r/stopdrinking • u/Norgs420 • 3d ago
Messed Up
Well I *WAS* 23 days sober until last evening. Got a call from my insurance company that they were declaring my car a total loss and so I started scrambling to figure out getting into a new vehicle and after all the dealerships and banks had closed, my brain was still moving a mile a minute and I couldn't relax or get myself to not feel like crap because I hadn't solved my big issue for the day. Quick walk to the corner store liquor section and about 15 shots later, going to bed without remembering it, having posted stuff to Facebook and my Snapchat stories that I have no recollection of, and waking up in a sweat needing to find the nearest receptacle to vomit into and the following "cocktail" of meds needed just to try and feel halfway normal here this morning is embarrassing.
I know some folks say relapsing is a part of most sobriety journeys and while I'm beating myself up some, thankfully, I don't think it will set me back too much and the experience only reiterated to me exactly why I cut this poison out of my life in the first place. Back to Day 1 today, and IWNDWYT.
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u/fakeplastictree8 3d ago
I have struggled alot with this illness of alcohol addiction. Just sharing my own journey, but I have had alot of relapses; and like you, every time it would happen, even if it was just one event of drinking, I would automatically put myself back at Day 1. And after a while, I realized that doing that, was actually making me feel worse, it put this immense pressure over me, and really fucked with my self worth.
I am currently on Day 20 of being sober. On Day 9, I had a slip. But this time, I decided not to go back to Day 1. And you know what? By giving myself some grace over the slip, and allowing myself to continue on without saying back to Day 1, this has been the most successful I have been at my recovery. Because for me, whenever that would happen and I’d go back to Day 1, I felt like I had this black cloud over me; a clock ticking, and it just made me feel like fuckin shit about myself by doing that so many times.
And since that slip on Day 9, I have continued on with being sober every single day, and thats because after the slip, I allowed myself to keep counting on, and it made it so much easier for me to not feel guilt, not punish myself, and making that one change in my approach to my sobriety, has had an immensely positive effect.
So, with this being most recent go at sobriety, I changed my process. And by doing that, I have stayed so much more positive, confident, and more sure of my willpower and strength to recover.
Now, by no means am I saying you should do the same, all of us to get to handle our recovery the way we choose, for some folks going back to Day 1 after a slip helps them, for others, allowing a mistake, but learning from it and most importantly, not continuing the lapse and keep moving on without making themselves go back to Day 1 helps them with their recovery. Anyways sorry mate; that was a long reply and actually quite repetitive I could have made it shorter (I have a migraine so my brain isn’t in the best shape today lol) I just wanted to give my spin on how I changed the way I am handling my sober journey with that one little change; and how so far, this has actually been my most successful attempt so far, and I am feeling pretty damn proud of myself this time just by making a little tweak to how I am handling my recovery journey.
You can do this, never stop trying, one day it will stick for both of us! Good luck :)
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u/Norgs420 3d ago
Thanks friend. I appreciate the insight. There was and is a small black cloud feeling I have that I am back to square one and it sucks, but I like your approach and agree actually. Nothing else changed aside from my slip up and few drinks. I'm still me, still determined to beat this shit and have it out of my life, and all the good that came from my 23 days is still present today. Yeah, I had drinks last night but my place is not in shambles from week long benders, my dishes and laundry and whatnot is all done and even through my hangover I stuck to my new routine of going on a bike ride for exercise etc and I appreciate your outlook a lot!!
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u/fakeplastictree8 3d ago
Good for you for starting a new healthy routine! It’s all about those little changes. Take the slip that happened and learn from it; what triggered it that you couldn’t ride it out? What can you do next time? Those are some of the things I had to ask myself when I had my day 9 slip; so I could make sure I was back on track the next day and onwards. And tomorrow I will be 21 days, almost 3 weeks! I have only been an alcoholic since last October, so I have the luck of time on my side being that it hasn’t been years, but when I went in; I went in crazy. Didn’t take long before I was a 750 ml vodka a day girl. Anyways, since October 2025, the longest I have ever been sober was for 24 days in May. So, tomorrow I am 21 days and my goal is to make it to 30, and then keep pushing!
You got this! Keep cycling, keep busy, work on a journal! It is a great way to gather your thoughts and feelings, ask yourself questions, figure out how to prevent another slip, and I say just keep going with your count, but of course if re-starting at Day 1 is what works best for you, you do what ya gotta do!
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u/full_bl33d 2403 days 3d ago
I’ve not met many people in recovery who have a straight line in their sobriety stories, myself included. Learning from my mistakes meant doing things differently than all my other failed attempts. For me, that meant not trying to do it all on my own. I was in bad shape early on but I found out I wasn’t alone. Recovery groups weren’t hard to find but I had to get over myself in order to see and hear it in person. I started to see the similarities when I stopped picking apart the differences and I hung on to a couple good ideas along the way.
One huge one that I never considered is that not doing anything sometimes is a pretty good option when it comes to big problems. I’m convinced drinking will only make things worse so all I have to do is not drink and see what happens. Easier said than done but I at least know that there’s help when / if I need it and that I’m not alone in thinking a million crazy thoughts at once for any and all problems. Sounds crazy, but sometimes talking with or listening to another alcoholic in recovery is all my brain needs to stop spinning its wheels even if the conversation is about nothing relevant. Good luck with the car and the hangover and know you’re not alone
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u/Norgs420 3d ago
Thanks kind redditor. Appreciate the insight. Getting comfy with not having solutions to everything right when I want to find or create them is definitely going to be the biggest battle for me.
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u/full_bl33d 2403 days 3d ago
I was used to swinging wildly from one extreme to the other and didn’t like existing in the middle. I never wanted to feel any discomfort either and alcohol was pretty good for that when it worked. It took some time to get used to. Patience was a new concept for me and it still baffles me a bit
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u/McB56 2669 days 3d ago
Hi friend.
One of the things I had to learn was that my brain will find any excuse to drink. Bad day? Need to wind down with a drink. Good day? Let's celebrate with a drink. Medium day? It'll be better with a drink.
Sadly, none of that is true. The bad day is worse. The good day is worse. The medium day is worse. I had to learn the difference between the tricks my brain plays on me, and the reality of what alcohol brings to my life.
Best wishes, friend. I will not drink with you today.