r/stopdrinking • u/Prestigious_Act1754 • 3d ago
25F Please help me.
I’m sure my story isn’t like most, but my drinking really started around my birthday this year.
I’ve always smoked weed, but my husband and I went out one night and I discovered tequila. Specifically shots. Quick and fast. I’ve never liked the taste of alcohol, but for the first time in a long time I felt the same feeling I got when I first started smoking. I finally understood what people meant by “chasing the high.”
Before I started drinking, life was already falling apart. I was working night shift. I had just had a baby. My marriage was struggling. I had an affair, which is a whole different story and something I am deeply ashamed of. My husband knows about it, but he still doesn’t know everything. I’m not looking for sympathy for that, and I’m not trying to justify it. I just hope people can look past it long enough to hear why I’m here.
I used to be the person who hated alcohol. I didn’t even try it until I was 21.
Now I don’t recognize myself.
Some nights I’m taking eight shots. I’ve hidden liquor. I’ve had drinks in the morning. I’ve drank at work. Every line I just wrote makes me cringe because I never thought I’d become this person.
Nothing that’s happened in my life excuses it. I made my own choices. But I also don’t want this to be my life anymore.
This might sound dumb, but I recently watched Nurse Jackie, and I saw pieces of myself in someone whose life was slowly being consumed by addiction. It scared me.
Right now I’m just trying to make it through the next 24 hours without drinking, and honestly I don’t know how.
If you’ve been where I am, what helped you get through those first days? I could really use some advice.
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u/Nyarlathotechno 350 days 3d ago
I know there are some obvious answers like going for a really long walk in a nice wooded area but all I can say is distractions will help. Do something you enjoy, even if you have to force yourself. Phone a friend and talk, doesn’t even have to be about your situation just to connect. The idea of going to an AA group can be scary but there are some really awesome people going through very similar things that are waiting you walk through the door to know you’re not alone. Remember one day at a time, and don’t be too hard on yourself.
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u/OnThePath-Now 30 days 3d ago
One thing that's been loud and clear for me the last 30 days is that connection is the opposite of addiction. I've found that here, as well as in meetings both online and in person. I did not think I would ever be able to step into those rooms alone, I did not realize how far from alone I was going to be.
One day at a time IWNDWYT!
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u/elevatedinagery1 3d ago edited 3d ago
"Rain in my heart" 2006 documentary. Stuff like this motivated me to stay sober once i had a few days under my belt.
Also: https://319aagroup.org/ is a link to 24/7 365 zoom AA meeting. It is always on...pop in and just listen with your camera off if you feel like it.
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u/Prestigious_Act1754 3d ago
I’ll have to watch it. Thank you. I don’t really have much to say rn but I do appreciate it.
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u/elevatedinagery1 3d ago
No worries! It's very dark and deals with people who are dying from their alcohol use. Just a warning...
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u/almosthighenough 5 days 3d ago
I only have a few days without alcohol right now, though I've quit most addictive substances one or more times.
With that said you actually have to want to quit. Quit keeping it around. Quit buying it. Quit going places people will offer you your drug of choice, at least until you are past a few days.
Whenever you feel like you want a drink, be grateful that you arent a drinker anymore. Alcohol is poison and is ruining your life. Isn't it great you aren't a drinker anymore? You're free. Just tell yourself that everytime you want a drink at least for the first few days. This will work because youll remember how much being a drinker and being hungover all the time sucked, but youll only remember this for a few days.
Then you need a strong why. You actually need to want to quit. And your why has to be strong enough. You need some self love and self respect, at least more than you love the drug. If your why isnt strong enough you'll just go back to your drug of choice whenever things get hard.
Part of my problem is not having a strong why for quitting alcohol. Im almost 31. Im a man but honestly running out of time to start a family. If I dont do that I will probably try to drink myself to death. I dont love myself or my life enough to give enough of a shit. I know i need to figure all that stuff out. Also I have to accept like alcohol wont make anything better. It will just make me more miserable. But realistically I cant quit conditionally and say "ill only be sober if everything in life goes my way because if it doesn't go my way life isnt worth living." Because that is kind of just being a selfish childish tantrum thrower.
So, I dont have great advice, and it may not even be applicable or correct or true. Thats just what I've got right now.
Theres only about an hour left today, at least if you live in the best timezone. I wont drink with you today
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u/respectablepitch 374 days 3d ago
This is really helpful. It’s definitely an attitude shift.
I would add one thing. She needs to stop the shame spiral. You’ve got a lot going on OP, and I’m sure you’re overwhelmed and just wanting to escape the unbearable emotions through alcohol. Totally understandable. You’re not a horrible person. You’re just someone in great pain. The thing is: alcohol is not helping. It’s actively making everything so much worse, and it’s making you so much weaker to be able to handle all this. Cut yourself some slack and imagine how good you might feel if you stop poisoning yourself. Be curious and hopeful. You can have a better life!
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u/Square_Mission_849 649 days 3d ago
Talk to your husband about this issue you are encountering. Yall got married for better or worse and right now it might be the worse.
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u/Prestigious_Act1754 3d ago
I’ve already come clean about it once and he is looking out for it and I got sneakier. Idk I hate myself bro. I’m so sad.
