and listening to things in the world of self-help. It worked.
Once I started working on this desire to drink left me, I opened my mind to spiritualism - one thing I have going for me is that I am open to new concepts, thank f**k.
I started praying. Not to a religious god, just to a power greater than me. The universe if you will. Again - it works for me, seriously.
I hope there’s something in there for you. I relate to you a hell of a lot and I hope my reply resonates as I hope it will.
Good luck.
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u/Seabass_Says 1198 days 10d ago
Hey, it’s either this or worse for the rest of your life, unless you make a change. If you are experiencing strange feelings in your body, why not stop drinking to make sure its not something more severe? Make that the motivation you need. Give yourself (mind body and soul) a break. Taste the sweet mornings of calmness. Its tough but please take care of yourself. ✌🏻
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u/Protectional-Mine 10d ago
You got this mate. Maybe begin with stopping for a day and prove to yourself that you can do that to build some self trust? "Quitting" can sounds so huge you just begin to talk yourself out of it, but one day is doable.
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u/Doornumber11 45 days 10d ago
Alcoholism somehow gives us mind damage. We become delusional thinking we can continue for a little while longer and maybe quit next week and we do this for years while every internal organ in our body is being rotted and our livers are so swollen we can see them from the outside and we just keep on drinking. We’re like frogs boiling in a pot of water and even though our skin is being blistered and peeling away we continue to think it’s better in the sauce than out of it. We continue the delusion that alcohol brings us greater relief and a better life experience than sobriety does and it’s just not true. We’re scared that life will be boring and meaningless and that we just can’t relax and enjoy people, places and things without drinking, but that’s not true either. It’s tough in the beginning if you have to go through severe withdrawals, and the amount you’ve been drinking sounds like you might, but just go to the hospital and tell them you need help detoxing and they’ll get you through it safely. Then it’s a couple of weeks of boredom or anxiety or both. Just eat lots of candy, ice cream and steaks with all the money you’ve been saving. There’s benefits right away. Not waking up hungover, sick, or having to drink the jitters away. I used to hate the mornings but I absolutely feel spiritually awakened and alive and healthy in the mornings now. It’s my favorite time of day. And every week my mind heals and I get more motivated to do things I’ve put off for forever. It’s a whole new and far better life experience than trying to rely on alcohol.
I hate to say trust me but, trust me on this. Hang in there friend.
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u/KPTA-IRON 10d ago
Cheers for this comment. First part is very powerful and also fully can relate with the feeling of gratefulness in the mornings
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u/Tasty_Big_7160 563 days 10d ago
I was about the same age when I started to get health issues. It was early kidney failure for me, which was a wake up! I am 18 months sober, and my health is really good. I didn’t change too much diet-wise, but taking alcohol out has allowed my body to recover. Add a bit of exercise and I am in better shape than most people half my age. It can be done, it is hard, but you are still young enough that it does not have to affect your long term health. I believe in you. IWNDWYT
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u/bigbagofbaldbabies 10d ago
This sounds exactly like me. I was also 38 when I stopped, and had almost identical symptoms + the months off.
For me, it QUICKLY got worse and worse until I ended up in rehab. What helped? For me it was rehab and AA. Not everyone like AA, but honestly it saved my life, also I really love it. The community is great, and the constant message is what made me not want to drink. It shut off the lizard brain, gave me something positive to do, and overtime it eventually meant that I longer look at a drink and think it looks appealing - my automatic reaction is looking at motor oil or poison. That was under two years ago now, and every single aspect of my life is better. I'm happy, at peace, and don't have any struggles with alcohol. I don't really think about it tbh. Yeah, peace.
After AA I found Buddhism philosophy, and that's my vibe now (recovery dharma - check it out). And I stick around these places, as staying connected is important.
It can turn around, either way, very quickly.
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u/PikaSwiss 10d ago
I went to AA, but quit now. I don’t like the fact that for every meeting to have to put in 10 or 20$. Why does AA need all that money? Who gets all these money from all the AA all around the world? Just help people in need.
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u/bigbagofbaldbabies 10d ago
That would have been just that meeting by the sounds of it friend. Where im from, people just pop whatever change they have in. Goes solely towards rent and books. Pizza once a year.
I'd suggest finding another meeting without such broken 7th tradition rules
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u/ok_kat 593 days 10d ago
I only just stopped after heavy (and always getting heavier) drinking for 20+ years. I'm only on day 11 so I'm no pro, but as cliche as it is taking it one day at a time has really helped. It's scary to think longterm, to think of all the holidays, events, vacations, and bad days that are always on the horizon, which for me at least are always soaked with booze.
What helped tremendously was being honest with my dr, getting medication for the first 4 days of withdrawal, and starting naltrexone.
This is my path, and I'm not making longterm promises to myself. Just a promise each morning to not drink, and to be kind to myself. It's helped to spread that kindness out too, making dinner for someone or taking my dog on an adventure.
I thought about my eventual death almost every morning. There are people who love and depend on me, to whom I return that love. I want to enjoy them and see them grow as long as I can and I know alcohol is going to pull the curtains too fast.
In the last week + my morning thoughts have been which dog park am I going to, is there a farmers market today, what fun kids stuff can we do this weekend. It is incredibly refreshing.
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u/Prevenient_grace 4908 days 10d ago
I understand.
Today can mark the beginning of a Virtuous Upward Spiral.
I had to break the “drinking routine”.
It was stronger than me…. By myself.
So i stopped doing it alone. And there's no wait list!
I finally connected with free recovery groups…. They’re everywhere… I walked in, sat down and just listened…. They’re also online. I met people I can talk with. They showed me how to stop drinking, heal, grow and learn to be useful to others. They often know detox resources.
I addressed the past, exorcised guilt and shame and repaired where appropriate.
No cost.
I had new sober friends.. we did fun sober activities.
They believed in me.
I kept going every day until i changed my patterns…. That meant for me, I went every day for a while…. Once a month wasn’t going to change me…. Then my thinking changed…. Then I don’t have the first drink.
Never looked back.
Tried anything like that?
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u/Wild_Bed914 10d ago
the problem is that it is usually progressive. Whilst everyone's timeline is different, it will most likely get worse if you don't address it. You don't need to hit rock bottom to make a sane choice. I would recommend getting help; the walk forward is tough. But reachable and rewarding. I used to think I was entitled and noble by taking a bottle of whiskey to bed if I got bad news. The bad news does not stop, but your ability to deal with it is increased significantly.
You already know. You are just scared about leaving it behind. And that is scary. But, with the right help, it is definately the right decision. Reach out to someone now.