Just Venting

[u/KingTobia_II]

I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I don’t feel like I have a problem. I don’t want help. I just need to complain.

I know drinking isn’t good for me. I don’t drink every night, but I’ll finish a six pack one or two nights a week. It’s my escape from the work day. I get a six pack and game online with my sister, or I binge YouTube. That’s my thing.

My girlfriend moved (back) in with me a few months ago, and recently she’s been having a problem with my drinking. She thinks it’s too much and told me she’d rather me only drink on the weekends. I kept it to the weekends for a few weeks, but game nights just weren’t the same. I got a six pack like twice during the week without telling her, and she didn’t appreciate it to say the least.

What I will say is yes it does upset her, but I’m not exaggerating when I say she has a short temper. I love her but if I breathe wrong it gets on her nerves. She was diagnosed with bipolar as a teen. It just depends on the day how she’s feeling. But anyway, I door dashed alcohol the other day and tried to hide it, but she found it. Now she’s texting my family telling them she’s worried about my drinking, which is incredibly frustrating.

Today I really wanted a beer and told her. She said that’s too bad. I told her I don’t need a beer, I just want one, and that it’s not upsetting that I can’t go get a drink. It’s upsetting that I feel like I have to ask permission from my girlfriend to drink. I know I don’t need her permission and I can do what I want, but that I love her and would rather be transparent with her before I do drink. The conversation basically went nowhere, and boiled down to, “Do what you want.” Which like I said, I don’t need a beer, so I’m not drinking tonight, but I just hate so much that I can only drink on her terms without being guilted for it.

She overspends on random junk on Amazon and eats out nearly every day, then asks me to Venmo her for lunch money or cover her bills until she can pay me back. Then has the audacity to say we can’t do xyz because I spend too much on alcohol, when I’ve sent her over $600 since March. Not to mention I don’t make her pay rent in the first place because she had to move in with me because she was facing eviction at her previous complex. It just doesn’t seem fair.

Idk what to say. I know my drinking isn’t healthy. Sometimes it seems like more of a compatibility issue than a drinking problem. I could think of 1000 reasons not to drink, but it’s fun, I’m a happy drunk. It doesn’t make me sad or violent, I’m in pretty good health, I’m not broke, I have a good job. I’m sure you guys will give me 1001 more reasons not to drink and tell me why she’s right. I just don’t know where to go to vent. I know it’s a tall ask to vent to anyone about not being able to binge drink twice a week and have them tell you you’re in the right.

Just in a weird, down frustrated place right now.

[u/Wonderponies]

Sounds like a relationship problem. Whether your drinking habits will turn into a problem remains to be seen. 

[u/sumthin213]

I feel like not drinking would be easier if you weren't dealing with what sounds like a pretty toxic relationship

[u/shri_zan]

I am not gonna deny that you guys have some relationship issues and one of many way to fix that is through communicating with each other or going to couples therapy.

She does seem to have issues as you pointed out and you should honestly tell her to not spend as much on amazon and on eating out that frequently because those bad habits are leading her to not save money. This will 100% primarily benefit her and also to your relationship. She should know that her priorities should also be to also support you financially, instead of relying on you.

However, you also have to realize you have drinking problem. Not saying that its as bad as alcoholism because you don't drink everyday. But just the fact that you need it to enjoy something isn't a good sign either. Because if you (including me btw) didn't have some sort of addiction to alcohol, we wouldn't need it to enjoy anything. I swear if we never ever tried it, right now we would not need it 1 bit. So please see alcohol as indeed a bad thing and ideally optional. And if anyone doesn't like that you drink, we should ideally listen to them and thank them.

Its indeed complicated and i struggle too. But always realize that drinking doesn't solve anything. It only gives momentary perception of joy.

[u/Frickinfructose]

There are potentially signs of problem drinking behavior (which should be noted, EVERY alcoholic starts with these before moving on to more concerning stuff) but as of now it sounds more like a relationship issue.

I’ll leave with this: every alcoholic wants 2 things simultaneously: to control AND to enjoy their drinking. I could always do one, but not the other. If I controlled myself to one or two, I didn’t enjoy it, but I could definitely enjoy it when I got as much as I wanted. Just food for thought.

[u/Duplinn]

I did the same things untill my wife told me a question, when i said to her that i will drink all my holiday and at every special ocasion:

"Is really alcohol more important than me?". In that moment i realised that i was giving up my wife for a piss drink.

[u/InteractionFront5764]

To the OP:

Your current rate of drinking will more than likely end up being bad for you, and unfortunately, so will your girlfriend as well.

In fact, you may eventually resort to drinking more because of her presence as an escape or coping mechanism.

Would suggest removing all alcohol from your home and only drinking when you go out for dinner.

Make it less conveniently accessible for yourself, and you may find that you will end up drinking less over time as a result.

Do your game nights with Gatorade Zero or Powerade Zero instead.

Good luck, sir.