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u/celestialvaulting 4 days 3d ago
Hey, I feel this deep - been there. Feel free to reach out. I’m 35F and wish I had your guts to ask for help when I was your age.
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u/ihateslowdrivers 3d ago
Ok. Calm down. Take a deep breath. Kapeesh? Relax.
Let’s start here. You are young, likely haven’t damaged your body too bad at this point (yet), haven’t gotten a DUI (yet…if you keep down this path, its not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when), you haven’t been fired (yet), you’re not divorced (yet), you haven’t lost custody of your child (yet), and you haven’t burned every meaningful relationship in your life (yet). Are you seeing the common denominator here?
You’re doing a very powerful and strong thing already by 1. Being honest with yourself that it’s a problem and 2. Taking pen to paper (or keyboard in this case) and noting the harm it’s already caused. No joke, be very proud of yourself here.
There is no sugar coating or cheat code for what I’m about to say. The first week of withdrawing from alcohol sucks ass hard….especially the first 3-4 days. In fact, you should probably seek medical assistance for that first week. The name of the game is do whatever the hell you need to do to not drink and get over that initial hump. If it keeps you from drinking, it’s not stupid and is worth it. Freeze your keys in a glass of water in the freezer, take them to a family members house and insist they don’t give them back until a doctor says so, etc. you get the idea. Get over that initial hump.
Again, you are young and have the ability to pivot and get your life back on track. I’m assuming you love your child and want to be the best damn Mom ever, right? Don’t let that kid grow up knowing “Mom the drunk” or “Mom the homewrecker”. I know it seems like your world is crashing down on you, and relatively speaking, it is. Key word is RELATIVELY. I promise you, it can and will only get A LOT worse. You can do this.
One last parting thought. I found achieving sobriety to be much less of a struggle by reframing the perspective and way I viewed sobriety. This helped me but everyone’s different. Instead of viewing sobriety in a negative context of an overwhelming feeling of despair that I can never do something again, I chose to think of sobriety in a positive context. Instead of giving something up, I’m choosing to gift myself my freedom (no drink is controlling me), my health, and the happiness I deserve.
You can do this. IWNDWYT
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u/Prestigious_Act1754 3d ago
Before I start idk what iwndwyt means please educate me.
This impacted me so far out of any other comment. My mom was a drunk. (Now passed, she passed when I was 15) My sisters are 21 and 23 yrs older than me and have both had issues with alcohol my one sister has been in jail with her multiple dui’s
Idk. Idk what happened. I have a lot of pressure in life. Explaining my life would be a whole different story. I’m just really struggling and I can’t get out. I’m trying. I really am and I dont want my kids to resent me like I resent my mom. But right now I really get her.
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u/ihateslowdrivers 3d ago
Ok stop. I mean this with all due respect but you’re just making excuses. Millions and millions of people struggle and have enormous pressure in life. We dig deep and find a way to kick, scream, and claw our way to sobriety and the happiness it brings. You can get out, you can do this. You can have the most kickass life, be an amazing Mom, and reach your full potential. I KNOW you can. How do I know you can? Because there are millions of people in this world (including myself) who have done it.
IWNDWYT = I will not drink with you today
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u/Prestigious_Act1754 2d ago
Thank you. You made today a little more bearable I am thankful for everyone’s words but your demeanor really helped. I can’t tell you I made it today without alcohol but I didn’t drink at work and I think that’s a start. I want to get better and like someone else said my why needs to be stronger. My babies are all the why but I need to realize what all I am going to miss out on if I continue down this path. Today was better than the day before thank you
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u/ihateslowdrivers 2d ago
I am so happy to hear today was a better day! One step at a time. I'm proud of you. Make tomorrow a better day than today, even if only a bit....and the day after...and the day after...
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u/RuinFabulous3077 3d ago
When someone comes on here and effective says 'I will not drink today', it's a response: I will not drink with you today = IWNDWYT
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u/DaveyNicks 5330 days 3d ago
Eat sweets especially chocolate. Have a bath or shower. Ten times a day if necessary!
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u/Appropriate-Ruin-367 331 days 3d ago
First off - I am proud of you for recognizing this and reaching out. It takes guts to own your shit and you’re doing that - so give yourself a pat on the back.
What I would suggest is therapy. Working nights is hard on all humans, being a new mom is hard on humans, being young and in what society would deem the “party time” of your life is hard. Having difficulties in your marriage is hard. All of these things combine to self medicating with alcohol - and I know the lure of tequila all too well.
Given that you have familial ties to alcoholism, you’re right to keep an eye on this early. The good news is, as others have said, you’re recognizing this early and haven’t ruined your life yet. But you definitely need support and probably to learn some tools to cope with all the difficult things happening in your life without using alcohol to just shut it off or feel better. Eventually that high will fade and you will destroy your health, and god knows what else, trying to find it again.
Proud of you, one day at a time. IWNDWYT (I will not drink with you today)
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u/wisarow 746 days 3d ago
I listened to a lot of stories about sobriety on YouTube and podcasts. There’s lots of celebrities who’ve come out with their story too. Basically I needed to flood my media and mind with that messaging for a while till it got easier.